Category: discipleship

The Ransom Note

depression-note

“We collapse in the dust,
    lying face down in the dirt.
26 Rise up! Help us!
    Ransom us because of your unfailing love.”

Psalm 44:25-26, NLT

“For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve others and to give his life as a ransom for many.”

Mark 10:45

“God chose him as your ransom long before the world began, but he has now revealed him to you in these last days.”

1 Peter 1:20

I think that God has more or less ransacked the human language in His effort to get through to us the critical nature of what exactly has been done just for us. When it comes to our salvation and what that means to the universe, the word, “ransom” is used.

The connection for us, as we consider the implications, has mainly a connection with the crime of “kidnapping.” This is when someone is captured by other men, and held in captivity until certain terms are met. When the kidnapper feels his needs are fully met, then the hostage is released.

In the Bible sense, we should work through several verses. There are at least three Hebrew words. In the N.T. Greek just a single word to explain “ransom” is seen. And yet we can say, each word is linked back to the idea of being “helpless.” And helpless is far more than a definition, rather it is a description of a “state of being.”

We come to understand that helplessness is the natural state of human beings. We each have been captured, taken away and are being held, until terms are met for our release. I suppose that some see this helplessness easier than others. (And I’m sure a few will never acknowledge it at all). But nevertheless, it is real and it describes every single person that has ever lived.

Being completely helpless is hardly a situation we would ever choose. Having ransom demands being made to set us free is mostly awkward. And it’s an affront. Perhaps, we feel we are worth more? But the issues here are eternal, and currency concepts are never the consideration.

But there is a present need, to purchase back those who are being held as captives. The absolute clear position is that the Lord Jesus Christ, died in our place. Choosing to die for us, he was essentially tortured before his cruel death. In this decision, he himself paid my ransom. In doing this, I was set free and fully able to return home.

There are many who have been free. But there is a thing called “the Stockholm Syndrome.” This refers to those in captivity who somehow “connect” with their kidnappers through a prolonged captivity. This is to the point where they begin to act less than the victims, and more like the captor. It is confusing. They seem to go out of their way to act “pro-kidnapper”. This can get very disturbing.

We must look to our children, and closest family and our friends. They are toiling for Satan, the captor of our souls (past-tense). Many different tactics are being used– depression, addictions, lust, greed, anger, gluttony, pride, guilt and many other deceitful things. They are being held, until faith (the key) “springs” them out of their prison.

Thank you Jesus, for coming to free us. Thank you for forgiving us. We have been released, and now walk away free. You died, so we might live. We desperately want to see the others we love set free.

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ybic, Bryan

 

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Praying Out the Dark

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A Holy Troublemaker

“Christians were never meant to be normal. We’ve always been holy troublemakers, we’ve always been creators of uncertainty, agents of dimension that’s incompatible with the status quo; we do not accept the world as it is, but we insist on the world becoming the way that God wants it to be. And the Kingdom of God is different from the patterns of this world.”

— Jacques Ellul

I was living in the gritty Mission district in San Francisco, I remember sitting in my favorite coffee shop at the corner of Clarion Alley and Mission reading Ellul’s “Meaning of the City.” I have to admit, I was profoundly undone.  Here I sat with my ‘latte,’ in the presence of a “genius,” reading a man who was describing the city that I was living in.  It was a bit much. It devastated me, but in a very good way.

Jacques Ellul describes the condition of city-darkness.  His contention was that there are people who are actively, (but often passively,) in a rebellious opposition to whatever God is doing.  There is an “organization of unbelief” that always resists the Holy Spirit, and it has become especially embedded into places we call the City.

Ellul recognized that there is an opposition force.  There are now those who have been drastically connected to the radical presence of God. There can’t ever be real normalcy here.  We are saints, (whether we like it or not.)  We are solidly “light.”  And then we start reflecting that into a profound darkness, which cares for nothing at all– even hating the grace of God– things can get vicious.

We stand in an awesome place (whether we understand or not.)  We are in the truest sense revolutionaries.  We stand by grace in this place.  The light is always breaking holy-troublemakersinto the lives of those who are living against Him.  This is most uncomfortable– like falling into a raspberry patch naked, with all its stickers and scratches. Hardly pleasant.

We are “the troublemakers.”  What we believe turns the world upside down (really, upside right.)  We have become obstacles to those in darkness. We are altered, and as believers the change is dramatically authentic.  There is simply nothing outside of His power that can do this.

Jesus answered, “I tell you the truth, unless you are born again, you cannot be in God’s kingdom.”   John 3:3, NCV

This critical thought describes the essential work that must happen before we can enter into it.  God’s kingdom is now our dream and our destiny.  It fuels us, and energizes us far beyond any work we can do.  We are now living people, residing in the “land of the dead.”  We must expect problems, but exult in a real existence.

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ybic, Bryan

 

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Give Us This Day, Our Daily Meds

My particular issue is with Bipolar 1, with psychotic features.  I have social anxiety which factors in as well as weird delusions.  The anxiety and delusions are pretty much one and the same.  They are often the things that will touch other people, while the rest is less obtrusive and can be hidden.

I have a tendency to hatch ‘mini-conspiracies’ almost daily.  They can be really paranoid as I think the worse about people, and life as it enfolds around me.  Facebook with its social networking helps, but it has also intensified my issues.  I am very much a recluse, and only get out and about twice a week. There are some who can see through my issues and really help. They are worth more then gold to me.

Depression, which is part of the Bipolar, has been more of a factor just in the last few months.  Suicide, that dark word, will deepen if the depression goes too long without lifting. It is an awful and brutal thing. My last bout was just two months ago and I quit functioning. I really did pray for death. Debilitated, I laid in bed powerless to do anything but sleep, and hide. I didn’t take a shower or bath for almost a month. Just the thought of being pelted by water seemed too violent.

Being a believer gives me a reason to live.  The Holy Spirit is so patient with me.  His companionship is far more helpful than any anti-depressant.  He doesn’t require that I become symptom free to fellowship with Him.  Instead, He weaves with the materials He has, and my discipleship is really no different than other Christian believers. This gives me a constant hope.

Overall, in spite of a very tumultuous, and ‘see-saw life’, I find that life with Jesus (discipleship) is truly grand.  He understands me, and is guiding me.  He is the Shepherd who is good, and I am His sheep who needs kindness and forgiveness always. He bruises no reed, nor does He quench the smoking candle (Matthew 12:20.)

One more thing.  Having a mental illness has, I believe, made me more compassionate and tender toward others.  When I meet a difficult person, I will be the last one to give up on him.  Others will bail out, but I stick.  I guess this can be a bad trait, but I can’t help it.  I love people, esp. those who hurt.

Here’s a list of my daily meds.  I hope this helps someone navigate the wild seas of psychiatry safely.

AM– lithium, 600 mg/Zoloft 200mg/Seroquel 400 mg/Provigil 200mg

NOON-Seroquel 200 mg

PM-lithium 600 mg/Seroquel 400 mg/Lunesta 2 mg

The lithium works mostly on mania, but does help depressive states.  The Zoloft is an anti-depressant (similar to Paxil)  The Provigil is for alertness, I have had issues with daytime sleepiness, esp. since my brain tumor.  Finally the Lunesta is a sleeping pill. This may seem a lot, but it has taken 2-3 years to get it figured out.  If I can help explain any of this, please let me know.  I aim to please!

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