The Presence Makes the Difference

I once was told that depression is the inability to construct a future. Perhaps that is precisely where I’ve come to, this old despair that lies dormant until the conditions are just right— and then it explodes in burst of black dandelions.

For about three weeks, I had experienced being down. Somedays were much worse than others (and some where actually reasonable). I should of been more cautious. Afterall, I have twenty years of battling this old dragon that has been my most potent enemy. I suppose I got a bit arrogant. I know I felt immune.

I laid in bed, unable to get out for days. Obviously this was a concern, but I couldn’t find any strength to speak of. I couldn’t even pray.

“A few days later, when Jesus again entered Capernaum, the people heard that he had come home. ²They gathered in such large numbers that there was no room left, not even outside the door, and he preached the word to them.³Some men came, bringing to him a paralyzed man, carried by four of them.⁴Since they could not get him to Jesus because of the crowd, they made an opening in the roof above Jesus by digging through it and then lowered the mat the man was lying on. ⁵When Jesus saw their faith, he said to the paralyzed man, “Son, your sins are forgiven.”

Mark 2:1-5

There maybe some who wondered about the sins of this paralyzed man. I believe I may know:

There were sins of despair—of God’s goodness.
There would’ve been despondency of an unchanging future.
And finally, anger at God’s decision to leave him paralyzed and a burden to his family and friends.

That paralyzed man was carried by his friends, and brought into Jesus’ presence. And that is exactly what happened to me. I’ve been astounded by those who carried me. This man had no strength on his own; he was “jello on a mat.” (I don’t mean to be crude or unfeeling).

My own tiredness lingers, I’m struggling to pray. I’m too unfocused, but I’ve been told that comes with the territory with the aftermath of a total depressive meltdown. But I know Jesus. It is His touch that I must have now.

Our Life in Babylon

Christians are now smack-dab in “Babylon.” We must live our lives under the auspices of this hostile world-system, and yet stay faithful to our Lord. We must manage ourselves with the same grace as Daniel or Esther.

In Jeremiah 29 there contains an important historical letter that the prophet Jeremiah wrote to those taken into captivity. In it we can absorb much of what is needful for the moment. For people caught in Babylon it becomes a vital document, advising them of what they should now do.

This list comes straight out of Jeremiah 29.

First, prepare for the long haul. Be good citizens of your new land, (vv.5-6.)
Second, pray for the peace of the nation you’re captive in. (v.7.)
Third, don’t be fooled by it’s culture, Discern what is true and what is false. Babylon is full of false gods and worship.
Fourth, remember that God has given you “a future and a hope” (v. 11.)
Lastly, extend that same discernment to the spiritual understanding of your own past.

These five should be enough to navigate faithfully through hard times in Babylon. We must admit that we’re only “pilgrims and strangers” here. Our citizenship is in heaven where it is secure. By faith we understand this.

As broken believers we are supervised by the Holy Spirit, even in this difficult place, Our souls are shepherded by God, even in Babylon. Our “captivity” is only temporary– it is not a permanent one.

“And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart.”

Jeremiah 29:13, NKJV

“By the rivers of Babylon, There we sat down, yea, we wept When we remembered Zion.”

Psalm 137:1

“She who is in Babylon, elect together with you, greets you; and so does Mark my son.”

1 Peter 5:13

‘Alas, alas, that great city Babylon, that mighty city! For in one hour your judgment has come.’

Revelation 18:10

ybic, Bryan

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Man on Fire

One morning in January 1984 I set myself on fire. I was in my cabin up on the ridge and I was trying to build a fire. Alaska can be a cold place. I had also started a coffee pot and because it was so cold I opened up the oven door a couple of inches to get some heat.

The oven started getting the place warm, and I gratefully backed up my butt to it. That is when it happened. My sweater ignited from the front burner. At first I didn’t realize that I was on fire, but when the flames started spreading over my head I panicked.

I couldn’t put it out! I dropped to the floor and tried to roll. All that seemed to do is embed that burning sweater into my back, and set the carpet on fire. I ran to the bathroom with the idea of getting under the shower. Somehow I knew that was my only hope.

Needless to say I ended up in the local hospital with second and third degree burns on most of my back. It took months to recover and I still have the scars. It was something that changed my life.

Ironically, I had been thinking of a verse in Hebrews just the night before. I wondered what it meant.

“He makes his angels spirits, and his servants flames of fire.”

Hebrews 1:7

As I healed I prayed for understanding. Why did the Lord allow this to me? I was in my third year at a Bible college and had given my life over for the Gospel. Why did this happen to me?

I’ve never gotten a complete answer from the Lord, but it did confirm my call into the ministry. It also made me aware of the precariousness of our lives. It taught me to appreciate life.

The doctor told me that if I had run outside instead of staying inside I could have died. God preserved me for His own purposes. We have no way of knowing “our time.”

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”

Romans 8:28

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Caving Into the Presence

“Let us go right into the presence of God with sincere hearts fully trusting him. For our guilty consciences have been sprinkled with Christ’s blood to make us clean, and our bodies have been washed with pure water.”

Hebrews 10:22

I have never really understood “caving”. Some consider it a sport, but I guess I really don’t see the athleticism of it. People actually seem to derive some satisfaction and thrill from exploring muddy caves in the dark. I guess I can try to grab the basic idea of it, but to me it’s a whole lot like “parachuting”. Why jump out of a perfectly decent airplane, when you can sit in a Starbucks with a vanilla latte? It doesn’t compute.

But there is a sense about caving that resonates with the hunger in a man’s or woman’s heart. Hebrews tell us that we are to enter the presence of God. The keys will be sincerity and trust. In other words, a honesty, and a trust that will open up the passage. Spiritual spelunkers in a quest for His glor OUCC-Cave-Climbing y.

Sometimes something will block a person. Depression is a barrier for us. Essentially it effects our passion and strength. Our pursuit of God is nullified by the corrosive facets of depression and melancholy. There is no longer any zip or zeal for His presence. The fire of zeal we once had just fizzles out. But to reach our goal, we need to squeeze beyond the blockage. There is a spiritual resistance. Our infernal enemy is working against any progress.

So much involves patience and humility. A person must continue to probe ahead but slowly and patiently, taking their time and monitoring their progress. Humility is necessary. An awareness of self and our dimensions in tight spots. “Am I small enough to squeeze through that hole?”

Our scripture tells us that we have a key to the throne room of God. Our guiltiness and our defiled conscience have both been cleansed or sanitized from anything that would corrupt us. We haven’t done a thing. And we are exhorted to be very bold. Jesus has made us pure. We are clean.

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ybic, Bryan

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