Category: family

A Failure to Understand [An Excerpt]

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Excerpt from “A Firm Place to Stand”

BY MARJA BERGEN

I’m disappointed when friends and family who know me well say things that reveal a gross misunderstanding of depression and how it affects those of us who suffer from it. One person close to me thought depression was something we bring on when we feel sorry for ourselves. Perhaps she thought we liked the attention.

Sufferers of depression would do anything to feel happy and vibrant again. When I’m depressed, many friends keep me at arm’s length. I don’t blame them. It’s not pleasant to be around me when I can’t find anything to talk about except my pain. Depression does that to you: It turns your thinking inward; all you can wrap your mind around is the misery you feel. You end up feeling very alone.

Another person complained to me about an acquaintance with depression who couldn’t manage to do anything more than lie on the sofa. “Couldn’t he just try and make himself do something?” she asked. Nothing I said could convince her that this was an illness that, like other illnesses, couldn’t be helped by simple willpower. Those who have never experienced depression find it difficult to understand how profoundly a brain disorder can affect the entire body.

A long time ago, when I was bordering on psychosis, my doctor put me in a seniors’ care facility for a few days to give me relief from the stress I faced at home. I called a close family member to let her know where I was. She advised me, “You’ve got to pull yourself together and be strong. You have to try harder.” That was insensitive. I was at the facility because I was doing my best to recover – I wasn’t living with eighty and ninety-year-olds for fun. She should have known I always try my best. When I’m trapped in this state, extricating myself is extremely hard. I need time and medication to recover. If I sound angry and hurt, yes, I was.

A person I worked with recommended strongly that I get counseling. “You don’t need those pills you’re taking. All you need is to talk to someone at my church.” She knew nothing about mental disorders like mine. She had no idea what I was dealing with. Again, I seethed, remembering how psychotic I was when I was first admitted to hospital. I could become sick like that again if I didn’t take the medication my mental stability depended on. Would this person tell a diabetic to stop taking insulin?

Christian psychiatrist and author, Dwight L. Carlson, writes, “There are legions of God-fearing Christians who – to the best of their ability – are walking according to the Scriptures and yet are suffering from emotional symptoms. Many of them have been judged for their condition and given half-truths and clichés by well-meaning but ill-informed fellow believers. ‘Pray for God’s forgiveness,’ some are told. ‘A person who is right with the Lord can’t have a nervous breakdown.’”

Fortunately, I have not been treated in this way. The church congregations I’ve belonged to were understanding, yet the stigma continues. It hurts me deeply that Christians who should be compassionate are often judgmental. Church communities need to learn the medical basis for mental disorders and how that differs from the spiritual. They are in the best position to help those in crisis. But when they don’t understand, they are in danger of doing a lot of damage. For Christians, there is nothing worse than to be told our emotional problems are our own fault, the result of unconfessed sin. We suffer so much already. Having to shoulder blame multiplies our mental anguish.

 

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1 Dwight L. Carlson, Why do Christians Shoot Their Wounded? Helping (Not Hurting) Those With Emotional Difficulties,(InterVarsity Press, 1994)

Marja Bergen has lived with bipolar disorder for over forty years. Her mission is to dispel the lingering stigma attached to mental health conditions and to encourage people to lovingly welcome the sufferers into congregations by understanding them better and supporting them in practical ways.

She is the author of Riding the Roller Coaster (Northstone, 1999) and A Firm Place to Stand: Finding Meaning in a Life with Bipolar Disorder (Word Alive). Marja is the founder of the growing faith-based support group ministry, Living Room.  Visit her website and her blog.

 

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Questions I Have for Joseph

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Sometimes when I read the Word I get a bit frustrated. I wonder why things are left out, The omissions seem to be a breach of clarity and a cavalcade of missed opportunities.

For instance– I want to know more about Joseph. This man stood by Mary when she was pregnant with Jesus, when he was not the father. Sure, an angel intervened, but that still must’ve been a hard thing. Some of my questions:

What were you feeling when Mary told you she was with child? What did your family think? Were you frustrated with the dirty stable? Did you ever doubt the angel’s word? Did the kings and shepherds intrude on the evening? What did you do with their lavish gifts of gold and incense?

Did you have to discipline Jesus? Was He picked on by other boys His age? Did Jesus have many friends? Did Jesus ever cry, and over what? What happen when He hit His thumb with a hammer? Did He “beat” you when you arm wrestled?

When you prayed did you look up to see Him listening? Did you feel comfortable around Him when you worshipped? What was Jesus’ prayer life like? Did He faithfully attend the synagogue with you? 

The scriptures share little background information. All we really have is speculation and conjecture on what could of happened. We may only sit and wonder about these things.

Our curiosity is good, but only heaven will answer our questions. Perhaps for now it’s best we not know? The Gospel accounts are abbreviated but sufficient for believers today.

“Now there are also many other things that Jesus did. Were every one of them to be written, I suppose that the world itself could not contain the books that would be written.”

John 21:25

ybic, Bryan

 

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Five Rings to Make Us

Oh, how He loves you and me.

“For the Lord your God is living among you.
He is a mighty savior.
He will take delight in you with gladness.
With his love, he will calm all your fears.
He will rejoice over you with joyful songs.”

Zephaniah 3:17, NLT

Five rings– they are listed from the very inside, outward in concentric circles– and each one is a profound truth.  We throw a rock in the lake, and we see the rings grow wider and wider.  We watch and listen to the rhythm of the water, and it does us much good. I love lakes, and a picnic at the beach is like a “dream come true.”

The first ring, the starting point is the phrase, “among you.”  The center point is the “the Lord your God.”  When the Lord is your center we just expect that there is something else just teetering, ready to happen.  His presence, active and decisive as it is, has boldly put things into motion. Salvation always starts at the top, and works its way down.

The second ring is “He is a mighty Savior.”  This is agape love sweating.  Really, the work of salvation can only come from him.  He initiates, and then goes on to complete this saving work.

The third ring is being rejoiced over with gladness . This seems outrageous to us who have been diminished and wrecked by sin.  It doesn’t seem possible, but the Father gets a real boost when he thinks of us.  He is very glad when he gazes on you.

The fourth ring is this–  “He calm us with his love.”  A toddler begins to unravel, and his mother meets him, and holds him closely.  The child sobs start to diminish, and mom begins to restore his broken heart.  He has been quieted. The presence of mom has turned everything around.

The fifth and final work is the Father’s singing.  It is done with a flair and deeply enthusiastic; He sings with a loud voice, He doesn’t seem to hum, and the angels do not do background vocals.  Singing at the top of his voice, it is said he “exults” in you.  He has a way about Him as He sings easily, reveling and boasting in your faith in Him.

“Your God is present among you,
    a strong Warrior there to save you.
Happy to have you back, he’ll calm you with his love
    and delight you with his songs.”

Zephaniah 3:17, MSG

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ybic, Bryan

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Seeing Things from Both Sides

“The Great Depression” Sandstorm

There was a time when I was in the midst of major depression that I believed that surviving that deep darkness was the hardest thing I would ever do. And it was a great struggle. It was especially difficult to comprehend when people would say things like, “If you didn’t want to be depressed you wouldn’t be.” Or they would say, “Just snap out of it and be happy.” As if being depressed was a conscious choice when I knew that it was not.

In retrospect I can see that to some extent my depression was the result of conscious choices, but I had no idea those choices would lead me to the pit of darkness and despair. Once there, I still could not see that it had been my choices that brought me there and I was not able without the help of God to see my way out.

Yes, I once thought the pit of depression was the worst place I could ever be. But I have recently come to realize that there is another place that is, if not worse, at least as bad as being depressed. That place is standing beside a family member or loved one who is caught in the stranglehold of this terrible condition of the mind and soul, and not being able to help.

There is more than one person in my life right now who is struggling as I once did to be free of the darkness of depression. I long to simply reach in and pull them out, but I can’t. Having seen things from the other side, I do at least know what NOT to say, but I don’t always know what to say or do. I understand their pain and their struggle, and it hurts to see them in that place of despair and hopelessness that I once traveled.

Why do I share this observation? Because I want you who are suffering from depression to understand that your loved ones mean well and want what is best for you. Seeing you in pain and hopelessness is difficult for them, too.

The problem is they simply do not know what to do. We who are on the outside can pray and offer encouragement, but only God can truly rescue you from the pit and pull you from the depths of despair. Only our Savior Jesus offers the hope of Light eternal that will shine into the darkness and show you the way out.

I can tell you about how He shone His Light into my darkness and revealed the choices that led me there, but my experience and my choices may not be the same as yours. Only God sees into the heart of a person to know what healing they require. It is only the hope that Jesus brings that makes seeing the pain of a loved one struggling with depression bearable.

The people walking in darkness
have seen a great light;
on those living in the land of deep darkness
a light has dawned.

Isaiah 9:2 (NIV).

Find Linda’s Home Page : http://lindakruschke.wordpress.com/
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