O Hang On, Dear One!

“He comes to us in the brokenness of our health, in the shipwreck of our family lives, in the loss of all possible peace of mind, even in the very thick of our sins. He saves us in our disasters, not from them. He emphatically does not promise to meet only the odd winner of the self-improvement lottery: He meets us all in our endless and inescapable losing.”

Robert Farrar Capon

For most of us, life is not an ecstasy of really wonderful things that roll unceasingly over us. Sometimes it attacks us. It can have teeth. Goblins and giants begin to encircle us, pressing to our very door. Several friends of mine have faced down divorce lately. Others have gotten very sick. I have some dear ones who battle with mental illnesses. Pain, pain, and more pain.

I certainly don’t intend to be excessively bleak. It was Job who described us as, “Man is born to trouble, as the ‘sparks’ fly upward.” Job was no pessimist, but he was neither an optimist. But he fully grasped that bad things will happen to good people. And I suppose sitting quietly, grieving with friends will adjust your perspective.

“Paul and Barnabas returned to Lystra, Iconium, and Antioch of Pisidia, 22 where they strengthened the believers. They encouraged them to continue in the faith, reminding them that we must suffer many hardships to enter the Kingdom of God.”

Acts 14:21, 22, NLT

These two heroes of the faith, Paul and Barnabas visit these cities. They now have an awareness of what their message is to be. It was one of encouragement, and of endurance, and of the ways of God. They both had the physical evidence to show that they “understood” the scope of their teaching.

Suffering is like learning another language. It is then you can minister deeply.

When I learned Spanish it was a new and vital way of communicating to millions of other people. Learning to speak “fluent” suffering will open up the world to billions of people. Learning to speak the language of pain will unlock many closed doors. Broken believers are in high demand for this “kind of work.”

A lot of us will never learn. We are sold on this exotic idea that God wants us healthy and wealthy. But health and wealth were never supposed to be ends in themselves. Jesus is to be all we seek and desire. When the bottom drops out, will Jesus be enough for you? Will you be encouraged by this revelation of suffering to enter the Kingdom?

“So do not throw away this confident trust in the Lord. Remember the great reward it brings you! Patient endurance is what you need now, so that you will continue to do God’s will. Then you will receive all that he has promised.”

Hebrews 10:36, NLT

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“You will know more of Jesus in one sanctified trial, than in wading through a library of volumes, or listening to a lifetime of sermons.” 

Octavius Winslow

“Adversity is always unexpected and unwelcomed. It is an intruder and a thief, and yet in the hands of God, adversity becomes the means through which His supernatural power is demonstrated.” 

Charles Stanley

“He knows when we go into the storm, He watches over us in the storm, and He can bring us out of the storm when His purposes have been fulfilled.” 

Warren W. Wiersbe

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Paranoia and Delusions, Oh My!

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Didn’t really sleep last night but an interesting day.  Hope it continues to develop in that direction.  I really need a good day to come along right now.

Been thinking about paranoia.  It comes loaded up with delusions.  They are separate words, but when they make that toxic combination it gets strange.  Are people out to get me?  Probably not.  People are by far and away more apt to dismiss me then to plot against me.

Paranoia is the belief in a hidden order behind the visible.

Delusions are a strong belief in something despite superior evidence to the contrary.

I don’t know why this is such a hard concept to hold on.  Paranoia is intensely self-absorbed and egocentric.  Everything is conspiring to destroy me is a very foolish way to live.  In a culture already overheated by egomania, to offend me becomes a declaration of war.  My paranoia makes you a mortal enemy.  But to act from that destroys me.  I only take it deeper and make it easier to slide into the next time.

Paranoia is not rational.  You can not reason with it.  (You certainly have my permission.)  For me, I win the battle over paranoia and delusions by “displacement”, pushing it out by adding in the presence of Jesus. The Holy Spirit fills us and flushes out the bad. At least that is what it feels like.

When I recognize Him to be the good shepherd, He watches over my thoughts like sheep.  He protects me from paranoia’s snares and thorns. I experience peace when He is present. I find Jesus actively helps me in this.

There are times I hear the voices, and “see” the monstrous faces leering out of the wallpaper. But more often I concoct delusions about people who I feel have slighted me. Paranoia provides plenty of grist for me to grind. I’m learning how to recognize the lies, and the liar who speaks them to me.

“For God did not give us a spirit of timidity (of cowardice, of craven and cringing and fawning fear), but [He has given us a spirit] of power and of love and of calm and well-balanced mind and discipline and self-control.”

2 Timothy 1:7, AMP

Often I hear what seems like a telegraph, a varying ‘dot-dash-dot.’ It is very loud and obtrusive, but I know now it’s not real. I read a cool quote, that made me laugh, “I was walking home one night and a guy hammering on a roof called me a paranoid little weirdo. In morse code.”  -Emo Phillips

I hope your day goes good.

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Man on Fire

man-on-fireOne morning in January 1984 I set myself on fire. I was in my cabin up on the ridge and I was trying to build a fire. Alaska can be a cold place. I had also started a coffee pot and because it was so cold I opened up the oven door a couple of inches to get some heat.

The oven started getting the place warm, and I gratefully backed up my butt to it. That is when it happened. My sweater ignited from the front burner. At first I didn’t realize that I was on fire, but when the flames started spreading over my head I panicked.

I couldn’t put it out! I dropped to the floor and tried to roll. All that seemed to do is embed that burning sweater into my back, and set the carpet on fire. I ran to the bathroom with the idea of getting under the shower. Somehow I knew that was my only hope.

Needless to say I ended up in the local hospital with second and third degree burns on most of my back. It took months to recover and I still have the scars. It was something that changed my life.

Ironically, I had been thinking of a verse in Hebrews just the night before. I wondered what it meant.

He makes his angels spirits, and his servants flames of fire.”

Hebrews 1:7

 As I healed I prayed for understanding. Why did the Lord allow this to me? I was in my third year at a Bible college and had given my life over for the Gospel. Why did this happen to me?

I’ve never gotten a complete answer from the Lord, but it did confirm my call into the ministry. It also made me aware of the precariousness of our lives. It taught me to appreciate life.

The doctor told me that if I had run outside instead of staying inside I could have died. God preserved me for His own purposes. We have no way of knowing “our time.”

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”

Romans 8:28

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The Future is According to God

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“I say this because I know what I am planning for you,” says the Lord. “I have good plans for you, not plans to hurt you. I will give you hope and a good future.

Jeremiah 29:11, NCV

“So that for all future time he could show the very great riches of his grace by being kind to us in Christ Jesus.”

Ephesians 2:7

The word “future” is defined as “all that time which is to come hereafter.” It seems that it can never be held by us in a literal sense. In trying to explain it, I have come up with this idea or concept of something that will exist or happen in time to come.

People who struggle with a mental illness  often have a problem with the idea of having a personal meaning.  I remember reading this somewhere, Depression is the inability to construct a future.”  I think  that many have issues with trying to make life work.  It seems that hopefulness has been brutally cut out of our hearts, and we think and believe that we’re lost and cursed.

It seems to me that this is one of my own problems.  Closely related are the twin issues of cruel despondency and a terrible despair.  When these two run rampant through my life it is sort of a “spiritual mugging.”  I’ve just been totally ripped off. I’ve been completely drained of hope.  I don’t anticipate life and grace, instead I have profound pain and incredible loss.  I feel terribly alone in an ugly void. My depression is all I can see. A relationship with an eternal God seems highly unlikely.

I believe that it isn’t so much me reaching out to Him— rather it is Him coming to me.

The promises God gives us are made to energize and propel us into life and meaning.  The Father completely understands me, and has purposefully given me “a future and a hope.”   I once worked out a plan to kill myself a couple years ago.  It involved duct-taping heavy weights to my ankles and jumping off the dock in the harbor.   I had reached the point of complete despair. Everything was without hope. And all I will say is that God prevented me and then gave me hope.

At times, our future is sometimes woven with predominently dark threads.  If we just look at the back side it makes no sense at all. But God works patiently and expertly, as a skilled Artisan.  We have His word that what He does will be a wonder and a marvel. And we will see an intricate and beautful work.

“Father forgive me for despairing. I know You control everything, and especially all that concerns me. Give me hope for my future.”

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