Category: Bryan’s comments

Living Incandescently, [Light]

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“7 But if we are living in the light, as God is in the light, then we have fellowship with each other, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, cleanses us from all sin.”

1 John 1:7, NLT

Sometimes my mental illness interferes with “living in the light.” I can get surly and sullen. I avoid people and I think I complain a lot. I’ve also become the master of manic highs and ‘snake belly’ lows, and I’m not fun to be around. But I do wish to be different, I really do want to live in the light.

1) When I do so, I have a special connection with the Lord (He is in the light) and that is the ultimate goal. But light is the vital common denominator. I can’t continue in darkness and fellowship with Him while I entertain any darkness. He doesn’t work that way. I’m supposed to live in the same lighr as He.

“For you have delivered my soul from death, yes, my feet from falling, that I may walk before God in the light of life.”

Psalm 56:13

2) When I walk in the light, I will have be able to have open fellowship with my brothers and sisters. This is to me almost as precious as having fellowship with Lord. That “fellowship” (trans. koinonia) describes a mutual sharing, or harmonizing with each other. Almost like a concert with the musical instruments making a pleasant melody with each other. Some are pianos, some are oboes, flutes, trumpets or tubas, etc. We are His orchestra.

We come together in koinonia and beautiful things happen.There is a special sound I hear when I’m in koinonia with my brothers and sisters who love Jesus. It’s a healing sound, and very real to me. I hear it especially when they fellowship with each other.

3) When I’m living in the light I am cleansed from my sin by Jesus’ blood. The cleansing is certain by faith, The word “cleanses’ is present tense, He is always cleaning me up. “All sin” reveal the entire scope of His work. I rejoice in this and it gives me confidence in the Lord.

This verse, 1 John 1:7 clarifies things for us, and gives us insight into God’s us the importance of walking in the light of the Lord. It reinforces the fellowship of the saints. And to top it all off, it describes the blood of Jesus being actively applied to my many sins.

“Father, I so desperately want to take possession of this Word. Enable me by your Holy Spirit to do this for your glory. Amen.”

 

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Of Adjectives and Disorders [Mental Illness]

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“Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body.”

Ephesians 4:25, NIV

I catch myself using this strange new vocabulary quite a bit. There is a tendency to make adjectives where there should be nouns. There is an ‘in exactness’ in our thinking and speech.

Now we’re not the ‘policemen’ of other people’s grammar. We just should be aware of becoming too casual with mental disorders that can be quite debilitating to quite a few people. Do I ‘joke about’ having OCD when I try to do something precisely? (Sometimes.) Can I make light of being rather ‘retarded’ by some bone-head action I do? (More often than I’d like.)

I find I use terminology like this to explain ‘actions’ to give them a legitimacy as well as a medical reason to a situation. But when I do so, I can demean other people who actually are going through them for real. I also can label myself when I use these adjectives this way.

We really must be careful. We can use our language in such way that reveals our ignorance of the medical and psychological status of disorders. When we use words casually we start to ‘dilute’ them. They can describe a ‘reality’ of things that don’t really exist; we then end up speaking falsely and minimize the severity of a disorder.

“The true test of a man’s spirituality is not his ability to speak, as we are apt to think, but rather his ability to bridle his tongue.”

R. Kent Hughes

As a Christian believer, I also suffer from Bipolar disorder with delusions and anxiety. And yet, the Word tells me to always “speak the truth in love.” (Eph. 4:15). Listen to yourself, and let the Holy Spirit guard your words.

“Set a guard over my mouth, Lord;
    keep watch over the door of my lips.”

Psalm 141:3

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Does Your Christianity Include You? [Discipleship]

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 “Now may the God of peace make you holy in every way, and may your whole spirit and soul and body be kept blameless until our Lord Jesus Christ comes again.”

1 Thessalonians 5:23, NLT

Sometime I feel like things should be different. When I made the decision to follow Christ I operated on the assumption that things would just change. I had a lot of problems but also now had a remarkable savior.

And I still do. Fundamentally things became new. My sins were forgiven and I knew that Jesus Christ died for me.

However I failed to realize that I would sin daily. I guess I thought otherwise. As a matter of fact I became even more aware of my depravity than ever. My sins are of omission and commission and they are many. The Holy Spirit’s convicting ministry worked inside my heart.

Does your Christianity include you?

Too often I think we expect holiness to be instantaneous. We wanted a complete eradication of the bad and a dramatic new change in the good. And to a certain extent that has happened.

I now believe that our walk of disciple is more like– “two steps forward, and one step back.” Sometimes its even “one step forward and two steps back.” It can be discouraging to say the very least.

The probable reality is that discipleship is not really an instant epiphany but a gradual transformation. But that doesn’t make it a lesser miracle!

As I survey my life, I discover I sinned more after I received Christ than in my life before. Perhaps the measure of discipleship isn’t the quantity of sin but the quality of our faith.

I daily come to Jesus with my sin. I have to live in repentance every day. The miracle is that I experience the daily infilling of my heart with the Holy Spirit. When I wait on Him He comes and fills me up.

I run into issues when I don’t:

  • confess my sin
  • refuse to change
  • don’t wait on God for help
  • live out the promises in God’s Word

As a believer in Jesus I will be transformed by Him. I don’t want to pretend that I need Him daily. I am slowly being changed by the Gospel, I may struggle but He holds my heart.

“Now may the God of peace Himself sanctify you entirely; and may your spirit and soul and body be preserved complete, without blame at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.”

1 Thessalonians 5:23, NASB

ybic, Bryan

 

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A Broken Brokenbeliever

inconsistent1I am a premium blend of paradox and inconsistencies. I make no claim at all to being anything but. I’m afraid my bipolar has marked me.

But I’m finding victory in Christ, For me discipleship is simply being close to Jesus. I come with baggage which I give to Him. He insist on taking all of it.

I’m discovering that my Christian walk is not some sort of comprehensive  self-improvement plan to overcome whatever particular sin which is bothering me at the moment. Rather it is choosing to be filled with the Spirit of Holiness.

That is a big deal. I’m not out to achieve but to “abide.” The fundamental difference is profound. The ministry of the Holy Spirit activated in my heart creates the energy to please God. His work is impeccable and true, and it’s the only way it’s going to work.

In my mind may be confusion (I lose my way so quickly) but His presence is both gentle and strong. I can “turn off” His kind guidance. However if I do I “crash and burn” every time.

Jesus is not shocked by my wilfulness. He doesn’t fret over my sin. He deals with me without doubt and discouragement. He doesn’t ever regret taking me on as a believer. My disruptive walk doesn’t tarnish His love for me. I know this.

I may be far behind you in this discipleship. So far I’ve led a muddled life. When I act independently I get confused. I have a “checkered” track record that bars me from making any claim toward success. I am a broken brokenbeliever,

“It’s not about perfection; it’s about our intimacy with God, or our connection, our relationship with God. Once we get through that, once we realize that we can be imperfect, flawed, broken; those kinds of things are the ingredients of spirituality.”

–Mike Yaconelli

The Lord has broken me a thousand times, and I anticipate there will be thousands more. He is faithful to keep His promise to present me one day holy and true. I am trusting Him.

“Now all glory to God, who is able to keep you from falling away and will bring you with great joy into his glorious presence without a single fault. 25 All glory to him who alone is God, our Savior through Jesus Christ our Lord. All glory, majesty, power, and authority are his before all time, and in the present, and beyond all time! Amen.”

Jude 24-25, NLT

ybic, Bryan

 

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