Most people who meet me today would never guess the trauma I’ve been through. And when I was drowning the depths of major clinical depression, I couldn’t see it was that trauma that was the catalyst for my misery. I’m not sure I have it all figured out, even now, though it is clearer than it once was.
The thing about my story is that the trauma part is all too common. Rape and abortion are traumas that happen to far too many women (and sometimes men) in this broken world we live in. Healing sometimes feels impossible. But I am living proof that it is not.
Although I still struggle with depression at times, it is quite mild in comparison to what I endured for almost a decade in my late twenties and early thirties. I no longer feel like all hope is lost. In spite of my trauma, I am living and thriving in God’s grace.
I’d love to share my story with you in the hopes that it would be for you a light in the darkness you feel stuck in. I was blessed to be asked to tell my story on a podcast and you can listen to that podcast episode here: https://heartofthematterradio.libsyn.com/linda-kruschke-overcome-past-hurts-final. I do hope it blesses you to listen as much as it blessed me to be able to share. Thanks for reading. I love you.
We all experience trial and affliction no matter who we are or how lost we are. Everyone hurts. Often we see the ungodly man or woman in suffering: “Some became fools through their rebellious ways and suffered affliction because of their iniquities.”Ps. 107:17
However, it really isn’t as easy to understand the sufferings of the believers. We can try to explain it but we still end up with questions:
“Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the LORD delivers him out of them all.”
Ps. 34:19.
I guess there is some comfort in understanding that other believers are also being tested and that it is part of God’s plan.
What Are Some Godly Examples of Testing?
Job– “see thou mine affliction;” Job 10:15
Moses– “Choosing rather to suffer affliction with the people of God, than to enjoy the pleasures of sin for a season.” Hebrews 11:25
David– “I am afflicted very much; revive me, O LORD, according to Your word.” Ps. 119:107
The Prophets– “My brethren, take the prophets, who spoke in the name of the Lord, as an example of suffering and patience.”James 5:10
Jesus Christ– “He was oppressed and He was afflicted, yet He opened not His mouth” Isa. 53:10
Paul– “For out of much affliction and anguish of heart” I wrote to you, with many tears. “ 2 Cor. 2:4
Many others–Hebrew 11:32-38
But it’s not enough to know the ‘reality’ of your affliction. We really want to know why. Why am I suffering in this way? Moses, probably the stellar personality in the Old Testament asked, “So Moses said to the LORD, “Why have You afflicted Your servant? And why have I not found favor in Your sight, that You have laid the burden of all these people on me?” Ex. 11:11
Afflictions Are For Our Good
Psalm 119:75 says, “I know, O LORD, that Your judgments are right, and that in faithfulness You have afflicted me.”
Why would the psalmist thank God in afflicting him? I think that perhaps he was able to see through the affliction. He then could realize that the intentions and purposes of God were good and edifying to him. He saw the divine purpose in God’s hands. He chose to trust that. No matter what his particular burden was.
This pain is working out for our good
The Bible is quite clear on this subject. “For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory” 2 Cor. 4:17. Exceeding and eternal! Words that need to impress us with their weight.
Our afflictions dare not become our focus, rather, it’s what they produce must be fully understood.
We are explicitly told this, “And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose”, Romans 8:28.
Oh how Jesus loves you. Stay in that love, okay? Jude 20-21.
“We must learn to regard people less in light of what they do or omit to do, and more in the light of what they suffer.”
In June of 2002, I journeyed from Alaska to Cambridge, England. It was there I somehow found myself on the streets talking to myself; alone, disoriented and quite lost.
I wasn’t taking my medication.
I had just been released from a hospital in Anchorage, Alaska and was under the care of a psychiatrist. I headed out without his approval..And so here I am now all alone in a country I had never visited before. My confusion was profound. I was desperate and mentally ill.
I noticed the stares and the whispers as wandered the streets.
Or maybe it was just my raging paranoia. But yet there’s more. Much more. On just a mildly benign occasion I wandered into the English version of a Wal-mart. I was in a dreary daze, but I thought I ‘heard’ a 5 foot bush call out as I walked by. I just knew my calling was a prophet. I was like Moses. I also heard God from a bush! (Exodus 3:2).
My chosen, eternal destiny was to save it. I grabbed and scootched it toward the check-out line. After a few minutes the bush was insanely heavy and I saw that the line was very long.
After some time I finally abandoned the tree in the middle of the check-out line. It seems I did have some moments of clarity, even at my strangest. It was a weird experience. (What can I say, I’m a sucker for talking bushes.)
I was told later that over hundred people were praying for me.
Finally, at my worst, I reached into my pack and there was this CD. I began to listen to it, and imperceptibly began to be restored to some semblance of sanity. My thinking was clearer and I would finally find my way back to where I was staying.
King Saul, in his own weak grip on sanity, was ministered to by David’s music.
One song on the CD in particular ministered to me. It’s called “Kyrie Eleison,”which is Latin for “Lord Have Mercy.”
Kyrie Eleison Lyrics
Verse 1 Empty broken here I stand, Kyrie eleison, Touch me with Your healing hand, Kyrie eleison, Take my arrogance and pride, Kyrie eleison, wash me in Your mercy’s tide, Kyrie eleison.
Verse 2 When my faith is all but gone, Kyrie eleison, Give me strength to carry on, Kyrie eleison, when my dreams have turned to dust, Kyrie eleison, In You O Lord I put my trust, Kyrie eleison.
Verse 3 When my heart is cold as ice, Kyrie eleison, Your love speaks of sacrifice, Kyrie eleison, Love that sets the captives free, Kyrie eleison, O pour compassion down on me, Kyrie eleison.
Verse 5 Humble heart of holiness, Kyrie eleison, Kiss me with Your tenderness, Kyrie eleison, Jesus, faithful Friend and true, Kyrie eleison, All I am I give to You, Kyrie eleison.
Those of us who are stronger must pray for those who are not.
We need to “stand in the gap” and intercede for those who are struggling so hard. Each of us has a sphere of influence, family, and friends–use it. They’re counting on us to lift their need to the Father.
Let’s pray right now . . .
God our comforter, you are a refuge and a strength for us, a helper close at hand in times of distress. Enable us to defend others so they’ll hear the words of faith. May their fear be dispelled, their loneliness is eased, and anxiety is calmed, and hope reawakened.
May your Holy Spirit lift them above sorrow to the peace and light of your steady constant love; through Jesus Christ, our Savior and Lord.
Amen.
These are words of faith that force fear and anxiety to leave, and these words can calm and protect. We truly believe that God’s power can strengthen them. We can trust the Spirit to transform their lives and overcome their weaknesses.
“The weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh, but are powerful through God for the demolition of strongholds.”
2 Cor. 10:4
Let’s pray for all those who are weak and lonely. They need us more than ever.
Broken Believers 