Category: impulsive

Why This Waste? [Extravagance]

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“Now when Jesus was at Bethany in the house of Simon the leper, 7 a woman came up to him with an alabaster flask of very expensive ointment, and she poured it on his head as he reclined at table. 8 And when the disciples saw it, they were indignant, saying, “Why this waste? 9 For this could have been sold for a large sum and given to the poor.”’ 

Matthew 26:6-9, ESV

Chapter 26 is the beginning of the end. This chapter sets up the last week of Jesus which without question his prime purpose of death and resurrection. Matthew sets up this “Anointing at Bethany” as the front door of this final week. The immediate verses prior to this concern themselves with an organized plot by the Jewish leadership to murder Jesus.

There are things to consider:

  • Simon (the leper), Jesus stayed here sometime during his last days. Had Simon been healed by Jesus? He might even be a carrier of this fearsome disease. And even if he didn’t, the stigma was so ingrained his first name was attached to the appellation “the leper.”
  • the value of the perfume was essentially unheard of. (You might have given a tin of the most expensive caviar to a homeless man– it was that shocking.) The calculations have been done and the perfume would have been worth $30,000. And this was no ordinary perfume– it was an ointment, a concentrate from which lesser perfumes would be made. This was the real stuff.
  • the disciples, are quite disturbed. They quickly deduced the value of this anointing, and balked. Scripture says, “they were indignant.” Deeply offended, they could not process what was really going on in front of them. They were quietly livid.
  • the wasted potential of the perfume. A years wages could of been given away to the needy. Passover was the special time when everyone saw to the needs of the poor, and scripture says a lot about helping the poor. It didn’t sit too well with the disciples to empty this flask over Jesus head and feet.
  • the effect on Jesus would’ve been profound. It was God’s signal of an impending death. Because this was more an ointment than a liquid, its effect would have lingered for weeks. It is quite possible that Jesus would’ve smelled that smell while he was being beaten and crucified. I have to believe it encouraged him, as he suffered.

The disciples really missed it with this one. The practical thing would take Mary’s expensive jar and sell it, and then to give the money to a needy family. Disciples throughout history have confused discipleship with serving and doing, but it really is concerned with a person of Jesus Christ. This really is a crucial point.

We serve a person, not a “discipleship.” We pour out ourselves for Jesus, serving him as out “first love.” Without this love we just become a good religion, among many good religions. But our sacrifice for Jesus does indeed set us apart.

Be extravagant in your love to him. Jesus should always be the center. As your love pours out over him, I have to believe it perfumes heaven with your gift.

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Bipolar Disorder– Basic Stuff

 

If you have bipolar disorder, you may recognize many below. Not everyone has exactly the same symptoms. Talk with your healthcare provider about your symptoms at each visit.

  • Feeling sad or blue, or “down in the dumps”
  • Loss of interest in things you used to enjoy, including sex
  • Feeling worthless, hopeless, or guilty
  • Sleeping too little or too much
  • Changes in weight or appetite
  • Feeling tired or having little or no energy
  • Feeling restless
  • Problems concentrating or making decisions
  • Thoughts of death or suicide

 

Symptoms of mania may include:

  • Increased energy level
  • Less need for sleep
  • Racing thoughts or mind jumps around
  • Easily distracted
  • More talkative than usual or feeling pressure to keep talking
  • More self-confident than usual
  • Focused on getting things done, but often completing little
  • Risky or unusual activities to the extreme, even if it’s likely bad things will happen

Here are some behaviors that may be seen in people with bipolar disorder. Please note some of these behaviors may also indicate a different problem, so proper diagnosis is important.

  • Agitation
  • Alcohol or drug abuse
  • Irritability
  • Excessive gambling
  • Violence
  • Poor judgment with decisions
  • Careless spending, buying sprees
  • Talking about hurting oneself
  • Risky sex or change in sexual activity
  • Impulsive financial investments
  • More arguments
  • Change in energy level, appetite, or sleep pattern
  • Relationship problems at home or work
  • Mounting debt
  • Drinking or drugging for ‘escape’ or maintenance purposes
  • Legal/criminal issues
Visit http://www.webmd.com/depression/guide/bipolar-disorder-manic-depression for more detailed information about bipolar disorder and its symptoms.

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Peanut Butter, Hot Lunch and Dreams

Warning: Rambling post, very tedious. Don’t operate heavy equipment for two hours after reading this post.

I grew up in a big, brick house in Northern Wisconsin. Our beautiful home hid our desperate poverty, and it was quite difficult. My father and mother scraped by enough each week to feed and clothe us. But just barely.  Mom would take some elbow macaroni, and mix it with stewed tomatoes (from a dwindling supply she tried to manage.)

I was oblivious to our precarious situation.  I carried a plain peanut butter sandwich to school for years, but I had a simple dream of getting “hot lunch.” I was tired of peanut butter, as I watched all the other kids eat pizza, hamburgers and (my fav. mashed potatoes with a pat of butter.) I ate PB for several years.  You could stucco a house with what I ate.

I wasn’t really settled in my heart or thinking.  I developed into a bipolar childhood that had quite a bit of depression, and a load of impulsivity.  I was an impossible child, and I  was out-of-control. I was either terribly manic or profoundly depressed.  My Mom and Dad simply didn’t know or grasp my mental illness and how it was effecting me.

A repeated nightmare worked its claws into my thinking. I would wake up sobbing, almost inconsolable. I had this dream several times in my teens, and can still 40 years later taste the panic. In this dream, I would be lifted up and laid on a slow conveyor belt.  I would be on my back, and I would see over my feet a giant roller.  This roller had big nobs on it and it was rolling over what the conveyor belt brought to it.  In this dream I was paralyzed, unable to escape this giant crushing roller.  I kept fighting, and trying to escape.  But, I was completely frozen.

I would waken just as my feet met the roller.  The fear I had was as intense as any I ever had.  (Except when I had to go down to the basement, but that was more reasonable.)  I would repeat this dream several times, and it was always the same.  I haven’t had this dream for 30 years or more, but it still has a potency and fear to make me edgy.

Over the many years I have thought about this.  I certainly don’t want to mysticize it, or try to force an interpretation out of it.  But it has struck me as a metaphor of my life to some degree.  In this dream I was moving toward an inevitable crushing.  The paralyzing panic was a fair description of where I was at spiritually.

This explanation may sound childish and simplistic.  But it is so workable, and brings a certain comprehension to these terrible moments of fear. And our dreams, well, they are funny things.  All of us, somehow, and in some strange fashion are treated to a surrealistic and fantastical mini-story as we sleep. But what does it mean?

Much of the time, upon awakening, we try to piece together both the chronology and the meaning of what we had just dreamed.  It’s hard to do, most of the time it justs slips away.  Yet, our inner heart always wonders if that particular dream was “good, bad or ugly.”  There are rare times when we can grab on a sequence of events, and relay it to a close friend.

Some things will never be revealed in this lifetime.  But I believe there are certain things in our dreams that the Holy Spirit chooses to bring to light.  We are never sanctioned to seek the meaning of our dreams, but only the Lord Himself.  We should never lean on our understanding, but on our Father and His Word.

P.S. I realize in writing this, I don’t like peanut butter at all.

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A Case of Exceptional Goodness

“He wouldn’t do it. He said to his master’s wife, “Look, with me here, my master doesn’t give a second thought to anything that goes on here—he’s put me in charge of everything he owns. He treats me as an equal. The only thing he hasn’t turned over to me is you. You’re his wife, after all! How could I violate his trust and sin against God?”

 “She pestered him day after day after day, but he stood his ground. He refused to go to bed with her.”

Genesis 39:9-10, MSG

Joseph is a blazing star in the Old Testament.  Everything he does is remarkable. He carries this exceptionalism into all that he does, or directs.  He realizes the blessing he has been given.  He can easily describe his status– and he is quite aware of the deep presence that overshadows his life.  He will not pretend that any of this has come about as a result of his personal giftedness or goodness.

Joseph refuses to negotiate, for he knows who he is, exactly.  First, he is not Potiphar. He cannot make it seem otherwise.  The amazing things that have come upon Potiphar’s life, belong to him, and him alone.  Joseph has a sure understanding of this fact, and he does not try to blur the issues, no matter how “sweet and cute” the possibilities. He just says “no!”

When we look to Joseph, we find that he has retreated into a special place of protection.  For a man, there is a deep attraction for sexual conquest and pleasure. Joseph has processed this, way before us. And he is not enticed by this lie.  (And my friend, it is a lie.)

Joseph is a wonder.  He is full of grace and a certain goodness.  From him, we can fully understand a heart that is set apart by an exceptional sweetness. Joseph has a certain kindness and goodness.  He responds to all that is evil, with a greatness, and a complete awareness of what is right.

In our scriptural selection, we see clearly the effort that the wife of Potiphar’s wife made to seduce Joseph.  However, her lust will not direct his life.  He will not give in to his deep desires.  He simply refuses to enter into the seduction issues of an out-of-control passion.  He won’t be controlled by lust.

When we look directly at Joseph, we see a man who has chosen a deep path of faithfulness. He has separated himself from a difficult darkness.  He now is a real and definite example for us who must endure a deep testing of our own.  The darkness we face is especially crafty and exceptionally black.  We can only really trust in His promise to cover and sustain us. And to learn to say no!

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