Here are some paintings I’ve done over the last few years. I hope that they bless you somehow. All were painted out of a long season of deep depression. Painting these (and a lot of others) was the only thing that kept me sliding off the edge. Some might ask, how can you create these out of your Bipolar Disorder? To be honest, I am just as mystified as you. None of these are ‘perfect,’ But made in a time when I was under a certain ‘strain.’ But they are what they are.
One of my favorites.
“An artist has been defined as a neurotic who continually cures himself with his art.” (Lee Simonson)
“The Bipolar Mind”
“Three Crows Having Lunch”
All of these paintings have been given to various non-profit organizations, for the handicapped and the mentally ill. To me, that is the place they belong. “If you have two loaves of bread, keep one to nourish the body, but sell the other to buy hyacinths for the soul.” (Herodotus)
What a difficult struggle the last several days have been. I have tried to function but have been broadsided by several things at once. I have asked God to draw near, He has made me a promise that He would never leave me, or forsake me. I hold on to this and will not let go. Where would I be without them?
The Bible is full of God’s promises, especially the Psalms. I believe the Psalms have a special meaning for those who struggle with issues (like a mental illness.) Many times when troubles have been abundant, I have opened my Bible and found a precious promise waiting for me that has proven to be a great comfort.
But we don’t have to go through troubled times to appreciate God’s promises. His blessings are new every morning. Thank God! The Lord has promised us freedom from anxiety, along with His peace that passes all understanding. Here are the ‘top five’:
If we simply trust Him with everything (Philippians 4:6-7).
He promised to supply all our needs (Philippians 4:19),
With supernatural joy to His followers (John 15:11),
an abundant life (John 10:10)
answered prayers (John 14:14)
“How I relate to the promises in the Word often we will determine the dimensions of my depression.”
Its length, and depth, and width are determined by my action with the promises. By squeezing out His promises I can find hope to continue on with life. For me, the Word is more important than life.
Some have described depression as the ‘common cold’ of the mental illness world. If that is true, then God’s Word is the Vitamin C. I can’t prevent a cold, but I sure can reduce its impact. How severe will it get this time?
I woke up this morning, and before I even opened my eyes I could feel the oppression of depression. I want to die, why did I wake up? Maybe if I close my eyes I will be able to go back to sleep, and not wake-up. To the depressed, sleep (death’s cousin) is easiest way to escape. It provides a profound release from the anguish of depression. But there isn’t a 24 hour sleeping pill yet.
I find I want to deal with my depression in two ways: Escape or deny. Both avoid the real world. And both have a tremendous impact on the way I function. God’s promises to help you are real and profound. Properly administered, they offer hope and life beyond taking an anti-depressant. Consider them to be the medicine your soul needs!
“If you are a preacher of mercy, do not preach an imaginary but the true mercy. If the mercy is true, you must therefore bear the true, not an imaginary sin. God does not save those who are only imaginary sinners. Be a sinner, and let your sins be strong, but let your trust in Christ be stronger, and rejoice in Christ who is the victor over sin, death, and the world. We will commit sins while we are here, for this life is not a place where justice resides.”
Martin Luther, From the Melanchthon Letter no. 99, 1 August 1521
Luther is essentially communicating the things that are real to us. He takes it down to bare wood. We are given an understanding of this World, an a sense of what we can expect from the hearts of all those who surround us. Sin is the issue, and we need to accept that from our brothers and sisters. We should not be surprised when someone we love intentionally blindsides us with their disobedience to God.
Dramatic words, ‘sin boldly’. We instantly see this as a way to sin, without restraint. And let’s face it, sinning is fun. At times perhaps, even a whole lot more pleasure than walking out godliness. Luther recognized the inevitably of sin. As fallen people we should accept that fallenness. We sin, it’s what we do, and we do that very well. And the Lord knows that.
“If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us.”
1 John 1:8
Our ‘religious’ hearts often go into this ‘deception mode.’ We endeavor not give in to the viciousness of sin. “We will overcome!” And yet we are so infected with sin, and rebellion that we try to minimize the problem. If the truth be known, we are sick, infested and condemned. There are no ‘quick fixes’ for us. Evil runs rampant. It is the ultimate epidemic.
Looking at our salvation
“Let your trust in Christ be more boldly still.’ The Lord Jesus has decisively interrupted our lives. He has wholesale entered into our darkness and sin. In a way it’s like a ‘roadside’ bomb, and needs a direct intervention of a specialist to disarm it. As people who are completely saturated with sin, we need a third party to step-in and to save us from all the embedded darkness.
Often there is a sense of boldness when we completely understand our depravity. We ‘know’ our sin. For the most part can grasp its deadliness, and its infectiousness. The Holy Spirit’s ministry is to bring us to this transparent moment when we can see the darkness and harm we’ve caused. The fact is, that we are to accept this, it’s all true. We have been this evil and awful to those around us. Most believers would curiously admit that ‘they have sinned more as a believer’ than before they were first saved.
Luther declares a significant point when he tells us ‘to believe in Christ more boldly still’. Simply, our ‘sin’ awareness must never exceed our Christ awareness. We must have a stronger sense of Jesus’ victory then our sinfulness. Our confidence, which has taken a hit on our sinfulness, now shouts ‘hallelujah’ at His victory.
“If we claim we have no sin, we are only fooling ourselves and not living in the truth.9 But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness.10 If we claim we have not sinned, we are calling God a liar and showing that his word has no place in our hearts.”
1 John 1:8-10, NLT
“You need not fear because sin still plagues you – instead rejoice that by God’s grace you are on a journey toward eternal life and sin will finally fade into the distant past.”
Luther
“May it be the real me, that seeks and finds the real You.”
“The LORD’s voice crieth unto the city, and the man of wisdom shall see thy name: hear ye the rod, and who hath appointed it.” Micah 6:9, KJV
“The voice of the Lord calls to the city, and the wise person honors him. So pay attention to the rod of punishment; pay attention to the One who threatens to punish.” Micah 6:9, NCV
There is necessary train of thought we all must board. It involves traveling to a destination that we deep-down, absolutely abhor. It is that idea that we are open and vulnerable, especially to his analysis of us–that we are more open than we think to His eyes.
We’ve entered into a spiritual transaction that doesn’t mollify our personal desires. We are confronted by such a personal evil that just seems to percolate out of our hearts. There exists something akin to “Pharaseeism,” where we project righteousness when we are really graves or tombs of the dead.
Micah announces that we must “hear the rod.” Pay attention, become aware, understand deeply– there is a rod (a whip) that pounds everyone who comes to him. Granted, the only thing necessary is to be aware that this difficult process exist. We step up, and enter the grinder, with great fear, not really convinced of its efficiency and its capability.
There is no question of his deep and profound love for us. He is fanatically absorbed in you. There is a hungry passion for your attention and focus. You are behind his shield. You’re treasured far, far beyond what you think. He sacrificed His own Son, to save your soul.
“Wake up from your drunken stupor, as is right, and do not go on sinning. For some have no knowledge of God. I say this to your shame.” 1 Cor. 15:23, ESV.
There is a mandatory factor that informs us that we cannot continue moving through life intoxicated. Smashed on the wine of pride, stupefied on the brandy of selfishness. We are called to sober up, and start living a truly terrific Christian life. In Micah’s words– to listen! Perhaps that is our greatest weakness in the Church today. We have become deaf to the voice of God.
I guess that means we must make some adjustments. To take up our Phillips screwdriver, and start ‘tweaking.’ We need to start the solid work of “tuning in” and becoming aware. There is a rod, and the Father will use it on those who he loves. A few whops from that rod will usually bring us to an awareness.
Broken Believers 