I’ve beten through some very hard times recently and I feel like God has let me down. I’d like to get past this, I guess, but right now I can’t help feeling angry at God.
A: The real question is this: Will God get angry at you if you get angry at Him, and refuse to have anything more to do with you?
The answer is “No”! Even when we’re angry at Him, He still loves us and yearns for us to turn to Him for the comfort and encouragement we need. And that’s what I pray you will do.
Do you remember the prophet Jonah in the Old Testament? Some have called him “the reluctant prophet,” because he tried to flee when God called him to preach to his enemies. Later (after God sent a large fish to stop his flight), he reluctantly obeyed God and preached to his enemies. To his surprise they repented and turned to God.
He should have rejoiced – but instead “Jonah was greatly displeased and became angry” (Jonah 4:1). Gently God explained to him that He loved even Jonah’s enemies – and so should Jonah.What is the point? Simply this: Jonah was angry at God – but God didn’t reject him. Instead, Jonah needed to learn to trust God, even if he didn’t like what was going on.
Perhaps this is one of the lessons God wants to teach you. Life doesn’t always go the way we want it to.But God still loves us; He loves us so much that He sent His only Son into the world to die for us. Put your life into Christ’s hands, and then ask God to help you begin to trust Him, no matter what happens to you.
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Affectionately known as the “World’s Preacher” for more than 60 years, the Rev. Billy Graham is one of the most influential and respected spiritual leaders of the 20th century. He has been a friend and spiritual advisor to ten American presidents and has preached the Gospel to more people in live audiences than anyone else in history — nearly 215 million people in more than 185 countries and territories — through various meetings. Hundreds of millions more have been reached through television, video, film, and webcasts.
Send your queries to “My Answer,” c/o Billy Graham, Billy Graham Evangelistic Association, 1 Billy Graham Parkway, Charlotte, N.C., 28201; call 1-(877) 2-GRAHAM, or visit the Web site for the Billy Graham Evangelistic Association: http://www.billygraham.org.
“When you pray, go into a room alone and shut the door. Pray to your Father in private. He knows what is done in private, and he will reward you.”
Matthew 6:6, CEV
“We are to be shut out from men, and shut in with God.”
Andrew Murray
Prayer is a deep and awesome thing. And yet in a sense our physical life must have cheeseburgers and spaghetti. Food powers us, and we are fueled by it’s energy. Prayer is also necessary to propel us, for it is our spirit’s nourishment.
We cannot survive without food. We see pictures of emaciated children in some African country, and they are just skin and bones. It is a sick evil. But there are Christians who are like this spiritually. They are starving because they are not praying.
Jesus told His followers, to go into a room alone. Then shut the door. We must learn that God is in the secret. If we should meet with Him, we must be as secretive. “Shut the door,” what happens in there is not for public display. We must be quite discrete in our times with Him.
When I was at in my first year at Bible school, I heard a guest speaker teach from Matt. 6:6. I was pumped up by it, praying with the door shut was a new idea for me. When I got to my dorm room, I went straight for my closet to put this new revelation into action. Kneeling there in the closet, with the door slid shut, I tried to pray. And after a bit I fell asleep, still on my knees.
About an hour later I woke up with a start. I had no idea where I was, and in my disorientation I slid open the closet door with a loud bang. I tried to stand, but my legs couldn’t support me. I lurched out in the room and fell in a pile. My roommate was startled to say the least. He had been in the room studying quietly by himself, when suddenly this ‘wildman’ burst out of the closet and immediately collapsed. It was hysterical!
So much for my first attempt at praying in secret.
The quest for spiritual growth will have to lead us into the closet.
The injunction to close the door can be understood in a variety of ways. The act of isolating ourselves is a physical one. But we must understand we need to shut up all our social entanglements and obligations. We isolate ourselves so we can be intimate with Him.
We just need to figure out just how we are to do this. We shouldn’t give up when it doesn’t bring wondrous results. We are all students in this, we will advance at times, and then retreat. But every second in the closet can be an intimate blessing to our souls.
“He that loveth little prayeth little; he that loveth much prayeth much.”
by Maryann B. Hunsberger | CT, originally posted 8/27/2007
After a long absence from making music, not to mention a series of tragedies—including a divorce and her daughter’s suicide—CCM veteran Kelly Willard is back on the scene.
Since the early days of the Jesus movement, Kelly Willard has been a part of Christian music, recording with many of names associated with the pioneers of CCM before releasing her 1978 debut at the age of 21. With nine albums to her credit, Willard has also been featured on more than two dozen worship projects from Integrity Hosanna!, Vineyard, and Maranatha! Music. Now with the release of her new CD Paga, Willard is finally back on the scene, though she’s never been totally absent. She spoke to us from her Florida home about the things occupying her time for the last 15 years: her family, her recording career, her ministry, and a series of tragedies in 2004.
Your last album was in 1990. What have you been up to all these years?
Kelly Willard It was a priority to be home with my husband and children, since I home-schooled both children. And although I stopped recording my own albums and touring to raise my children, I didn’t stop working in Christian music. I lived in Nashville, so I continued to do session work. I’ve done background vocals for artists, and I’ve done solos on praise-and-worship albums. I’ve always followed what was going on in Christian music, and I’ve continued to do as much music as I could.
It sounds like life has been busy.
Willard Very busy. My mother had Alzheimer’s, so we took her in and cared for her for ten years. I was responsible for her health while my children were growing up. I was home-schooling and doing studio session singing while caring for my mother. I haven’t done much since 2004 because of what life has been like since then.
What happened that year?
Willard It was the worst year of my life. On Valentine’s Day, my father died of pulmonary fibrosis. Later, in March, my 29-year marriage fell apart. I worked so hard on the marriage, even going to counseling. But the marriage fell out from under me because the spiritual foundation of the home fell short. My parents were divorced when I was 13, and I said I’d never divorce. It was so traumatic, because my marriage and family were my life. It’s been hard for me to accept.
Then my 18-year-old daughter Haylie fell through the cracks—on August 29, she committed suicide. She had severe depression and she stopped taking her medication. The divorce was a huge factor in her death. It’s the saddest thing ever. Whenever I sang locally in Nashville, Haylie would sing with me, and mher. And in October, my mother died from Alzheimer’s. So, it really was the worst year ever y son Bryan would play bass. She wrote songs and loved the Lord. Too much sadness just overcame for me.
Did you struggle with feelings of failure during this time?
Willard Totally and completely. For your child to check out of life is just horrific. It’s unthinkable, unspeakable pain.
Does depression run in your family, since it is usually a hereditary illness?
Willard Yes. In 1987, when we had just released Message from a King, my fourth album, I was diagnosed with manic-depressive illness. The medication back then affected me badly, so I stopped taking it. In 2002, the diagnosis was reconfirmed, but with a new name: bipolar disorder. I got on a newer medication and it has worked well. It helped me get through the trauma of the last few years. I believe my mother also had bipolar disorder, but it went undiagnosed.
How did your son handle everything?
Willard Bryan was out of the house already. He had gotten an apartment when he was 18 with his friend Phil LaRue and a couple other guys—he played bass with the group LaRue. Then he began to court his wife Liz and they married. So they now live in Nashville and have a daughter Ariel. He’s 24 now and such a strong Christian—a singer, writer, and worship leader, traveling and playing bass for Jason Upton’s band.
What have the last three years been like for you?
Willard It’s been a time of healing. It’s a slow process and it has taken time, but it is happening. I moved to Jacksonville Beach, Florida for support from Beaches Chapel, a church that took me in and helped me move on after my life fell apart. Haylie and I had sung there in 2002 and they had a real burden for me. When things got bad, Pastor Steve McCoy could see how fragile I was. He would call me in Nashville. He asked me to come down for six months, so I did. I went into weekly grief therapy with a Christian grief counselor for 18 months. I also began taking classes at church. The accountability to my pastor and my grief therapist and Jamie kept me alive, as there were times that I honestly didn’t want to live. But, God hung onto me, even when I felt like I couldn’t hang on.
I read a lot of books about heaven, and I get really excited, because reading them helps me live the reality of what our faith is all about. Also, I met Jamie Wellington at church and he became a friend who stood by me. Eventually, he and I got married and I still live in Florida today. God gave me a brand new start in every way.
Which at last brings you back to recording a new album.
Willard I began working on it seven years ago. I thought I’d never record another solo album, but the Holy Spirit impressed on me to involve my kids in making an album with me. That’s my son Bryan rocking on the bass when he was barely 18. His buddies Miles McPherson and Rob Hawkins also played on it. Haylie, who was 15 at the time, sang a duet with me on “Beautiful Jesus.”
Your daughter had a beautiful voice. Is it hard listening to that song?
Willard I made myself listen to it once, just the other day. I saw her on the other side when I heard that.
Where does the title for Paga come from?
Willard I listened to a teaching tape by Jim Goll called “From Prayer to His Presence.” He explained how the Old Testament priests would take incense behind the curtain and burn it as an atonement. This is called “paga” in Hebrew and it means “to make intercession.” When Jesus became our sacrifice, he made the way for our prayers, praises, and worship to become like that incense to the Lord. I wanted this album to draw people to the Lord and take part in that intercession.
I like your cover of “Charity.”
Willard As far as I know, nobody has recorded that song since Jamie Owens Collins recorded it for her first solo album in the ’70s. Which is bizarre, as it’s a great song.
What changes have you seen in the Christian music world since the Jesus movement music in the ’70s?
Willard The ’70s brought a surge of Christian music with Love Song and all the groups from California. It was a great movement of music. But about 20 years ago, I remember Christian radio changing and sounding just like secular radio with DJs trying to act and talk cool, trying to be hip. A lot of the music seemed to lose something. Then, a little more than ten years ago, I saw a revival begin. Very fresh worship and praise music was coming out. Artists like Delirious, Jars of Clay, and Matt Redman were singing about relationships with the Lord again. It was encouraging to see a turn back to simple relationships with Jesus. That’s what everyone loved about early Christian music when people just sang about what Jesus was doing in their lives and they invited others to come along. It’s gotten back to that in much of Christian music.
“And the tongue is a flame of fire. It is a whole world of wickedness, corrupting your entire body. It can set your whole life on fire, for it is set on fire by hell itself.”
James 3:6, NLT
I have done many things in my 50+ years. My resume is pretty broad and quite diverse. I have been a corporate trainer, and I have been a commercial fisherman. I have been an inner-city evangelist, and an Army medic. I have been a senior pastor, and a missionary to Mexico. But more than anything, I have been quite consistently, “a steamroller.”
Steamroller. I think I better explain myself. I’m a man that has consistently used my words to crush other people, and this really disturbs me. I have flattened people, smearing them on the pavement. There was Vicky at the SOS- San Francisco Evangelism Ministry house. She irritated me, so I went up and told her, the “Vicky, this is the Word of the Lord. Read Judges 16:16!” And she melted before my words, torn and ripped apart by my twisting of scripture. I steamrolled over her heart. And I really don’t know why I did it. I wanted to be cute I guess.
As a pastor, I plowed over the hearts of “a children’s ministry.” It was more subtle, but it had the same degree of a deep intensity. (They would go on, but fizzle out in less than two weeks later.) I was the steamroller that crushed their hearts and dreams. Years before, at my Bible college, I stamped out and destroyed those who were not as precise as I was when it came to proper believing. I steamrolled them as well.
Over the years I have become very grieved over my consistent crushing of those who were different, who saw ministry in a differing way. When they would become “clear and obvious” to me, (their false doctrine and such) I considered it a scriptural necessity to “roll, baby roll” right over them. But, I was oh, so foolish. I harmed so many of His servants. What I was doing was wicked.
My words–like weapons, were cutting and hacking and lacerating. My words were crushing and stamping out the gentle hearts and their vision. People, dear ones. The things we say, go on to “burn and burn” and nullify the kind hearts of those who want to follow. Often our “professionalism” as pastors and teachers very often cripple those who tenderly follow. We go “nuclear” on them, scorching the earth, when all they needed really was a calm and directive word.
Brothers and sisters. We have to stop this, being right does not mean we are loving. We divide the flock far too often. We most likely will be right–but we don’t love. We jump up in our steamroller in a split second. We put it in gear, and we roll over those for whom Christ died–and we feel quite noble and holy, as we protect the Church from “bad thinking,” or bad examples.
Could it be, that what are you saying, wounds?
Be very careful. You maybe right, and you just might be true, but if you are not loving, you will only hurt them, and undoubtedly you will regret what you have done.
“Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O LORD, my rock and my redeemer.”
Do you remember the prophet Jonah in the Old Testament? Some have called him “the reluctant prophet,” because he tried to flee when God called him to preach to his enemies. Later (after God sent a large fish to stop his flight), he reluctantly obeyed God and preached to his enemies. To his surprise they repented and turned to God.
by Maryann B. Hunsberger | CT, originally posted 8/27/2007 
Broken Believers 