Category: personal comments

The Magnificent God: “Getting All In”

miracle
 8 “If I were you, I would go to God
    and present my case to him.
9 He does great things too marvelous to understand.
    He performs countless miracles.

Job 5:8-9, New Living Translation

I’m back to reading Job– for the billionth time.  I decided this time, I will muscle through it.  (But I must admit my track record isn’t the greatest.)  I must tell you, the post that follows may not be for you, if your face turns red— stop! Don’t try to read anymore; it’s not for you. Walk away. It’s not worth it.

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These two verses, combined– create a mindset of a bold confidence.  The speaker (not Job the “wonder-guy,” but mere Eliphaz) creates an anticipation of ‘what if?’  His advice, is to turn it over and make it God’s issue.  Let Him deal with it, it is his job.  Lay these issues on his doorstep, ring his door-bell, and run away quick.

But the speaker goes right to the source– revealing a definite purpose.  People like this are uncommon, more or less rare.  But we admire them for it, after all it gives us ‘slackers’ a warm, fuzzy feeling as we gaze on their zeal.  But human solutions will rarely bring out a righteousness of God.  We see them, admire them, want to be like them… but guess what?  It fizzles out into an embarrassed realization as we start to understand; this isn’t going to work after all.

But we must bring our problems to Him.  I will not try to minimize this point.  We are not built to carry such loads.  We weren’t designed to do this.  We approach Him (with some trepidation, if we are reasonably sane) with these ugly and heavy burdens.  But we don’t ring His doorbell and run. Rather we stand to meet Him, face-to-face.

“God does wonders that cannot be understood; 
he does so many miracles they cannot be counted.” 

Verse 9 speaks out of a reflective and knowing heart.  The speaker understands that God works miracles; He has the “ultimate track record.” He does the outrageous; He does things that no one else can do! He is like a magician– wonders happen. The speaker grasps something here.  The God who he seeks is a miracle-working God.  He is so utterly convinced of this fact that he brings it before Job as a ‘plan-of-action.’

And what can we say?  I think there is a lot of ignorance among some who call themselves “believers.”  We catch a fleeting glimpse of His Glory, and suddenly we launch a ministry and a “speaking tour.”  In our very brief encounter with Him we suddenly become either theologians, or talk-show hosts of the religious persuasion (of course, on TV).

There are no crispy clean answers, but as we humbly, and seek Him brokenly– without any aggrandizement or posturing, He will work.  But we must deal with our own urge for “hucksterism” or a feeble manipulation.  It can’t, and won’t work, at least not the way we think it will.

Connecting with Him is not super hard, but it will cost us everything we have. When it is truly real, you will know it by a price that must be paid.

bry-signat-1

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When You’re Out of Control (A Reblog from 2013)

Originally written August 29, 2013 and shared today hoping it will bless someone.

 

“I’m must show myself; things are not going well, to be honest.  I’m becoming more and more fragmented.  And I can’t seem to hold it together.  Essentially, I mentally can’t keep it centered on the things I know are right and appropriate. My mind is in a muddle, and my heart is not far behind.

I can’t go on like this.  I have to confess that I’m spinning out of control.  There are too many issues that hammer me, without any resolution or finality.  I need a “booster shot” of grace. (Perhaps, maybe an I.V. would be better.)

All I want is to escape, and to shake off these ‘parasites’ that sap me of any strength I might generate.  Far too many things are draining me of any vitality and hope.  Despair and despondency have suddenly shown up at my door, but I treat them as unwelcomed visitors, and hope they will leave me alone.  All they want to do is take me apart, and dismantle me, and I seldom advance beyond this. I haven’t invited them.

This simple blog has kept me going.  The posts that I write are sincere, and I know for a fact they touch many hearts.  I’m astonishingly grateful for this.  But they can’t minimize my own issues.  I am constantly on the edge, a step one way or another could push into a desperate fall. (Funny, I’m starting to scare myself.)

I have a deep confidence in Jesus.  I believe that he loves me in the most intense way possible.  I trust in his deliberate and careful love.  Resting in his arms is the very best thing I could do.  He is the only one who can lead me through my mental illness.  Or to give me the grace to move above it.

I do not want to offend or alienate anyone.  That simply is not what I am about.  But I simply can not try to take Brokenbelievers much further in this ‘frame of mind.’  I will try to post as often as I can– but both my therapist and psychiatrist want me to go into a hospital.  I have already been there several times and I do not want to be admitted any time soon.

The next several days should be interesting.  I’m definitely committed to avoiding hospitalization.  The “professionals” I trust are trying to commit me, but I do intend to make a scrap of it.  “I will not go lightly.”

Please try to be patient with me.  I want to post, it runs through my veins.  But I simply don’ t  have the resources that extend into transparency and clarity.  Please forgive me. There’s is no way I can make this work without avoiding a “shutdown.” We will see.

***

kyrie elesion, Bryan

(Lord, have mercy on us.)

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Suffering That Baffles Us

nebulaJigsaw
”Sometimes it takes a long, long time before we can glean enrichment from the deprivation and suffering which has baffled and overwhelmed us.”

Mildred Tengbaum

Seldom do puzzles solve themselves. Jigsaw puzzles especially. We sit at the table turning the pieces over, separating the “edges” to start. It’s slow going; we look at the picture on the box, looking at what we’re trying to put together. Nothing really helps, and it is slow going, even for someone who is experienced in puzzle solving.

It can take a long time to put it together. You’ll probably require the “patience of Job” in order to manage it. The puzzle makers design them to challenge, not to solve. There is kind of a “grinding out” involved. Pieces that look like they may fit, but don’t.

In life we go through trials. We’re challenged– sometimes beyond our limits. Testing can be extreme sometimes and we don’t know how we’re going to survive. It seems “the odds are against us.” In the book of Psalms there are many encouraging promises, here are just a few:

“I am not afraid of ten thousand enemies
    who surround me on every side.”
Psalm 3:6, NLT
“Though a mighty army surrounds me,
    my heart will not be afraid.
Even if I am attacked,
    I will remain confident.”
Psalm 27:3
“The Lord is for me, so I will have no fear.
    What can mere people do to me?”
Psalm 118:6

The Psalms aren’t for those who have it all together. (They don’t need them). Rather, these psalms are for the burned-out, the afflicted, the scared and desperate. We “own” these.

Life in general, is impossible without God. Our issues are leading us back to Him, and so they serve His purpose. I thank God for my mental illness. Depression leads me to seek Him with a whole heart. What was meant to destroy me, works out to my good.

Oh, I slapped the following together:

Tips for the puzzles of life.

  1. Separate the pieces into groups.
  2. “Edge” pieces go first.
  3. Consult the picture on the box repeatedly.
  4. Take a break when the pieces all look a like.
  5. Get help. A fresh set of eyes can be a blessing.

I hope Brokenbelievers.com is a blessing to you. “We aim to please.”

bry-signat-1

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There is a Crack in Everything

“Ring the bells that still can ring/Forget your perfect offering/There is a crack in everything/That’s how the light gets in.”

Leonard Cohen,  Anthem

A crack in everything. As someone who has experienced brokenness in my life,  I appreciate the wisdom of these simple words. You see, I am intensely aware of being different then others.

I had a night job working my way through school frying donuts.  I remember clearly an incident were I overheard my boss telling someone that, “Bryan is one of the most eccentric people I have ever met.” Now I honestly was not trying to be odd, or eccentric.

To put this in perspective, I just happened to be taking N.T. Greek at the time and knew that the word for eccentric was a contraction, (of ek, meaning “off, or off to one side, and “centros”, meaning, “center”).  He was saying that I was “off centered”. That really troubled me because I always felt like I was intensely stable, and very much a well-balanced person. (But I was just 22.  I guess that fact alone explains much.)

Cohen’s poem tells us certain things. First, he describes bells that can’t be used, they don’t work anymore. Second, he tells us of our need to get real and to understand that “a perfect offering” is beyond our capability. Maybe 30 years ago, ‘naive idealism’ might have carried the day for us. But now I’m in my mid-50s  and I have tried to figure out a thing or two.   By then we start to see the cracks in everything, nothing has gone by untouched. We live in a fallen and broken world.

But the poet delivers a paradoxical truth, he states, “that’s how the light gets in.”

To learn this deeply, is to turbocharge your recovery. You’re a broken person. But that is actually a good thing. It summons up a discernment of how we grow spiritually.

I find it quite astonishing that the broken, weak, and the burned-out are closer to the Kingdom then the strong, the sure, and the gifted. This is a rich and an incredible truth, we are to see our brokenness and ruination in a whole different perspective.  We must see that that is how the light gets in.

“Blessed are the poor in Spirit, for theirs is the Kingdom of God.”

Matthew 5:3

“God uses broken things. It takes broken soil to produce a crop, broken clouds to give rain, broken grain to give bread, broken bread to give strength. It is the broken alabaster box that gives forth perfume. It is Peter, weeping bitterly, who returns to greater power than ever.”

Vance Havner

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