Tag: understanding

Shedding Self-Importance

Bryan & Lynn, Still learning to be servants

“I have had more trouble with myself than with any other man.”  D.L. Moody

April, 2000

Shortly after Lynn and I were accepted by Kachemak Bay Christian Center to be their pastor, we traveled to California to be with family for a few weeks.  On our return to Alaska we drove from Anchorage to our home in Homer on the Kenai Peninsula.  I could hardly wait to jump in and be a real pastor. It was my dream, and God had “groomed” me for this moment!

As we drove into Homer I noticed the marquee on the movie theater.  It read, “Congrats to Bryan and Abi”.  I immediately stopped the car to gawk in amazement.  I was flabbergasted.  I suddenly felt a warm flush of self importance.  Homer was recognizing me as a pastor, as well as ABI, the Bible school in town that I had been teaching at, also in Homer.

I was delighted and duly impressed with how enlightened my town had become in recognizing me since my trip ‘outside.’.  I actually drove around the block to take in this wonder and took another look.  I was completely taken in by this marquee.  My pride took over and I felt invincible.  Words would pour off my lips and my little town would be guided by my spiritual brilliance.  I felt a warm surge of “heavenly” authority.

About two weeks later I picked up the local newspaper.  As I paged through I came across an announcement for a wedding for someone named Bryan and Abby.  I suddenly pieced it together.  Abby had been an employee at that movie theater before she got married!  The management had put this message on their behalf.

Immediately the Lord jolted me back into reality.  My arrogance and pride drained from me.  I felt like a pompous ass.  I had so inflated myself, thinking I was so impressive and important that the crash devastated me.  I was not as awesome as I thought I was.  I was embarrassed by how easily I was led into this spiritual trap of self-importance.

The Bible has a great deal to say about pride and arrogance.  “One’s pride will bring him low, but he who is lowly in spirit will obtain honor.”   I would like to say that I have overcome this arrogance, but I catch it growing in the corners.  I can say that even though I was so self-absorbed and self-important that I am now immune from this sin.  But that would be a lie.

Jesus loves the humble.  He favors those who are poor in spirit.  But he resists people who are proud and self-sufficient.  He stands against the arrogant.  The Father hates my pride and my arrogance.

I want to encourage you to come to Jesus now.  Come as you are and He shall meet you.  Dispense with your pride and “humble yourself before the Lord”.  We do all right if we see ourself as ordinary and average.  Satan will look for any handle you give him.  Pride is one of his favorite ways to control you.  When the disciples tried to figure this out they ended up fighting (Mark 9:33-34).

 “But it should not be that way among you. Whoever wants to become great among you must serve the rest of you like a servant. Whoever wants to become first among you must serve the rest of you like a slave.  In the same way, the Son of Man did not come to be served. He came to serve others and to give his life as a ransom for many people.”

Matthew 20:26-28, NCV

The ”marquee incident” was 15 years ago, but I am determined to remember how the Lord revealed to me my pride.  It has become humorous to me now, but at the time it was brutal.  I have had to learn through weakness.  When I am weak, He is strong.

“True humility is not thinking less of yourself; it is thinking of yourself less.”  Tim Keller

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The Magnificent God: “Getting All In”

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 8 “If I were you, I would go to God
    and present my case to him.
9 He does great things too marvelous to understand.
    He performs countless miracles.

Job 5:8-9, New Living Translation

I’m back to reading Job– for the billionth time.  I decided this time, I will muscle through it.  (But I must admit my track record isn’t the greatest.)  I must tell you, the post that follows may not be for you, if your face turns red— stop! Don’t try to read anymore; it’s not for you. Walk away. It’s not worth it.

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These two verses, combined– create a mindset of a bold confidence.  The speaker (not Job the “wonder-guy,” but mere Eliphaz) creates an anticipation of ‘what if?’  His advice, is to turn it over and make it God’s issue.  Let Him deal with it, it is his job.  Lay these issues on his doorstep, ring his door-bell, and run away quick.

But the speaker goes right to the source– revealing a definite purpose.  People like this are uncommon, more or less rare.  But we admire them for it, after all it gives us ‘slackers’ a warm, fuzzy feeling as we gaze on their zeal.  But human solutions will rarely bring out a righteousness of God.  We see them, admire them, want to be like them… but guess what?  It fizzles out into an embarrassed realization as we start to understand; this isn’t going to work after all.

But we must bring our problems to Him.  I will not try to minimize this point.  We are not built to carry such loads.  We weren’t designed to do this.  We approach Him (with some trepidation, if we are reasonably sane) with these ugly and heavy burdens.  But we don’t ring His doorbell and run. Rather we stand to meet Him, face-to-face.

“God does wonders that cannot be understood; 
he does so many miracles they cannot be counted.” 

Verse 9 speaks out of a reflective and knowing heart.  The speaker understands that God works miracles; He has the “ultimate track record.” He does the outrageous; He does things that no one else can do! He is like a magician– wonders happen. The speaker grasps something here.  The God who he seeks is a miracle-working God.  He is so utterly convinced of this fact that he brings it before Job as a ‘plan-of-action.’

And what can we say?  I think there is a lot of ignorance among some who call themselves “believers.”  We catch a fleeting glimpse of His Glory, and suddenly we launch a ministry and a “speaking tour.”  In our very brief encounter with Him we suddenly become either theologians, or talk-show hosts of the religious persuasion (of course, on TV).

There are no crispy clean answers, but as we humbly, and seek Him brokenly– without any aggrandizement or posturing, He will work.  But we must deal with our own urge for “hucksterism” or a feeble manipulation.  It can’t, and won’t work, at least not the way we think it will.

Connecting with Him is not super hard, but it will cost us everything we have. When it is truly real, you will know it by a price that must be paid.

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Listening to the Disturbed

There is a tremendous need to listen to those suffering with mental illness.

Listening takes patience.

I believe it is a rule written somewhere, that self-centered people are simply not prepared to reach hurting people.  You might say they don’t have the capability to become a good listener. One thing is certain,  listening will change you.  The more you do it, the better (and wiser) person you will become.

Listening to the disturbed takes work. You can become that catalyst for healing and wholeness. But you have to set aside your own agenda to do this.

Typically the mentally ill are intense communicators. Sometimes they can be delusional and seem incoherent. But your patience will pay off. Trust the Holy Spirit to strengthen you.

“Spouting off before listening to the facts is both shameful and foolish.”

Proverbs 18:13

A Good Listener:

1. listens with spiritual ears open, hearing and understanding the spirit beneath the words;

2. listens with the heart and mind still and th e mouth shut;

3. listens with no personal agenda;

4. listens with compassionate spiritual eyes, maintaining involved eye contact;

5. listens with a compassionate heart;

6. listens with a committed heart;

7. listens with attentiveness;

8. listens without judgment;

9. listens without fear;

10. listens with faith, knowing that the Spirit of God is at work to will and do according to His good purpose;

11. waits patiently, quietly and prayerfully through times of silence, making room for the unfolding of things previously too deep and too painful to even know or express;

12. counts it a privilege to witness a soul in the process of transformation, even when it doesn’t look like it;

13. offers to explore options wisely;

14. offers to pray when the time of tears and sharing ends;

15. consoles with words of comfort and confidence in the faithfulness of God, which is usually all anyone needs to hear;

16. waits to give advice until asked;

17. offers a hug;

18. recognizes that these are holy moments of eternal consequence;

19. keeps all holy moments completely confidential.

20. doesn’t try to take the place of the Holy Spirit.

“Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.”

James 1:19

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I have no clue where this list came from. But it is quite good and very thorough. I exhort you to really listen close to those with a disability. Forget about WWJD. Try HWJL.

(How Would Jesus Listen?)

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When You’re Out of Control (A Reblog from 2013)

Originally written August 29, 2013 and shared today hoping it will bless someone.

 

“I’m must show myself; things are not going well, to be honest.  I’m becoming more and more fragmented.  And I can’t seem to hold it together.  Essentially, I mentally can’t keep it centered on the things I know are right and appropriate. My mind is in a muddle, and my heart is not far behind.

I can’t go on like this.  I have to confess that I’m spinning out of control.  There are too many issues that hammer me, without any resolution or finality.  I need a “booster shot” of grace. (Perhaps, maybe an I.V. would be better.)

All I want is to escape, and to shake off these ‘parasites’ that sap me of any strength I might generate.  Far too many things are draining me of any vitality and hope.  Despair and despondency have suddenly shown up at my door, but I treat them as unwelcomed visitors, and hope they will leave me alone.  All they want to do is take me apart, and dismantle me, and I seldom advance beyond this. I haven’t invited them.

This simple blog has kept me going.  The posts that I write are sincere, and I know for a fact they touch many hearts.  I’m astonishingly grateful for this.  But they can’t minimize my own issues.  I am constantly on the edge, a step one way or another could push into a desperate fall. (Funny, I’m starting to scare myself.)

I have a deep confidence in Jesus.  I believe that he loves me in the most intense way possible.  I trust in his deliberate and careful love.  Resting in his arms is the very best thing I could do.  He is the only one who can lead me through my mental illness.  Or to give me the grace to move above it.

I do not want to offend or alienate anyone.  That simply is not what I am about.  But I simply can not try to take Brokenbelievers much further in this ‘frame of mind.’  I will try to post as often as I can– but both my therapist and psychiatrist want me to go into a hospital.  I have already been there several times and I do not want to be admitted any time soon.

The next several days should be interesting.  I’m definitely committed to avoiding hospitalization.  The “professionals” I trust are trying to commit me, but I do intend to make a scrap of it.  “I will not go lightly.”

Please try to be patient with me.  I want to post, it runs through my veins.  But I simply don’ t  have the resources that extend into transparency and clarity.  Please forgive me. There’s is no way I can make this work without avoiding a “shutdown.” We will see.

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kyrie elesion, Bryan

(Lord, have mercy on us.)

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