Category: theology

Coincidence: When God Hides

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“‘O Sovereign Lord, you have only begun to show your greatness and the strength of your hand to me, your servant. Is there any god in heaven or on earth who can perform such great and mighty deeds as you do?”‘

Deuteronomy 3:24, NLT

I knew God had a sense of humor when I hesitantly answered the ringing K-Mart payphone, only to hear my best friend, who had misdialed my home phone number, on the other end.

When God really does speak, He will often use circumstance to align His grace and power to you. Seldom are we untouched by this work, but the act of our personal reflection turns it into gold.

Once I prayed for my young son who had a blazing fever. Five minutes later, I laid hands on him. He was completely cool; his fever had completely broken. He was well.

I think God can do these things, and more. This is really His control over circumstances, and events that we see as firmly set, and concretely beyond our own actions. But He moves miraculously intervenes. There comes a moment when all the cosmic tumblers fall into place, and the key can be turned; the door is opened.

Walking with friends from Alaska, we wormed our way down Telegraph Ave. in Berkeley. The streets and sidewalks were jammed, and our little village in Alaska was like on a different planet. Suddenly, my friend turned around to see his captain, the owner of his fishing boat come out a door of a coffee house and into the throng. Monte yelped and turned to meet his boss. They meet 5000 miles from home in one implausible moment.

These things seem a strange and supernatural “sequences of events.” But the Bible clearly teaches that one attribute of His nature is that of omnipotence. Another attribute is that of sovereignty. Together they teach us that God is fully in control and can do all things. He is so much more, but He is solidly in charge of His universe. And our lives.

 “How great you are, O Sovereign Lord! There is no one like you. We have never even heard of another God like you!;”

2 Samuel 7:22

“O Sovereign Lord, the strong one who rescued me,
    you protected me on the day of battle.”

Psalm 140:7

Coincidence is God’s way of remaining anonymous.

Albert Einstein

A “Zucchini-Blasted” Faith

Too much zucchini!
Too much zucchini!

I have been rightly branded as a pessimist.  My struggles are such that I must continue to press into joy, to continue over and over, shaking off the grave clothes, and step into the sunshine.  I need to spontaneously sing once in a while, and pick flowers. I know this.

For there’s an abundance in the kingdom of our Father.  The currency of that place is joy (and love).  The spiritual economy of heaven is solely based a free and lavish grace that is poured on criminals like me.  It’s outrageous!  And most of us do know it– far, far too well.

So fantastical are our perceptions of this awesome grace, that we can’t believe it is true.  It’s easy to doubt—to add things, make adjustments to this completely radical faith.  But as sick people we defy it all, and will often neuter the strong promises of God, making those verses eunuchs–without any power or vitality. I have done this repeatedly.

“And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. 19 May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God.”

20″ Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think.”

Ephesians 3:19-20, NLT

Knowing God’s love for you will totally change your life.  The promises in the Bible are additionally enhanced by the Spirit’s active presence.  When he enters your life, its like finding a 220 volt electrical line just when you have stepped out the shower.  You will be energized!  Watch the progression of thought in the very next verse.  It builds and broadens on this “grace thought.”

And God will generously provide all you need. Then you will always have everything you need and plenty left over to share with others.

2 Corinthians 9:8, NLT

zucchini3As I kid, I remember one year we hit the zucchini  jackpot.  They seemed to ripen all at once.  We canned and froze, but just couldn’t handle this harvest.  We gave away so much, until I resorted to putting full boxes in people’s cars– while they were in the store shopping! (Captain Zucchini strikes again!)

God is like that, we just would like our bucket filled and he fills up a dozen wheelbarrows for us.  We are super-abundantly, mammothly overwhelmed and “zucchinied-blasted” by forgiveness and grace.  This is just how things work in our Father’s Kingdom.

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We All Scream for Ice Cream!

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Sometimes, God’s Word is like an ice cream parlor. It has 66 flavors (books) and selecting a scoop is really hard. Should I have Psalms, or Matthew? What about special toppings? Of course, Revelation can be an acquired taste– but a scoop is truly heavenly.

Maybe I’ll get crazy, and have a double scoop; possibly Ecclesiastes and James, with sprinkles– but on a waffle cone? I don’t think so.  Ah decisions, decisions– what’s a guy to do? Sometimes the person behind the counter will cheerfully give you a taste test. (But after giving you several samples, they seem to catch on.) :-)

Now I know the Bible is really far more than an ice cream shop. Jesus once said, “My words are Spirit and Life.” What more can you say to that?

“All Scripture is inspired by God and is useful to teach us what is true and to make us realize what is wrong in our lives. It corrects us when we are wrong and teaches us to do what is right. 17 God uses it to prepare and equip his people to do every good work.”

2 Timothy 3:16-17, NLT

I suppose this a serious matter. I will not trivialize it. The inspired scripture corrects us, and teaches us. It connects with us on so many levels, doing a comprehensive “all-points inspection.” It should be our first action, and our last stop. The Christian must make it his prime concern, or deal with the consequences of a barren life.

The essential idea I suppose, is connecting with a scripture portion that has been saturated with the Holy Spirit’s presence, just for me. But, if I don’t read it, I’m putting myself outside God’s primary way to change me. And that is sad. He gives me so much, and ignore it.

But I can’t lament how terrible my life is, if I cut myself off from all that can save me. If a physician writes out a prescription for my pneumonia, I must take my medicine if I’m going to heal. I shouldn’t expect to get well if I don’t take my meds.

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Some Quotes:

“The Word of God is creative. It is a hammer that crushes the hardness of our insubordination. It is medicine that heals the brokenhearted. And it is light that gives us guidance and hope on our way.” — John Piper

“This Book contains the mind of God, the state of man, the way of salvation, the doom of sinners and the happiness of believers. Its doctrines are holy, its precepts are binding, its histories are true, and its decisions are immutable. Read it to be wise, believe it to be safe, and practice it to be holy. It contains light to direct you, food to support you, and comfort to cheer you. It is the traveler’s map, the pilgrim’s staff, the pilot’s compass, the soldier’s sword, and the Christian’s character. Here paradise is restored, Heaven opened, and the gates of hell disclosed. Christ is its grand object; our good is its design, and the glory of God its end. It should fill the memory, rule the heart, and guide the feet. Read it slowly, frequently, and prayerfully.” —Anonymous

&

kyrie elesion, Bryan

(Lord, have mercy on me)
 
 
A fun menu to drool over– http://www.themoosecafe.com/menus/
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Keeping God on Track

God’s Quality Management Questionnaire

Help Us Regulate the Almighty– Keeping Him Accountable is Our Purpose

God would like to thank you for your belief and patronage. In order to better serve your needs, He asks that you take a few moments to answer the following questions. Please keep in mind that your responses will be kept completely confidential, and that you need not disclose your name or address unless you prefer a direct response to comments or suggestions.

1. How did you find out about God?

___ Newspaper
___ Bible
___ Torah
___ Book of Mormon
___ Koran
___ Other Book
___ Television
___ Divine Inspiration
___ Word of mouth
___ Dead Sea scrolls
___ My mama done tol’ me
___ Near Death Experience
___ Near-life experience
___ National Public Radio
___ Tabloid
___ Burning Shrubbery
___ Who?
___ Other (specify): _____________

2. Which model God did you acquire?

___ Yahweh
___ Jehovah
___ Allah
___ Just plain God
___ Krishna
___ Father, Son & Holy Ghost (Trinity Pak)
___ Zeus and entourage (Olympus Pak)
___ Odin and entourage (Valhalla Pak)
___ Gaia/Mother Earth/Mother Nature
___ None of the above; I was taken in by a false god

3. Did your God come to you undamaged, with all parts in good working order and with no obvious breakage or missing attributes? __ Yes __ No

If not, please describe here the problems you initially encountered. Please indicate all that apply:
___ Not eternal
___ Not omniscient
___ Not omnipotent
___ Finite in space/Does not occupy or inhabit the entire universe
___ Permits sex outside of marriage
___ Prohibits sex outside of marriage
___ Makes mistakes (Michael Vick, Tiger Woods)
___ When beseeched, doesn’t stay beseeched
___ Requires burnt offerings
___ Requires virgin sacrifices
___ Plays dice with the universe

4. What factors were relevant in your decision to acquire a God? Please check all that apply.

___ Indoctrinated by parents
___ Needed a reason to live
___ Indoctrinated by society
___ Needed target for rage
___ Imaginary friend grew up
___ Hate to think for myself
___ Wanted to meet girls/boys
___ Fear of death
___ To piss off parents
___ Needed a day away from work
___ Enjoy organ music
___ Needed focus on whom to despise
___ Needed to feel morally superior
___ Graduated from the tooth fairy
___ My shrubbery caught fire and told me to do it

5. Are you currently using any other source of inspiration in addition to God? Please check all that apply.

__ Self-help books
__ Tarot, Astrology
__ Star Trek re-runs
__ Fortune cookies
__ Ann Landers
__ Psychic Friends Network
__ Dianetics
__ Playboy and/or Playgirl
__ Sex, Drugs, and Rock & Roll
__ Biorhythms
__ EST
__ Television
__ Mantras
__ Ted Haggard
__ Crystals (not including Crystal Gayle)
__ Human Sacrifice
__ Wandering around in desert
__ Burning shrubbery
__ Other:_____________________

6. Have you ever worshiped a false God before? If so, which false God were you fooled by? Please check all that apply.

___ Odin
___ Lottery
___ Baal
___ Beelzebub
___ The Almighty Dollar
___ The Conservative Right
___ Mick Jagger
___ Bill Gates
___ The Great Pumpkin
___ Pro Football
___mushrooms                                                                                                                                ___sex, drugs and rock/roll

___ Other: ________________

7. God employs a limited degree of Divine Intervention to preserve the balanced level of felt presence and blind faith. Which would you prefer. (circle one)?

a. More Divine Intervention
b. Less Divine Intervention
c. Current level of Divine Intervention is just right

8. God also attempts to maintain a balanced level of disasters and miracles.

Please rate on a scale of 1 to 5 God’s handling of the following: (1 = unsatisfactory, 5 = excellent):

Disaster:
1 2 3 4 5 flood
1 2 3 4 5 famine
1 2 3 4 5 earthquake
1 2 3 4 5 war
1 2 3 4 5 pestilence
1 2 3 4 5 plague
1 2 3 4 5 my last relationship

Miracles:

1 2 3 4 5 present relationship
1 2 3 4 5 rescues
1 2 3 4 5 spontaneous remissions
1 2 3 4 5 crying statues
1 2 3 4 5 water changing to wine
1 2 3 4 5 walking on water                                                                                                                     1 2 3 4 5 stars hovering over towns
1 2 3 4 5 VCRs that set their own clocks
1 2 3 4 5 clear and competent statements by the President

9. Please rate the following on a scale of 1 to 5 (1 =unsatisfactory, 5 = excellent):

1 2 3 4 5 God’s Courtesy
1 2 3 4 5 answers to your prayers
1 2 3 4 5 Are your spiritual needs being met?
1 2 3 4 5 How are your shrubs doing?

10. Do you have any additional comments or suggestions for improving the quality of God’s services? (Attach additional sheet(s) if necessary.)

-Writer unknown

Disclaimer– This is supposed to be funny/satire. If this post offends you in any way, forgive me. God (the real one) is at work in my heart. If you enjoyed this post, praise the Lord, I am happy!

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