“Through suffering, our bodies continue to share in the death of Jesus so that the life of Jesus may also be seen in our bodies.”
2 Corinthians 4:10, NLT
“Since he himself has gone through suffering and testing, he is able to help us when we are being tested.”
Hebrews 2:18
No book, no tutor will give us the education we need. We must patiently go through seasons of difficulty and temptation before we can understand what our brother or sister is facing. Furthermore, we must advance through different levels; sickness, injury, loss and discouragement. On top of this, we must be tutored in the language of affliction, till we speak it without an accent.
This is a ‘strange’ school. We’re watched and observed very closely to see what we will do. “Will he give $5 to the homeless man, or will he turn away like usual?” There are billions of these scenarios that we get placed in. And often there are multiple layers of these ‘programs’ running simultaneously.
And yet we are always being evaluated in love.
It is very advantageous for you to pass this way, because it lets you speak the dialect of suffering, with its mixture of pain and joy. Believers now have a common tongue which in we communicate.
When Lynn and I lost our daughter Elizabeth, it was a deep, dark valley. But I came to see (understand) that in some obscure way now able to speak into the hearts of those who were lost in pain. Death has a way of touching us deeply.
There are so many different classes in God’s ‘strange’ university. You may be enrolled in Compassion 101, or Mercy 410. Oh, and by the way there is a school counselor available to all students that request Him (the Holy Spirit).
Also, we will do remarkably better if we will befriend others who are also enrolled. Worshipping and the Word are quite critical as we must keep our spirits clean and right.
“He suffered and endured every test and temptation, so that he can help us every time we pass through the ordeals of life.”
Do the things that show you really have changed your hearts and lives.
When we evaluate change, the Biblical definition is crisp and solid. It has everything understood in results (or fruit) and less to with my posturing. Just simple words or emotions aren’t enough when we consider authentic transformation. We can’t relate to feelings, they need actions to become visible. You may feel ‘warm and fuzzy’ when you think about Jesus, and yet somehow that’s not enough. Especially if you’re beating your wife.
Actions do matter. Your actions will define what you believe about God. What you decide to do, will delineate what is really real. Jesus made it clear to his congregation that their definition of repentance needed adjusting.
I struggle with many things, I seem to be a magnet for all things dark and lost. So this proper way of evaluating reality will become a tremendous blessing those of us with ‘mood disorders.’ My feelings are definitely mercurial. I really can’t trust them. So I won’t.
Thomas Merton once said that we’re so motivated to climb the ladder of success that when we finally get to the top we discover it’s leaning against the wrong wall all along! To waste your life to climb one more rung is incredibly tragic.
And yet, down deep, I do understand. I don’t like it, but it truthfully seems oddly rational and real. It seems to be something God would do to lovingly correct us. If I place my bets on what I think God wants, and behold, I discover am completely mistaken. He delights in confusing the proud in heart.
We need a basis on what is real, and important. It may shake us, but the result is being able to realize what is the truth. Our feelings, and idealistic ideas are like a bucket with many holes. What we receive from Him can’t be maintained–it runs out almost as fast as it collects.
We must recalibrate our senses. We need to rearrange many things, and completely reevaluate our momentum and focus. These seem to be abstract and vague ways of making determinations like this, but if we get honest we realize that these things are critical.
“No one can sum up all God is able to accomplish through one solitary life, wholly yielded, adjusted, and obedient to Him.“
“So Naomi and Ruth went on until they came to the town of Bethlehem. When they entered Bethlehem, all the people became very excited. The women of the town said, “Is this really Naomi?”
“Naomi answered the people, “Don’t call me Naomi. Call me Mara, because the Almighty has made my life very sad.”
“When I left, I had all I wanted, but now, the Lord has brought me home with nothing. Why should you call me Naomi when the Lord has spoken against me and the Almighty has given me so much trouble?”
Ruth 1:19-21
Naomi has traveled from Moab to her hometown of Bethlehem. People were pretty excited and her arrival must’ve brought out the crowds. It’s great for her to be around happy people who were genuinely pleased to see her again.
But a new Naomi returns. She makes it clear that something has happened. She has been fundamentally changed by the Lord. She can no longer be called Naomi (“Pleasant”) but insists she is now “Mara”. Her reasoning is painfully clear, she grasps the reality of her condition. “I am now Mara (“Bitter”), that is my new name. It’s what I’ve become.”
“Call me by this new name, because the Almighty has acted “bitterly” against me. I am not the same person I was went I left here. I am different, when I left here I was prosperous, everything was going very well. But now, its different, and I come home with absolutely nothing. And it’s all because the LORD has hurt me deeply.”
I read Ruth the other day, and something intrigued me by her perception, and of her theology that recognized God’s handprints on her life. I believe she was a broken person, and therefore essentially changed. I believe she had a measure of peace in seeing the Lord was in control of her life. She was becoming aware. Ruth was now attuned to the deep purposes of God.
It wasn’t fate, karma, or destiny after all. It was God!
With my many, many issues, I find a comfort in this. God has touched me, and I am not the same person I was five years ago. I know hard things, even bitter things, about myself and the world around me. I went out healthy and strong and have returned weak and empty. Bipolar disorder will do that. Pain will do that. God’s dealings will do this. He loves us far too much to allow us to go unchanged.
God is not malicious, but He is very thorough. And all that He does is for our good.
There are distinct times when the Lord works to bring us to Christlikeness. That involves a refining and the smelting process. Crisis becomes the ‘new normal’. This is never “pleasant” and it’s almost always “bitter.” Naomi was finding this out first-hand, to the point of even changing her name.
“I have refined you, but not as silver is refined. Rather, I have refined you in the furnace of suffering.”
Isaiah 48:10
I’d like to encourage you to recognize (and announce) your weakness and your brokenness to the Lord in prayer. See God’s hand in your bitterness. You’ll be surprised at the release that will come to you. It shouldn’t engender anger, but surprisingly it can bring you healing and salvation. It helps to understand. Consider the following:
There often two sides of living–the life we’ve lived and the life we’re becoming. Both are filled with grace and they’re as different as ‘night-and-day’
God is stealthily working good on our behalf, even when things are awful. He has full authority to do so.
He’s always (lovingly and passionately) trying us; probing to see if we draw closer to Him when we’re tested. He is patient when we fail our tests. Every test will be repeated until we overcome it
We can’t escape Jesus’ work in our lives. He is the Master Carpenter. He is building a cathedral!
“God rescues us by Breaking us, by shattering our strength and wiping out our resistance.”
One of the weightiest issues of caring for a mentally ill spouse, child, or friend, is that it is so phenomenally relentless. The disease is so unpredictable, in its intensity and its spontaneity. You think you have the situation in hand, and it breaks out somewhere else, and often in public and causing major problems. This is wearing on anyone, including the Christian believer. And sometimes that can even make it more challenging.
You will need a support network, if you’re going to be a caregiver. This support is received in three different ways.
First, emotional support. Without someone who can listen and give words that encourage you, you’ll grow in resentment and frustration with your particular “lot”.
Second, I would suggest physical support. You will need someone to help you make sure the practical issues are met. (washing the car, fixing the shower, etc.) My wife as a caregiver has had to do things that she would normally wouldn’t be called on to do (fix the stove, do the taxes, etc.) because of my illness.
Third, spiritual support. It has three concentrations. Worship, prayer, and fellowship. These three have obvious effects on the caregiver. Just a word to the wise–when you pray you are going into it as two people (as well as for yourself). You must maintain and strengthen yourself and for the person you are serving. I think this is critical to your relationship. Try to see challenges, not obstacles. Don’t forget the power of a worshipping heart or the warmness of good Christian fellowship.
God gives special grace to the caretaker. My advice is to take it, and then use it. Draw upon Jesus who is your caregiver. Present your afflicted one to Him. Be supernatural in the mundane. The story of the paralyzed man on his cot being brought into Jesus’ presence by his friends fascinates me. It has many parallels for you to be a good caregiver.
“And behold, some men were bringing on a bed a man who was paralyzed, and they were seeking to bring him in and lay him before Jesus,”
Luke 5:18, ESV
My last word of advice is that you don’t be self-critical or feel guilty. Remember, it is your friend or family member who is the sick one. Don’t get consumed by your responsibilities. Don’t fall in the trap of judging yourself by how well you do or don’t do as a caregiver. Remember, you are not performing for others, but for an audience of One, who sees all.
Educate yourself, use the internet to track down information. If I can help you further, please feel free to contact me. I’m not a rocket scientist but if I can encourage you I will. May the Holy Spirit touch your heart. You are going to need it.