“And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.”
Philippians 1:6
Category: battle wounds
Anxiety Understood: Checklists
Personally, I have wrestled with anxiety over the years. The residual effect on my personality has been profound. The ‘panic attacks’ are coming about once a week, and they can be a formidable enemy. So far, I have not required meds for them, but I usually just crawl into bed, dim the lights and pray. They seems to pass in about 20 minutes. However the other symptoms kind of linger– a sort of ‘background noise’ to the soundtrack of my everyday life. Low levels of anxiety can be brought under control by the work of the Holy Spirit.
I hold God by His promises of peace. I have not been instantly healed yet, but I’m learning to cling to Jesus through it. I have to believe that anxiety keeps me close to Him, I suppose that is a good thing.
Common anxiety symptoms include:
Body (anxiety symptoms commonly associated with the body in general):
- Allergy problems, increase in allergies (number, sensitivity, reactions, lengthier reactions)
Back pain, stiffness, tension, pressure, soreness, spasms, immobility in the back or back muscles - Blanching (looking pale, loss of color in the face or skin)
- Blushing, turning red, flushed face, flushed skin, blushing, red face or skin
- Body jolts, body zaps, electric jolt feeling in body, intense body tremor or “body shake”
- Body temperature increase or decrease, change in body temperature
- Burning skin, itchy, “crawly,” prickly or other skin sensations, skin sensitivity, numbness on the skin
- Burning skin sensation on the face, neck, ears, scalp, or shoulders
- Chest pain, chest tightness
- Choking
- Chronic Fatigue, exhaustion, super tired, worn out
- Clumsiness, feeling clumsy, co-ordination problems with the limbs or body
- Cold chills, feeling cold
- Craving sugar, sweets, chocolate, usual craving for sugar and sweets
- Difficulty speaking, moving mouth, talking, co-ordination problems with the mouth or tongue
- Dizziness, feeling lightheaded
- Dizzy, feeling dizzy
- Electric shock feeling, body zaps
- Excess of energy, you feel you can’t relax
- Falling sensation, feel like your are falling or dropping even though you aren’t
- Feel like you are going to pass out or faint
- Feeling cold or chilled
- Feel wrong, different, foreign, odd, or strange
- Flu-like symptoms, general malaise, feel ill, like you are coming down with a flu
- Flushed face, red face, flushed skin
- “Head Zaps”
- Heart palpitations, racing heart
- Hyperactivity, excess energy, nervous energy
- Increased or decreased sex drive
- Infection – increased infections, persistent infection
- Mouth or throat clicking or grating sound/noise when you move your mouth or jaw, such as when talking
- Muscles that vibrate, jitter, tremor, or shake when used
- Muscle twitching
- Nausea
- Nausea, vomiting
- Neck, back, shoulder pain, tightness/stiffness
- Night sweats, waking up in a sweat, profusely sweating at night
- No energy, feeling lethargic, tired
- Numbness
- Numbness tingling, numbness and tingling
- Numbness and tingling, and other skin sensations on hands, feet, face, head, or any other places on the body
- Persistent muscle tension, stiffness
- Pounding heart, heart feels like it is beating too hard
- Pulsing or throbbing muscles. Pulsing or throbbing sensation.
- Rib or rib cage tightness, pressure, or feeling like a tight band around the rib cage
- Sexual Dysfunction, sexual uninterest
- Shooting pains, stabbing pains, and odd pressures in the neck, head or face
- Shooting pains in the face
- Shooting pains in the scalp or head
- Skipped heart beats
- Sore or tight scalp or back of the neck
- Startle easily
- Sweating, uncontrollable profuse sweating
- The floor feels like it is moving either down or up for no reason
- Tightness in the ribs or rib cage area, may also feel like a tight band around the ribs or rib cage area.
- Tingling sensations, anywhere on the body, including the hands, feet, legs, arms, head, mouth, chest, groin area
- Throat or mouth clicking or grating sound/noise when you move your mouth or jaw, such as when talking
- TMJ
- Trembling or shaking
- Twitching
- Unsteadiness, dizziness, feeling dizzy or lightheaded
- Urgency to urinate, frequent urination, sudden urge to go to the washroom (similar to urinary tract or prostate infection symptoms)
- Warm spells
- Weak – feel weak, weakness, low energy, light, soft, like you may faint
- Weak legs, arms, or muscles
- Weight loss, weight gain
Chest (anxiety symptoms commonly associated with the chest area):
- Chest pain or discomfort
- Concern about the heart
- Feel like you have to force yourself to breath
- Find it hard to breath, feeling smothered, shortness of breath
- Frequent yawning to try and catch your breath
- Heart Palpitations – beating hard or too fast, rapid heartbeat
- Heart – Irregular heart rhythms, flutters or ‘skipped’ beats, tickle in the chest that makes you cough
- Pounding heart, heart feels like it is beating too hard
- Rib or rib cage tightness, pressure, or feeling like a tight band around the rib cage
- Emotions (see mood) (anxiety symptoms commonly associated with emotions, mood, and feelings)
Fears (anxiety symptoms commonly associated with fear):
- A heightened fear of what people think of you
- Afraid of being trapped in a place with no exits
- Constant feeling of being overwhelmed.
- Fear of being in public
- Fear of dying
- Fear of losing control
- Fear of impending doom
- Fear of making mistakes or making a fool of yourself to others
- Fear of passing out
- Fear that you are losing your mind
- Fears about irrational things, objects, circumstances, or situations
- Fears of going crazy, of dying, of impending doom, of normal things, unusual feelings and emotions, unusually frightening thoughts or feelings
- Heightened self awareness, or self-consciousness
- Need to find nearest washrooms before you can feel comfortable
- Need to seat near exits
Head (anxiety symptoms commonly associated with the head):
- Burning, itchy, tight scalp
- Dizziness
- Dizzy
- Dizziness or light-headedness
- Frequent headaches, migraine headaches
- Feeling like there is a tight band around your head, pressure, tightness
- Head, neck or shoulder pain, tightness/stiffness
- Head zaps, head tremors
- Giddiness
- Numbness
- Numbness tingling, numbness and tingling
- Shooting pains, stabbing pains, and odd pressures in the neck, head, or face
- Shooting pains in the face
- Shooting pains in the scalp or head
- When you close your eyes you feel like are beginning to, or will, float upwards
- Sore jaw that feels like a tooth ache
- TMJ (Temporo-Mandibular Joint) – clenching of the jaw or grinding of the teeth
Hearing/Ear(s) (anxiety symptoms commonly associated with hearing):
- Feel like there is something stuck in your ear, that your ear canal it plugged or blocked, that there is a pebble in your ear that you can’t get out
- Low rumbling sounds
- Reduced hearing, frequent or intermittent reduced hearing or deafness in one or both ears
- Ringing in the ears, noises in the ears, noises in the head
- Pulsing in the ears, throbbing sound in the ear(s)
Mind (anxiety symptoms commonly associated with the mind and thinking):
- Afraid of everything
- Altered state of reality, consciousness, or universe feeling
- Deja Vu, a feeling like you’ve done or experienced something before
- Depersonalization
- Derealization
- Desensitization
- Difficulty concentrating, short-term memory loss
- Difficulty thinking, speaking, forming thoughts, following conversations
- Disorientation
- Fear of going crazy
- Fear of losing control
- Fear of impending doom
- Feelings of unreality
- Frequent feeling of being overwhelmed, or that there is just too much to handle or do
- Having difficulty concentrating
- Nightmares, bad dreams
- Obsession about sensations or getting better
- Repetitive thinking or incessant ‘mind chatter’
- Short-term learning impairment, have a hard time learning new information
- Short-term memory impairment, can’t remember what I did a few days, hours, or moments ago
- Spaced out feelings, feeling spaced out
- “Stuck” thoughts; thoughts, mental images, concepts, songs, or melodies that “stick” in your mind and replay over and over again.
- Trapped in your mind feeling
- Underlying anxiety, apprehension, or fear
- You often feel you are carrying the world on your shoulders
Mood / Emotions (anxiety symptoms commonly associated with mood, emotions, and feelings):
- Always feeling angry and lack of patience
- Depersonalization
- Depression
- Dramatic mood swings (emotional flipping)
- Emotionally blunted, flat, or numb
- Emotional “flipping” (dramatic mood swings)
- Emotions feel wrong
- Everything is scary, frightening
- Feeling down in the dumps
- Feeling like things are unreal or dreamlike
- Frequently being on edge or ‘grouchy’
- Feel like crying for no apparent reason
- Have no feelings about things you used to
- Not feeling like yourself, detached from loved ones, emotionally numb
- Underlying anxiety, apprehension, or fear
- You feel like you are under pressure all the time
Mouth/Stomach (anxiety symptoms commonly associated with the mouth and stomach):
- A ‘tinny’, ‘metallic’ or ‘ammonia’, or unusual smell or taste
- Aerophagia (swallowing too much air, stomach distention, belching)
- Burning mouth, feeling like the inside of your mouth is burning, or tingling, or like pins and needles, or all of these together or at different times
- Burning tongue, feeling like your tongue is burning, or tingling, or like pins and needles, or all of these, or all of these together or at different times
- Choking
- Constant craving for sugar or sweets
- Constipation
- Diarrhea
- Difficulty swallowing
- Difficulty talking, pronouncing certain letters or sounds, mouth feels like it isn’t moving right, slurred speech
- Dry mouth
- Feeling like you can’t swallow properly or that something will get caught in your throat
- Feeling like your tongue is swollen
- Lack of appetite or taste
- Lump in the throat, tight throat, something stuck in your throat
- Mouth muscles twitching/jumping
- Mouth or throat clicking or grating sound/noise when you move your mouth or jaw, such as when talking
- Nausea
- Nausea vomiting
- Nausea or abdominal stress
- Numbness
- Numbness tingling, numbness and tingling
- Stomach upset, gas, belching, bloating
- Teeth grinding
- The thought of eating makes you nauseous
- Tight throat, lump in throat
- Throat or mouth clicking or grating sound/noise when you move your mouth or jaw, such as when talking
- TMJ
- Tongue symptoms – Tingly, “stretched,” numb, frozen, itchy, “crawly,” burning, twitching, “jumpy,” aching, sore, or swollen tongue (when it isn’t).
- Urgency to urinate, frequent urination, sudden urge to go to the washroom
- Vomiting
Skin (anxiety symptoms commonly associated with the skin):
- Burning skin sensations, skin sensitivity
- Numbness
- Numbness tingling, numbness and tingling
- Skin problems, infections, rashes
Sleep (anxiety symptoms commonly associated with sleep):
- Difficulty falling or staying asleep
- Frequent bad, bizarre, or crazy dreams
- Hearing sounds in your head that jolt you awake
- Insomnia, or waking up ill in the middle of the night
- Jolting awake
- Waking up in a panic attack
- You feel worse in the mornings
Sight (anxiety symptoms commonly associated with sight):
- Distorted, foggy, or blurred vision
- Dry, watery or itchy eyes
- Eye tricks, seeing things our of the corner of your eye that isn’t there, stars, flashes
- Eyes sensitive to light
- Spots in the vision
- Flashing lights when eyes are closed
- Your depth perception feels wrong
Touch (anxiety symptoms commonly associated with touch):
- Burning skin sensations, skin sensitivity
- Feeling cold or chilled
- Numbness
- Numbness tingling, numbness and tingling
- Pain
- Tingling, pins and needles feelings
Other anxiety symptoms are described as:
Being like a hypochondriac, muscle twinges, worry all the time, tingles, gagging, tightness in the chest, tongue twitches, shaky, breath lump, heart beat problems, head tingles, itchy tingling in arms and legs, and so many more.
In addition to these anxiety symptoms, you may also find yourself worrying compulsively about:
• Having a heart attack • Having a serious undetected illness • Dying prematurely • Going insane or losing your mind • Suddenly snapping • Losing it • Uncontrollably harming yourself or someone you love • Losing control of your thoughts and actions • Being embarrassed or making a fool out of yourself • Losing control • Fainting in public • Not breathing properly • Losing control of reality • Choking or suffocating • Being alone
These are some of the more common anxiety symptoms. This list isn’t exhaustive. :-)
This information can also be found at: http://www.anxietycentre.com/anxiety-symptoms.shtml
Good Teaching by CBN on Overcoming Anxiety http://www.cbn.com/spirituallife/teachingsheets/keys-Overcoming_Anxiety_Worry_and_Tension.aspx
Jesus says, “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.”
Matthew 11:28, ESV
A Day in the Life of a Mental Hospital Patient
6:30 am. “Rise and shine,” but this is debatable– you simply just breathe and walk, in this kind of a desperate mental fog, (Simply put, ‘there will be no sunshine for you today.’) But, this only just seems to really matter to us, who have no hope. You exchange brief greetings with your roommate, which only just seems proper, even at this level. We are given “ratty” old surgical scrubs to wear through out the day.
We head down ‘en mass’ to the cafeteria. I see the servers on the line, I notice that they avert their eyes from us as we form a hungry queue. Sometimes, they will give us choices: “bacon or sausage?” To a mental patient, this can be a Gordian Knot of complexity. So the line moves slowly, as we try to sort out this conundrum.
There is no coffee for us, as patients. It has been two weeks for me, and I dream of a cup of hot coffee, with cream. Some of the attendants drink Pepsi, although it is done hiddenly, but we all know it. We resent their liberty, especially when we have none. There is a question of equity, with us, which has been violated.
8:40 am. We are all race to be the first in line for our morning meds. It almost seems we are afraid they are suddenly going to run out. I get my Seroquil, my lithium, my Zoloft. Additionally, because I am ‘post-op’ brain tumor, I am given a mild stimulant called Provigil to help me think clearly. I have no idea if it works, or not. (I rather have a cup of coffee.)
We then gather into a day room full of clunky and ugly furniture. It is big, and the chairs encircle a grimy tile floor to make a large open space. This is not an orderly place, as people are wandering about, some stare at the wall or at a fake plant in the corner. It is noisy, some even shout. Others just “rock” back and forth to a song that only they can hear. A few of us lie in “fetal position” of hiddenness, just wanting to disappear.
The thought occurred to me one day, of a ‘giant aquarium.’ It was constantly moving, swirling about. If you stopped moving, it meant that you were dead. Everyone was moving, and oblivious to the others who were also moving. This seems to explain much. (You will need to accept the ‘aquarium’ idea if you really want to process the moment.)
On one of my stays, weeks went by before I realized that this particular meeting actually existed, but I was very confused and seriously beyond any correction. I was really struggling with clinical depression, so meals and meds was all I could manage. When I finally figured this out, I quickly joined the fish bowl. It was both good and bad. But mostly good. Finally as bleak as it was, I started accepting reality.
11:00 am. One thing you do notice is a lot of disjointed conversations. You would speak to someone and 10 minutes later they would answer. And for the most part, conversations would be muted, whispered to people. As if there was a conspiracy involved, and a certain appropriateness must be taken. We were a paranoid bunch.
Sometimes an attendant would turn on the TV. I can remember watching cartoons and just maybe I would think that they were communicating to me in code. We did have a VCR for movies, but because one guy urinated into the machine, it shorted it out. So, alas, no more movies.
During one stay (and there were several) I was suicidal. The staff watched me like a hawk, sitting at my door out in the hallway. But I was desperate to cut my wrists, so I stood up in a chair. I took down a clock and wrapped it in a blanket, to muffle the sound of breaking glass. I managed to slash my wrists deeply and often, before the nurse came in my room. For a moment, I brought an excitement to the staff. And perhaps a certain meaning to me.
When you’re in a psych ward your days are beyond tedious. One day is like the next. The psychiatrist comes to see you for 10 minutes, and it is a high point of your day. You discover that any new explanations, or treatment plans are done solely by the doctor. That is one of the first cardinal rules on the ward. Ask a nurse or an aide, and they invariably dodge. But the psychiatrist “rules the roost.” Everyone follows his decision. This is useful to know.
1:00 pm. Suddenly a young teen girl with schizophrenia, screaming and pounding her head against the wall has now becomes the focus. Every couple of days this happens, and in a twisted way punctuates the drabness of the day. She is artfully restrained by the staff and taken to “the padded cell.” We are all told it is for her own protection, but we as patients, we all rally behind her fight. When she makes a break from the nurses we all cheer her effort and want her to escape.
The second cardinal rule of the floor is that you don’t “stick out” in any way. Creating an issue is never tolerated, whatsoever. Demanding more TV time, or coffee, or a newspaper will hardly ever go over well. Just before Thanksgiving, 2003, I timed my meeting with the pdoc to raise an issue of a fresh cup of coffee. There was a nurse present at our meeting, and she had to respond to the doctor’s order that I was to be given coffee on Thanksgiving morning. The next morning the coffee was delivered, but the nurse insisted that she would set in a chair next to me until I finished. Nevertheless, it was a glorious moment.
3:00 pm. I soon developed auditory hallucinations. First, I kept hearing a CB radio, squawking constantly. A few days later, I started to hear a telegraph, “dit-dot-dash.” They both were very loud and insisting that I pay attention. Also, I would have 3 or 4 moments of seeing black and hairy spiders climbing at me. They were so real, and even volitionally know they were not real, I still panicked.
4:30 pm. They’re other issues as well. I basically hated phone calls from family. When they did come they always seemed intrusive and seemed to work against the thinking on the ward. When a few friends did visit, I would be abrasive and rude. Wishing they hadn’t made the effort. I imagined their hearts processing me and my need to be there, and it disturbed me. Since I lived about 300 miles from the hospital, it took effort on their part to try to see me. Looking back though, I wish I had been nicer.
8:48 pm. Getting ready for bed. It seems that is what I have waited for this all day. These are moments I have started to live for. Sleep = oblivion. I fade to black, and life is paused. There isn’t any issues for me to figure out. For eight hours, I find peace, Sleep is a deep mercy, a gift given to us from the Father. Those of us, who struggle hard against the dark, understand the “gift” of grace in the form of sleep. Depressives very often crave sleep. We often want to hide into it, as if doing so would solve our problems and issues. For me, sleep was the only time I was free from the ward.
I want to sleep, to close my eyes and to be gone. I suppose that is true, for all of us who want to “commit suicide by sleep.” We seek oblivion, and long for the moment when we can “check out.” We want to be forgotten and overlooked. We deeply want to be erased, and move directly into forgottenness.
When we have been committed to the ward as patients, we will probably be shaken to our core. Our insertion into a diverse floor of mental illness, will always introduce us to deep desperation. We are jolted that there is a darkness that is pursing us far beyond what seems is right. We must call out to Him who can save us.
*
kyrie elesion, Bryan
Epileptic Christians Rule
“My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak,
but God remains the strength of my heart;
he is mine forever.”
Psalm 73:26, NLT
I think it’s time for me to talk openly about this.
For several months I have been experiencing absent seizures. These are moments when I just ‘check out’ and stare at something–actually at anything, but bright and flashy will almost always draws me in. These are not the ‘grand mal seizures’ with the jerking and shaking and rolling around (but I’ve been told that these can happen to me.) I have the ‘petit mal’ variety. Many times they go undetected and unnoticed by others. They seem like a long pause of thoughtfulness. But it isn’t. I’m having a seizure.
It seems just what I needed, “another kick-in-the-head.” The thought has been brewing lately that I’ve been mistreated by God again. Why? (Why do I always get the hammer? I wonder if heaven has a Complaint Department?)
My medical history would rival the classic, “Moby Dick” in terms of sheer mass and requiring “heavy lifting.” Hepatitis C, Manic depression, Brain tumor surgery and all the after effects–and now this. Perhaps, I need to spend some quality time with my Father? I like this verse a lot.
“O Lord, if you heal me, I will be truly healed;
if you save me, I will be truly saved.
My praises are for you alone!”
Jeremiah 17:14, NLT
I have worked hard to eradicate self-pity over the years (or I think I have). I’ve had so many medical issues and I don’t ever want to add “hypochondriac” to this list. I heard this joke about a young boy who was so caught up with his illness that he started to take his M&Ms one by one with a glass of water, like a pill.
The jolt is becoming real now. They want to take my driver’s license away. (What next–will I be mandated to hear a protective helmet?) All of this is so wrong, it seems to me. (“Can I get an ‘amen’ here?”) The last few days I’ve taken a new med, a proven anti-convulsive. I have never ever wanted a drug to work more then this one. Unfortunately, I am experiencing some side effects. I covet your prayers now, more than ever, especially for my wife, Lynn and my kids.
“I will trust Him. Whatever, wherever I am, I can never be thrown away. If I am in sickness, my sickness may serve Him; in perplexity, my perplexity may serve Him; if I am in sorrow, my sorrow may serve Him. My sickness, or perplexity, or sorrow may be necessary causes of some great end, which is quite beyond us. He does nothing in vain.”
John Henry Newman
Some links I have discovered to be interesting, and maybe even helpful.
http://epilepsyfoundation.ning.com/group/christianswithepilepsy
http://www.squidoo.com/ahealthyresponsetoseizuresversusdemons
http://morethanstone.blogsome.com/2007/02/27/epilepsy-and-spiritual-warfare/
&
ybic, Bryan
(L
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Broken Believers 