Category: rascals and strugglers

Making a List

This is a scary list. We’re told repeatedly that love is the evidence that disciples are to be identified. Love is the blood of the body. It’s that necessary. It’s critical. We’re called to love (one another) that proves we’re real and authentic.

Some of us are handicapped, either mentally or physically. Our issues are truly formidable, very few understand.

I pretty much live in physical pain now. I struggle with depression. I have some battles that few understand. And I get terribly self-absorbed by all of it. If love is the blood of the Christian then I absolutely need a transfusion. I’m anemic. I’m the proverbial 95 pound spiritual weakling! 😁

“Love one another.” I believe I’m missing this in my spiritual walk. For the most part I operate as “to tolerate one another.” It’s easy to love those who love me, but that’s not how discipleship to Jesus works. He wants us to find enemies to love. (At least I think it does.)

Our Teacher, the Holy Spirit, knows how ignorant we really are. But He is patient and oh so very kind. He has lessons that fit us and our needs. I want to love (usually) and I’m counting on Him to tutor me. How do I do this?

You learn to love by loving.

A few things (I know it’s a terribly incomplete list):

  • To love you must walk in discernment. Learn to “see” the needs of specific people. Contrary to church opinion, discernment is not to pass judgement on another, rather it’s all about seeing needs. Not everyone can do this.
  • To love takes availability. You need to be “ready for use.” This takes a certain amount of skill. I’m a terrible kind of introvert. Sometimes I won’t answer the phone or go to a home group. I sorta resent it. The Spirit keeps putting me in spots that require interaction with others, and I hate it.
  • Love creates humility in us (which takes some doing). As I learn to love I find myself stripped down and washing somebody’s feet. I become a servant who is learning to scrub between the toes if that’s what it takes.
  • To love you must love others just like Jesus loves you. (Yikes!) “The extra mile,” all of that. So tell me, how much has He loved you? Isn’t that supposed to teach you something? Remember, love is a fruit of Him living inside of you.
  • To love creates growing joy. This joy will protect us from legalism. When joy is operational every burden is light–we do our tasks smiling. I heard a preacher speak about J.O.Y. Jesus, Others, and You. In order of importance.
  • To love is to learn how to pray. Intercession is like oxygen to a fire. It’s like one of those old fashioned bellows to a sputtering flame. It pumps air into the pile of twigs and wood to spread the fire and ignite a blaze. We pray and love starts spreading.

To live with hard mental and physical issues as an authentic Christian is profoundly difficult. We get so self-absorbed at times. But being a disciple of love isn’t just for healthy believers, it’s also for us who struggle.

Grace is increased exponentially to those of us with deep physical problems.

I totally believe this. God takes special care as He works on and in us. We can count on Him to give us the extra attention we need as we learn love.

I’ve found that suffering is like learning another language. Changed by His love we are speaking to others in a way they understand. We can communicate with others because we’ve learned how to “speak their language.” We have been taught by God to speak into broken lives because we’ve been broken too.

“We love because he first loved us.”

1 John 4:19

2 Corinthians 12:9

I’m Tethered to His Cross

We live in this place.

St. Francis of  Assisi once wrote, “The devil never rejoices more than when he robs a servant of God of the peace of God.” 

Sometimes I think maybe I’ve made the devil dance far too many times.

I confess that peace has never been really high on my list. Love, joy, kindness, and even goodness are clear priorities. Peace… not so much. Until it’s not there. And then I get frantic by its absence and look for it with manic bewilderment.

Sometimes I don’t understand why God still loves me. At times like this anxiety eats at me. I beat myself up by my last failure. The guilt of my latest sin grows until it looms larger than the blood that saved me. Sometimes I suppose, religious people have the most neurosis.

I’m afraid that we are taking “the present tense’ out of the Gospel. The past tense is far preferable to us as we manage the Christian life. We like to make check marks on our list. Repentance– check. Baptism– check. Bible study– check. I think it gives me a definite feeling of ‘maturity.’

But these matter little without intimacy with Jesus.

I certainly haven’t arrived, and it seems at times I’m still the hideous sinner I always was. I cannot pretend otherwise, even with a truckload of cosmetics at my disposal. I know, I’ve tried. And I’m still ‘ugly.’ I do know forgiveness, and I do walk in its wonderful light (by grace.)

I read Luther 30 years ago. (And Bonhoeffer would say something similar.)

“When our Lord and Master Jesus Christ said, ‘Repent,’ he willed the entire life of believers to be one of repentance.”

Martin Luther

This is the first of his 95 Theses nailed to the door of Wittenburg. There is a present tense here we can’t ignore. I don’t just repent over smoking, beer drinking, fornication, or hypocrisy, once and done. But my entire way of living is to be one of repenting.

Repentance is your key to open up the door of grace.

“All of the Christian life is repentance. Turning from sin and trusting in the good news that Jesus saves sinners aren’t merely a one-time inaugural experience but the daily substance of Christianity. The gospel is for every day and every moment. Repentance is to be the Christian’s continual posture.”

John Piper

Luther’s last words, on his deathbed, was found written on a scrap of paper words, “We are beggars! This is true.” Thirty years before, he was only echoing his first thesis.

It seems dear ones, we are to live at the foot of the cross.

Everyday. Because we desperately need to.

Living in Your Basement

I grew up in Northern Wisconsin, and we lived in a large brickhouse with a huge basement. As the oldest I was tapped to keep the wood furnance going in the long cold winter. It meant 3-4 trips down everyday. It gave me nightmares.

I was terrified of descending into the darkness. Petrified.

It seems like we’re just 1-2 steps from sin, or maybe 1-2 clicks? I would like to suggest that every Christian has a basement, or cellar. (See Romans 7:14-25.) And, as a believer in Jesus, it’s not required for you to spend time there. You simply don’t belong in that place.

The book of Romans calls it your “sinful nature,” and it’s a part of us–we can choose to descend the dark steps, if we want to. And if we make the choice to keep sinning, we will dwell in a self-induced darkness.

Please believe me. I’m writing from my heart here.

Thankfully Jesus has made us a new creation, 2 Cor. 5:17. We are free to resist sin, and we no longer have to descend into that awful darkness. We’re free to say “No!,” and then say “Yes!” to God’s Holy Spirit. As a Christian, you now have a choice. It’s up to you to decide.

Will you choose righteousness, or will you decide to keep sinning?

O.K. A bit of a shift here.

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness,  self-control.”

Galatians 5:22-23, ESV

The fruit of the Spirit needs to be growing in the living room. Not in the basement. Nothing grows in our basement, but darkness and mold and rotteness. Fruit is meant for others to see and experience and enjoy, it’s never hidden. And it shouldn’t be.

God’s fruit will never grow in the basement of your heart.

There’s no such thing as a fruit factory either. Rather there’s an orchard, a cultivating farmer, sun and rain, and maybe some of that “miracle grow” stuff. Patience and hope seem to be biggies as well.

Once again. Everything is based on what you want. And. You’ll need to decide this daily–sometimes hourly (?!).

Cooperating with the Holy Spirit, to grow His fruit is relatively easy. It’s also hard. You’ll need help when the “world, your flesh, and the devil” shows up to ruin your fruit harvest.

Satan hates, abhors, and detests the work of the Holy Spirit that’s growing in your heart. That’s not going to ever change. Don’t expect it to be otherwise. The fruit of the spirit is not “strive, force, push, fight, posture or making yourself look good.”

A Really Good Prayer

My Lord God,

I have no idea where I am going.

I do not see the road ahead of me.

I cannot know for certain where it will end.

nor do I really know myself,

and the fact that I think I am following your will

does not mean that I am actually doing so.

But I believe that the desire to please you

does in fact please you.

And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing.

I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire.

And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road,

though I may know nothing about it.

Therefore will I trust you always though

I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death.

I will not fear, for you are ever with me,

and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.

“The Merton Prayer” from Thoughts in Solitude Copyright © 1956, 1958 by The Abbey of Our Lady of Gethsemani.