Category: broken believers

Is Mania A Spiritual Experience? [Bipolar]

by Chris Cole

I was eighteen years old when I first experienced acute manic psychosis. I had just arrived at the University of Georgia for my freshman fall semester when I suddenly had what seemed like a profound spiritual awakening. I felt as if I was waking up from a bad dream, as if my mind and body were merely figments of my imagination. I felt an incredible transcendence and oneness with the universe, an experience I could only fathom to be spiritual. Back then, I didn’t know anything about bipolar disorder.

My first thought upon being struck with this overwhelmingly blissful state was, “This is what God feels like; I must be Jesus!” It was from there that I began my deluded descent into madness. I ran upstairs in my dormitory, assuming that my friends would be my first disciples, and tried to perform miracles to prove my divinity. When they attempted to calm me down, I punched one of them in the face, calling him the devil, and ran back downstairs. Campus police promptly met me in the dorm lobby and arrested me on the spot.

On my way to jail, I was no longer feeling so ecstatic. In fact, it was the most excruciating fear I had ever experienced. I began believing that the police officers were the Pharisees taking me to my crucifixion. They placed me in my own jail cell, and I began stripping off my clothes, demanding for the officers to come look at my naked body. Throughout the whole experience, I felt almost completely dissociated, as if I was watching a movie of myself with little to no control of the actor.

After a few days of trying to convince my parents that I was returning humanity to the Garden of Eden, they realized my condition might not be from taking psychedelic drugs as they had thought. I was escorted to my local psychiatric hospital, and once medicated, came down from my messianic mission to create heaven on earth. The only problem was, I had never been more certain of God in my life, and the clinicians just kept telling me that it was normal for grandiose delusions to take on religious and spiritual themes. I was not convinced.

My thoughts immediately went to the biblical stories I grew up with: how God tested Abraham’s faith when he was told to sacrifice his son, and how God communicated to Moses through a burning bush. Were these not examples of delusions and hallucinations? Even Jesus was convinced to be the Son of God. Were the holy men of the Bible bipolar? I had a lot of questions, and my questions seemed to be forcing me to choose one side or the other—either spirituality or psychiatry.

It took me about a decade to finally integrate both truths and find some peace around my manic episodes. I studied spirituality and psychology, and I came to the conclusion that bipolar disorder and spiritual experiences didn’t need to exist in opposition. I’ve come to some basic definition of spirituality as the transcendence of ego. In this sense, mania was indeed a spiritual experience, albeit an unmanageable one. This didn’t mean my bipolar diagnosis was bogus, and I’m not saying all psychotic episodes are spiritual. But I can now rest easy knowing that my experiences were both spiritual and bipolar.

If I’m honest with myself, a major sign of my mania is increased spirituality, but at the same time, a major sign of my depression is a lack of spiritual significance. Finding balance in recovery means that I am able to seek both spiritual and clinical solutions to my bipolar symptoms without fear that I am falling out of grace with God. When I was first diagnosed, I had the idea that either bipolar existed or God existed. There was no space for both.

My spirituality has necessarily evolved over the years. Because of my history with manic psychosis, I have to guard myself against dogmatic or superstitious beliefs. I try my best to live a life of love, and I rest assured knowing that the more kindness I spread to the world, the more aligned I am with my spiritual path. Telling my story of recovery has become part of this spiritual process. My faith means a great deal to my health, and without it, my recovery wouldn’t be as strong as it is today. I hope that by sharing my story, others going through the same difficulties might not take so long to make sense of their own experiences.

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Chris Cole has authored a book recounting his experiences, and he’s now a life coach for folks in recovery.

Source: http://www.ibpf.org/blog/mania-spiritual-experience

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What is it for you to be a Christian? –J.R. Miller

What is it for you to be a Christian?

We ought to seek to gather in this world — treasure that we can carry with us through death’s gates, and into the eternal world. We should strive to build into our lives — qualities that shall endure. Men slave and work to get a little money, or to obtain honor, or power, or to win an earthly crown — but when they pass into the great vast forever, they take nothing of all this with them!

Yet there are things — virtues, fruits of character, graces — which men do carry with them out of this world. What a man IS — he carries with him into the eternal world. Money and rank and pleasures and earthly gains — he leaves behind him; but his character, he takes with him into eternity!

This suggests at once, the importance of character and character-building.

Character is not what a man professes to be — but what he really IS, as God sees him.

A man may not be as good as his reputation. A good reputation may hide an evil heart and life. Reputation is not character. Reputation is what a man’s neighbors and friends think of him; character is what the man IS.

Christ’s character is the model, the ideal, for every Christian life. We are to be altogether like Him; therefore all of life’s aiming and striving should be towards Christ’s blessed beauty. His image we find in the Gospels. We can look at it every day. We can study it in its details, as we follow our Lord in His life among men, in all the variations of experience through which He passed.

A little Christian girl was asked the question, “What is it for you to be a Christian?”

She answered, “It is to do as Jesus would do, and behave as He would behave — if He were a little girl and lived at our house.”

No better answer could have been given. And there is scarcely any experience of life — for which we cannot find something in Christ’s life to instruct us. We can find the traits and qualities of His life, as they shine out in His contact . . .
with temptation,
with enmity,
with wrong,
with pain,
with sorrow.

The next thing, when we have the vision of Christ before us, is to get it implanted into our own life. We cannot merely dream ourselves into godly manhood or womanhood; we must forge for ourselves, with sweat and anguish, the beautiful visions of Christ-likeness which we find on the Gospel pages! It will cost us self-discipline, oftentimes anguish, as we must deny ourselves, and cut off the things we love. SELF must be crucified.

It is not easy to become a godly man, a Christlike man.

–J.R. Miller, (1840-1912)

 

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The Lady and the Knight in Shining Armor

“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”

Eph. 4:32

“It’s unfortunate and I really wish I wouldn’t have to say this, but I really like human beings who have suffered. They are kinder.”

Emma Thompson

She has nailed down a thought here.  It is only a starting point, a beginning that one should work-out, over and over.  We begin at this realization that there can be a definite link between suffering and kindness.  It’s like two wheels of a bicycle.

I’m in love with kind people.  All the people I have met who were truly wonderful, had very kind hearts.  Kindness set them apart.

Historically, kindness was regarded as one of the “Knightly Virtues” of medieval times.  Having it was to be a mark of chivalry.  In theology, it was one of seven virtues, that mirrored the “Seven Deadly Sins.” It seems to me that believers who practice kindness are to be regarded as part of a spiritual nobility.

This connection between suffering and kindness isn’t so much as a “cause and effect,” but rather a ‘fruit’ which has to ripen, or mature.  Pain is not always this productive in our lives.  It can bring bitterness and loss as easily as it can bring kindness and gentleness.  And many of us who struggle with mental illness or substance abuse understand this all to well.

The apostle Paul was right to link his sufferings to spiritual growth.  If you can do this you are moving in the right direction.  It will not lift you out of the pain; you will still have the sense of being overwhelmed, but you will see through it with the eagle eye of faith.

Why is it that so many who have suffered, will go on to become kind people?

It may have to do with two dynamic principles. The first metaphor would have to be the smelter/the potter.  These are significant because they illustrate how believers are always in process.  We are in flux, either moving under the hand or under the heat.

The second metaphor is the grape vine dresser/bread maker.  These strike me as harsh, although it may not always feel that way.  But both are definite “hands-on” from a supervisory source–the Holy Spirit.

Suffering is a lot like learning another language.  Some days it will just click, and then other days you can’t remember your previous lesson.  But if you are really patient you will learn to speak the dialect of suffering.  Learning languages can open up the world to you.  If you learn to speak “suffering” you will be able to touch the hearts of millions.

But there needs to be patience.  You must wait for “kindness.”  Transformation will never be smooth or easy.  There are no switches for God to flip to make you Christlike.  You will not wake up tomorrow morning with the character of Jesus–his mercy, love, wisdom and kindness.  I’m sorry.  (Choose to dispute this, and I will let you.)

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“I prefer you to make mistakes in kindness than work miracles in unkindness.”

Mother Teresa’s counsel 

“God has chosen you and made you his holy people. He loves you. So you should always clothe yourselves with mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.”

Col. 3:12, NCV 

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Making Time Count, [Five Minutes]

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“There he built an altar to the Lord and called on the name of the Lord.”

Genesis 12:8, NIV

“Serve God by doing common actions in a heavenly spirit, and then, if your daily calling only leaves you cracks and crevices of time, fill them up with holy service.”

–Charles Spurgeon

Many believers desire to have a daily time with God, praying and reading His Word. It so happens that many Christians are distracted by the cares of this world. They can never seem to be able to carve out a devotional life out of a busy day.

Oswald Chambers once wrote of the transforming nature of just five minutes in the presence of the Lord. This small effort for just a brief moment can change the course of a busy day.

Five minutes with the Lord can alter ones walk and certainly one’s perspective. Powerful results can come from just a brief connection. These moments can be the most significant of your entire day. It can stabilize your walk and daily lead you straight toward Him.

Sometimes our life is filled with busy demands– we hit the ground running just to keep up.

Remember there is no condemnation in this, but there is lost opportunity. It is wasted time that we will miss; it’s something we can grow to regret.

Abraham found time to build an altar to the Lord. Perhaps that act was a turning point for him. A heavy door just needs a little hinge on which to turn. Maybe constructing an “altar” can make a difference for us.

If you’re having a struggle in your daily walk, just start with five minute with Him.

You will be pleasantly surprised with what happens. Just five minutes can stabilize your soul. Our God longs to meet with us and to show His power in our lives.

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