Category: Very helpful

Whim-Whams

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“In our family “whim-wham” is code, a defanged reference to any number of moods and psychological disorders, be they depressive, manic, or schizoaffective. Back in the 1970s and ’80s – when they were all straight depression – we called them “dark nights of the soul.” St. John of the Cross’s phrase ennobled our sickness, spiritualized it. We cut God out of it after the manic breaks started in 1986, the year my dad, brother, and I were all committed. Call it manic depression or by its new, polite name, bipolar disorder. Whichever you wish. We stick to our folklore and call it the whim-whams.”

— David Lovelace, Scattershot: My Bipolar Family

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Speaking in code is often our way of communicating to those who are curious. We seldom tell anyone we have bipolar disorder outright. Some of us tried, and failed; we fall back to “I’m just a little blue today,” or the classic, “I’m just woke up on the wrong side of the bed.” We really can be somewhat disingenuous.

All too often these are half-truths that deflect the sticky issues of a mental breakdown. We seek to salvage some kind of dignity, or evade the inevitable stigma that would certainly come if we told the truth. We choose to evade, but at a cost.

I struggle with the stigma of both bipolar disorder and epilepsy. I’m still uncomfortable when others seem uncomfortable with me. So, I have developed a general rule:

Bryan’s Rule #14, “Never reveal your illness, except to qualified people.”

I suppose this adds a layer of personal security. The occasions I have violated this rule have resulted in awkward pauses and odd looks. Afterwards, the relationship changed. It was as if I suddenly sprouted a second head, or something.

As Christian believers, I know we are supposed to walk in the truth. But exactly how truthful am I supposed to be? I’ve always had an iconoclastic streak, and I love stretching the social boundaries of others. Bipolar disorder has been an illness made-to-order for people like me.

Bryan’s Rule #15, “Openness can be a true step toward my healing.”

But it take truth to change. We really need to be honest by bringing things into the light. Obscuring the truth keeps us isolated and distant from others. Will speaking forthrightly about my bipolar disorder be a challenge? Of course. But necessary if I want to heal and cope.

I’m not advocating making a big sign and parading down Main Street. Just to be a bit more honest with others, and ultimately with ourselves. Let’s be comfortable with our own personal “whim-whams.”

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How Does It Effect You?

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There are four areas that chronic depression will effect you.

  1. Emotions
  2. Thoughts
  3. Physical
  4. Behavior

We need to really visualize the areas in order to understand. This grasp of the facts will not change a thing, but will only give you a sense of what depression is doing to you, or your loved ones.

Some will emphasize one or another. But all four areas play a part in this disease. We may think we can twist around these, but we’ll find we are still trapped by the evil ogre of depression. (And he takes all the prisoners he can.)

We are hostages to this sickness. Depression truly destroys lives and hopes. It comes uninvited, and springs its trap on us. It can immobilize us in an instant.

David knew what it was like to be a hostage of depression. In Psalm 32:3-4 he wrote:

“For when I kept silent, my bones wasted away
    through my groaning all day long.
4 For day and night your hand was heavy upon me;
    my strength was dried up[b] as by the heat of summer.”

Many readers will relate. It carries with it an authenticity of a man that is a dear struggler. His experience, and his willingness to write openly provides us with comfort and understanding.

Paul knew all about depression. He wrote in 2 Corinthians 7:6:

 “But God, who comforts the depressed, comforted us by the coming of Titus;”

Ancient writers called it “the Noonday Demon.” Winston Churchill called his depression, “the black dog.” Both definitions seem spot on.

Christians will ask me whether depression is caused by an evil spirit, or is it biological? I usually answer both. There is strong evidence that it is a mental illness; an illness like any other (e.g. diabetes, or migraines). It can be treated, to a degree, with meds. But there is a spiritual dimension as well requiring “spiritual warfare” on an serious level.

My own meds have helped me greatly. But strong prayer and worship have assisted me just as much. Reading the Psalms are really helpful. I have made the personal discovery that the presence of God is a great way to walk free.

When you’re truly desperate, you will find a way. Of that I’m convinced. I leave with Philippians 1:6:

” And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.”

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Going to the Gym: Prayer as Work

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Building a prayer life

“And rising very early in the morning, while it was still dark, he departed and went out to a desolate place, and there he prayed.“

Mark 1:35, ESV

Why is it that we avoid the very thing that we need so desperately? Lately I’ve been fascinated by my own seeming failure to pray. I am so completely convinced by prayer’s efficacy and power. It works! Spending time with Jesus, covered by his love is the most authentic thing I can do. It clarifies and brings wisdom to this foolish old man.

So why can’t I pray? A private time with God, that is consistent, I suppose is like going to the gym. I need it, but its hard. It isn’t what I want to do. I know its the right thing to do, but I still avoid it. Prayer is quite often spiritual work.

Now conversing with the Almighty really isn’t like going to the gym. But the deliberate decision to share, and listen (and talk) can be the best thing happening for me… (and for those who must put up with me.)

Jesus did not vacillate on this. It had been a hectic day. But he was sold on the reality of being with his Father. He didn’t need rest, but he did need active prayer. Leading up to this was a very full and substantial day (read Mark 1). There was so much going on, and it was constant non-stop ministry.

In a single day:

  • Jesus Picked the First Disciples
  • Jesus Healed a Man with an Unclean Spirit
  • Jesus Taught in the Synagogue in Capernaum
  • Jesus Healed Many, Many Others
  • Jesus Confronted the Demonic

“And Simon and those who were with him searched for him, 37 and they found him and said to him,“Everyone is looking for you.” 

Mark 1:36-37

Where is Jesus? He is missing, and a search party finally locates him. He was praying and “working out” with his Father. What a lesson for us! My own days are relatively tamer than Jesus’ day. Jesus prioritizes prayer. It was the first thing he chose to do. It had supremacy over all else. It is worth thinking about anyway.

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Photo from: http://howard-carter.blogspot.com/2012/09/we-are-working-our-way-through-sermon.html

Out of Time

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“So as to live for the rest of the time in the flesh no longer for human passions but for the will of God. 3 For the time that is past suffices for doing what the Gentiles want to do, living in sensuality, passions, drunkenness, orgies, drinking parties, and lawless idolatry.”

1 Peter 4:2-3, ESV (emphasis mine)

“It means you have turned from your own desires and want to obey God for the rest of your life. 3 You have already lived long enough like people who don’t know God. You were immoral and followed your evil desires. You went around drinking and partying and carrying on.”

(CEV)

There is an expectation in the very heart of God that we will move beyond gross sin. Peter reminds the Church that time has run out on them. As redeemed people our options to sin boldly are finished. But I think we all need Peter’s reminder as well.

The Holy Spirit that abides within (if you are a believer) is allergic to sin. It is true that God loves the sinner, but hates the sin that we do. God has not come to some kind of alliance with our disobedience and rebellion. He is called “the Holy Spirit” for a reason.

“My little children, I am writing these things to you so that you may not sin. But if anyone does sin, we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous.”

1 John 2:1

Imagine a soldier running through an enemy fortification. His goal is to advance without being shot. He will certainly avoid heavy concentration of fire. All his training and effort has prepared him for this moment. Soldiers never go into battle thinking they will only shot once or twice. (He is allergic to lead).

Let us not underestimate the enemy, or the sin that tempts us. However, 1 John 2 stresses that sin should be avoided, but if we do sin, we have Jesus as our advocate. We don’t emphasize the sin, but the Savior who is for us. Jesus stands and intercedes for us, every time we choose to sin.

Let us always seek to be filled with “the Spirit of Holiness“ (a.k.a. the Holy Spirit). This should be a moment-by-moment necessity. He supplies everything, and stints at nothing. Only our pride and self-will can stymie His work. We are completely dependent on Him.

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