Tag: discipleship

Managing God: We Insist on Quality!

God’s Quality Management Questionnaire

God would like to thank you for your belief and patronage. In order to better serve your needs, He asks that you take a few moments to answer the following questions.

Please keep in mind that your responses will be kept completely confidential, and that you need not disclose your name or address unless you prefer a direct response to comments or suggestions.

1. How did you find out about God?
___ Newspaper
___ Bible
___ Torah
___ Book of Mormon
___ Koran
___ Other Book
___ Television
___ Divine Inspiration
___ Word of mouth
___ Dead Sea scrolls
___ My mama done tol’ me
___ Near Death Experience
___ Near-life experience
___ National Public Radio
___ Tabloid
___ Burning Shrubbery
___ Who?
___ Other (specify): _____________

 2. Which model God did you acquire?
___ Yahweh
___ Jehovah
___ Allah
___ Just plain God
___ Krishna
___ Father, Son & Holy Ghost (Trinity Pak)
___ Zeus and entourage (Olympus Pak)
___ Odin and entourage (Valhalla Pak)
___ Gaia/Mother Earth/Mother Nature
___ None of the above; I was taken in by a false god

3. Did your God come to you undamaged, with all parts in good working order and with no obvious breakage or missing attributes? __ Yes __ No

If not, please describe here the problems you initially encountered. Please indicate all that apply:
___ Not eternal
___ Not omniscient
___ Not omnipotent
___ Finite in space/Does not occupy or inhabit the entire universe
___ Permits sex outside of marriage
___ Prohibits sex outside of marriage
___ Makes mistakes (Michael Vick, Tiger Woods)
___ When beseeched, doesn’t stay beseeched
___ Requires burnt offerings
___ Requires virgin sacrifices
___ Plays dice with the universe

4. What factors were relevant in your decision to acquire a God? Please check all that apply.

___ Indoctrinated by parents
___ Needed a reason to live
___ Indoctrinated by society
___ Needed target for rage
___ Imaginary friend grew up
___ Hate to think for myself
___ Wanted to meet girls/boys
___ Fear of death
___ To piss off parents
___ Needed a day away from work
___ Enjoy organ music
___ Needed focus on whom to despise
___ Needed to feel morally superior
___ Graduated from the tooth fairy
___ My shrubbery caught fire and told me to do it

5. Are you currently using any other source of inspiration in addition to God? Please check all that apply.

__ Self-help books
__ Tarot, Astrology
__ Star Trek re-runs
__ Fortune cookies
__ Ann Landers
__ Psychic Friends Network
__ Dianetics
__ Playboy and/or Playgirl
__ Sex, Drugs, and Rock & Roll
__ Biorhythms
__ EST
__ Television
__ Mantras
__ Ted Haggard
__ Crystals (not including Crystal Gayle)
__ Human Sacrifice
__ Wandering around in desert
__ Burning shrubbery
__ Other:_____________________

6. Have you ever worshiped a false God before? If so, which false God were you fooled by? Please check all that apply.

___ Odin
___ Lottery
___ Baal
___ Beelzebub
___ The Almighty Dollar
___ The Conservative Right
___ Mick Jagger
___ Bill Gates
___ The Great Pumpkin
___ A burning cabbage
___ mushroom
___ Other: ________________

7. God employs a limited degree of Divine Intervention to preserve the balanced level of felt presence and blind faith. Which would you prefer. (circle one)?

a. More Divine Intervention
b. Less Divine Intervention
c. Current level of Divine Intervention is just right
d. Don’t know – what’s Divine Intervention?

8. God also attempts to maintain a balanced level of disasters and miracles. Please rate on a scale of 1 to 5 God’s handling of the following: (1 = unsatisfactory, 5 = excellent):

Disaster:
1 2 3 4 5 flood
1 2 3 4 5 famine
1 2 3 4 5 earthquake
1 2 3 4 5 war
1 2 3 4 5 pestilence
1 2 3 4 5 plague
1 2 3 4 5 my last relationship

Miracles:
1 2 3 4 5 rescues
1 2 3 4 5 spontaneous remissions
1 2 3 4 5 crying statues
1 2 3 4 5 water changing to wine
1 2 3 4 5 walking on water
1 2 3 4 5 stars hovering over towns
1 2 3 4 5 VCRs that set their own clocks
1 2 3 4 5 clear and competent statements by the President                                      

9. Please rate the following on a scale of 1 to 5 (1 =unsatisfactory, 5 = excellent):

1 2 3 4 5 God’s Courtesy
1 2 3 4 5 answers to your prayers
1 2 3 4 5 Are your spiritual needs being met?
1 2 3 4 5 How are your shrubs doing?

10. Do you have any additional comments or suggestions for improving the quality of God’s services? (Attach additional sheet(s) if necessary.)

 

-Writer unknown

***

“It is the glory of God to conceal a thing, but the glory of kings to search out a matter.”  (Proverbs 25:2).

We Are Hated

“If the world hates you, remember that it hated me first. 19If you belonged to the world, it would love you as it loves its own. But I have chosen you out of the world, so you don’t belong to it. That is why the world hates you.“

John 15:18-19, NCV

There is a concentrated sense of evil that is directed at us.  There is an awareness of a hatred that is unreasonable.  Jesus however, predicted it, and warned us to anticipate this brutality.  We are spiritually linked to Him.  The evil that came against Him, has now been shifted to you and I.

The world hates us, and we must accept this.  We don’t belong.  We are the monkey in the wrench.  Our presence ‘shorts out’ a smooth transition, that the Dark one has ordained.  We confuse and misdirect the black forces of darkness, most likely more than they do to us. The issues that we now face have become mutant and a bit perverse, to be honest.

“Behold, I am sending you out as sheep in the midst of wolves, so be wise as serpents and innocent as doves.”

Matthew 10:16

This is perhaps the most profound truth.  What can sheep do, against the wolves? We become their dinner. The predator overwhelms its prey, and we have to learn to walk in the dark.  Our faithfulness is considered to be an amazing feat, and we definitely let it work in our hearts.

“Wise and innocent.”  As we step into this caustic environment, these are two issues that will keep us safe.  “Serpents and doves.”  Both are received as positive concepts which will help us to manage the dark.  We have an awareness that He has directed us to walk through this ambush.  But we walk in a protective shield.

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A Cosmetic Evil

“For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh, but divinely powerful for the destruction of fortresses.”

2 Corinthians 10:3-4

“It’s time to put on the warpaint.”  I remember hearing the president of my Bible school say as he spoke to the girls in a class.  His folksy comment broke us all up, as we visualized the women putting on make-up to go to war.  His rustic comment, however made us think about what makes someone beautiful.

There is certainly a camouflaging of evil in this world.  It dresses up, and does its very best to attract us.  Its real intention is to lead us into an alley and then attack us.  It is a dark thing, and we do our best not to make it our focus.  Nevertheless, it is quite evil, and it attacks us without any regret or misgivings.

The darkness has decided to assault us, without any provocation.  We are living targets for his archers, and just to bring one of us down is a tremendous feat for them.  The evil that resists us is trickery, and deceitfulness, and we dare not diminish its evil and treachery.

“Our fight is not against people on earth but against the rulers and authorities and the powers of this world’s darkness, against the spiritual powers of evil in the heavenly world.”

Ephesians 6:12

The reality is that evil will wear a mask.  It dresses up, to entice us.  The dark is now wearing make-up, and it looks different to us.  The subtle work of the serpent is doing his work on us.  He has not really changed, his dark work still moving on us, “the sons of Adam.”

He injects confusion and deceit directly into our minds.  He administers this and we start to grow restless in the pitch-black.  We have lost the ‘morning-star’ and we have become adrift.  This dismal place has brought us nothing but pain and regret.

Our law enforcement are now working wearing bulletproof vests to protect them.  Perhaps the cautiousness should be afforded to us on a spiritual level.  We would do it best to take some of the same precautions, only on a ‘heart place. ‘ He provides us with an armor that can keep us safe. We must wear what He gives.

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Becoming a Truthful Person

“Jesus answered, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life. The only way to the Father is through me.”  John 14:6, NCV

*********************

As we travel through this amazing life, we’ll experience so many things.  We engage every kind of scenario.  Much of it is good, but some will be bad.  When my Mom would give me medicine, she would often mix it with sugar.  But I could still taste the bitter, even with the added sweetness.

We have come to the place where we must swallow the truth.  We are learning to see that truth must be accepted.  We are brought to a place where we must take the truth in, and become true people.  The Word is the place where we start to assimilate what is real and true.  We are confronted “point blank” by what is real and trustworthy.  Falsehood flakes off us, and we begin to bask in the solid and eternal.

We are supposed to become people of the truth.  What is false should have no real business with us.  It is alien to the believer in Jesus.  It is a gear that no longer “syncs” in our mechanism.  We only mesh with the truth from this moment on.  We have been altered and we now see things from a brand new perspective.

We belong to the truth.  It is who we are, and nothing should distract us.  So much however assaults us, and we must focus pretty much exclusively on the things we know are authentic.  Our faith is to be bona fide and true blue.  There should be not the  slightest hint of duplicity.  We must avoid the trap of becoming fraudulent to our generation.

Each of us must accept the truth.  About ourselves, and about the unfolding of this life, about the reality of evil and salvation.  The presence of Jesus turns life upside down.  The things that were on the bottom have now moved to the top. Everything has been tilted.  It’s not surprising that we have issues as we try to sort things out.

I want to be a truthful person.  Lies and half-truths are fluent in my world.  I become inured to what is real, as I choose the lie.  And the amazing thing, is when I lie, the other person seems to know it on some deep level.  I suppose I am a terrible liar, and my attempt at sincerity only makes it worse.  I think I could make several million dollars if I could only teach people how to lie better.

Truth must become an intimate friend.  We need to be guided by what is real and sincere. “Buy truth, and do not sell it, get wisdom and instruction and understanding.” Proverbs 23:23.  There has to be a firm grip on what is true, and certainly we cannot barter it away.  Christians are to be truthful, even in a world that isn’t.

 

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