My ‘Agape’ Jalopy

Accepting the reality of our broken, flawed lives is the beginning of spirituality not because the spiritual life will remove our flaws but because we let go of seeking perfection and, instead, seek God, the one who is present in the tangledness of our lives. ”  — Michael Yaconelli

My “Agape” Jalopy

Accepting ourselves is a lifelong process.

We talk of “accepting Christ”, but for many that really is not the problem.  When we talk about Jesus, there is such an attractiveness about him, that makes ‘hard-boiled’ agnostics stand back and grudgingly admire.  But, to accept “me”, well that takes more then just a bit of imagination.  When your depressed or anxious it just escalates the problem.

We just don’t like ourselves.  Sometimes I think that if I met me, I would think, “What a jerk! ”  Having psychiatric issues only intensifies and focalizes my sin into a horrifying mess.  I’m not just a loser, I’m a loser on steroids.  A supreme loser!  I’m certainly not the red Ferrari, I am obviously the rusty Edsel with the balloon tires and a lousy heater.

The remarkable thing though is not my spiritual unattractiveness, but God’s irrational love for me.  The New Testament writers used the word we translate “love” as “agape“.  That Greek word meant a love without any conditions, a selfless love, a love that was passionately committed to the well being of the other.  Actually, it is a love that goes out of the way to care for its enemy.  That’s the audacity of agape.

We do the mental gymnastics to try to grasp the definition.  We strain and contort but it defies comprehension.  We grab, hold it, and then it gets loose and we clutch air.

“This is how much God loved [agape] the world: He gave his Son, his one and only Son. And this is why: so that no one need be destroyed; by believing in him, anyone can have a whole and lasting life .”                                

 -John 3:16, MSG

When I tell you, “Jesus loves you”, you will probably smile politely, nod and say “I know,” and turn away.  But, once in awhile, “lightning will strike,” you will look up in stunned amazement, with tears in your eyes, and whisper, “I know”.

…………………………

Spirituality is not about being fixed; it is about God’s being present in the mess of our unfixedness.” — Michael Yaconelli, Messy Spirituality

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Our Very Real Treasure

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As Christians often our theology tells us that mental illness, depression, and bipolar disorder have no place in the believer’s life.  So we hide, sneaking into our sessions with our therapists, and then change the subject to minimize our exposure to direct questions. We have hidden our issues really well.
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But I would submit to you that it is we who are closest to the Kingdom of God. It is far easier for us to approach the Father, in our brokenness, humility, and lostness. We have needs; a sound mind, a healthy body and we know it. We have no illusions of wellness, nothing can convince us that we are well. We are not. We are broken and only our loving creator can mend us.
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You might say that the Church needs us. An Archbishop was given an ultimatum by the Huns who surrounded his cathedral. “You have 24 hours to bring your wealth to these steps”, the war-leader declared. The next morning the Archbishop came out leading the poor, the blind, the lame, and the lunatics. “Where is your treasure? Why have you brought out these, people?” The Archbishop said this, “These are the treasures of the Church, these who are weak are our valuables. They make us rich.”
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I am afraid the the Western Church no longer sees its “treasures” like it should. In our pride and self-centeredness we have operated our churches like successful businesses. We value giftedness more than weakness. We definitely have no room for the desperately weak. It’s time for the Church to begin to act like Jesus.
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Church isn’t where you meet. Church isn’t a building. Church is what you do. Church should be a verb.  Church is who you are. Church is the human outworking of the person of Jesus Christ. Let’s not go to Church, let’s be the Church.
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Exam Time: Psalm 138

“God, examine me and know my heart;
       test me and know my anxious thoughts.
 24 See if there is any bad thing in me.
       Lead me on the road to everlasting life.”

Psalm 138:23-24,  NCV

 

“Examine me |  Test me | See me | Lead me.”  When we think about an examination, we are never happy or relaxed about it.  In our thinking an examination could mean the exposure of weakness.  And that is exactly what we want to avoid.  Funny though, the psalmist puts himself under the microscope.  He invites full disclosure, he anticipates God’s x-ray machine.  He wants it.

But his life isn’t perfect or complete.  There are fears, and anxieties laying deep inside his heart.  Many times this would divide us, and split us from Him.  Anxiety will often become a strong wall, that would grow into an issue of some significance.  The psalmist moves into God’s presence.  So much in him had to be extracted.  Understanding that the Father is incredibly aware of us is only the first step.

Examine me |  Test me | See me | Lead me.  Four words that we must get to know.  The Christian life “pivots” on these four words. The four brought together, get dynamically linked into our hearts.  These four concepts will become quite critical as we come closer to Him.  There is a synergy, when the elements of discipleship are mixed together.  For example, if we extract “the examine me” part of this equation, we will not be able to conclude the situations we face very effectively.

I once made a couple loaves of bread where I mistakenly substituted sugar instead of flour.  I was frustrated because the lump of dough, was not responding.  So what did I do?  I added more “flour” which was really powered sugar, from the unmarked canister.  Later, what I buried in the backyard was a big lump of something that would never, ever work.   Not even if I wished it very hard.

Discipleship must always be intimacy at its a basic level. 

That takes God examining my life, full disclosure of everything.  We need to be intimate, by being astonishingly open to Him.  The things we share will be confidential.  And it will also be essential. “May it be the real me who encounters the real You.”

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My Favorite Psalm

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Probably the best known Psalm in the Bible is Psalm 23:The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want . . .” And I do like this Psalm. I particularly like the part that says “Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, you are with me.” I like this part because of the preposition “through,” which indicates the valley of the shadow of death is not a permanent dwelling place, but rather a place we travel through to get somewhere else. But this is not my favorite Psalm.

Psalm 22 is also another popular one, especially since Jesus quoted it on the cross when he said, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” I like this Psalm because of it’s prophetic nature. Looked at closely you can find many of the things that would later happen to Jesus talked about by David in this Psalm even though David did not know that is what he was doing. But this is not my favorite Psalm either.

Psalm 27 is another favorite of many because it gives courage when it says, “ The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?” In a sometimes terrifying and wearying world, this Psalm provides great comfort to those enduring trials. But this is not my favorite either.

If you ask most Christians (and even some non-Christians), they will have a favorite Psalm, and I am no different. My favorite is Psalm 116. This Psalm starts in verse 1 with: “I love the LORD, for he heard my voice; he heard my cry for mercy.” This is a Psalm of David when he was in great anguish and danger. The verses that speak to me the most are 3-4 and 8-9.

3 The cords of death entangled me,
       the anguish of the grave came upon me;
       I was overcome by trouble and sorrow.

 4 Then I called on the name of the LORD :
       “O LORD, save me!”

8For you, O LORD, have delivered my soul from death,
       my eyes from tears,
       my feet from stumbling,

 9 that I may walk before the LORD
       in the land of the living.

Reading this Psalm reminds me of my journey through major depression and how God was with me in it all. It reminds me why I trust in Him – because He has proven Himself faithful to me in the past and has heard my cries for mercy. I supposed Psalms 23, 22, or 27 could serve the same purpose, but the language of Psalm 116 more closely fits the trouble and sorrow I went through, especially the part about delivering my eyes from tears. If you have ever experienced major depression, or known someone who has, you know that tears are an almost constant companion, and yet there is no understanding of why they are there.

I still have times of melancholy, and I certainly cry from time to time. But now I can identify what is making me blue and my tears have a reason and purpose when they come. And my God is always there to hear my cries of mercy.

So this is my favorite Psalm. What’s yours?

ysic, Linda K.

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