mental illness – Page 32 – Broken Believers

Prayer for Bryan

Since Bryan is struggling today with a severe bout of depression, I am posting for the next few days to keep what God has started here at Broken Believers going without a day missed. Bryan’s ministry here is so important, and I am blessed to be a part of it. Today I just want to offer a prayer for Bryan.

Our Dearest Jesus,

You are our High Priest, Savior, Rock, and Redeemer. You are the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. We praise Your holy name. We thank you today for giving our friend Bryan the wisdom and perseverance to keep this blog going for so long. Through Bryan, You have touched the hearts and souls of many Broken Believers. We thank You for his honest witness to the struggles faced when one chooses to faithfully follow You.

Today Your servant Bryan is struggling with darkness, struggling with the mental illness that You have allowed in his life for a purpose. We pray that You would grant him peace and comfort, knowing that You have experienced the anguish he is experiencing and so understand his heart. Send Your angels to minister to Him. Use this time of darkness to Your great kingdom purpose that Bryan might reveal to others the Light that You are to him. Heal his mind, Lord, and bring him back into Your great Light.

We also pray that You would strengthen Lynne and give her wisdom to minister to Bryan daily.

Finally, Lord, I thank You for allowing me to be a blessing to Bryan by posting for him here. May Your kingdom work continue until You come again.

In Jesus name,
Amen

Caving Into the Presence

“Let us go right into the presence of God with sincere hearts fully trusting him. For our guilty consciences have been sprinkled with Christ’s blood to make us clean, and our bodies have been washed with pure water.”

Hebrews 10:22

I have never really understood “caving”. Some consider it a sport, but I guess I really don’t see the athleticism of it. People actually seem to derive some satisfaction and thrill from exploring muddy caves in the dark. I guess I can try to grab the basic idea of it, but to me it’s a whole lot like “parachuting”. Why jump out of a perfectly decent airplane, when you can sit in a Starbucks with a vanilla latte? It doesn’t compute.

But there is a sense about caving that resonates with the hunger in a man’s or woman’s heart. Hebrews tell us that we are to enter the presence of God. The keys will be sincerity and trust. In other words, a honesty, and a trust that will open up the passage. Spiritual spelunkers in a quest for His glor OUCC-Cave-Climbing y.

Sometimes something will block a person. Depression is a barrier for us. Essentially it effects our passion and strength. Our pursuit of God is nullified by the corrosive facets of depression and melancholy. There is no longer any zip or zeal for His presence. The fire of zeal we once had just fizzles out. But to reach our goal, we need to squeeze beyond the blockage. There is a spiritual resistance. Our infernal enemy is working against any progress.

So much involves patience and humility. A person must continue to probe ahead but slowly and patiently, taking their time and monitoring their progress. Humility is necessary. An awareness of self and our dimensions in tight spots. “Am I small enough to squeeze through that hole?”

Our scripture tells us that we have a key to the throne room of God. Our guiltiness and our defiled conscience have both been cleansed or sanitized from anything that would corrupt us. We haven’t done a thing. And we are exhorted to be very bold. Jesus has made us pure. We are clean.

My ‘Agape’ Jalopy

“Accepting the reality of our broken, flawed lives is the beginning of spirituality not because the spiritual life will remove our flaws but because we let go of seeking perfection and, instead, seek God, the one who is present in the tangledness of our lives. ” — Michael Yaconelli

Accepting ourselves is a lifelong process.

We talk of “accepting Christ”, but for many that really is not the problem. When we talk about Jesus, there is such an attractiveness about him, that makes ‘hard-boiled’ agnostics stand back and grudgingly admire. But, to accept “me”, well that takes more then just a bit of imagination. When your depressed or anxious it just escalates the problem.

We just don’t like ourselves. Sometimes I think that if I met me, I would think, “What a jerk! ” Having psychiatric issues only intensifies and focalizes my sin into a horrifying mess. I’m not just a loser, I’m a loser on steroids. A supreme loser! I’m certainly not the red Ferrari, I am obviously the rusty Edsel with the balloon tires and a lousy heater.

The remarkable thing though is not my spiritual unattractiveness, but God’s irrational love for me. The New Testament writers used the word we translate “love” as “agape“. That Greek word meant a love without any conditions, a selfless love, a love that was passionately committed to the well being of the other. Actually, it is a love that goes out of the way to care for its enemy. That’s the audacity of agape.

We do the mental gymnastics to try to grasp the definition. We strain and contort but it defies comprehension. We grab, hold it, and then it gets loose and we clutch air.

“This is how much God loved [agape] the world: He gave his Son, his one and only Son. And this is why: so that no one need be destroyed; by believing in him, anyone can have a whole and lasting life .”

-John 3:16, MSG

When I tell you, “Jesus loves you”, you will probably smile politely, nod and say “I know,” and turn away. But, once in awhile, “lightning will strike,” you will look up in stunned amazement, with tears in your eyes, and whisper, “I know”.

…………………………

“Spirituality is not about being fixed; it is about God’s being present in the mess of our unfixedness.” — Michael Yaconelli, Messy Spirituality

Messy Spirituality (brokenbelievers.com)
His Irresponsible Love (brokenbelievers.com)
Love That Reaches Down is Grace. (kevinnunez.org)

Some of My Paintings

Here are some paintings I’ve done over the last few years. I hope that they bless you somehow. All were painted out of a long season of deep depression. Painting these (and a lot of others) was the only thing that kept me sliding off the edge. Some might ask, how can you create these out of your Bipolar Disorder? To be honest, I am just as mystified as you. None of these are ‘perfect,’ But made in a time when I was under a certain ‘strain.’ But they are what they are.

31038_395860324101_595434101_4245531_648237_n — One of my favorites.

“An artist has been defined as a neurotic who continually cures himself with his art.” (Lee Simonson)

“The Bipolar Mind”

“Three Crows Having Lunch”

All of these paintings have been given to various non-profit organizations, for the handicapped and the mentally ill. To me, that is the place they belong. “If you have two loaves of bread, keep one to nourish the body, but sell the other to buy hyacinths for the soul.” (Herodotus)