A Broken Brokenbeliever

inconsistent1I am a premium blend of paradox and inconsistencies. I make no claim at all to being anything but. I’m afraid my bipolar has marked me.

But I’m finding victory in Christ, For me discipleship is simply being close to Jesus. I come with baggage which I give to Him. He insist on taking all of it.

I’m discovering that my Christian walk is not some sort of comprehensive  self-improvement plan to overcome whatever particular sin which is bothering me at the moment. Rather it is choosing to be filled with the Spirit of Holiness.

That is a big deal. I’m not out to achieve but to “abide.” The fundamental difference is profound. The ministry of the Holy Spirit activated in my heart creates the energy to please God. His work is impeccable and true, and it’s the only way it’s going to work.

In my mind may be confusion (I lose my way so quickly) but His presence is both gentle and strong. I can “turn off” His kind guidance. However if I do I “crash and burn” every time.

Jesus is not shocked by my wilfulness. He doesn’t fret over my sin. He deals with me without doubt and discouragement. He doesn’t ever regret taking me on as a believer. My disruptive walk doesn’t tarnish His love for me. I know this.

I may be far behind you in this discipleship. So far I’ve led a muddled life. When I act independently I get confused. I have a “checkered” track record that bars me from making any claim toward success. I am a broken brokenbeliever,

“It’s not about perfection; it’s about our intimacy with God, or our connection, our relationship with God. Once we get through that, once we realize that we can be imperfect, flawed, broken; those kinds of things are the ingredients of spirituality.”

–Mike Yaconelli

The Lord has broken me a thousand times, and I anticipate there will be thousands more. He is faithful to keep His promise to present me one day holy and true. I am trusting Him.

“Now all glory to God, who is able to keep you from falling away and will bring you with great joy into his glorious presence without a single fault. 25 All glory to him who alone is God, our Savior through Jesus Christ our Lord. All glory, majesty, power, and authority are his before all time, and in the present, and beyond all time! Amen.”

Jude 24-25, NLT

ybic, Bryan

 

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On Your Knees

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“Come, let us worship and bow down.
    Let us kneel before the Lord our maker,
    for he is our God.
We are the people he watches over,
    the flock under his care.”

Psalm 95:6-7

I can think of nothing more significant than to pray. I especially like it when the Holy Spirit gives me a tug, and then reels me to Himself. Sometimes I respond, not always. I mentally assent to the idea of praying everywhere, and at all times. But yet the posture of kneeling is special. It smacks of humility and need, and fixes me on the Lordship of my Father. And that is good.

I guess kneeling has fallen out of favor among today’s believers. I hope that this isn’t the case of you.

In the olden days, common people would kneel in the presence of their sovereign king. It was an affront if you didn’t kneel. It spoke of disrespect and lack of submission to the king. I suppose it could be overdone; exploited by some. But these misunderstandings do not nullify what is true about this custom.

I know that kneeling prayer is not the only way one can approach God. But it seems that verses in Psalm 95 carry the implications of the believer having the following relationship:

  1. a maker or creator
  2. a God who is real and all-powerful
  3. and a shepherd who tenderly cares for us

Perhaps these special needs that we have are channeled through a saint on his knees. It could be kneeling prayer is where we encounter these three answers to our needs. When I’m in need of His tender shepherding, the venue becomes a prayer that kneels. This might transmit to us just to meet our ‘need of the moment’ (Today, I feel like I need a shepherd.)

Kneeling to pray is often the only thing that keeps me strong enough to stand. It humbles me before my maker, my God, and my shepherd.

I’m thinking of Peter after experiencing the miraculous catch of fish. Kneeling becomes the only response he could really make.

“When Simon Peter realized what had happened, he fell to his knees before Jesus and said, “Oh, Lord, please leave me—I’m too much of a sinner to be around you.”

Luke 5:8, NLT

“And Satan trembles when he sees
The weakest saint upon his knees.”

– William Cowper

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Be Patient, It Will Happen

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18 “So all of us who have had that veil removed can see and reflect the glory of the Lord. And the Lord—who is the Spirit—makes us more and more like him as we are changed into his glorious image.”

2 Corinthians 3:18, NLT

9 “Don’t lie to each other, for you have stripped off your old sinful nature and all its wicked deeds. 10 Put on your new nature, and be renewed as you learn to know your Creator and become like him.”

Colossians 3:9-10

“Throw off your old sinful nature and your former way of life, which is corrupted by lust and deception. 23 Instead, let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes. 24 Put on your new nature, created to be like God—truly righteous and holy.”

Ephesians 4:22-24

The very essence of your discipleship is to change. Maybe that’s why we are still here on planet Earth. We’re simply learning to be like Jesus. Sometimes we can feel the swirl of frustration and depression. Why is it taking so long? We seem to go through the same lesson over and over again. As a bipolar person, I especially understand this, I ‘bounce’ through life without going anywhere. (I think some will relate.)

My sanity comes from God’s consistency—not my own. One name He goes by is the ‘rock.’ This comforts me a great deal. He stays faithful, even when I cannot or don’t. He is the singular stable point in the quicksand of living.

In the midst of stripping “off your old sinful nature and all its wicked deeds,” we will encounter opposition from evil. 11 Put on all of God’s armor so that you will be able to stand firm against all strategies of the devil” (Eph. 6:11.) So the battle is within as well as without. I must remind myself of this.

“O God, if in the day of battle I forget You, please do not forget me.”

God supplies all that you need, in spite of these adversities. It can be hard, sometimes it seems like I’ve been ‘slathered in bacon grease’ and let loose in a tiger’s cage. But there can be no victory without opposition. There are three ways to implement sanctification (becoming Christlike.)

  1. You must ‘put off’ your sinful nature
  2. You need to ‘put on’ Christ
  3. You will have to be ‘filled with the Holy Spirit’

This isn’t a formula for Christlikeness; it’s more like lines to help you stay on the path–guidelines. Theoretically, we can simply give these a glancing assent. But that will ‘cut the nerve’ of any victory that you might receive.

One more thing. Prayer is the venue in which this almost always take place. Some pastors wield the need to pray like a club. This is most unfortunate (but be easy onpray1 them, they are still learning to shepherd God’s people.) Overlook much, but learn to pray. At its essence, it is just being alone with God for a few vital minutes. But it also can be more than that. It seems prayer is a ‘microcosm’ of your discipleship.

The struggle for holiness is first won in your prayer closet. There are no short-cuts to speak of— nothing quick or easy. But there are also no time-clocks to punch. Every person is different, but all believers will pray. Pray poorly, pray weakly–but by all means pray.

Be patient. Often it will take some time to make it become natural. There is much to learn and unlearn.

“Prayer is a shield to the soul, a sacrifice to God, and a scourge for Satan. “

John Bunyan

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Waiting Time is Never Wasted Time

“Wait for the Lord’s help.
Be strong and brave,
and wait for the Lord’s help.”

Psalm 27:14


The Bible describes people’s interaction with God. Almost always they end up waiting for God to fulfill His promises to them.  They wait and wait.  Often God takes them right to 11:59, and then shows up in some miraculous way. That is just the way it is.


Waiting is quite beneficial to us.  Like a slow stream, it takes time for things to settle, we are often turbulent, and waiting helps us calm down.  Slowly the stream becomes clear and clean.  When our faith is tested; we develop patience and submission.  And when the blessing comes to us, we will savor it even more.

‘Waiters’ are actually reflectors on the promises of God yet to be.  It’s promised, but not yet.  Hebrews 11 is this very powerful statement of people waiting in faith.  Read this chapter and look at them waiting.  Each one is looking for a promise yet to come.  Some wait well, and others, not so much.

Waiting time will never be wasted time. 

 We should weave that into the fabric of our hearts.  Waiting is not like sitting in a room for your to see the doctor.  When I sit in a waiting room, I browse through old and tattered copies Newsweek and four year old National Geographics.  I study the other people who are also waiting, sometimes like a detective trying to understand the story of their lives up to this point.  I look at my watch a lot.

Waiting on God is not supposed to be like this. When the Word speaks to us of waiting, it has a great deal to say about humility. When we wait well, we start softening.  God’s waiting room is the place where we spend a large percentage of our lives. But it’s an active spot where we put ourselves in the sovereignty of God.  We see ourselves on His timetable, not ours.

“Faith means being sure of the things we hope for and knowing that something is real even if we do not see it.” 

Heb. 11:1

“If the Lord Jehovah makes us wait, let us do so with our whole hearts; for blessed are all they that wait for Him. He is worth waiting for. The waiting itself is beneficial to us: it tries faith, exercises patience, trains submission, and endears the blessing when it comes. The Lord’s people have always been a waiting people.”

 Charles Spurgeon