Most people who meet me today would never guess the trauma I’ve been through. And when I was drowning the depths of major clinical depression, I couldn’t see it was that trauma that was the catalyst for my misery. I’m not sure I have it all figured out, even now, though it is clearer than it once was.
The thing about my story is that the trauma part is all too common. Rape and abortion are traumas that happen to far too many women (and sometimes men) in this broken world we live in. Healing sometimes feels impossible. But I am living proof that it is not.
Although I still struggle with depression at times, it is quite mild in comparison to what I endured for almost a decade in my late twenties and early thirties. I no longer feel like all hope is lost. In spite of my trauma, I am living and thriving in God’s grace.
I’d love to share my story with you in the hopes that it would be for you a light in the darkness you feel stuck in. I was blessed to be asked to tell my story on a podcast and you can listen to that podcast episode here: https://heartofthematterradio.libsyn.com/linda-kruschke-overcome-past-hurts-final. I do hope it blesses you to listen as much as it blessed me to be able to share. Thanks for reading. I love you.
Trials are hard, and at times they seem to suffocate us and weaken our walk with God. David shares with us his own difficulty in these six verses.
A Very Brief Commentary of Psalm 13
For the choir director: A psalm of David.
O Lord, how long will you forget me? Forever? How long will you look the other way? 2 How long must I struggle with anguish in my soul, with sorrow in my heart every day? How long will my enemy have the upper hand?
V. 1-2, David believes that he has been forgotten. A phrase is repeated an astounding four times, “How long?” It seems that impatience is a significant issue for him. It makes David ‘human,’ he’s not a marble statue in a museum!
Often when it gets this outrageous, we desperately look around to find anything to fill the gap. Anything.
Something else struck me. Within these two verses, you’ll find five hard questions. Whenever you find a question in the psalms especially, you must stop reading and take a closer look–why is he asking this?
V. 2,“Anguish…sorrow, every day.” Somehow David is alert enough to recognize (and admit) that his life is saturated with real difficulty. It seems it comes and when it comes there’s no relief– it’s a constant, gnawing, challenging pain which can be physical, emotional, spiritual (or all three at once).
Turn and answer me, O Lord my God! Restore the sparkle to my eyes, or I will die. 4 Don’t let my enemies gloat, saying, “We have defeated him!”Don’t let them rejoice at my downfall.
V. 3,“Turn and answer me, O Lord my God! Restore the sparkle to my eyes, or I will die.” (I love this version–“sparkle“). David knew that life could be exceptional, it was meant to gleam and shine. There is much more than just breathing to life. He instead speaks of being restored.
V. 4, Also, he is quite aware that his life is being threatened. The word, “gloat” is an interesting translation. It has the idea of “relishing someone else’s failure.” The dark prince savors your defeat. He has been looking forward to this desperate moment. The enemy rejoices at each of your failures.
But I trust in your unfailing love. I will rejoice because you have rescued me. 6 I will sing to the Lord because he is good to me.
V. 5,“But I trust in your unfailing love. I will rejoice because you have rescued me.” The Lord has covered David with His hand. His life has been saved by a love that never falters, weakens. or hesitates. He knows that no matter what happens, God has rescued him.
Notice how David responds to the great trial of his faith and the wonderful goodness of God:
I trust.
I rejoice.
I sing.
V. 6, Tremendous. When we finally get to this last verse, we see that we have truly traveled with David. And we have learned how to sing, even if we’ve lost everything and we live in constant pain. It doesn’t really matter any more. What a good teacher David is.
Jewelers display their gems on a black background. The darkness intensifies the brightness of the jewels. They become even more beautiful to look at. David is singing and praising the Lord for His nearness.
“Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.”
Hebrews 4:16, ESV
As verses go, this is one of the more significant. There are plenty of promises to be found in the scriptures but Hebrews 4:16 has a meaningful spot in my walk. When I think about it, and consider its implications, I have very little to say but “hallelujah!”
Jesus is our great High Priest. That word “great” clearly underscores His value to us. It shouldn’t really surprise us: the word in Greek is “megas” which means preeminent, all intensive and all abundant. (The idea can also mean ‘weight.’)
Some versions of the Bible use “boldness” instead of confidence. I like boldness but confidence is good too. Both words are wonderful. (One version uses “bravely!”).
His absolute power as a Priest is forever and ever.
He is now our precious mediator. Jesus is now our go-between of our ugly sin and His incredible holiness. He has created a spiritual super-highway for those who chose to come to Him through a saving faith. He has done this all by Himself. It was what He wanted.
The throne He sits on is now known as our “throne of grace.”
“Ancient Jewish Rabbis taught that God had two thrones, one of mercy and one of judgment. They said this because they knew that God was both merciful and just, but they could not reconcile these two attributes of God. They thought that perhaps God had two thrones to display the two aspects of His character. On one throne He showed judgment and on the other throne mercy. But here, in light of the finished work of Jesus, we see mercy and judgment reconciled into one throne of grace.”
Mercy and grace. Help in our time of need. If you’re anything like me, my neediness is perpetual. I need Jesus all the time, and He has made it clear through His Word that He’s always available to us. His throne room is never off-limits. He has given us the keys!
“The greatest privilege God gives to you is the freedom to approach Him at any time.”
I’ve no need to be reminded Of all my failures and my sins For I can write my own indictment Of who I am and who I’ve been I know that grace, by definition, Is something I can never earn But for all the things that I may have missed There’s a lesson I believe that I have learned
There’s a hand of kindness Holding me, holding me There’s a hand of kindness Holding me, holding onto me
–Bob Bennett, HAND OF KINDNESS 1996 Bright Avenue Songs (ASCAP)
It’s hard to forget the evil you’ve done–and forgiveness, well, dream on! I saw a video once of a parade of flagellants walking in unison, lashing themselves with whips, to somehow find peace, and some sort of atonement for their sins. I watched them, and suddenly the realization came–I was doing what they were doing, only not as public or visible.
Psychiatrists tell us that 90% of mental disorders are caused by guilt.
I believe that they’re probably a little conservative. I’ve been in some sort of ministry for 40 years now–I’ve pretty much heard it all. I ask myself and wonder, who can help the stumbling, broken, and captive hearts of men?
Sometimes an animal who’s been caught in a steel trap will actually chew their leg off to escape.
Sometimes a man will destroy himself in order to find forgiveness. Now I admit that our guilt isn’t always front and center, and seldom is it obvious–we’ve suppressed it, medicated it, and ignored it for so long, that it’s hidden and secret–even to us.
If the cross of Jesus hasn’t been applied–it’s still there, hidden and dormant. You can’t continue to paint over it, expecting to cover it with enough layers of denial. The booze and the drugs, the money and the red Ferrari, the quest for some measure of success just won’t cut it. There a 1000 ways to bury it, but your past will cripple your present, and destroy your future.
The cross and blood are not optional. Jesus’ death and resurrection isn’t just a historical event. It’s himself–God’s lamb, offered up to forgive your sin–and your greatest evil. Those dark sins that you’ve hidden, that’s been buried so deep that even you’ve forgotten, sometimes it bursts out like a spiritual volcano, the pressure sort of builds up and then erupts. Suddenly it’s all real again–and it’s so brutal.
You need to turn and believe him. No matter who you are, or how twisted and black your sin you think your sin is–maybe you’ve broken every commandment–a hundred times. I tell you, your sin has already been forgiven, your dark guilt lifted off your back. He has forgiven you. You are completely free.
This isn’t a silly cliche. It’s not just a cute saying. All your guilt has been removed. You must believe this, it’s not an option any longer. You must know that his bloody death (he’s your sacrificial lamb) has God’s approval and removes your awful sin. His hand reaches out to you. But you must believe this. We must renounce our sin, give it up, and walk away from it. We must receive God’s gift of salvation.
Broken Believers 
