Category: understanding

A Charlie Brown Kind of a Depression

depressed=stance

As we start to wrestle with our embedded issues, we suddenly realize that the battle is in largely inside.  Maybe the last few days have been hard, and perhaps we sense a dark presence pressing; and we sometimes wonder if we’ll ever see the light again.

How do unbelievers do it?

As a “born-again” believer, I can get deeply challenged by depression, I simply can’t understand any real life outside of my faith in Jesus. The Holy Spirit meets me, holds me, and speaks peaceful things to me.  I’ve been promised things of wonder and of grace.

I’ve discovered that self-pity and discouragement are main ingredients into my excursions through bleakness and sadness.  In my more profound journey’s into darkness, I find myself seeing the physical world around me literally drained of color.  Everything around me is in “black and white.”  (I have been told this is one of many symptoms of depression.)

Charlie Brown seems to hit the proverbial nail on the head.

I sometimes catch myself smiling, and I immediately stop and say, “Wait. I’m very depressed.  I can’t be seen smiling, or enjoying a walk on the beach.” Often we choose to act in ways that reinforces our illness.  We think we have to be a certain way, stand in another, or even walk around like we’re very gloomy people.

Not true. Sometimes depressed people seem to be the happiest.

Depression is very real.  Medication is mandated for many.  But truthfully, I see there’s an perverse element of chosen melancholy.  Our self-pity works hand-in-hand with our image and identity.  It seems we have to be somebody, even if we have to be a crazy person. Weird, I know.

After all, we have to excel at something, don’t we?

I imagine that this blog has been a challenge at times.  I write these daily blogs out of my own attitudes, and issues and problems.  But there is a “Charlie Brown Depression,” the type where we feel like we must be inconsolable all the time.  Just be aware. It’s real.

If while in the pit, and for some reason you think of something that’s funny, go ahead and smile, its okay.  I’m learning that things are never as sad or grim as I think, nor are they rosy and joy saturated either.  Be real.  Be real to yourself.   Walk in the truth.  And if you should–take your meds, lol.

Maybe Mr. Brown should become our new patron saint of lost causes?

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.”

Jeremiah 29:11

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A Taste of a Poem

 Darkness to Light – A Poem

I have been challenged us to stop hiding behind the masquerade of a perfect life, and share our struggles so that others might benefit from our journey with God. Then yesterday morning, during my prayer time, a poem came to me that shows my own struggles with depression. I decided to share it today.

Darkness to Light

Darkness surrounded me
Darkness invaded my mind
Darkness enveloped my very soul

In the darkness
The evil one whispered
Thoughts that seemed my own
They’d be better off without me
It would be better if I was dead

Tears drowned me
Tears flooded my mind
Tears drenched my very soul

Through the tears
The evil one whispered
Thoughts I believed were true
I am broken beyond repair
These tears will never end

Pain ensnared me
Pain clouded my mind
Pain threatened my very soul

Amplifying the pain
The evil one whispered
Thoughts I was powerless to deny
This pain will forever cripple me
I will never know joy

Then His Light
Pierced through the darkness
Illuminating my soul
Revealing the sin in my mind
Proclaiming the way for me

Forgive He whispered
As I’ve forgiven you
Your darkness will subside
His words are true

Then His Love
Dried all my tears
Infusing my soul with joy
Clarifying truth in my mind
Declaring healing for me

Live He whispered
As I live in you
Your tears will be dried
His words are true

Then His Truth
Erased my pain
Protecting my soul
Clearing lies from my mind
Redeeming me

Love He whispered
As I forever love you
Your pain will be set aside
His words are true

Darkness, tears, and pain
Replaced by my Savior’s
Light, Love, and Truth
Holding me forevermore.

Scriptures to consider…

 3 The cords of death entangled me,
   the anguish of the grave came upon me;
   I was overcome by trouble and sorrow.
4 Then I called on the name of the LORD:
   “O LORD, save me!”

* * * * *

 8 For you, O LORD, have delivered my soul from death,
   my eyes from tears,
   my feet from stumbling,
9 that I may walk before the LORD
   in the land of the living.

Psalm 116 (NIV).

Linda’s blog is at anotherfearlessyear.net. Please check out all she has to say.  

‘Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep’

“Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on Thee.”

Isaiah 26:3

In times of sadness and feeling alone, we have to focus on God, trust Him, and find protection in His love. Remember how John sought his comfort in Jesus’ presence during the darkest night in history? He found his peace by leaning on Jesus’ chest. Simple? Necessary?

John was kept in perfect peace during all those terrible hours.

Everything appeared to have slipped away and there was nothing that seemed safe and solid. But John crept into the shelter of love and simply trusted, and was kept in holy peace.

Evil seemed everywhere that terrible night, but there was one real place of true safety. And John understood.

Jesus will not reject you. Healing broken hearts and minds are His specialty.

Once, while Rudyard Kipling was terribly sick, a nurse overheard him whispering the prayer of his childhood, “Now I lay me down to sleep.” When the nurse interrupted him, Kipling softly replied, “I want my heavenly Father. Only He can care for me now.”

In his great weakness there was nothing that human help could do, and he turned to God and crept into His bosom, seeking the blessing and the care which none but God can give.

That is what we need to do in every time of trial, of sorrow, – when the gentlest human love can do nothing, – creep into our heavenly Father’s bosom, saying, “Now I lay me down to sleep.” That is the way to peace. Earth has no shelter in which it can be found, but in God the feeblest may find it.

 “Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.”

Matthew 11:28

I really hope you find shelter in Jesus, He loves you so much. If you’re overwhelmed and bewildered, He is waiting. Tired and defeated–His arms are open. Just come, expect His grace.

Like John, lean hard on Him. Learn to hide. Draw very close–Jesus will dry your tears and cover you. You’ll be safe there.

“One of His disciples, whom Jesus loved (esteemed), was leaning against Jesus’ chest.”

John 13:23, Amplified Bible

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His Very Breath

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“When he had said this, he showed them his hands and his side. Then the disciples were glad when they saw the Lord. 21 Jesus said to them again, “Peace be with you. As the Father has sent me, even so I am sending you.” 

22″ And when he had said this, he breathed on them and said to them, “Receive the Holy Spirit.”

John 20:20-22, ESV

The history of the world is about to be rocked! Jesus isn’t dead anymore. He joins His frightened disciples in a room that has a locked door. His stunned followers are hiding from the Pharisees, but all of this is about to abruptly change. Jesus is alive–genuine flesh and blood, as real as you or me. 

The disciples who are already afraid, are pretty much freaked out by all of this.  Fearful mutterings can be heard, “What is this… who is this…and, who left the door unlocked?” :-)

The risen Lord walks in with 22 eyes fixed on him. 

He is confident,  and walks with resurrection authority.  He holds out his hands–they see for themselves the puncture holes the nails had made.  He lifts the hem of His robe, and they saw for themselves the holes in His feet.  In spite of His brutal wounds, He shows them He indeed is the Lord Jesus Christ, the living Savior of the world!

The disciples are ecstatic! 

I see them laughing and crying and leaping around the room.  It’s like they just won the World Series (and if they had champagne everyone would be soaked). Pure joy pulsates through them.  He is very much alive!

(Hey, isn’t that Andrew, doing a backflip?)

It’s in this gonzo-intense moment, Jesus speaks–and they become very quiet.  He proceeds to impart something into their hearts and minds with a simple command, “Peace be with you” in verse 21.  Peace is a vital ingredient in the humble heart of every faithful disciple.

He directs them to complete the work that the Father had given Him.  He now extends the baton of evangelistic work to the disciples. Seeing the resurrection up close like this will drastically alter your life’s trajectory. (They’ll be further fortified by the coming of Holy Spirit at Pentecost described in Acts 2:1-4.)

It’s now time to exchange the excited emotion of the moment in order to put on work gloves.

In this Jesus does something unprecedented–He leans over each disciple and exhales on them. Now this is more than just a really weird ritual.  You see, His breath is saturated with resurrection life, and they breathe into their lungs the life of the risen Savior!  They now carry his ‘life essence,’ and in the light of Jesus’ previous statements to them, they’re going to need it.

When God created Adam, he gave him His breath, (Genesis 2:7).  But the new life is more than existence; for the believer it’s the energy to come alive supernaturally–to be recreated.

And when you’re really recreated you’ll discover the power that Jesus had when His eyes fluttered open in the tomb. It’s far more than good and noble ideas about religion.  You’ll need Jesus, and you will need to rely on his breath to lead you to wherever you’re sent.

Jesus breathes on all His witnesses.

His breath fills our lungs, his oxygen enters our blood stream, where it now powers us on both a spiritual and biochemical level.  It’s totally supernatural. You will never, ever be the same again.  Even if you tried.

“If the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, he who raised Christ Jesus from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit who dwells in you.”

Romans 8:11

Be aware. No matter what your personal issues are–He’s in charge now. Are you locked in a dingy room–fearful, depressed, angry and alone? Jesus’ disciples understood all that. But they also saw the risen One, face to face.

The key to our lives as believers today is how clearly we “see” by faith the resurrected Christ.

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I have a new site: alaskabibleteacher.com