Serving Rascals, Clumsy Disciples, and Physically and Mentally Ill Believers with the Unconditional Love of Jesus Christ
I can hardly believe it, we’ve had 30,ooo distinct hits in about 15 months. I’m ecstatic that we have been there for so many seekers. Thanks for supporting this work, the Lord is using you. But I encourage you to pray, that this would be a work of the Holy Spirit, otherwise, in my mind we should shut it all down, and move on. I want to please Him who gave everything up for me. I believe that is what you want as well!
I finally broke through and realized that I am a consummate scorner. I have cultivated this for many years, and especially the last five. I will tell now, I am to scorning as Tiger Woods is to golf. I have been diagnosed with Hepatitis C, a durmoid brain tumor, lung issues with a chemical accident, manic-depression requiring extensive hospitalization, and a low thyroid requiring meds. And, on top of this, the death of a newborn daughter.
My faith has been extremely challenged through all of this. I have pastored a church and taught classes at a local Bible college, all with a lot of enthusiasm and purpose. My students and my congregation were being blessed. But all of this pretty much disintegrated around me and I found myself with a whole lot of nothing.
Scorn has never been anything I gravitated to. But it has ‘seeped’ into my thinking, through a slow and steady presence. It works like mercury poisoning. It has touched me as a gradual toxin, slowly sickening me with its constant contact. I haven’t been connected with the light as I should have. But over an extensive amount of time, a venomous and noxious filth has been introduced into my heart and my thinking. It must be like watching someone die from ‘radiation sickness’.
To scorn means to become ” ‘competous’, disdainful, scornful, to mock.” I never, ever dreamed I would be brought to this point. But life has continuously rolled over me, and I find I just can’t make it work anymore. I definitely do understand the promises of God. But I definitely do not understand God’s grace on me. But you might as well try to explain the color ‘blue’ to a blind man.
I am Bryan, the scorner. I am also ‘a spiritual beggar’, with a significant mental illness. I should be on the streets pushing a shopping cart and drinking cheap vodka. When I start to scorn, I get mean and cynical. I’m contemptuous and I sneer at whatever crosses my path that day. I hear voices and ‘tune in’ radio stations. All I lack is a ‘tin-foil’ hat, which I have seriously considered.
My depression molds my thinking, and my despair rules the rest. The promises of God are not for me, and they seem to always be out of my reach. In many ways, I am an ‘unbelieving’ believer (there are many people like us). My own frosty coldness and hardness never seems to amaze me. I don’t want to be this way. God, help me please.
A defining word, for people like me is this: “self-forgiveness“. I consider myself above average when it comes to forgiving others. I look forward to forgiving others. But, I just cannot forgive myself. I simply can’t let myself ‘get off the hook’. At times I do sense a comfort and a peace over these sins, but very soon they begin to rub me raw. Like blisters, or ‘a stone in my shoe’, I begin to limp again. They are incredibly persistant.
This is not self-pity. I am not looking for any manner of attention or warm hugs. I do though want to open up my darkness so the light gets in. I must learn to forgive myself, if I will ever walk clean. This is imperative. The adulteress who fell at Jesus’ feet and wept managed to forgive herself of a great deal of sin. Those of us with mental illness/addictions have to come to this same point. Is Jesus’ love enough to cover me?
Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, 2 then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. 3 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves
Philippians 2:1-3
Being connected to Jesus sets us up for a way so much more then we thought. Encouragement comes from being comforted. It makes us stand back in amazement. We are brought to this wonderful place, and personal growth begins to show exceptional results.
There are a lot of ‘anys’ that are imbedded in these verses. They take us to a point of extracting something of eternal value and worth, and then seeing it translated into our lives. I certainly couldn’t come up with this on my own.
We grab this basic fact, we are just devoid of anything of real value. We simply do not have the roots that will sink down into these wonderful things. Our connection into Him however, puts us into a completely different place. We discover we have this incredible ability from drawing out life into our beings. He sets us up so we extract ‘life’ from our silly, feeble efforts.
We draw so much from the presence of Jesus. When it’s hooked in, our ‘abundance meter’ kicks us up several notches. Paul is asking us to draw out significant things from our contact with these things of wonder. Verse 2 develops for us a sense of unity with our brothers and sisters. Truth had better deal with us in this way.
My newfound faith means I must connect with others in a new and a powerfully exceptional basis. The Gospel had better effect me in this capacity, because, whether we know it or not, faith just doesn’t connect me with God– it connects me to His people.
‘One love, and one spirit and one mind’. The unity that is to be developed springs from a knowledge of who we really are spiritually. There is an idea of ‘commonness’, that suggests that we all have a direct unity with each other. We all are drawing from the same source. Just the very idea of this should, and could break down barriers and walls that exist. It seems to be a new awareness of having all our extension cords using all the same electricity. There is never any shortage, but we do need to consent to being hooked up to the same root.
This realization of the dramatic unity of Christ’s work should bring us to a deepness of the Spirit that has eluded us for generations. Quite simply, He is the well spring that we all draw from. Deep down, He is who we connect to, our roots extend to Him. Baptist, Assembly of God, Anglican, Lutheran, Pentecostal, and Roman Catholic and more. The big bunch of us have plunged our roots into Jesus. We all draw from Him, and He imparts to us life that lasts forever.
Humility has become the virtual currency of the Kingdom. We are issued as much as we need. But we must act with what we take. Our brokenness over our self (and our arrogance) must drive us to a gentleness with each other. We simply don’t have the resources and the intellect to make the decisions that we have been making. Humility is the wonderful key that will open the doors to the King’s castle. If you have it, you get in. But without it, you will go nowhere.
Lord, I know that a man doesn’t control his own life.
He doesn’t direct his own steps.
Jeremiah 10:23
As we step into what matters, we find this simple verse. Simply put, we have no idea about control. We step out in ignorance, we don’t understand this concept of turning one’s life over to someone else. This grates against everything we profess to understand.
There is no control. He declares Himself to be completely and utterly in charge. At this point, we must back-off and just assume that He is in charge. There has been a determination at the highest of points. We always are available to connect with Him at these levels. We simply come and ask for all mercy that has been stated.
I don’t turn anything off. I most certainly open my heart to all that is available and retrievable. I can’t dwell on anything above and beyond this. When He comes, He generates a dynamic that works its way into our hearts.
The simple fact is that we have been brought to a definite assurance of a divine life. It is freely given. We do nothing to deserve it. We advance with this concept and idea cemented into our hearts. Nothing can be offered, it has already been done so. All we can do is to absorb the kindness that has been offered and then step tentatively forward.
My trust is in His character. He comes to me and it makes perfect sense. I start connecting the dots. And it makes me understand His goodness. His love has been extended to me, and all I can do is turn to Him, and let Him in. There is nothing but His love for me that can affect me in this way.
