Category: transparency

Whim-Whams

getty_rm_photo_of_woman_seen_through_eyeglasses_of_another

“In our family “whim-wham” is code, a defanged reference to any number of moods and psychological disorders, be they depressive, manic, or schizoaffective. Back in the 1970s and ’80s – when they were all straight depression – we called them “dark nights of the soul.” St. John of the Cross’s phrase ennobled our sickness, spiritualized it. We cut God out of it after the manic breaks started in 1986, the year my dad, brother, and I were all committed. Call it manic depression or by its new, polite name, bipolar disorder. Whichever you wish. We stick to our folklore and call it the whim-whams.”

— David Lovelace, Scattershot: My Bipolar Family

flourish2

Speaking in code is often our way of communicating to those who are curious. We seldom tell anyone we have bipolar disorder outright. Some of us tried, and failed; we fall back to “I’m just a little blue today,” or the classic, “I’m just woke up on the wrong side of the bed.” We really can be somewhat disingenuous.

All too often these are half-truths that deflect the sticky issues of a mental breakdown. We seek to salvage some kind of dignity, or evade the inevitable stigma that would certainly come if we told the truth. We choose to evade, but at a cost.

I struggle with the stigma of both bipolar disorder and epilepsy. I’m still uncomfortable when others seem uncomfortable with me. So, I have developed a general rule:

Bryan’s Rule #14, “Never reveal your illness, except to qualified people.”

I suppose this adds a layer of personal security. The occasions I have violated this rule have resulted in awkward pauses and odd looks. Afterwards, the relationship changed. It was as if I suddenly sprouted a second head, or something.

As Christian believers, I know we are supposed to walk in the truth. But exactly how truthful am I supposed to be? I’ve always had an iconoclastic streak, and I love stretching the social boundaries of others. Bipolar disorder has been an illness made-to-order for people like me.

Bryan’s Rule #15, “Openness can be a true step toward my healing.”

But it take truth to change. We really need to be honest by bringing things into the light. Obscuring the truth keeps us isolated and distant from others. Will speaking forthrightly about my bipolar disorder be a challenge? Of course. But necessary if I want to heal and cope.

I’m not advocating making a big sign and parading down Main Street. Just to be a bit more honest with others, and ultimately with ourselves. Let’s be comfortable with our own personal “whim-whams.”

aabryscript

 

Fear God Only

fear god only

“—for you shall not worship any other god, for the Lord, whose name is Jealous, is a jealous God—”

Exodus 34:14

“And remember that the heavenly Father to whom you pray has no favorites. He will judge or reward you according to what you do. So you must live in reverent fear of him during your time as “foreigners in the land.””

1 Peter 1:17, NLT

flourish2

A frequent issue confronted by disciples is that between fear and faith.  The question posed to us concerns “fearing God”, and trusting Him.  Can intimacy be built on the foundation of fear?  Deep within, we understand the need for fear, at least a reverence.

We are now sons and daughters of a loving God who just happens to be holy and just. It’s as if our faith is reduced to an uneasy contact with someone who is quite dangerous. We don’t easily find the balance; it drives us to a false sense of relationship. Often we are either resentful and cower, or we blatantly disregard Him. (Or somewhere in between.)

Yet fear has a place.  Our Father reveals to us that He is not just some mere tribal deity over a specific group of people.  Rather, Jehovah God is the Creator, and the Sustainer of this terrestrial ball, and everything that works itself out in the here-and-now.  We are to fear, but with a legitimate fear.  He is a loving God who happens to hate sin and iniquity. These things continue to destroy His creation. It defiles all that is right and perfect. He would not be just, or right to overlook sin.

I am certain that He loves me with a “crazy-love”.  His affection for me pushes the boundaries of anything logical. He is not reasonable with His intense love.  He directed His Son to come for me, and lift me out of my ugliness, sinfulness and perversity.  His love goes beyond anything rational. But I fear Him. It is a fear that I might offend Him and somehow harm His kingdom. (That is a legitimate possibility, but it also strengthens me to obey Him.)

So, do I fear or do I love?  I think the wrestling with this will work itself into me.  It is fear and love combined, worked into my heart like yeast is worked in bread dough.  There will be a resulting effect. I have a faith that should grow this up. It needs to advance as I mature in Him. I choose to love Him fiercely, and fear Him conclusively.

aabryscript

Scare the Bullies: Psalms 86

14 O God, insolent men have risen up against me;
    a band of ruthless men seeks my life,
    and they do not set you before them.
15 But you, O Lord, are a God merciful and gracious,
    slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness.
16 Turn to me and be gracious to me;
    give your strength to your servant,
    and save the son of your maidservant.
17 Show me a sign of your favor,
    that those who hate me may see and be put to shame
    because you, Lord, have helped me and comforted me.

Ps. 86:14-17, ESV

This the last of three parts, and we should be impressed with its diversity. There are vista points here, where we can stop and wonder. I remember lounging in the California redwoods, just meandering and soaking it in. It basically undid me. And after awhile, I found it hard to speak. (Itself a minor miracle!)

But scripture can do this as well. When we really start looking, and praying, and meditating we start to appreciate all the Father has done for us. And it’s not just “deep thinkers,” who can do this.  Actually, deep thinking is a liability. It is the simple, the humble, the slow, those who have absurd patience– they are the ones who can do some serious reflecting. Children do it best I think.

Commentary

V. 14, is pretty much David’s reality. He is on Satan’s “hit list.” He has a “contract’ on his life. He must deal with this as he moves through his day. I can imagine that this could be quite corrosive and detrimental to your soul; your heart and your mind. He must have thought, ‘Can I really trust this person, does he have a dagger?’ I would have been a mess, twisted up with paranoia and fear.

V. 15, each word used in this verse is quite precise, each phrase carefully used. This is not David flattering God, it is not “boot-licking” mush. Rather, this verse is an accurate portrayal of the Lord God’s character. It is David’s appraisal of how he has experienced God, the things he has found out about Him. David has a long history with the Father, and he reminds himself of how good God really was.

V. 16, in this verse we see David appealing to God on the basis of relationship. Also, David speaks of a kind of “future grace.” Yes, good things have happened in his life, God things. But that isn’t enough for the present moment, and the future. David needs freshness, a grace tailored just for today, custom built.

David’s source for his survival is in God’s cupboards. He knows this, and boldly steps up and asks for it. Interestingly David doesn’t come as an anointed king, having a majestic aura. When he refers to himself, it is as ”the son of your maidservant.”

V. 17, “The Message” Bible is interesting in how it translates this particular verse:

“Make a show of how much you love me 
      so the bullies who hate me will stand there slack-jawed, 
   As you, God, gently and powerfully 
      put me back on my feet.”

ybic, Bryan

kyrie elesion. (Lord, have mercy.)

_________________

I wrote this on Feb. 21, 2012 and it was posted on my second website, “Psalmslife.com.” If you happen to like this kind of teaching, there is a “whole boatload” on that site, 70-80 posts just on the Psalms. I would be honored if you would check it out.  –B.

Is Jesus Your Center?

Jesus, the Center of Life and Time

“The apostles gathered around Jesus and told him about all the things they had done and taught.”

Mark 6:30, New Century Version

We need to become accountable to Him for the things we say, and the things we do.  A liberated discipleship is one that can’t be trusted–there is no supervision, and no direction.  And we need to be accountable.  It is not a question of freedom– but of slavery, and duty (kind of a “neutral” word.)  Within our culture, we are dancing on a knife’s edge, and we become intensely counter-cultural when we live authentically as His disciples.

The text has noted, “They gathered unto Him.”  That dear one, is the real essence of your walk.  He is the absolute center, that fact will never change.  Without Him we will drift in and out, unfocused and confused.  But these wonderful disciples know absolutely that Jesus Christ is their common focus, no matter what their own personal proclivities.

A simple word about all the plurality and variety among Christians.  We are intensely different.  Some of us are Pentecostals, and some are Roman Catholics.  Some Orthodox, Lutherans and Quakers. We are Mennonites, Baptists and Methodists. There is so much variety in the Church.  But I think that all of us are coming to Jesus–He is our center!

I no longer doubt or fear the amazing variety that is in the Church.  We are dealing with a God who can’t even make snowflakes alike!  We make Styrofoam cups that are exactly alike, and He does snowflakes.  He insists on creativity and being unique. Shouldn’t our churches reflect this?

The verse tells us that the disciples had the freedom to come to Jesus and report.  There wasn’t a need to embellish or exaggerate their work. They are not in competition with each other.  They have a broad confidence, an easiness and sureness about Him.  Jesus is the easiest master to work for.  Bob Dylan told us, “You gotta serve somebody.”

And serving Him is kind of demanding, but it is also a great and wonderful joy.  Only those caught in the middle are miserable.  They can’t make the choice.  They’re in a tough place. We must pray for them.

“Done and taught.”  The disciples have been active on their journey.  They have travelled different directions. They work, and then they teach.  And really that is all that disciple comes down to.  Working, and talking.  Talking, and working.  I believe that it was significant that this would become the focal point, and bulk of their time with Jesus was essential.  That tells me something.  In some real sense, this is how we are to monitor and evaluate ourselves.

1)  Do I gather onto Jesus with others?

2)  Do I share with Him things that matter?

3)  Do I evaluate my service with His light?

4)  Do I tell Him everything– “honest and truthful?”

U

ybic, Bryan

j

Related articles