deliverance – Page 9 – Broken Believers

Not Better Off Dead

A few weeks ago in response to a poetics prompt to write about a first time for something, I thought of something that I have only done once, and am thankful I’ve never had happen again. But there are people who have had this happen so many times they maybe can’t even remember the first time.

My prayers are with them, my hope that they recognize the lie that suicide is the answer to pain and suffering and that our loved ones would be better off if we were dead.

Not Better Off Dead

Clearly I recall the first time
the thought entered my mind
They’d be better off if I was dead

I immediately knew it was wrong
but still a method to my madness
began to form in the recesses of
my deeply troubled mind

I could picture the bottle of pills
designed to make me better
but could just as easily
be my demise

Then they’d be free, I’d be free

The Psalmist wrote
The angel of the LORD encamps around
those who fear him, and he delivers them
That first time His angel
was encamped around me

He delivered me from that first thought
made me know it was wrong
ensured it was the last time
that thought ever entered my mind

Now we are free and together
because the Lord let me know
I was not better off dead

Linda’s Blog.

I write candid memoir and fearless poetry and delve into hard issues others tend to avoid. I want you to know God’s redemption and healing are just a story away.

My Epiphany Moment

“The star appeared again, they could hardly contain themselves: They were in the right place! They had arrived at the right time!”

Matthew 2:10-11, MSG

Today is Epiphany...the day we commemorate the revelation of Christ to the three wise men who came from a foreign land. They saw the manifestation of the star over Bethlehem and connected it to prophecy.

But it was all far more than simply following prophecy and eastern mysticism.

Who else but God could transform their Gentile devotion to reveal to their hearts and minds the awesome reality of a living and breathing human God. He was now being cradled in the arms of a human mother, and guarded by a human father? He is now God with us.

It is the same power of God that realizes an epiphany in us of who He is and converts our empty spirit into the home of the very Holy Spirit…God Himself!

I have grown in my spirit and walked the healing path intertwined with my walk with Jesus. Over time He has made known to me, His desires for all of His children, to continue to give us epiphany moments.

He wants to open our eyes and allow us to realize that it’s Him in us that really matters.

We all have dark closets in our lives that often we are not aware of. As a survivor of abuse, it seems I had to experience unique issues. For healing to happen, I have to allow Jesus access to those basements. It is difficult for anyone to admit they have a dark place that hasn’t been fully turned over to God.

Places where we go to sin, make excuses, hide, plaster a smile over the pain, walk-in anger, fear, and lies. Often we’re still in the dark because subconsciously we’ve justified what is there. Jesus can and does reveal it to us when we are ready.

He makes us ready when we continue to submit to Him and ask Him to show us those places.

I know I don’t deal with people very well. I feel quite stressed working with the public. I am an introvert so that explains some of that. Sometimes people have disrespected me, perhaps aggravated me in some small way. I have found some resentment inside that I can’t explain but that I don’t want to hinder me.

I also have a deep well of anger that I can’t connect to specif1c events. I’m inordinately angry with my therapist and sometimes others who are trying to help me. The offenses loom larger than any good things that have come out of these relationships.

This is not uncommon for survivors of various types of abuse.

Having survived abuse, I discover a few altars I still can’t integrate. Perhaps I can’t link with anyone but there are others who need to hear my unique story. I admit that I don’t always like my therapist. But these things need to be dealt with. Each needs to be framed within the truth.

Sometimes it’s because I don’t like being told what’s wrong, I realize I can do the “now things. ” It’s these things God has chosen to heal me. Maybe that’s why I like an epiphany.

With Much Love,

Linda Turanchik

Seeking Truth

Words matter. Our choice of words, whether speaking or writing, makes a difference.

And words have meaning. That’s what dictionaries are for—to tell us what words mean. When we try to use words to mean something other than what they really mean, it causes confusion.

Sometimes people do this on purpose. One such misuse of a word that I have encountered lately is the use of the word “true” to substitute for “believe.” A person will say “such and such is true for me” when what they really mean is “I believe such and such.”

According to the dictionary, the word “true” means “being in accordance with the actual state or conditions; conforming to reality or fact.” Truth is not relative and is not affected by what any one person believes. Truth is external, and belief is internal, in origin.

Many years ago, when I was suffering from major clinical depression, there were a number of things I believed about myself. I believed I would always be depressed based on how long I had been depressed already and my doctor telling me I would always have bouts of major depression for the rest of my life. I also believed I would never be able to hold down a full-time job. I believed no one liked me and that I was worthless. In the parlance of relativism, these things were true for me.

But they weren’t true. They aren’t true and they never were, no matter how deeply I believed them.

And trust me, I deeply believed these things about myself.

But here I am, 18 years later, and I haven’t had a bout of major depression since God showed me how to be free. I’ve had the same good-paying full-time job for almost 12 years, and I had a different full-time job that paved the way for this one for 5 1/2 years before that. On top of my full-time job, I’m actively involved in my church and Bible Study Fellowship, have self-published two poetry books, and take care of my family. And I have a lot of friends, people who like me (and some who even love me).

As I look back over the past 20 years, I see God’s hand in my life, lifting me up and leading me to see the truth. I believe that. But it’s not my belief that makes it true. In fact, I could be dead wrong, but I don’t believe I am.

Whether God is real and cares about His creation enough to do all I believe He has for us is either true or not. It can’t be true for me and not for you, or vice versa. Truth is. As humans, our greatest purpose is to seek the truth. To say that truth is relative—that what is objectively true for me is different from what is objectively true for you—negates that essential human drive to know truth, to know our Creator, to know where we come from, and to know our reason for being.

At any rate, that’s what I believe.

Love,

Linda K.

Check out Linda’s site at: anchoredvoices.com.

The Swamp of Despondency, [Pilgrim’s Progress]

“Has the Lord redeemed you? Then speak out!
Tell others he has redeemed you from your enemies.
For he has gathered the exiles from many lands,
from east and west,
from north and south.

Some wandered in the wilderness,
      lost and homeless.
Hungry and thirsty,
      they nearly died.
“Lord, help!” they cried in their trouble,
      and he rescued them from their distress.”

Psalms 107:2-6

Recently watched the new release of the movie “Pilgrim’s Progress” and I have to say, it’s remarkably close to the book, which often is not the case when a movie is based upon a book. In his book, Pilgrim’s Progress, John Bunyan has written one of the most beautiful allegories about the journey we all travel as a believers.

The book describes the hero, Christian, and his journey from the City of Destruction to his heavenly destination, the Celestial City. Now there’s one part of Pilgrim’s Progress that I want to focus on today –walking througH (or sinking into) the Swamp of Despondency!

At one point during their travels, Christian and his companion suddenly find themselves there….into this particular swamp. Still bearing a burden, Christian begins to quickly sink in the mire. His traveling companion manages to get out, but he returns to the City of Destruction without giving aid to Christian. Christian is left all alone and sinking even deeper in the mire, until Help, the allegorical figure for the Holy Spirit, pulls him free from the muck.

Christian then asks Help why this dangerous plot of land has not been mended so that poor travelers might go safely to the Celestial City. Help replies, “This miry slough is such a place that cannot be mended.”

How true it is in real life! As hard as we try to avoid them, whether young in the Lord, or spiritually mature…swamps of despondency seem inevitable, and we must struggle through them!

Charles Spurgeon once wrote to his students in the book, “Lectures to my Students”,

“Fits of depression come over most of us. Usually cheerful as we may be, we must at intervals be cast down.
The strong are not always vigorous, the wise not always ready, the brave not always courageous, and the joyous not always happy.
There may be here and there men of iron…but surely the rust frets even these.”

There are times in our lives when we will struggle through the swamps of despondency — but praise God that He has provided us a helper for those times of need! We need to press through, seeking and trusting the power of the Holy Spirit to pull us out of those nasty swamps, and set our feet back upon the Rock of our salvation.

Let’s also look around us to see our brethren who may be struggling in the swamps of despondency, so that, rather than abandoning them, we might give them a hand on their journey to “the Celestial city”!