Author: Pastor Bryan Lowe

A repentant rascal with definite issues, but who is seeking to be authentic in his faith to Jesus Christ. An avid reader and a hopeful writer. Husband and father. A pastor and Bible teacher. A brain tumor survivor. Diagnosed with clinical depression, and now disabled. Enjoys life, such as it is, in Alask.a (Actually I have it pretty good.)

Jesus Help Me, I’m Knotted Up, Again

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“Why should you be like someone confused, like a mighty warrior who cannot give help? Yet you, O Lord, are in the midst of us, and we are called by your name; do not forsake us!”

Jeremiah 14:9

Twenty three years ago, I started this blog–

Looking back on it has been very helpful.

In recent weeks I’ve gone through a time of profound confusion. My grip on reality has been tenuous at best. I’ve had a struggle with a depersonalizing sense, I seem not to “see” reality as I used to. Everything seems increasingly odd, and disjointed. I see myself outside myself.

Everything is knotted up, again.

I have had bouts with this before. And yet every time the Father has “fathered” me. I have been led through each bout. In many ways, the clinical depression has changed, now it slams. It used to be kind of low grade, kind of a grey fog, a steady and tedious despair, but now it’s more like a black lightning bolt.

I have had suicidal urges and thinking. I hate handling a kitchen knife, as I get the urge to plunge it into my chest. It’s funny like that, I call out to Jesus and He truly does find me.

He straightens out my knotted life only as He can.

History:

This blog initially started off in September 2009 following the idea of “broken believers.” Perhaps it was overly ambitious. But my heart’s desire is to be transparent and very honest. I still want to see this happen, and it does, sometimes.

I know I am not some super-saint with just the right answer for everyone. If I ever made this impression, please forgive me. Believe me, I only want His gentle presence to touch broken people.

For you see, I am the broken believer that writes this blog.

 

A Very Dangerous Post

“Do not judge others, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn others, or it will all come back against you. Forgive others, and you will be forgiven.”

Luke 6:37

This is probably the most common sin that people commit. We stand in judgement more often than we realize, and it turns into an automatic response over time. The pointing of the finger has become an art form, and we can be deliciously mean and be applauded by others at the same time.

Our culture has been steeped in the judging of others. We point our fingers and focus our attention on the things that are not appropriate. Christians have a built-in knack for doing so and are tailor made for practicing this sin.

Repeatedly we are told not to judge others. And we repeatedly we do so. The Word tells us we are not to point our fingers, and Jesus was clear on this issue, stating that our own forgiveness would be nullified if we wouldn’t forgive. This is a little too much truth for us and we look for detours that circumvent so we spare ourselves the act of forgiving.

On the other hand, we demand that we be treated fairly by others. We expect leniency and a fair shake. We become hypersensitive to any perceived slight or a voice inflection. We wince under unjust judgments. We resent unkind fault-finding. We demand that people shall judge us fairly. We claim forbearance and charity in our derelictions in duty and for blemishes in our character. But can we expect other people to be any more lenient towards us than we are toward them?

We squabble and position ourselves into the best light possible. The words of Jesus get nullified or interpreted so repentance is avoided. We say we have a gift of discernment, and Jesus is begging us to drop every particular issue.

37 “Do not judge others, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn others, or it will all come back against you. Forgive others, and you will be forgiven. 38 Give, and you will receive. Your gift will return to you in full—pressed down, shaken together to make room for more, running over, and poured into your lap. The amount you give will determine the amount you get back.”

Luke 6:37-38, NLT

 

 

Grinding It Out

 Sometimes the only way out is through. 

Often there is so much of  ‘life’ that we must try to handle. There’s far too many things that confuse us. Faced with many issues beyond our control, we seldom seek the best answer. We are hoping just to survive reasonably unscathed through the latest intense conflict.

Mental illness has its unique trials. Those of us afflicted know the instability it brings us. We go from crisis-to-collapse everyday, (and sometimes even before lunch-time!) Some people have no concept of how much energy it takes just trying to appear ‘normal.’

Sometimes sadness is the best we can do. Trying to find a positive note seems empty and futile. I know a woman who must battle with pain every day. She has to manage every minute of every day with her handicap. She is a wonderful Christian, and she still exudes a gentle faith in her Savior.

We may seem cursed in this life. But Jesus died for this. His love for you is constant and sure.

Sometimes however the only way out is through. We simply must go through the many issues that face us. We must plow through such darkness, that has no precedent. We are the rescued ones, but only because he has made us so. The lost are now found. And we were really, really lost.

We go through, but not without grace. We may step through, but not without pain. So much of our confusion rides on a fascination with the ways of sin and darkness. The ways of the “dark one” may enchant us, but never fulfill us.

We can rest in that we are our Father’s foremost concern.

“He guides me in the paths of righteousness for His name’s sake”

We can puncture the surrounding evil by a simple decision to be faithful to Jesus. Darkness may pursue us, but it will never defeat us. We advance through this pain to the glory of God. He alone can make us triumph. Only Him.

“For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus”

Philippians 1:6

“I do not understand the mystery of grace — only that it meets us where we are and does not leave us where it found us.”

— Anne Lamott

Bored in Heaven, [You Must Understand What Real Worship Is]

“For God is the King of all the earth: sing ye praises with understanding.”

Psalm 47:7, KJV

Human beings are meant to worship. And specifically, to worship God. If we choose to deny this salient fact, we change nothing. Worship defines us, and who we worship is our decision. But it will happen. Our very DNA includes this proclivity.

Among believing Christians there can be an ‘oh hum’ attitude toward ‘worship’. It seems to us to be a tolerated part of our gatherings. Often worship is nothing more than a sequential chain of events that must be endured, for ‘religious reasons,’ but seldom for an authentic spiritual purposes.

The worship of heaven still worries some. It seems too intense, and a bit (shall we say) fanatical for our likings. Our standards are high, after all it will be eternal. At our very best worship is not of an ‘eternal grade’. It may be good and all– but we envision something more, a thing that engages us on an eternal level.

The fault can be with our ‘earthly’ levels of worship.

Worship leaders are doing their best to engage us. Many are busy with their own lives, with all its all consuming issues. However they can lead and direct us into worship every Sunday. They quickly learn to mollify and ‘reduce’ their approach, to the ‘lowest common denominator’ in order to please their congregations.

But worship still sizzles, and the ‘need’ to worship is embedded inherently within. If we don’t choose to worship idols, we take on the task of worshipping the real God. And that real adjustment will truly change us.

If worship is boring, you’re doing it wrong. You see boredom and worship are antithetical. They are  ‘miles’ apart. Worship must be an exclusive focus of a ‘burning heart’ not bound with the mundane occurrences of the day. If you are  an average ‘Joe, or Jane’ worship leader, you will understand this.  At times you may experience this ‘tension’ of earth and heaven. But remember, heaven begins now, and not later.

Be encouraged, boredom is not your fault. It is the “spirit of this age.” But, if I might suggest, more grace is given to those who lead us. Competing with a people fully enamored with ‘entertainment’ will be hard (but not impossible for God.)

Will you be bored in heaven? I hope not. But remember this, ‘worship practice’ starts now.

“God is not moved or impressed with our worship until our hearts are moved and impressed by Him.” 

 Kelly Sparks

aabryscript

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