Tag: children

When You Lose a Child

‘Who gathered this flower?’ The gardener answered, ‘The Master.’ And his fellow servant held his peace.”

It was November 13th, in the year of our Lord 1999, was unlike any day I have ever experienced. A beating with a baseball bat would seem preferable. On this cold afternoon, hell was unleashed on my wife and I. What we encountered was soul-wrenching and profoundly tragic.

Perhaps a parent’s worst nightmare is the loss of a child.

On this day we lost Elizabeth Grace. She was stillborn, which is rare these days– or so I have been told. She entered this world fully formed, a beautiful baby girl. Today, she would have been 24 years old, and maybe married, planning a family of her own?

“But now he is dead. Why should I fast? Can I bring him back again? I shall go to him, but he will not return to me.”

2 Samuel 12:23, (When David’s newborn son died.)

Our loss was grievous, but we know that there are others.

Plenty of families have suddenly lost a child. I can truly commiserate with them. Somehow we are connected in a perverse way. It seems like an exclusive club, that requires a secret handshake, or something. Suddenly without warning, you are thrown into personal chaos, and very little is remotely decipherable, even to a believer.

The book of Ecclesiastes that there is a definite “time to mourn.”  Matthew tells us, “Blessed are those who mourn.” He does go on to say. “for they shall be comforted.” This comfort is available for any who chooses to take it, but you can refuse it if you really want to.

Grief unites us all, but Jesus loves us infinitely.

I can’t imagine meeting life without his care and comfort. He has been outstandingly gracious to this family. Sure there was pain, but there was also tenderness and a kind grace. Still, sometimes it may have felt like a “kick in the head.” (But I assure you– it was grace.)

What I still can’t understand is simply this. What would it have cost God to allow Elisabeth to live? I mean, what ‘skin off His nose’ would’ve it taken to let her live? To this day I still have questions, but I have decided to trust. (I trust Him after all, to save my soul.)

Those who have suffered will comprehend and grasp, the noxious environment of grief and loss.

But we can only take what we are dealt. The sadness is there, but so is His comfort. Make no mistake, His love matches (and even exceeds) the pain and the loss of a child. Truly, God is wonderful and He is good.

I do know that He loves me, a weirdly rascalish, struggling disciple. He holds me close to His precious heart, and I will have no other gods except Him. I will not take up umbrage with Him on this. But I must believe that someday soon, I will truly and completely understand this.

She’s waiting for us.

Lynn and I celebrate her birthday every year.

Some Christmas Advice

Christmas is my favorite time of the year.

I grew up in the northern part of Wisconsin, and my most valuable and tenderest recollections are my Christmases.  I was raised in a Norwegian Lutheran church, (Think: Lutefisk.). Many memories flow from that; the cold, the snow and the tree, and the presents.  I’m a ‘wealthy’ man through all of these great memories. 
Even when it was really hard, it was still very good.

I remember our annual Nativity play at Church. I fondly remember the sticky, caramel-covered ‘popcorn ball’ each one of us would get from the church ladies’ aid.  I also remember a very bleak Christmas when there was no money to be had for presents. I will always remember how a local charity came through at the last minute with gifts. I was profoundly touched by all of this, and more. 

But I have no real way of instilling any of this in you. 

However, I do exhort you to go out of your way to minister to the young hearts you have contact with.  Help them believe.  Make it easy for them to touch the miracle of the manger.  Let them leave your company yearning for  God’s presence in their day. 

It won’t take much, maybe keen imagination on your part and humble prayer.  But those things you do may spark, ignite and become a blaze that will direct them through their lives.  Be kinder than you need to be. Purposefully do something that will impact them, even small things often carry an astonishingly strong influence.

You may be in the thick of it. But be kinder than you need to be.

Just maybe you have lost the purpose and meaning of this day. But I’m pretty sure any failure isn’t permanent. At least, try to do as much as you’re able. All it takes is a tiny spark to become a blaze.

“It is good to be children sometimes, and never better than at Christmas, when its mighty Founder was a child Himself.”

– Charles Dickens

A Lutefisk History – Lutefisk Recipe 

Repeat Offenders

“Father, every family has a rascal someone who breaks the rules a juvenile delinquent of untold frustrations and sleepless nights a repeated offender and bearer of sad woe the problem child who needs the most discipline.

Is this why you love me most persistently? When you correct me, is it because I’m the one most contrary?

Or is it that you love me so much?”

 I wrote this thinking about Hebrews 12 and God’s purpose of chastening. I don’t pretend to understand this dynamic completely–all I can say is that my childhood was punctuated by much difficulty. But now, as a father (my two children are now grown), fatherhood has become far easier than my dad had with me.

7 “As you endure this divine discipline, remember that God is treating you as his own children. Who ever heard of a child who is never disciplined by its father? 10 For our earthly fathers disciplined us for a few years, doing the best they knew how.“

“But God’s discipline is always good for us, so that we might share in his holiness. 11 No discipline is enjoyable while it is happening—it’s painful! But afterward there will be a peaceful harvest of right living for those who are trained in this way.”

Hebrews 12:7, 10-11

I really think we understand our Heavenly Father when we spend quality time with Hebrews 12. We are given insight into His care and into our own issues. It is a good thing He gives us— it enriches our spiritual lives.

It’s never nice to be corrected.

It’s not pleasant. Part of being corrected is being reminded that we’re not as righteous as we think we are. To be corrected strikes us to a reprimand, an admonition that something isn’t right inside of us.

The Father corrects His children–in many ways through a myriad of circumstances. He loves us far too much to allow us to continue in our sin. He’s making us into the image of Christ.

We should welcome His correction. He has a plan for you.

When He disciplines you, it only proves that He is your Father. It’s critical to remember: God’s correction is always for our good. It may be painful yes, but it comes with real hope. It’s not to harm or punish you.

“Father, I’m so sorry that I grieve you as often as I do. I promise to behave. Thank you for being a faithful Father who cares deeply for my soul. Amen.”

“Look upon your chastening as God’s chariots sent to carry your soul into the high places of spiritual achievement.” 

 Hannah Whitall Smith.

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Always Be Children, [Always]

“At that time the disciples came to Jesus, saying, “Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?” 

“And calling to him a child, he put him in the midst of them 3 and said, “Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.”

Matthew 18:1-3, ESV

I have always believed that maturity brings wisdom and growth, a beautiful journey to embark on. When it comes to spiritual matters, it is an opportunity to delve deeper into the richness of faith. I eagerly embraced the challenge of expanding my understanding and exploring the profound teachings. Jesus’ devoted disciples, too, were presented with invaluable guidance and encouraging direction:

15 “Now they were bringing even infants to him that he might touch them. And when the disciples saw it, they rebuked them. 16 But Jesus called them to him, saying, “Let the children come to me, and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of God. 

17 Truly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it.”

Luke 18:15-17

Jesus makes a special effort to get his followers to see their need. He voices the dictate that they must become children again; that they must learn that the basics are the core. We won’t grow out of them.

Real faith remains childlike even as it gets old.  

As we see the children that are in our midst, we should see in them the pattern for us as we connect with the Lord, and with each other. It’s a paradox, but we mature as children, and this doesn’t ever change. Jesus told us that the Kingdom belongs to those whose faith is childlike.

Childlike faith seems to have three focuses:

  1. Areas of intimacy, coming together in the presence of the Lord as His sons and daughters.
  2. Areas of relationships, between each other as brothers and sisters in love with each other.
  3. Issues of spiritual warfare, facing the daily battle with sin and darkness with a steady awareness of the ones alongside us.

Holding a child’s faith has an extraordinary power to shape our lives in profound ways. It’s a delicate balance of innocence, trust, and vulnerability that leaves an indelible mark on our hearts and souls. The childlike belief in something greater than ourselves and it opens up a world of possibilities and invites us to embrace the wonders of the unknown with open arms.

Our Father is with us.

But what does it truly mean to hold onto a child’s faith? It goes beyond the simple act of believing in something beyond our understanding. It requires a humility that allows us to acknowledge our own limitations and embrace the beauty of our imperfections. In a world that often values strength and self-assuredness, the child’s faith reminds us of the importance of embracing vulnerability and being open to being led in fresh ways.

Picture for a moment the scenario of being suddenly clothed in nothing but our humility. It is a humbling thought, isn’t it? In that state, stripped of all pretenses and facades, we are forced to confront our true selves. We are reminded of our humanity, and our weakness with the swirling world around us. It’s in those vulnerable moments that we truly come to appreciate the depth and power of a child’s faith.

In a society that often prioritizes material success, power, and self-exaltation, we may find ourselves striving to shed our humility in favor of more desirable qualities. However, it’s precisely in cherishing our humility that we can find true wisdom and grow into more compassionate and merciful people. It’s through humility that we can connect with others on a deeper level, understanding their joys and sorrows with a genuine empathy.

Let’s embrace the innocence of a child’s faith.

Let’s allow it to ‘infect’ our lives with a sense of real wonder, curiosity, and a supernatural love. Let’s never forget the lessons it teaches us about the importance of embracing humility in our journey through life.

Let’s hold onto a child’s faith tightly, for within its grasp lies the power to transform our lives and the world around us. May it be a constant reminder of the child-like beauty that exists within each and every one of us.

Humility is the stuff Jesus uses to make a place for His Kingdom.

Becoming a person of childlike faith will take a lifetime, that is why we should stay small and keep growing in our dependence on Him.

“God created the world out of nothing, and so long as we are nothing, He can make something out of us.”  

Martin Luther

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