Tag: discipleship

Broken Dreams, On a Friend’s Suicide

This is a guest post from TheNorEaster, hope it blesses!

A TheNorEaster Post.

An old buddy of mine from high school recently committed suicide.

I cried myself to sleep the night I got the news, praying passionately and begging God to have mercy upon him.

John was the last person I would ever expect to take his own life. He always was quick with a joke, and his laughter was contagious.

When I got the news, I was fortunate enough to be with my best friend, who eventually asked, “How many is that?”

“Exposures?”

“And the people you were especially close to.”

“Mike shot himself, Ken’s two neighbors had some kind of ritual, Adrian stabbed his social worker to death to get shot by a cop, Judy’s killer hung herself in prison after beating her to death with a sledgehammer, Neal’s father-in-law shot himself, I don’t know how Kim did it, and then there was Britany, Terry, Nancy.

“And now, John. That’s ten, I think. It wouldn’t be so bad if there weren’t so many.”

Each new loss compounds the previous ones. And I kept wondering when it all would end, when my grief would finally pass — when I could, at long last, get on with my life.

As I write these words now, I realize these trials are my life. And that the only way anyone can ever avoid grief is pure apathy.

I grieve because I care. And I mourn because I have loved.

If there ever was a way to love somebody without ever getting hurt, or burned, even betrayed — Well, I sure wish somebody would put it in The Suggestion Box.

I’d be lying if I said that I am not angry at John. He left behind a wife. Two children. But, I also know, from what I know, that John covered his own wounds very well.

Until the blood of his wounds soaked through the bandage.

It has been said that America is “The Land of Opportunity.” And we are taught to pursue our dreams with ferocious tenacity — be it writing a book or making music or simply starting a family.

In the midst of it all, we sometimes forget that life is not, at all, fair. That those who live good and respectable lives come upon atrocious times. And that those who do achieve their dreams — even one as seemingly simple as starting a family, like John — do indeed have their own wounds with which to contend.

As I consider this, I cannot help but wonder — What is the purpose of a dream?

To achieve? To inspire? To be rich? Or famous?

“Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be your slave — just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”
~Matthew 20:26-28

God sure does everything backwards, doesn’t He?

So, is it just possible that the relentless pursuit of a dream is a symptom of our spiritual poverty? Doesn’t Scripture tell us to be content? And yet, how can we possibly be content if we always want to be where we are not?

I am very much aware that those questions do sound discouraging. And, in fact, they are discouraging — until we consider the truth behind Psalm 37:4:

“Take delight in the LORD,
and he will give you the desires of your heart.”

For the longest time, I thought that passage was some sort of trade off, that if I took “delight in the LORD” then my dreams certainly would come true.

But, I realize now that what I have wanted — and even what I still do want — is so very rarely what God wants.

And that is why, to be sure, that delighting in the Lord does not mean getting what we want, but instead means that God gives us desires in our hearts to serve Him — in humility, with gratitude, and, above all, out of love.

“Whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant.”

And if my dreams must die that I may yet have a measure of greatness in the eyes of God, if I still must endure the terrible loss of my old buddy, if I need struggle with depression to run the race, if I must face my own foolishness in my fourth suicide attempt last year, if being broken is the cross I must carry in this life to see my precious Father face to Face…

…I’d say a few broken dreams cannot possibly compare to such heavenly glory.

“Sunset is Morning.”

Please check out TheNorEaster’s terrific blog at: http://thenoreaster.wordpress.com/

When He Questions You

  1. “But what about you?” he asked.
  2. “Who do you say I am?”

Matthew 16:15, NIV

I would suggest to you, that these two questions are quite pivotal and critical.  Nothing explains a man or woman more.  Nothing means more, or is of greater consequence than how you answer these two questions. One by one, we are led to this particular place, and it is required of us to explain ourselves.  And essentially that is what will happen.  We have to come to a decision.

“What about you?”  The first question asked, reduces us and causes us to come to a place of personal responsibility.  We dare not sidestep, or look for an emergency exit.  The issue, front and center is “you.”  It must be stated that questions like this one is not a way to stay popular.  You don’t win people’s hearts like this.  “What about you?”  In my mind this is a whole lot of personal decision-making.  Commitment is not easy.  (And if it is too easy, be very alert.)

The second question, “Who do you say that I am?” is masterful.  Jesus is speaking to those close disciples.  Essentially he is asking them to decide, once and for all, his placement into their lives. 

  • Is he a good teacher?
  • A healer?
  • A revolutionary or social catalyst?
  • A prophet?

He is all of these–but much more.  It’s interesting that Jesus never took a lesser position.  He was the “Son of God.”  He comes to us, and asks us to decide for ourselves.

The decision awaits us.  When we gather up information to evaluate him, it isn’t “Trivial Pursuit.”  Our decisions are quite significant and defining.  This here are the ultimate “fork in the road.”  Our lives will extrapolate out and then take us to places we never thought we would be.  Jesus knows this, he understands us.

In conclusion, another question.  Are you even ready to be addressed with these two ultimatums?  Are you in a “good place” where you are even approachable?  We all must go through this gauntlet of blazing truth, and decide for oneself.  Truly blessed is the person who will not stumble in this place of decision.

 “Today I have given you the choice between life and death, between blessings and curses. Now I call on heaven and earth to witness the choice you make. Oh, that you would choose life, so that you and your descendants might live!

Deut. 30:19, NLT

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Rolling Stones Theology

I was time travelling today.  I journeyed back to Christmas, 1972.  I had told my parents that life could only have meaning, if I could have just one thing.  I held out in hope that on Christmas morning, that I would open up a “rock tumbler.”

I was an 11 year old boy, and I imagined that I could turn gravel from the driveway into polished gems.  I would make jewelry for my mom, and then I would go on to know the thrill of turning ugly stones into precious jewels.  Somehow, doing this would give me a profound purpose. I guess I wanted to become a alchemist– turning gravel into gems.

This is all I wanted.  I dreamed of having my polisher– a rock tumbler that would be all and everything I wanted.  I was fixated, and just knew this was my destiny.  I would become a lapidarist! Today, I haven’t changed, I am always looking for the right stone.

Opening up our gifts, I had eyes only for my new rock tumbler.  I ripped open my present and tore into the box.  Within 10 minutes I had it up and going.

The principle was simple:

  • Step 1— Add the stones, and the “grit.” Resist putting in too many stones.
  • Step 2— Measure out the water.  The idea is to make a “slurry.”
  • Step 3— Let the machine run, don’t open the drum every 30 minutes. This takes time, and patience.
  • Step 4— A trick– add a tablespoon of sugar to the final polishing stage. It adds an extra gleam.

The Church is a lot like a rock tumbler.  The Holy Spirit places us in a fellowship with others.  We are rough and drab, we show nothing that would suggest a polish or gleam.  There is nothing beautiful about us.  We really understand this.

We join others who have been picked up.  Different grit is then added.  There are special types– some are very coarse and others are quite fine.  Water is added.  (The whole process is to parallel what happens at the beach, but purposefully accelerating it in your drum.)

As the drum rotates, things are constantly changing as they move.  The water and grit roll between the stones.  The stones themselves move with each other, sometime counter, but they smooth out all roughness and coarseness.  Some rocks are harder, and not easily polished.  Sometimes, the grit will need to be changed to speed up the process.  Whatever happens, we need to trust Him to do the right thing.

I really don’t want to bore you with all the different details.  But each step has a connection to authentically spiritual things.  We are a mixture of stones with different shapes and angles. There are a lot of variables, and it gets tedious.  The polishing takes a lot of time. There is the need for patience.  We often bring ‘a thirst for the instant,’ and for the quick work.  Polishing a rock takes a lot of time– months.  And we take years– maybe sometimes even decades.

“And you are living stones that God is building into his spiritual temple. What’s more, you are his holy priests. Through the mediation of Jesus Christ, you offer spiritual sacrifices that please God.”  1Peter 2:5, NLT

We are all in this process, what is hidden is being revealed.  We may bounce off each other, (here comes that ‘flinty’ sister again!)  But the Spirit is the superintendent of the process.  He will change the grit, add more water, or add others to the tumbler. He knows exactly what He is doing. No one will get overlooked.

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Deciding What Makes Up Wisdom

kind-words1

“Often wise sayings fall on barren ground; but a kind word is never ever thrown away.” Sir Arthur Helps

There are so many things to grasp. Our own recovery practically insists we grab vital truths. When we latch on them, we must stick to them no matter what. When we lose someone, or even lose ourselves, we must listen so much closer– the Lord will send someone to our side.

Some rules though:

  • Curiosity is not ever the same as caring.
  • Losing ones balance is never the same as losing ones testimony.
  • A gentle touch can mean more than a powerful revelation.
  • Words of kindness are better than cold truth.
  • To really hear is better than a speech of true words.
  • We must live out the questions we whisper to God
  • Practising prayer is better than just simply praying.
  • Similar experiences that emphasize a connection is never the same as the individuals.
  • Our questions to God reveal far more than His answers.
  • When we do decide to dance, our true friends will dance too.

Ok, I must admit these are not always true and concrete in my heart. My life seems to be a cavern of emptiness; there is little inside but a silly reputation. But it’s a blanket that can’t warm my chilly heart.

12 “Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. 13 Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. 14 Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony.”

Colossians 3:12-14, NLT

“Share each other’s burdens, and in this way obey the law of Christ.”

Galatians 6:2

“It is a sin to belittle one’s neighbor;
    blessed are those who help the poor.”

Proverbs 14:21

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