bipolar disorder – Page 9 – Broken Believers

A Message from the Playground

“I can do all this through him who gives me strength.”

Philippians 4:13, NIV

I was thinking about this today, remembering the playground as a child. I absolutely understood “the merry-go-round.” I believed deep-down that it had been invented for just me. It fit me, very well. I like pushing around and around, and when it started to get beyond me, I would fling myself on to the spinning platform.

If I made it, the battle was only half-done. Now, I had not only had to stay on, but I also had to avoid all other kids being spun off. Just getting to your feet was a major undertaking. As the centrifugal force began to increase, the faster it went, the greater our momentum, and the more kids were thrown off; they tumbled into the mud. There would be kids strewn all over the place, in heaps, crying. Clothes ripped, and knees bleeding. This wasn’t for ‘the faint of heart.’ This was war!

If somehow, you could make it to the center, you were the king of the “merry-go-round!” For me at the ripe old age of 7, it was amazing! I would exult and crow of beating my mechanical nemesis and blowing away the laws of physics. But there are parallels here (surprise!)

Sometimes, life is a difficult ride. But I know this. If I can make it to the center, everything will be ok. The dynamics of discipleship and mental (or physical) illnesses make it different. We are all trying to find our way. We stumble and fall (even hurled into the mud.) But the center is right were we need to be. It is the center that compels and calls. We were made for this.

We must continually fight to be at the center. If you fall off, you can get right back up, and try again. Nothing gets easier. Everyone scrapes their knees. I think one of the reasons that “heaven” is not talked about on every page of the Bible is we all would ‘mutiny,’ and head for its glorious shores. It’s going to be that good.

We will struggle. But, we can struggle well with our illnesses if we we know His presence. I get so my edges are frayed, and I feel like everything around me is dissolving. My “fight or flight instinct” kicks in, and I feel frantic trying to hold together. Being mentally ill is like flying a plane that has engine problems. There is no escape; all you want it to cower and hide. But you can’t. There is no place to go, but Jesus.

But there is a certain place, and when you battle to get to the center, you will find freedom from the pull of outward things. It is good to rest in Jesus, and abide in the center with him. Spiritually, you have been infused with His presence. And you rise up! You now discover that you have wings.

And the ‘merry-go-round’ has served its purpose.

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Join the War (brokenbelievers.com)

Bipolar Disorder– Basic Stuff

If you have bipolar disorder, you may recognize many below. Not everyone has exactly the same symptoms. Talk with your healthcare provider about your symptoms at each visit.

Feeling sad or blue, or “down in the dumps”
Loss of interest in things you used to enjoy, including sex
Feeling worthless, hopeless, or guilty
Sleeping too little or too much
Changes in weight or appetite
Feeling tired or having little or no energy
Feeling restless
Problems concentrating or making decisions
Thoughts of death or suicide

Symptoms of mania may include:

Increased energy level
Less need for sleep
Racing thoughts or mind jumps around
Easily distracted
More talkative than usual or feeling pressure to keep talking
More self-confident than usual
Focused on getting things done, but often completing little
Risky or unusual activities to the extreme, even if it’s likely bad things will happen

Here are some behaviors that may be seen in people with bipolar disorder. Please note some of these behaviors may also indicate a different problem, so proper diagnosis is important.

Agitation
Alcohol or drug abuse
Irritability
Excessive gambling
Violence
Poor judgment with decisions
Careless spending, buying sprees
Talking about hurting oneself
Risky sex or change in sexual activity
Impulsive financial investments
More arguments
Change in energy level, appetite, or sleep pattern
Relationship problems at home or work
Mounting debt
Drinking or drugging for ‘escape’ or maintenance purposes
Legal/criminal issues

Visit http://www.webmd.com/depression/guide/bipolar-disorder-manic-depression for more detailed information about bipolar disorder and its symptoms.

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The Right Diagnosis (erinbrookes.wordpress.com)
Applying For Disability Benefits With Bipolar Disorder (therealsupermumblog.com)
The Bipolar Marriage: An Interview with Heather Tobin (thereseborchardblog.com)

Our Very Real Treasure

As Christians often our theology tells us that mental illness, depression, and bipolar disorder have no place in the believer’s life. So we hide, sneaking into our sessions with our therapists, and then change the subject to minimize our exposure to direct questions. We have hidden our issues really well.

But I would submit to you that it is we who are closest to the Kingdom of God. It is far easier for us to approach the Father, in our brokenness, humility, and lostness. We have needs; a sound mind, a healthy body and we know it. We have no illusions of wellness, nothing can convince us that we are well. We are not. We are broken and only our loving creator can mend us.

You might say that the Church needs us. An Archbishop was given an ultimatum by the Huns who surrounded his cathedral. “You have 24 hours to bring your wealth to these steps”, the war-leader declared. The next morning the Archbishop came out leading the poor, the blind, the lame, and the lunatics. “Where is your treasure? Why have you brought out these, people?” The Archbishop said this, “These are the treasures of the Church, these who are weak are our valuables. They make us rich.”

I am afraid the the Western Church no longer sees its “treasures” like it should. In our pride and self-centeredness we have operated our churches like successful businesses. We value giftedness more than weakness. We definitely have no room for the desperately weak. It’s time for the Church to begin to act like Jesus.

Church isn’t where you meet. Church isn’t a building. Church is what you do. Church should be a verb. Church is who you are. Church is the human outworking of the person of Jesus Christ. Let’s not go to Church, let’s be the Church.

Loved, but Broken (brokenbelievers.com)
The Comfortable Church (pttyann2.wordpress.com)

Some of My Paintings

Here are some paintings I’ve done over the last few years. I hope that they bless you somehow. All were painted out of a long season of deep depression. Painting these (and a lot of others) was the only thing that kept me sliding off the edge. Some might ask, how can you create these out of your Bipolar Disorder? To be honest, I am just as mystified as you. None of these are ‘perfect,’ But made in a time when I was under a certain ‘strain.’ But they are what they are.

31038_395860324101_595434101_4245531_648237_n — One of my favorites.

“An artist has been defined as a neurotic who continually cures himself with his art.” (Lee Simonson)

“The Bipolar Mind”

“Three Crows Having Lunch”

All of these paintings have been given to various non-profit organizations, for the handicapped and the mentally ill. To me, that is the place they belong. “If you have two loaves of bread, keep one to nourish the body, but sell the other to buy hyacinths for the soul.” (Herodotus)