Category: personal comments

Jesus Help Me, I’m Knotted Up, Again

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“Why should you be like someone confused, like a mighty warrior who cannot give help? Yet you, O Lord, are in the midst of us, and we are called by your name; do not forsake us!”

Jeremiah 14:9

Twenty three years ago, I started this blog–

Looking back on it has been very helpful.

In recent weeks I’ve gone through a time of profound confusion. My grip on reality has been tenuous at best. I’ve had a struggle with a depersonalizing sense, I seem not to “see” reality as I used to. Everything seems increasingly odd, and disjointed. I see myself outside myself.

Everything is knotted up, again.

I have had bouts with this before. And yet every time the Father has “fathered” me. I have been led through each bout. In many ways, the clinical depression has changed, now it slams. It used to be kind of low grade, kind of a grey fog, a steady and tedious despair, but now it’s more like a black lightning bolt.

I have had suicidal urges and thinking. I hate handling a kitchen knife, as I get the urge to plunge it into my chest. It’s funny like that, I call out to Jesus and He truly does find me.

He straightens out my knotted life only as He can.

History:

This blog initially started off in September 2009 following the idea of “broken believers.” Perhaps it was overly ambitious. But my heart’s desire is to be transparent and very honest. I still want to see this happen, and it does, sometimes.

I know I am not some super-saint with just the right answer for everyone. If I ever made this impression, please forgive me. Believe me, I only want His gentle presence to touch broken people.

For you see, I am the broken believer that writes this blog.

 

Contemplating the Crib

When we think about Jesus, when we start to contemplate the crib, we explode into joy over what we have seen. We inaugurate a convincing of His second coming. You might say that we suddenly adjust to a Jesus who just drops in on us.

“And when Christ, who is your life, is revealed to the whole world, you will share in all his glory.”

Col. 3:4, NLT

Jesus anticipates that His visits to earth, will start to bear fruit. There will be many who will be validated to step up into this place of salvation. But many of us will be part of many others who are involved in this sharing. Jesus has come, and all of us enter into something quite exceptional.

But this is all a future event, it hasn’t happened yet, but we do think about when He will return. But this is not an occasional, fleeting awareness. But we are confident we do understand that His return alters everything. All of a sudden, we are launched into real and eternal promises. These critical assignments coming from this world, will never take the place of being in God‘s purposes.

Paul is wrapped up with a deep and profound understanding of things that are on the threshold.  He is the apostle of the aware. He seems to sizzle with understanding that progresses out of his initiative and creative effort.

But Paul develops, after he sees, a careful sense of certain things that are moving. But he knows what He has seen, and he insists that others join him in this.

This is why we must procure this awareness. To operate in the realm of Paul will be worth our weight in “celestial gold.”  Things are rich and fecund, and they wait in a exceptional awareness. As Paul follows, so we follow. In the Heavenly places, we are being counted as being faithful and quite true.

The Greeting Card, (Christmas 1986)

“And he came to her and said, “Greetings, O favored one, the Lord is with you!”“

Luke 1:28, ESV

I suppose the shepherds were the target. A full complement of angels were needed as they worshiped God in the hearing of these humble men. Nothing like this had ever happened before; the music of heaven invaded a pasture and visited unwashed men.

The Christian faith always has this fundamental aspect of ‘announcing.’ It is part and parcel to our message. The Gospel can’t be silent. It demands a simple witness to unseen realities, and it proclaims the Truth, whether we like or not.

But I’m especially fond of the shepherds.

Uncomplicated, and unpretentious they take the Good News with them as they go to witness the Christ Child. God hasn’t forgotten us. He will die a miserable death, and come to life again.

And I like this poem, an awful lot.

bA Poem, Written on Christmas Day, 1986

My mail carrier, driving his stubby white truck trimmed in blue and red, wingless, but wheeled, commissioned by the civil service

Daily delivers the Gospel every Advent.

This Gabriel, uniformed in gabardine.

Unsmiling descendant of his dazzling original,

under the burden of greetings is stoical,

but prompt: Annunciations at ten each morning.

One or two or three at a day at first;

By the second week momentum’s up,

my mail box is stuffed, each card is stamped

with a glory at a cost of twenty-five cents

    (Bringing us the news that God is with us.)

First class, personally hand addressed.”

The angel said, “Don’t be afraid. I’m here to announce a great and joyful event that is meant for everybody, worldwide: A Savior has just been born in David’s town, a Savior who is Messiah and Master. This is what you’re to look for: a baby wrapped in a blanket and lying in a manger.”

Luke 2, The Message

Written by Eugene Peterson, author of “The Message” and many other works.  He wrote this poem in 1986 to commemorate the power the Gospel that has in the lives of those who really have no awareness of the light they bring.
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Wolves Clothed As Sheep

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“Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves.” 

 Matthew  7:15, NIV

My channel changer flips through the enormous darkness that exists in the world.  I’m reminded that Jesus clearly warns His flock of the cold, hard realities of deception and deceitfulness they face. 

Trickery abounds and things simply are not what they seem to be.

Darkness has a dark grasp on so many. The devil’s cunning is his ability to adapt to each person’s weakness. Deception has worked well for him for thousands of years. But understand: Lucifer is alive and well and he is prowling planet Earth.

An alert has been sounded by Jesus.

The reality of deception is now made obvious. Sometimes, some sheep will not really be sheep. Our senses are not always trained to look for counterfeit Christians.  We get confused by the outside (“it looks like wool to me”).  But it’s a lie.  The wolf has deliberately taken on the attire of a believer.

Jesus explains what really is taking place around us.

(Oh my, how He wants us to discern!)  I think every believer should have a holy skepticism of outward displays of faith.  This is not cynicism or negativity; rather it is a cautious faith– one in which we can discern the realities of a world that routinely destroys people. The first-generation Church understood the reality of evil and what it would do when it’s unleashed.

“The first step on the way to victory is to recognize the enemy.” 

Corrie Ten Boom

Ferocious” in verse 15 is a sobering word.  When I read it, I think of my home in Alaska with its wilderness and its wolves and brown bears; or maybe the grasslands of the ‘Serengeti’ with its lions or leopards.   A dangerous carnivore is often hidden by its camouflage.

Ferocity is a ‘predator’ word, a word that intensifies danger. Satan can patiently stalk for days, and maybe even months, and then he springs his trap and ambushes its victims.

wolf-sheeps-clothing

“I know that as soon as I’m gone, vicious wolves are going to show up and rip into this flock, men from your very own ranks twisting words so as to seduce disciples into following them instead of Jesus. So stay awake and keep up your guard.”

Acts 20:29, MSG

The Bible tells us that we must understand two critical things: 

1) Deception is quite possible for the real believer, that in 2000 years the darkness is still potent. Satan is alive and well on planet Earth.

2) Living in close proximity to Jesus will protect us in the dark. The true Shepherd keeps His flock. He is our complete protection and safe place against evil things we don’t quite see.

When we’re alerted that the enemy is close to us, the best thing we can do is to move closer to our Shepherd. The battle is His, we are His.

“The devil is nimble; he can run apace; he is light of foot; he hath overtaken many. They that would have heaven must run for it.”

     John Bunyan

 

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