Category: following Jesus

The Scars of Depression

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It is a bad habit to try to teach without personal knowledge. We can preach, and yet we do not possess. This is one of the occupational hazards of those of us in our profession. It also seems to carry a horrible curse of spiritual sterility, that the wise believer can discern.

It’s been over 30 years since a diagnosis of severe clinical depression was made. I believe I was BP in my teens. Life is a roller-coaster for me, up and down, with a twist or two along the way. I am now fairly aware at 65 that much of my earthly existence has already been lived. Life can become such a grind. I’m tired and broken and ready for eternity.

But my scars have taught me so much. I understand, and I’m more aware of others. As a teacher, a pastor, it is a very good thing I believe. I also now have a profound desire to step into eternity. That will be a wonderful day. A moment of all moments. The ultimate moment.

“‘One should go to sleep as homesick passengers do, saying, “Perhaps in the morning we shall see the shore.”

–Henry Ward Beecher

Billy Bray was an illiterate Cornish evangelist in the 1850s. He was heard to pray this: “Lord, if any have to die this day, let it be me, for I am ready.” By faith, I think I do understand these sentiments. I am ready to go as well.

I love collecting good quotes. But here’s two more good ones:

“God buries His workmen but carries on His work.”   -Charles Wesley
“If we really think that home is elsewhere and that this life is a “wandering to find a home,” why should we not look forward to the arrival?”  – C.S. Lewis

Sorry if I’m being too maudlin. But the battle is so long, and it doesn’t ever let up, does it? We all can become weary after a while. What we need is to be ‘shut in’ with the Lord. The Word reminds us:

”Strengthening the souls of the disciples, encouraging them to continue in the faith, and saying that through many tribulations we must enter the kingdom of God”

Acts 14:22

“Tribulations” are common, and each must battle through them. And without being melodramatic, we each must walk through the blazing furnace. But I can also boldly attest that there is more than enough grace for each of us. We just need to become desperate enough. (Which shouldn’t be too hard).

Armor is given. Wearing it means you’ll survive (and thrive) to see another day. Those who may suggest that the Christian life is a “bed of roses,” I would say that they haven’t read Ephesians 6. If there is no war, why would the Holy Spirit tell us to put it on?

“Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. 11 Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil.” 

Ephesians 6:10-11

We are just starting to learn we must fall in love with Jesus. He receives us with a massive kind of love. And His mercy meets us at every doubtful corner. You have His Word on it. Simply ask Him to come to you. 

 

God bless you.

In Need of Grace–Quotes

I’ve put together a collection of quotes one of my favorite authors, Brennan Manning.  I have found that when he writes, he penetrates.  What he writes goes deep into the soul of losers: junkies, drunks, and mentally ill people–he tells us of God’s love like few have ever done. 

To Manning, every person is redeemable, none are too far gone.  Brennan Manning was a strong voice to the weak, the lame, the mentally challenged, and for the prodigal.

I blame him for the theme of this post–that brokenness is our path out of depression: Bipolar, Schizophrenia, OCD, PTSD, Schizoaffective disorder, and addictions.

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“There is a beautiful transparency to honest disciples who never wear a false face and do not pretend to be anything but who they are.”

“My deepest awareness of myself is that I am deeply loved by Jesus Christ and I have done nothing to earn it or deserve it.”

 “To live by grace means to acknowledge my whole life story, the light side and the dark. In admitting my shadow side I learn who I am and what God’s grace means.”

“To be alive is to be broken; to be broken is to stand in need of grace.”

“Christianity doesn’t deny the reality of suffering and evil… Our hope… is not based on the idea that we are going to be free of pain and suffering. Rather, it is based on the conviction that we will triumph over suffering.”

“I am what I am in the sight of Jesus and nothing more. It is His approval that counts.”

“[Be] daring enough to be different, humble enough to make mistakes, wild enough to be burnt in the fire of love, real enough to make others see how phony [you] are.”

“The blood of the Lamb points to the truth of grace: what we cannot do for ourselves, God has done for us. On the cross, somehow, someway, Christ bore our sins, took our place, died for us. At the cross, Jesus unmasks the sinner not only as a beggar but as a criminal before God.”

“Do the truth quietly without display.”

“It is for the inconsistent, the unsteady disciples whose cheese is falling off their cracker.”

“The dominant characteristic of an authentic spiritual life is the gratitude that flows from trust—not only for all the gifts that I receive from God, but gratitude for all the suffering. Because in that purifying experience, suffering has often been the shortest path to intimacy with God.”

“The greatest single cause of atheism in the world today is Christians, who acknowledge Jesus with their lips and walk out the door and deny him with their life style. That is what an unbelieving world simply finds unbelievable.”

“The saved sinner is prostrate in adoration, lost in wonder and praise. He knows repentance is not what we do in order to earn forgiveness; it is what we do because we have been forgiven. It serves as an expression of gratitude rather than an effort to earn forgiveness.”

“In essence, there is only one thing God asks of us–that we be men and women of prayer, people who live close to God, people for whom God is everything and for whom God is enough. That is the root of peace.”

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I really hope some of these quotes have connected.  Brennan Manning has authored several books all of which I can heartily recommend. 


Touching Him

“A woman suffering from bleeding for twelve years, who had spent all she had on doctors and yet could not be healed by any, approached from behind and touched the end of his robe. Instantly her bleeding stopped.

45 “Who touched me?” Jesus asked.

When they all denied it, Peter said, “Master, the crowds are hemming you in and pressing against you.”

Luke 8:43-45, (Matthew 9:20-22)

I just had to touch Him.

I had to reach out and somehow get His attention. It was no longer an option. I bled all the time and it wouldn’t stop. It was constant, and it had been 12 miserable years. No one or nothing could cure this, no doctor, no medicine. I was so desperate. It had to stop, you must understand, I was dying.

I had spent so much money, on so many doctors.

I had nothing left. Each doctor promised a cure and my hopes were always dashed. But then I heard about a teacher named Jesus, I was told He had the power to raise the dead and heal every disease He encountered. I don’t really know why, but instantly I knew only He could heal me.

I had an issue of blood, that meant I was ritually unclean and all that I touched became unclean. The temple was off-limits to me, I had been cut off from sacrifice and any kind of personal forgiveness for my sins. In my darker moments, I really wondered if God really had forsaken me? Was I damned?

It had been 12 terribly exhausting years.

What I had to do must be done secretly and quietly. I knew I just somehow had to touch this man. I would have to wriggle my way through the crowd to get close enough. I would be violating ritual law, if I got caught and I’d be harshly censured and condemned.

But I was always tired. Sometimes I barely could walk without fainting.

The crowds were packed all around Him, but honestly, I knew all I needed was just a simple touch. I knew Jesus had the power. I just knew it. I needed somehow to get close enough; I knew that everything depended on me somehow connecting with Him.

So I waited and watched. I tried to jockey myself and get in the right position. The crowds were tightly surrounding Jesus, I had to push, drive and squeeze. Sometimes I had to get on my hands and knees. But in that split second when He passed, I just managed to grab just the very outside corner of the tassel of His head covering.

And immediately the flow stopped. Just like that! I felt it inside, and immediately knew what happened. Finally I knew, deep down, I had been healed! I was clean.

Please understand dear one, only Jesus can free you. If you can only reach out and touch Him, He will change you– forever.

“Christ is the Good Physician. There is no disease He cannot heal; no sin He cannot remove; no trouble He cannot help.”

    James H. Aughey

So What’s Next ?

“And Jesus said to him, “Go your way; your faith has made you well.” And immediately he recovered his sight and followed him on the way.”

Mark 10:53, ESV

God has touched you in a profound way, (at least I hope so.) Only He could’ve done this. You’re not the same person now. Just like Jesus healed blind Bartimaeus, you too can really see. The beggar becomes a follower. (Mark 10:46-53.)

So what’s next?

There is always another step to take as we follow Jesus. Everyday there is something new. Our salvation is given freely, but we discover that it’s something active–more like a flowing stream and less like a stagnant pool. If we truly have been “healed,” we’ll want to follow. And now each day is a joyous adventure.

After all, we’ve been terribly blind for a long, long time.

Bartimaeus would never be able to truly explain what had happened to him, at least not in a perfect or complete way to the others–but no matter, it really wasn’t necessary. (But I must believe he tried.) He could see!

Notice the sequence of events in verse 53—

  • Jesus: “Go your own way.”
  • Bartimaeus: “..followed Him on the way.”

He was now a true follower. No longer a blind beggar, but he now was a true companion of Jesus and the “church.” He now walked with other believers in the Master’s band of disciples. (Having been blind and instantaneously given sight changed him forever.)

So what happened next?

I suspect Bartimaeus followed the Lord all the way. Although scripture doesn’t say what happened, I believe this ‘ex-blind’ man was now a visible witness to any with eyes to see. Bartimaeus became an authentic witness–God’s megaphone to the power and mercy of Jesus Christ.

I can’t say exactly. Each believer has a different story.

But I do know tomorrow’s life episode is going to be something fantastic, and a challenge. The fruit of the Holy Spirit is given to each who are truly being discipled to follow. The road in front of you just might be excruciatingly hard, but truly there is joy in our journey with Jesus.

“You called, You cried, You shattered my deafness, You sparkled, You blazed, You drove away my blindness, You shed Your fragrance, and I drew in my breath, and I pant for You.”

   Augustine

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