Tag: depression

The Sterile Curse of Social Isolation

“Whoever isolates himself seeks his own desire; he breaks out against all sound judgment.”

Proverbs 18:1

Research reveals the reality of social isolation.  It seems more and more people are veering away from social contact. A Duke University study found that Americans are choosing to become more solitary than ever. Many are eschewing all relations all together.  This is a problem, socially and spiritually.

I’ve seen some of the statistics– fully 25% of people have no relationships at all, and something like 50% have no relationships outside of their spouse and children.  This disturbing trend is building momentum.  In 1985 the figure was just 15%.

I think that a lot of pressure may be coming from the internet, although Facebook and Twitter have reconfigured social connections. Longer work hours, the phone and streaming video, all contribute to the move away from human contact.

The commute time is also a factor.  For every 10 minutes stuck in traffic there is roughly a 10% drop in social relationships.  So if you have a bad commute on I-80 you are more likely not to want to have a friend over.

Hundred years ago our society was far more geared for personal contact.  People would regularly visit each other.  Neighbors knew each other.  There were parlor games and dinners.  Music recitations and skits.  Card parties. Television and radio had not yet grabbed the countries psyche.  Sociologists and anthropologists confirm that our history was deep in contact with each other.  We were not built for solitary living.

With community life disappearing people are turning to online relationships. Our churches are trying to adapt, as even Christians are not connecting like they should.  I have been out in the Alaskan bush villages, and the older generation is frustrated because the younger generation seems to be in trouble.  “They don’t pick berries, or hunt; all they do is sit in front of the TV playing Nintendo, or their laptops.”

We need fellowship with others, and God as well. There are very few solitary believers.

I guess the biggest issue of all is mental illness.  Social isolation is a direct part of depression and other disorders.  In order to get better, people must reach out and connect.  There is no substitute, no other option.

I see the shift in my own life. I am seeking to back off from being online 6-8 hours a day.  I am trying to be around flesh & blood as often as possible.  I am personally trying to consciously maximize that time.

It keeps me healthier.

To be healthier, we think its physical.  We have our gym memberships and we run on the treadmill.  That is good.  But I’m thinking we are losing out if we don’t workout socially (and spiritually) as well. Christians are  a special species; we need fellowship with others, and God as well. There are no solitary believers.

“A man who isolates himself seeks his own desire: To cut one’s self off from family, friends, and community is often to express a selfish desire. It shows an unwillingness to make the small (and sometimes large) sacrifices to get along with others.”

David Guzik, enduringword.com

“This is the message you have heard from the beginning: We should love one another.”

1 John 3:11, NLT

Tears Do Things

I’ve been thinking a lot about tears lately—in part because Pastor Bryan pointed out to me how many hits my post titled God Keeps Your Tears in a Bottle has had, in part because I’ve cried more than a few tears this year, and in part because I’ve been listening to Johnny Cash’s Cry, Cry, Cry in my car all week—and I thought I’d share my thoughts with you all here.

First of all, people cry for a lot of reasons.

Earlier this year my sister died of breast cancer at only 61 years old. I cried, a lot. It’s normal and even helpful to shed tears over the death of a loved one even if we know where they are going when they die, because it allows us to express the grief we feel over not having them in our lives any more here on earth.

I remember a time I had a previous boss say some very cruel things to me in front of other people. She accused me of having done things I had not based on motives I did not have. I was very angry, hurt, and frustrated. And I cried, a lot. I didn’t cry in front of her, mind you, but afterwards I did. And it was good to express that anger to others.

I’ve cried tears of loss, anger, indignation with frustration, compassion, and even of joy. I sometimes cry tears of regret when I hear a song about the sacrifice of Jesus, knowing it is my sin that made him suffer.

Just yesterday I experienced unexpected tears.

I was reciting the prayers of the people in church, which I’ve done many times. Our church has many prayer concerns for members, family, and friends with health concerns and more. Towards the end of the prayer I began to lift up prayers for a church member’s brother-in-law who is a pastor back in New York because he is faced with conducting the funerals of two teens who had been killed in an accident last week.

I recently wrote this poem.

Tears

Tears of sorrow, anger
drench my soul
course without end
eroding pain, anguish

Where once only aching
occupied my heart
now is a deep empty ravine
carved by a river of tears

Tears of forgiveness
water my soul’s riverbed
allowing flowers of love
to flourish and grow

Peace arises in my heart
held aloft by God’s promises
the fragrance of sweet alyssum
blossoms of my soul

I think the saddest tears of all, though, are the tears of major clinical depression. These tears are so sad because the one who cries them doesn’t know what purpose they serve.

I remember when I was suffering from depression sitting in a chair and just crying. When someone asked me why I was crying all I could say was, “I don’t know.” And I truly didn’t. The tears didn’t wash away pain; they only seemed to make it all the worse.

In the midst of such tears, there is One who knows their purpose.

Romans 8:26 says: “In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans.” Through prayer God can sometimes lead us to an understanding of the purpose of the tears of depression, and ultimately to healing.

That makes your tears a good thing.

“Tears are often the telescope by which men see far into heaven.“

Henry Ward Beecher

Check out Linda’s site.

The Awful Weariness of It All

“Now hear my prayer;
    listen to my cry.
For my life is full of troubles,
    and death draws near.
I am as good as dead,
    like a strong man with no strength left.”

Psalm 88:2-4

Not really ‘positive’ is it? Life can be monotonous and difficult, especially for those dealing with significant mental and physical challenges. It’s relentless, a constant struggle.

We experience depression, confusion, paranoia, and frustration that come and go pretty much at will. Sometimes it feels like these feelings have become an integral part of us, and it almost seems these awful things have settled in for good.

There can be a terrible hopelessness in living like this.

An ugly realization that there is no hope for today, and that tomorrow will not be any different. Some consider ending it all–rather than continue without hope. It is a terrible way to live, and hopelessness isn’t something people can handle well.

Contained in the scriptures are many stories and parables about wedding feasts and the king’s banquets.  On one occasion, somebody ‘finagles’ his way into the party. It seems ok at first but suddenly it all goes south for him and he is strongly confronted. 

He simply did not belong there.

The bouncers bind his hands and feet, carry him out.  He is thrown out into the “outer darkness.”  What prompted this was his attire, it was all wrong.  He simply wasn’t dressed for the wedding.

“But when the king came in to meet the guests, he noticed a man who wasn’t wearing the proper clothes for a wedding.  ‘Friend,’ he asked, ‘how is it that you are here without wedding clothes?’ But the man had no reply. Then the king said to his aides, ‘Bind his hands and feet and throw him into the outer darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.’

Matthew 22:11-14

Many have given in to their despair, they now reside in “the outer darkness.”  They are no longer dressed for the banquet. They’ve stripped themselves of their wedding garments. How tragic. They have given up and tried to walk away.

I’ll be the first to admit that mental illness and discipleship don’t always blend well together. 

But the Father understands and increases his deposit of grace to make up for this deficiency. He doesn’t treat his beloved sons equally. Extra grace is given to the chronically ill. God’s grace comes to the hurting. And it truly meets the struggler who needs an extra portion to survive.

You must wear His kindness and grace. It’s now time. The Wedding starts soon.

God has created us for a wedding feast for believers. And it is with confidence that we look forward to this feast, for in Christ we will not be found naked but clothed in the white garments of His righteousness.  He takes our dirty and muddy clothes and exchanges them for his own beautiful white ones. 

We wear his “clothes,” and oh my what a wonder we are!

“I will greatly rejoice in the Lord;
    my soul shall exult in my God,
for he has clothed me with the garments of salvation;
    he has covered me with the robe of righteousness,”

Isaiah 61:10, NLT

Clearing Your Head

“Endurance is not just the ability to bear a hard thing, but to turn it into glory.”

     Philip Yancey

There are going to be times when things become exceptionally clear to you.  

Every so often, we have moments that awaken our senses and make us see things clearly. It’s like a splash of cold water on our sleepy faces. It shakes us up and helps us understand our feelings, thoughts, and connections with others.

To the mentally ill, our arrival at this place brings a glimmer of hope. With clarity, we can distinguish between reality and illusion. The power of change lies in this discernment, a remarkable work of the Holy Spirit. We learn that self-transformation is out of our reach, only the Spirit possesses this ability.

The Bible and its promises are completely saturated with His power. 

There is a certain hope and security that comes from His restoration of our mixed-up lives. His work is quite exceptional, for He is an Artisan. However,  we will never be happy or at peace if we refuse.  And if we decide poorly we will get stuck inside a deep loneliness, and failure– the realization of being cast aside.

It’s scary, but so much is based on what we decide in these chosen times. Choose wisely.

Depression and darkness may affect us, but there is no better refuge to find than God. Even though we may feel discouraged, we can still choose to protect ourselves. If we don’t choose the right path, we will struggle in our own mistakes and faults.

Trust me, I understand how miserable that can be.

We dare not let the darkness we face confuse us. 

In every fiber of our being, we must resolutely stand against such a dire fate. We must not, under any circumstances, allow the tendrils of darkness to once again ensnare us. In the very core of our essence, we are guided and redeemed by the profound sacrifice of the Lord Jesus.

Picture it, if you will: like a lost soul traversing a treacherous minefield under the cloak of night. Nothing should hold more significance to us than shielding ourselves from this ominous threat. Let us rise together, united in our relentless pursuit of light and liberation.

It advances on us and so many can’t resist its strength.  But being mentally ill is not something that someone can just decide on, it is real and carries a poison that few can resist.  Any odd romanticism of “being a tragically wounded poet” is so foolish, and dangerous.

But the truth is, we have Someone who has decided to be our Savior and He speaks to heaven about us.

He will speak on our behalf.  He alone can escort us through this terrible darkness.  Without His voice, we can’t defend ourselves, and we will just deceive ourselves. We are desperately sick, and He is the only cure.

If you are presently struggling, I would tell you that you have a home.  It is a place of acceptance and assurance.  The cost of depression and delusion can’t even come close to matching even the simplicity and basic place of just being a “minor” disciple of Jesus Christ.

But no matter what has happened, He has been pursuing you, in a deep hope you will respond to Him.  

I exhort you to embrace this love and trust Him, even when it gets very hard.  But no matter what happens, don’t ever give up.