Category: self-centered

Sinful Inside

“More than anything else, a person’s mind is evil
and cannot be healed.
Who can understand it?

Jeremiah 17:9, NCV

“Thou, Lord Jesus, art my righteousness, but I am thy sin. Thou hast taken upon thyself what is mine and hast given to me what is thine. Thou has taken upon thyself what thou wast not and hast given to me what I was not.’ Beware of aspiring to such purity that you will not wish to be looked upon as a sinner, or to be one. For Christ dwells only in sinners.”

Martin Luther

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The Bible in its tremendous insight, never ever makes humans to be wonderful creatures. I think we would all volunteer to be that way. We are not. Rather the opposite is quite true. We are manipulators, rascals, liars and sinners. There is not a single iota of evidence that we can become exceptionally kind, loving and holy people in any sense of the word.

Somehow we generate a lot of self-deceit. We trick our own hearts into believing that we are such noble believers. We ignore evidence that would convict us otherwise. The prophet spoke to his generation in Jeremiah 17. He would speak directly to people who thought they were true and good. Jeremiah called this a lie, a serious miscalculation (especially when the opposite was true.)

“The heart is deceitful above all things
and beyond cure.
Who can understand it?”

Jeremiah 17:9, NIV

This is not the way “to win friends and influence people.” So many pastors, priests, elders, and leaders have a desire deep down to be acceptable and relevant. But God says, we are rascals, tricksters, phonies. Something inside is sick. There can be no human remedy. We simply cannot become religious enough to surmount our profound sin (against God and against others).

I must tell you the truth, you’re terminally ill. You are quite sick, in the most essential part of you. As a boy living in Northern Wisconsin, on a farm somewhat. We found one of our dogs killing our chickens. He was a nice dog, quite friendly and very gentle. But when he started in on the chickens my dad decided to intervene. One of the dead chickens was recovered. My father wired that dead chicken to our dogs neck, nice and tight. The dog wore that rotting chicken for several weeks. Finally the dog laid down, foaming and tongue lolling, eyes rolled back– so sick. So Dad cut off the decaying remains.

It’s one of my more vivid memories. The dog would never again chase a chicken, or even think of killing one. But even so, our sin is disgusting to God. We just seem to do evil without considering Him or others we effect. It’s all about us, as we think we can just skate through this “problem” without any issues. But Jeremiah tells us we are rotting inside.

“Blessed are the poor in spirit,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are those who mourn,
for they will be comforted. “

Matthew 5:3-4, NIV

I suppose this is what it will take. To see ourselves as destitute beggars when it comes to spiritual matters. We very much want to work past this state. We will very often feel that that is Christian discipleship– conquering our deep sin and awful weaknesses. But really, folks, what the Lord really wants is for us to admit our poverty, and be saddened by our sinfulness. We hurt so many.

“Our life is full of brokenness – broken relationships, broken promises, broken expectations. How can we live with that brokenness without becoming bitter and resentful except by returning again and again to God’s faithful presence in our lives.”

–Henri Nouwen

We are a broken lot of confused people, and we have never solved the mystery of our own iniquity. In those rare, fleeting times we step into clarity, we are ashamed and disturbed by what we see. Our awful sin needs a wonderful Savior. Jesus does what we could never do. He has died to destroy our sin.

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So You Want to Become Vulnerable?

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“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”

 — C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

Public speaking has never been a problem for me. All through high school, Bible college, as a street evangelist– nothing I’ve ever done really has ever been a concern.  But,  I have friends who rather submit themselves to hideous torture then to put themselves in that public position.  They are afraid of the spotlight, feel exposed and just a little too accessible in the lime light.

Becoming vulnerable in love is ‘above and beyond’ the fear of public speaking.  It is almost irrational in the way it takes charge.  We refuse to put out, with the fear of being that accessible.  We will not allow ourselves to become a victim.  But public speaking has nothing on loving someone deeply, because of the risk involved.

Men are the greatest perpetrators of this attitude.  We close ourselves off and keep our hearts protected and safe.  We cannot truly give our hearts away, because we cannot share that which is most intimate (we hate that word!).  I will refuse to become vulnerable to anyone, because of the risk I put myself in. To really “trust,” in deep way, is way too much exposure for us.

Our families cannot understand our emotional coldness.  They think that the problem is their fault.  They struggle to understand.  And we respond to their attempts to accommodate us with skepticism and fear.  We hold back and pathetically attempt to adjust to their efforts.  Selfishness ultimately wins the day.

Lewis reveals that our natural inclination is towards selfishness.  We try to hide and avoid the “nakedness” that love requires.  I am convinced that we will spare no effort to stay safe, becoming invulnerable to another’s inspection.  We wall up ourselves to the risks of love.  But learning to trust is one of life’s most difficult tasks.

Jesus Christ has come, to teach us how to love openly and freely.  He became vulnerable, laying aside his prerogative of being God.  He is teaching us to love like him. We will only truly heal when we risk it all, with our Father, and our brothers and sisters.

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Self-Deception & Brokenbelievers

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“The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth.”

Psalm 145:18

“Behold, You desire truth in the innermost being, and in the hidden part You will make me know wisdom.”

Psalm 51:6, NASB

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Self-deception is sort of an occupational hazard for believing Christians. We have this strong tendency to walking and seeing out of delusion. A certain amount of confusion comes over religious people who have lost the sense of truth; we lose the sense of words and definitions of the Faith. We may say all the right things (and at the right time,) but no longer understand what is real, and what is true.

We can see this in our worship. We come to God and say the things we think he wants to hear. We declare praises, but they revert to a superficial veneer that covers up our lives. We can be fairly sincere in this, but we’re not speaking what is real. We can sing “praise the Lord,” without a true sense of what we are truly saying or doing.

We can see this in our prayer times. We come into the room and encounter God. (At least we hope so). But we say things like, “I give you my heart,” when we haven’t really. We so want to please God, so we tell him the things we think he would like to hear. We can polish our words to the point they are no longer real.

I know this may seem harshly dismissive of many peoples discipleship, and I’m sorry if it seems this way. But I’m really describing myself. I want the ‘real me’ to encounter the real God. “You will know the truth, and the truth will make you free” (John 8:32). That freedom comes as a result of knowing what is real.

Perhaps we should become alert:

  • of words that have lost their meaning,
  • of the tendency toward self-deception,
  • of the unreal world of the enemy,
  • of God’s love of the truth.

Oh Father, please may it be the real me that speaks to the real you. Keep me from deceiving myself with empty and vain words that have a long time ago lost their meaning. May I truly possess what I glibly profess. Keep me true, dear Lord. Amen.

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The Evil of Twisting Scripture

“It came about when she pressed him daily with her words and urged him, that his soul was annoyed to death.”

Judges 16:16, NASB

This has become a savage and vicious verse for me.  I used it to alienate a dear sister in the Lord. Vicki was a dear one who ran our office.  She had a heart that fully embraced our work of evangelism in the inner city in San Francisco.  She was an exceptional secretary.

She was wonderful.  She would constantly reach out to me, with the desire to see me established in this ministry of evangelism.  Her heart of kindness motivated me to press into the work of the Lord.  But there was something in my own heart that opposed her presence that was directed to me.

But her constant questions and comments every single morning had become a burden and a hassle.  Out of this frustration, I became somewhat more and more brazen and cynical toward her. I don’t really know why, really. Vickie continued to reach out to me, but I thwarted her work.  She wanted so much to contribute, and I figuratively slashed her tires with my dark skepticism.

One day I read this verse in Judges 16:16, “It came about when she pressed him daily with her words and urged him, that his soul was annoyed to death.”  I so very absorbed this and laid it on her.  I can see her now opening the Bible she kept in her desk.  She read with eagerness “the Word of the Lord” from me, and she was crushed. The tears streamed down her face.

Mishandling the Word like this should be a capital offense.  I have deeply regretted that moment when I slammed my sister with my twisted interpretation of scripture.  I wounded her very deeply, all ‘in the name of the Lord.”  I imparted to her with “my verse” which was a certain evil, in spite of my noble ministry of evangelism to the lost.

“Brothers, do not speak evil of one another” (James 4:11). Is not this a word which is much needed by some of us today? Alas, in some quarters the habit of discrediting others behind their backs has become so common that it is regarded almost as a matter of course; the mentioning to others of a brother’s faults or a sister’s failures, the repeating of unfavorable reports which have come to our ears—is so general that few appear to make any conscience thereof.

But we do this every day. We contaminate everyone around us with an awful evil.  At the first observation, it seems true and holy.  But as we press into it we find a powerful iniquity.  It is camoflaged and hidden.  But it is quite corrosive and detrimental.

Oh, dear one.  I hope you can circumvent this issue.  I hope you can resist the evil of misguided truth.  We effect so many, we come to this place of analysis where we can reject those on the boundries.  We place them into our “unacceptable” folder.

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