A ‘Slipping Down’ Life

“When the man saw that he did not prevail against Jacob, he touched his hip socket, and Jacob’s hip was put out of joint as he wrestled with him.”

Genesis 32:25

There is no question that we each want a wonderful life.  Young and strong and very idealistic, we brew dreams that we will become persons of wonder and deep significance.  After all, anything less would be a denial of what we believe.  In our youthful zeal we more or less insist on our own success.  We just know, deep down, that we are God’s special gift to the world.

All of a sudden we strike reality’s iceberg.  It is very bitter, and it hurts us.  Then things unfold around us that are difficult and quite challenging to process.  But as it ‘sifts out’ we realize that we find we are severely mismatched by what we must face.  It is at this point things will proceed from ‘difficult to ugly.’

We discover that our life is ‘a slipping down’ sort of kind.  Twenty years ago, we would never admit this.  But our vision and expectations have shrunken, and we’ve become less than we imagined than we would be. We have ‘slipped down.’ Living this kind of life, inserts a humility in us. We have aspired, but have not attained. We discover that we haven’t met our earlier expectations. We are woefully short.

But if we are honest with ourselves (and others) we find ourselves– subtracted.  We wrestle with our angel, and he pulverizes us. We discover that we now limp, but this is a necessary step for us to take.  Sometimes “Christlikeness” must be beaten into us by life itself.

There are those among us who profoundly struggle with pain and illness are expected to join with millions that have gone before us.  Loss and ugliness pay a visit to our lives.  There are those of us who fight with a mental illness, (sometimes winning, and often losing) have to sift through all that remains.  But this is all ‘injected humility.’ This experience does teach us, like nothing else can.

“Experience: that most brutal of teachers. But you learn, my God– Oh my, but you do learn.  C.S. Lewis

Personal brokenness requires that we pick-up the pieces.  And that in itself works something in us.  On our hands and knees we have an epiphany.  We are not what we thought we’d be.  But humility, the soil that grows our spirits, finally has begun to work in us.

A ‘slipping-down life’ brings us to the ‘bitter-sweet place’ where the Spirit can reach into us to do His work.  It is the ‘operating room’ where He works deep inside us.  None will truly know the Lord’s touch without this deep work. I strongly encourage you to submit your hearts to His precise work.  After all, you really don’t have a whole bunch of viable options. aabryscript

So You Want to Become Vulnerable?

freedom_by_ahmetorhan

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”

 — C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

Public speaking has never been a problem for me. All through high school, Bible college, as a street evangelist– nothing I’ve ever done really has ever been a concern.  But,  I have friends who rather submit themselves to hideous torture then to put themselves in that public position.  They are afraid of the spotlight, feel exposed and just a little too accessible in the lime light.

Becoming vulnerable in love is ‘above and beyond’ the fear of public speaking.  It is almost irrational in the way it takes charge.  We refuse to put out, with the fear of being that accessible.  We will not allow ourselves to become a victim.  But public speaking has nothing on loving someone deeply, because of the risk involved.

Men are the greatest perpetrators of this attitude.  We close ourselves off and keep our hearts protected and safe.  We cannot truly give our hearts away, because we cannot share that which is most intimate (we hate that word!).  I will refuse to become vulnerable to anyone, because of the risk I put myself in. To really “trust,” in deep way, is way too much exposure for us.

Our families cannot understand our emotional coldness.  They think that the problem is their fault.  They struggle to understand.  And we respond to their attempts to accommodate us with skepticism and fear.  We hold back and pathetically attempt to adjust to their efforts.  Selfishness ultimately wins the day.

Lewis reveals that our natural inclination is towards selfishness.  We try to hide and avoid the “nakedness” that love requires.  I am convinced that we will spare no effort to stay safe, becoming invulnerable to another’s inspection.  We wall up ourselves to the risks of love.  But learning to trust is one of life’s most difficult tasks.

Jesus Christ has come, to teach us how to love openly and freely.  He became vulnerable, laying aside his prerogative of being God.  He is teaching us to love like him. We will only truly heal when we risk it all, with our Father, and our brothers and sisters.

aabryscript

Memories Haunt in the Light

jesus-light-of-the-world

For many who have struggled with depression, as I have, often suffer from an underlying brokenness that stems from past tragedies that we can’t seem to completely forget. We try to understand why and pray for forgetfulness that never seems to come. But even so, when we know Jesus as our Savior the Light is never extinguished.

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Memories Haunt in the Light

I stand upon the solid Rock
I’ve found my firm foundation
Living each day in the Light
Being sure of my salvation

I know His words of grace are true
‘Cause I feel them deep in my heart
I rise each day, out into the world
And that’s when the memories start

The sky is blue, the sun is bright
A chill wind stings my face
I should be happy and light, but cold
Triggers thoughts I seem to chase

Like Paul with his thorn, I pray the Lord
Would remove the pain today
“My grace is sufficient,” He replies
As over and over I cry and pray

But what if grace is not enough
As this memory haunts the light
This is when I must trust and believe
To escape the darkness of night

He uses this memory of pain
To teach me compassion and grace
For the bruised and the broken
Haunted by memories of disgrace

He’s made me merciful and kind
This lesson is not meant to destroy
But some days I’d rather be less caring
And remember only love and joy

My Rock remains firm beneath me
In spite of my doubt and fury
His grace will suffice, I rest in His Light
One day this memory He’ll bury

aasignLinda

Going to the Gym: Prayer as Work

Lords prayer 2 3
Building a prayer life

“And rising very early in the morning, while it was still dark, he departed and went out to a desolate place, and there he prayed.

Mark 1:35, ESV

Why is it that we avoid the very thing that we need so desperately? Lately I’ve been fascinated by my own seeming failure to pray. I am so completely convinced by prayer’s efficacy and power. It works! Spending time with Jesus, covered by his love is the most authentic thing I can do. It clarifies and brings wisdom to this foolish old man.

So why can’t I pray? A private time with God, that is consistent, I suppose is like going to the gym. I need it, but its hard. It isn’t what I want to do. I know its the right thing to do, but I still avoid it. Prayer is quite often spiritual work.

Now conversing with the Almighty really isn’t like going to the gym. But the deliberate decision to share, and listen (and talk) can be the best thing happening for me… (and for those who must put up with me.)

Jesus did not vacillate on this. It had been a hectic day. But he was sold on the reality of being with his Father. He didn’t need rest, but he did need active prayer. Leading up to this was a very full and substantial day (read Mark 1). There was so much going on, and it was constant non-stop ministry.

In a single day:

  • Jesus Picked the First Disciples
  • Jesus Healed a Man with an Unclean Spirit
  • Jesus Taught in the Synagogue in Capernaum
  • Jesus Healed Many, Many Others
  • Jesus Confronted the Demonic

“And Simon and those who were with him searched for him, 37 and they found him and said to him,“Everyone is looking for you.” 

Mark 1:36-37

Where is Jesus? He is missing, and a search party finally locates him. He was praying and “working out” with his Father. What a lesson for us! My own days are relatively tamer than Jesus’ day. Jesus prioritizes prayer. It was the first thing he chose to do. It had supremacy over all else. It is worth thinking about anyway.

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Photo from: http://howard-carter.blogspot.com/2012/09/we-are-working-our-way-through-sermon.html