Category: eternal life

Anxiety Stole My Personality – for a Season

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by Melanie Valdivieso

Christ has set my soul free – Hallelujah! This truth shall forevermore stand. But on this earth and in this body, I have a mental illness: anxiety, plus a dash of depression. An invisible enemy, stigmatized as either lunacy or mental weakness – it has stolen my personality and threatens me with doubt. I fret over the future and plan for crises that never happen. My chest grows heavy, my vision blurs, and my head spins. My time is consumed with regulating breathing and my heartbeat. All I want is to get out from under the blanket that suppresses who I really am

Ironically, I held a very stressful job that I LOVED; I was a high school English teacher. Indeed, I was going to teach for the rest of my life – with the help of meds of course.  Oh, that glorious moment during my second year of teaching when I realized that I was free to be myself because I had found the right medication. Then the rollercoaster ride of bodily changes started: my brain would grow accustomed to the medication and quit responding to it, or my body would grow  a brand new human being or two. Every few years I needed to readjust or change my prescription, the challenges and rewards of teaching captivated me again, and on I persevered.

Then the 2015 school year started, and I experienced my worst episode of anxiety. Logic takes a flying leap when you can’t breathe, focus your eyesight, or stand in a crowd of people, so it didn’t occur to me that I needed to see the doctor about changing my prescription. By the time logic did manage to squeak through the cracks of my troubled mind, it was too late. My love of teaching had deserted me, and the best I could muster was babysitting the students. After nine years of teaching, I was so tired of having to fight my body and my mind to do my job, so I quit at the end of October.

As you can well imagine, the lies of the enemy nagged at me everyday during this season of transition, and I allowed them a seat in my heart. Specifically, the master lie that took the throne was that I had failed. My husband’s denial of my mental illness heaped upon the guilt and shame of quitting a career to which I devoted myself left me floundering for purpose. I had failed miserably to pick myself up through strength of will and support my family financially.

However, the Lord of the Universe says that I am not a failure. He states it over and over again in Scripture.

Truth #1

2 Corinthians 6:18 – “I will be a Father to you, and you will be my sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty.”

I am a daughter of the King. Anxiety and depression are physical problems, albeit they manifest as emotional symptoms, but that doesn’t change me being a princess. I had lots of fun teaching as God’s daughter, and now He is humbling me for other services.

Truth #2

Romans 8:1 – “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus,”

First and foremost, since Jesus doesn’t condemn me, I shouldn’t presume to condemn myself. Secondly, mental illness is NOT a sin. Finally, the choice to quit was a healthy choice, and God definitely supports health!

Truth #3

Isaiah 54:5 – “For your Maker is your husband—the Lord Almighty is his name—the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; he is called the God of all the earth.”

How to react to my husband when in moments of anger he says deprecating things to me? Now I know; my Maker is my eternal Husband. I will listen to what He has to say about these trying times by respecting His commands to be Christlike.

Truth #4

Romans 8:28 – “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”

Psalm 115:3 – “Our God is in heaven; he does whatever pleases him.”

This is God’s sovereignty! I have faith that either God allowed this ordeal to occur so that I can focus on a new ministry, or He is just so powerful that He turned something horrible into something that glorifies Him.  Either way, I give my injury to Him and He transforms it into beauty.

After coming through as a whole person, I praise God for His mercies, which don’t depend upon my feelings.  God’s Word is the truth that stands forevermore, and through each episode of anxiety in my life, the truth is internalized more and more.

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About Melanie Valdivieso

I taught high school English for close to 10 years before quitting due to anxiety. I was so confused about this drastic change in my temperament. Shouldn’t I be set as who I am for the rest of my life now that I’m 34? Apparently not, and you now what? I like the author God is creating in me, and I couldn’t be my true self without first having taught English for so many years.

 

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Sealed With a Kiss


“In him you also, when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation, and believed in him, were sealed with the promised Holy Spirit.”

Ephesians 1:13

As a teen, I remember putting on my love notes, S.W.A.K.* Everyone knew what it meant. But what does it mean when you so you are sealed with the Holy Spirit?

Three things to consider:

First, it is a mark of being authentic. If the Holy Spirit is not in you, then you are a fake. First John 3:24 says, “If we obey God’s commandments, we will stay one in our hearts with him, and he will stay one with us. The Spirit that he has given us is proof that we are one with him.” John’s choice of words is illuminating, because it is the Greek word for “assurance.” Assurance is not our claim; but His on us.

Second, the seal is a mark of being owned, like a tattoo, or the branding of a cow. You are His. Romans 8:9 says, “if any man have not the Spirit of Christ, he is none of His.”  There is an element of being someone elses.  Property, with boundaries. A possession that is now completely His.

Third, the seal is a mark of being safe and secure. Esther 8:8 tells about this type of seal, which “no man can reverse.”  If the word of an earthly king is inviolable and irrevocable, what of His decrees? Isn’t He the Lord God Almighty?

As a believer with ‘personal issues,’ I must have a working awareness of having been sealed by the Father.  So much of my life is in a daily upheaval.  I honestly can’t put two days together that work.  Unstable has become my ‘middle name.’  But being sealed by God stabilizes me.  I can now rest completely in what He has done.

For some people God is a religion; but for the saints He is an embrace and a kiss.

S.W.A.K.,

Bryan

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Consider Kindness

Love-shaped-Sun1 By faith we have been made acceptable to God. And now, because of our Lord Jesus Christ, we live at peace with God. 2 Christ has also introduced us to God’s undeserved kindness on which we take our stand. So we are happy, as we look forward to sharing in the glory of God.

Romans 5:1-2, CEV

 Have you ever felt unwanted?  Maybe coming from a club, or a meeting or even a church.  Being undesirable or unwanted will obviously brings a sense of bad feelings.  We’ll struggle with bitterness and even a simmering kind of anger.  Rejection has a special way of penetrating our thinking like nothing else can. It is a nasty thing.

Those with disabilities are often excluded from many things. We are often overlooked or maybe even shunned. This hurts but we get used to it [sorta]. Often we build robust internal worlds where we belong. But that seems like a poor substitute.

Our faith has made us acceptable to God. 

We are suitable only because of what Jesus did for us.  Jesus makes a connection between God and us. Jesus picked up all of my sin, shouldered it and then carried it far away from me.  He died for my sin , now I will not have to. He took my place, in the ‘greatest mystery’ in the history of man.  ‘Why Him, and why me?’

Romans 5:2 develops an idea of getting an introduction to God and His ‘overboard’, extravagant kindness.  I’ll let you know right now, I am a big fan of ‘kindness’.  There is a goodness that the Father now shows us.  He is gracious, gentle and cordial to me as I struggle along.  But, more then anything, He is completely kind.

motherteresa-kindness-quoteKindness and tenderness fit precisely together.  Both together are quite a force to be reckoned with.  But there is one thing more.  If we delight in all the kindness shown to us, we need to practice pouring it on others.

A 100,000 tons of kindness has just been detonated on you.  Look around you, and then ‘share the wealth’. It’s simple, I have been given a vast amount of kindness for this sole reason– that I might give it away to those around me.

 

ybic, Bryan

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Being Lorded Over

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“…no one can say, “Jesus is Lord,” except by the Holy Spirit.”

1 Corinthians 12:3

“The question in salvation is not whether Jesus is Lord, but whether we are submissive to His lordship.”

  John MacArthur

Christians believe that Jesus is Lord. I suppose this really means that they regard Jesus Christ is be the supreme authority in their lives. They look to Him to be their presiding judge in all they say or do. “You were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies”(1 Cor. 6:20).

Sometimes I think that as Americans we can struggle with this “Lord idea.” We don’t understand living under a sovereign king. A king that exercises total authority and lordship over his subjects. Many believers rather think of the Kingdom of God as a democracy.

Yet when we say, Jesus is Lord (as we Christians are prone to say) we really mean that He is a savior, that He has provided His blood in order to obtain our forgiveness. But this is only half of it. If Jesus is Lord it should mean what we are completely under His rule.

“…yet for us there is but one God, the Father, from whom all things came and for whom we live; and there is but one Lord, Jesus Christ, through whom all things came and through whom we live.”

1 Corinthians 8:6

Lordship means sovereign control. It means He has the authority to do what He pleases with over the totality of our lives. We’re in His sphere of control. To relinquish this to Him is life’s biggest challenge.

“The lordship of Jesus is not simply a hope of Christians that someday might be realized; it is a truth that has already taken place.”

R.C. Sproul

This small post can not change anything. That is not the point. All I ask is that you consider anew the implications of what I’m saying here. Is there a daily acknowledgement to His sovereign control over your life? Does saying “Jesus is Lord” have ramifications of a submitted heart?

I can attest that Jesus is not only a worthy savior but a wonderful lord. His governance is one of love. He has never ever done anything that has been detrimental to me, “the Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want” (Psalm 23:1-2). He is a worthy savior.

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