Dangerous Thinking

mind

Anne Lamott is a writer and a person who understands mental illness and ‘recovery’ issues.

She is also a ‘brokenbeliever’. I have read several of her books; she writes elegantly on faith and discipleship. She is a rare jewel. She writes carefully and creatively.

Coming across this quote was fortuitous for me, to say the least. This quotation effectively captures a somewhat dangerous mind that prevails among mentally ill people. We should come to the realization that our thinking needs to be ‘supervised.’ I must concur.

I can be patently ‘unsafe’. My thinking will often get distorted. I can get pretty strange at times. The ‘nice people’ who know me first-hand call me ‘eccentric.’ The ‘mean people’ outright ostracize me. Delusions blow through me periodically, with the occasional flare up episode of paranoia. The doctors call this Bipolar disorder.

Like Anne Lamott, I am a Christian believer. But my mind twists things up so much, I must regard it as an enemy. It can be capable of good; but dark things grow there as well. I have given up hope of ever navigating it alone safely. I simply cannot trust it. Mine can be capricious, untrustworthy, and unreliable. I know what it is like to be afraid of your own mind.

“Who is this coming up from the wilderness
    leaning on her beloved?”

Song of Solomon 8:5, NIV

However, if I venture into this steaming fetid jungle, with the Holy Spirit firmly in charge, we can navigate through safely. (But I dare not venture in alone, as things can get ‘scary.’) The Spirit is completely trustworthy and He is always faithful. No matter what I discover, I really try to let Him tell me if the ‘coast is clear.’ Together, we have seen some crazy crap, but He never ever ‘freaks out’ and leaves me alone.

“But when he, the Spirit of truth, comes, he will guide you into all the truth. He will not speak on his own; he will speak only what he hears, and he will tell you what is yet to come.”

John 16:13

Dear afflicted one, don’t venture in alone. Look only to Him. He is ready (up on tip-toes!) to be your guide. You don’t have to muscle through the ‘jungle’ all by yourself. Remember that there are others who can help: a spouse, a pastor, or anyone who understands what you’re up against. Only you can know what your mind is doing, but others can help you.

When you find yourself lost in your wilderness, “lean on your beloved.”

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P.S. Anne Lamott has some very readable books out there. Check her out.

 

Nothing! Romans 8:38, Revisualized

Just a gentle reminder from one of the greatest truths ever written for the hearts of men. I’m sure you have either read it or heard it many times. Here, in this artwork you can see it. I hope that this approach will help you receive this truth by faith. It helped me!

http://www.facebook.com/TypographicVerses
http://www.facebook.com/TypographicVerses

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When You’re Out of Control (A Reblog from 2013)

Originally written August 29, 2013 and shared today hoping it will bless someone.


 

“I’m must show myself; things are not going well, to be honest.  I’m becoming more and more fragmented.  And I can’t seem to hold it together.  Essentially, I mentally can’t keep it centered on the things I know are right and appropriate. My mind is in a muddle, and my heart is not far behind.

I can’t go on like this.  I have to confess that I’m spinning out of control.  There are too many issues that hammer me, without any resolution or finality.  I need a “booster shot” of grace. (Perhaps, maybe an I.V. would be better.)

All I want is to escape, and to shake off these ‘parasites’ that sap me of any strength I might generate.  Far too many things are draining me of any vitality and hope.  Despair and despondency have suddenly shown up at my door, but I treat them as unwelcomed visitors, and hope they will leave me alone.  All they want to do is take me apart, and dismantle me, and I seldom advance beyond this. I haven’t invited them.

This simple blog has kept me going.  The posts that I write are sincere, and I know for a fact they touch many hearts.  I’m astonishingly grateful for this.  But they can’t minimize my own issues.  I am constantly on the edge, a step one way or another could push into a desperate fall. (Funny, I’m starting to scare myself.)

I have a deep confidence in Jesus.  I believe that he loves me in the most intense way possible.  I trust in his deliberate and careful love.  Resting in his arms is the very best thing I could do.  He is the only one who can lead me through my mental illness.  Or to give me the grace to move above it.

I do not want to offend or alienate anyone.  That simply is not what I am about.  But I simply can not try to take Brokenbelievers much further in this ‘frame of mind.’  I will try to post as often as I can– but both my therapist and psychiatrist want me to go into a hospital.  I have already been there several times and I do not want to be admitted any time soon.

The next several days should be interesting.  I’m definitely committed to avoiding hospitalization.  The “professionals” I trust are trying to commit me, but I do intend to make a scrap of it.  “I will not go lightly.”

Please try to be patient with me.  I want to post, it runs through my veins.  But I simply don’ t  have the resources that extend into transparency and clarity.  Please forgive me. There’s is no way I can make this work without avoiding a “shutdown.” We will see.

***

kyrie elesion, Bryan

(Lord, have mercy on us.)

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Caving Into the Presence

 

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“Let us go right into the presence of God with sincere hearts fully trusting him. For our guilty consciences have been sprinkled with Christ’s blood to make us clean, and our bodies have been washed with pure water.”

Hebrews 10:22

 I have never really understood “caving”.  Some consider it a sport, but I guess I really don’t see the athleticism of it.  People actually seem to derive some satisfaction and thrill from exploring muddy caves in the dark.  I guess I can try to grab the basic idea of it, but to me it’s a whole lot like “parachuting”.  Why jump out of a perfectly decent airplane, when you can sit in a Starbucks with a vanilla latte?  It doesn’t compute.

But there is a sense about caving that resonates with the hunger in a man’s or woman’s heart.  Hebrews tell us that we are to enter the presence of God.  The keys will be sincerity and trust.  In other words, a honesty, and a trust that will open up the passage.  Spiritual spelunkers in a quest for His glorOUCC-Cave-Climbingy.

Sometimes something will block a person.  Depression is a barrier for us.  Essentially it effects our passion and strength.  Our pursuit of God is nullified by the corrosive facets of depression and melancholy.  There is no longer any zip or zeal for His presence.  The fire of zeal we once had just fizzles out.  But to reach our goal, we need to squeeze beyond the blockage. There is a spiritual resistance.  Our infernal enemy is working against any progress.

So much involves patience and humility.  A person must continue to probe ahead but slowly and patiently, taking their time and monitoring their progress.  Humility is necessary.  An awareness of self and our dimensions in tight spots.  “Am I small enough to squeeze through that hole?”

Our scripture tells us that we have a key to the throne room of God.  Our guiltiness and our defiled conscience have both been cleansed or sanitized from anything that would corrupt us.  We haven’t done a thing.  And we are exhorted to be very bold.  Jesus has made us pure.  We are clean.

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