Category: wisdom

Sinful Inside

“More than anything else, a person’s mind is evil
and cannot be healed.
Who can understand it?

Jeremiah 17:9, NCV

“Thou, Lord Jesus, art my righteousness, but I am thy sin. Thou hast taken upon thyself what is mine and hast given to me what is thine. Thou has taken upon thyself what thou wast not and hast given to me what I was not.’ Beware of aspiring to such purity that you will not wish to be looked upon as a sinner, or to be one. For Christ dwells only in sinners.”

Martin Luther

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The Bible in its tremendous insight, never ever makes humans to be wonderful creatures. I think we would all volunteer to be that way. We are not. Rather the opposite is quite true. We are manipulators, rascals, liars and sinners. There is not a single iota of evidence that we can become exceptionally kind, loving and holy people in any sense of the word.

Somehow we generate a lot of self-deceit. We trick our own hearts into believing that we are such noble believers. We ignore evidence that would convict us otherwise. The prophet spoke to his generation in Jeremiah 17. He would speak directly to people who thought they were true and good. Jeremiah called this a lie, a serious miscalculation (especially when the opposite was true.)

“The heart is deceitful above all things
and beyond cure.
Who can understand it?”

Jeremiah 17:9, NIV

This is not the way “to win friends and influence people.” So many pastors, priests, elders, and leaders have a desire deep down to be acceptable and relevant. But God says, we are rascals, tricksters, phonies. Something inside is sick. There can be no human remedy. We simply cannot become religious enough to surmount our profound sin (against God and against others).

I must tell you the truth, you’re terminally ill. You are quite sick, in the most essential part of you. As a boy living in Northern Wisconsin, on a farm somewhat. We found one of our dogs killing our chickens. He was a nice dog, quite friendly and very gentle. But when he started in on the chickens my dad decided to intervene. One of the dead chickens was recovered. My father wired that dead chicken to our dogs neck, nice and tight. The dog wore that rotting chicken for several weeks. Finally the dog laid down, foaming and tongue lolling, eyes rolled back– so sick. So Dad cut off the decaying remains.

It’s one of my more vivid memories. The dog would never again chase a chicken, or even think of killing one. But even so, our sin is disgusting to God. We just seem to do evil without considering Him or others we effect. It’s all about us, as we think we can just skate through this “problem” without any issues. But Jeremiah tells us we are rotting inside.

“Blessed are the poor in spirit,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are those who mourn,
for they will be comforted. “

Matthew 5:3-4, NIV

I suppose this is what it will take. To see ourselves as destitute beggars when it comes to spiritual matters. We very much want to work past this state. We will very often feel that that is Christian discipleship– conquering our deep sin and awful weaknesses. But really, folks, what the Lord really wants is for us to admit our poverty, and be saddened by our sinfulness. We hurt so many.

“Our life is full of brokenness – broken relationships, broken promises, broken expectations. How can we live with that brokenness without becoming bitter and resentful except by returning again and again to God’s faithful presence in our lives.”

–Henri Nouwen

We are a broken lot of confused people, and we have never solved the mystery of our own iniquity. In those rare, fleeting times we step into clarity, we are ashamed and disturbed by what we see. Our awful sin needs a wonderful Savior. Jesus does what we could never do. He has died to destroy our sin.

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Whim-Whams

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“In our family “whim-wham” is code, a defanged reference to any number of moods and psychological disorders, be they depressive, manic, or schizoaffective. Back in the 1970s and ’80s – when they were all straight depression – we called them “dark nights of the soul.” St. John of the Cross’s phrase ennobled our sickness, spiritualized it. We cut God out of it after the manic breaks started in 1986, the year my dad, brother, and I were all committed. Call it manic depression or by its new, polite name, bipolar disorder. Whichever you wish. We stick to our folklore and call it the whim-whams.”

— David Lovelace, Scattershot: My Bipolar Family

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Speaking in code is often our way of communicating to those who are curious. We seldom tell anyone we have bipolar disorder outright. Some of us tried, and failed; we fall back to “I’m just a little blue today,” or the classic, “I’m just woke up on the wrong side of the bed.” We really can be somewhat disingenuous.

All too often these are half-truths that deflect the sticky issues of a mental breakdown. We seek to salvage some kind of dignity, or evade the inevitable stigma that would certainly come if we told the truth. We choose to evade, but at a cost.

I struggle with the stigma of both bipolar disorder and epilepsy. I’m still uncomfortable when others seem uncomfortable with me. So, I have developed a general rule:

Bryan’s Rule #14, “Never reveal your illness, except to qualified people.”

I suppose this adds a layer of personal security. The occasions I have violated this rule have resulted in awkward pauses and odd looks. Afterwards, the relationship changed. It was as if I suddenly sprouted a second head, or something.

As Christian believers, I know we are supposed to walk in the truth. But exactly how truthful am I supposed to be? I’ve always had an iconoclastic streak, and I love stretching the social boundaries of others. Bipolar disorder has been an illness made-to-order for people like me.

Bryan’s Rule #15, “Openness can be a true step toward my healing.”

But it take truth to change. We really need to be honest by bringing things into the light. Obscuring the truth keeps us isolated and distant from others. Will speaking forthrightly about my bipolar disorder be a challenge? Of course. But necessary if I want to heal and cope.

I’m not advocating making a big sign and parading down Main Street. Just to be a bit more honest with others, and ultimately with ourselves. Let’s be comfortable with our own personal “whim-whams.”

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How Does It Effect You?

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There are four areas that chronic depression will effect you.

  1. Emotions
  2. Thoughts
  3. Physical
  4. Behavior

We need to really visualize the areas in order to understand. This grasp of the facts will not change a thing, but will only give you a sense of what depression is doing to you, or your loved ones.

Some will emphasize one or another. But all four areas play a part in this disease. We may think we can twist around these, but we’ll find we are still trapped by the evil ogre of depression. (And he takes all the prisoners he can.)

We are hostages to this sickness. Depression truly destroys lives and hopes. It comes uninvited, and springs its trap on us. It can immobilize us in an instant.

David knew what it was like to be a hostage of depression. In Psalm 32:3-4 he wrote:

“For when I kept silent, my bones wasted away
    through my groaning all day long.
4 For day and night your hand was heavy upon me;
    my strength was dried up[b] as by the heat of summer.”

Many readers will relate. It carries with it an authenticity of a man that is a dear struggler. His experience, and his willingness to write openly provides us with comfort and understanding.

Paul knew all about depression. He wrote in 2 Corinthians 7:6:

 “But God, who comforts the depressed, comforted us by the coming of Titus;”

Ancient writers called it “the Noonday Demon.” Winston Churchill called his depression, “the black dog.” Both definitions seem spot on.

Christians will ask me whether depression is caused by an evil spirit, or is it biological? I usually answer both. There is strong evidence that it is a mental illness; an illness like any other (e.g. diabetes, or migraines). It can be treated, to a degree, with meds. But there is a spiritual dimension as well requiring “spiritual warfare” on an serious level.

My own meds have helped me greatly. But strong prayer and worship have assisted me just as much. Reading the Psalms are really helpful. I have made the personal discovery that the presence of God is a great way to walk free.

When you’re truly desperate, you will find a way. Of that I’m convinced. I leave with Philippians 1:6:

” And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.”

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Joy Means ‘Strength’

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“Those who have been ransomed by the Lord will return.
    They will enter Jerusalem singing,
    crowned with everlasting joy.
Sorrow and mourning will disappear,
    and they will be filled with joy and gladness.”

Isaiah 35:10, NLT

Part of our personalized history includes an opportunity to have a rich contact with ‘joy’.  Joy really has its introduction with our redemption.  When grace latches on to us we find ourselves soaked with gladness and real joy.  It is as if we stepped into a waterfall of mercy.  It has divine origins.

Isaiah speaks of joy as a crown.  To have a crown is a great thing.  When we discover our new headgear is a crown, we can find joy.  People who are troubled and distracted about their salvation are rarely joyful.  Without the confidence of the Holy Spirit, joy cannot find a place to settle, so it moves on.

Let’s be very clear– joy is not happiness, or cheerfulness.  It is not found in great worship, or a rousing time of singing.  Joy is actually strength in God and it is the primary way of defeating the enemy.  It will drive Satan and the demons back into the darkness.  When we are cloaked in joy we will push through a great number of obstacles and leap over fortress walls.

Joy is listed as one of the fruits of the Spirit.  This means a lot of things, but it definitely means that we cannot fabricate it or develop it in our lives.   Joy is one of those proximity indicators.  When we more closely approach the Lord we find ourselves percolating with a deep sense of joy.  We are where we belong.  And our soul knows it.

“I will also clothe her priests with salvation: and her saints shall shout aloud for joy.”  

Psalm 132:16, KJV

A good analogy for me is this. Joy is the box we get to open to get to the salvation that’s waiting inside.  When we look at the subject of the believer’s joy we discover that it is a quality and a fruit of our relationship with God.  We can’t ‘develop’ it, or make it happen.

No one is ever commanded to produce joy on demand.  It will come when by faith you step up to fully receive your salvation.  Joy is not an option that only a few people get.

“Joyfully you’ll pull up buckets of water
   from the wells of salvation.
And as you do it, you’ll say,
   “Give thanks to God.” 

Isaiah 12:3, MSG

The joy is waiting for you, and when you have it, you will wonder how in the world you ever lived without it.  Believers will find that joy will be the freshness to follow Jesus in a very beautiful and delightful way.  And those who have a disability or a ‘mental illness’ will find joy to be God’s way of boosting us through hard times.  And this will be the very thing we’ve been waiting for.

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