complexity – Page 6 – Broken Believers

This Intense Moment

“He has told you, O man, what is good;
and what does the Lord require of you
but to do justice, and to love kindness,
and to walk humbly with your God?”

Micah 6:8, ESV

“The principal thing is to stand before God, with the mind in the heart, and go on standing before Him unceasingly day and night until the end of life.”

Theophan, 1815-1900 (Russian writer and monk)

This intense moment is almost always present tense. We have yet to experience the future, and the past has already been ‘played out.’ The present is this moment right now, and we live in this time.

There is a certain simplicity to all of this. What happens ‘right now’ is crucial in our walks with Him. Anxiety and guilt can be a result of not living right now. These are obviously to be avoided. The past with its guilt, and the future with its anxiety can corrupt the now.

Micah was given a simple commandment to proclaim, it involved this ‘arena of goodness.’

To do justice, right things
to be in love with kindness,
and then to walk in a humble way.

All of these are to be done in the presence of God. We’re called to this simple way of life. For the person who is living somewhat confused and chaotic this is good news. Those of us who are mentally ill understand chaos. Life becomes complicated when we try to juggle more than this.

This should be a certain relief for many a weary pilgrim. These things Micah declares can be liberating when seen in this moment. There is a freedom for each who follow. If it seems like we’re trying to juggle chain-saws we are doing something wrong.

Flaws in Our Spiritual ‘DNA’

“What do you mean, ‘What’s the matter?’” Micah replied. “You’ve taken away all the gods I have made, and my priest, and I have nothing left!”

Judges 18:24

“Man’s nature, so to speak, is a perpetual factory of idols.” ― John Calvin

Here in Judges 18, we see the folly of a false religion. It is a crude and simple idolatry, and the foolishness of it is lost on these men. Micah had installed his very own personal priest, and had carved some idols to enhance his spiritual status. We see in Micah, the silly and shortsightedness of the idolater. He engages in some ‘unauthorized’ theology, that allows him this liberty.

But the ill-advised idolatry seems not only silly, but bizarrely primitive. It’s kind of a ‘do it yourself’ custom religion. Micah had a spiritual need, and met it with hiring his own priest. However, the roving tribe of Dan, with an armed force of 600 men, have decided to take the entire ensemble to be their own. It now seems foolishness has led Dan astray.

The bickering between Micah and these warriors would be imprudent if pushed. Micah has just lost his religion by brute force. The ‘priest’ and all the accouterments are now forcibly taken from him. I suppose this is the painful folly of his ‘homemade’ religion. He watches as the riders take it all away.

What an empty spiritual condition! But religious people often seek out idols to help them deal with life. An idol can be anything that takes God’s place in a person’s life. But the results are sad. A counterfeit faith of any kind is profoundly sad. The modern version has become much more sophisticated, but the end result is the same. It would seem that idolatry is etched in our DNA.

“Those who worship false gods [idols] turn their backs on all God’s mercies” (Jonah 2:8).

The only way to protect yourself in a time of spiritual anarchy is to come to the true and living God. Insist on your needs be met by Him. We really must shun anything that could take His place. Our idolatry is different today, but God has never changed.

Whim-Whams

“In our family “whim-wham” is code, a defanged reference to any number of moods and psychological disorders, be they depressive, manic, or schizoaffective. Back in the 1970s and ’80s – when they were all straight depression – we called them “dark nights of the soul.” St. John of the Cross’s phrase ennobled our sickness, spiritualized it. We cut God out of it after the manic breaks started in 1986, the year my dad, brother, and I were all committed. Call it manic depression or by its new, polite name, bipolar disorder. Whichever you wish. We stick to our folklore and call it the whim-whams.”

— David Lovelace, Scattershot: My Bipolar Family

Speaking in code is often our way of communicating to those who are curious. We seldom tell anyone we have bipolar disorder outright. Some of us tried, and failed; we fall back to “I’m just a little blue today,” or the classic, “I’m just woke up on the wrong side of the bed.” We really can be somewhat disingenuous.

All too often these are half-truths that deflect the sticky issues of a mental breakdown. We seek to salvage some kind of dignity, or evade the inevitable stigma that would certainly come if we told the truth. We choose to evade, but at a cost.

I struggle with the stigma of both bipolar disorder and epilepsy. I’m still uncomfortable when others seem uncomfortable with me. So, I have developed a general rule:

Bryan’s Rule #14, “Never reveal your illness, except to qualified people.”

I suppose this adds a layer of personal security. The occasions I have violated this rule have resulted in awkward pauses and odd looks. Afterwards, the relationship changed. It was as if I suddenly sprouted a second head, or something.

As Christian believers, I know we are supposed to walk in the truth. But exactly how truthful am I supposed to be? I’ve always had an iconoclastic streak, and I love stretching the social boundaries of others. Bipolar disorder has been an illness made-to-order for people like me.

Bryan’s Rule #15, “Openness can be a true step toward my healing.”

But it take truth to change. We really need to be honest by bringing things into the light. Obscuring the truth keeps us isolated and distant from others. Will speaking forthrightly about my bipolar disorder be a challenge? Of course. But necessary if I want to heal and cope.

I’m not advocating making a big sign and parading down Main Street. Just to be a bit more honest with others, and ultimately with ourselves. Let’s be comfortable with our own personal “whim-whams.”

How Does It Effect You?

There are four areas that chronic depression will effect you.

Emotions
Thoughts
Physical
Behavior

We need to really visualize the areas in order to understand. This grasp of the facts will not change a thing, but will only give you a sense of what depression is doing to you, or your loved ones.

Some will emphasize one or another. But all four areas play a part in this disease. We may think we can twist around these, but we’ll find we are still trapped by the evil ogre of depression. (And he takes all the prisoners he can.)

We are hostages to this sickness. Depression truly destroys lives and hopes. It comes uninvited, and springs its trap on us. It can immobilize us in an instant.

David knew what it was like to be a hostage of depression. In Psalm 32:3-4 he wrote:

“For when I kept silent, my bones wasted away
through my groaning all day long.
⁴For day and night your hand was heavy upon me;
my strength was dried up^[b] as by the heat of summer.”

Many readers will relate. It carries with it an authenticity of a man that is a dear struggler. His experience, and his willingness to write openly provides us with comfort and understanding.

Paul knew all about depression. He wrote in 2 Corinthians 7:6:

^“But God, who comforts the depressed, comforted us by the coming of Titus;”

Ancient writers called it “the Noonday Demon.” Winston Churchill called his depression, “the black dog.” Both definitions seem spot on.

Christians will ask me whether depression is caused by an evil spirit, or is it biological? I usually answer both. There is strong evidence that it is a mental illness; an illness like any other (e.g. diabetes, or migraines). It can be treated, to a degree, with meds. But there is a spiritual dimension as well requiring “spiritual warfare” on an serious level.

My own meds have helped me greatly. But strong prayer and worship have assisted me just as much. Reading the Psalms are really helpful. I have made the personal discovery that the presence of God is a great way to walk free.

When you’re truly desperate, you will find a way. Of that I’m convinced. I leave with Philippians 1:6:

^”And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.”

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Bryan’s Rule #14, “Never reveal your illness, except to qualified people.”

Bryan’s Rule #15, “Openness can be a true step toward my healing.”

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