Empty Broken, Here I Stand


Cambridge, UK

In June of 2002, I journeyed from Alaska to Cambridge, England. It was there I somehow found myself on the streets talking to myself; alone, disoriented and quite lost.

I wasn’t taking my medication.

I had just been released from a hospital in Anchorage, Alaska and was under the care of a psychiatrist. I headed out without his approval..And so here I am now all alone in a country I had never visited before. My confusion was profound. I was desperate and mentally ill.

I noticed the stares and the whispers as wandered the streets.

Or maybe it was just my raging paranoia. But yet there’s more. Much more.  On just a mildly benign occasion I wandered into the English version of a Wal-mart. I was in a dreary daze, but I thought I ‘heard’ a 5 foot bush call out as I walked by. I just knew my calling was a prophet. I was like Moses. I also heard God from a bush! (Exodus 3:2).

My chosen, eternal destiny was to save it. I grabbed and scootched it toward the check-out line. After a few minutes the bush was insanely heavy and I saw that the line was very long.

After some time I finally abandoned the tree in the middle of the check-out line. It seems I did have some moments of clarity, even at my strangest. It was a weird experience. (What can I say, I’m a sucker for talking bushes.) 

I was told later that over hundred people were praying for me.

Finally, at my worst, I reached into my pack and there was this CD. I began to listen to it, and imperceptibly began to be restored to some semblance of sanity. My thinking was clearer and I would finally find my way back to where I was staying.

King Saul, in his own weak grip on sanity, was ministered to by David’s music.

One song on the CD in particular ministered to me. It’s called “Kyrie Eleison,” which is Latin for “Lord Have Mercy.”

Kyrie Eleison Lyrics

Verse 1
Empty broken here I stand,
Kyrie eleison,
Touch me with Your healing hand,
Kyrie eleison,
Take my arrogance and pride,
Kyrie eleison,
wash me in Your mercy’s tide,
Kyrie eleison.

Chorus–
Kyrie eleison,
Christe eleison,
Kyrie eleison,

Verse 2
When my faith is all but gone,
Kyrie eleison,
Give me strength to carry on,
Kyrie eleison,
when my dreams have turned to dust,
Kyrie eleison,
In You O Lord I put my trust,
Kyrie eleison.

Chorus:
Kyrie eleison,
Christe eleison,
Kyrie eleison,

Verse 3
When my heart is cold as ice,
Kyrie eleison,
Your love speaks of sacrifice,
Kyrie eleison,
Love that sets the captives free,
Kyrie eleison,
O pour compassion down on me,
Kyrie eleison.

Repeat Chorus

Verse 4
You’re the voice that calms my fears,
Kyrie eleison,
You’re the laughter dries my tears,
Kyrie eleison,
You’re the music, my refrain,
Kyrie eleison,
Help me sing my song  by Text-Enhance” href=”http://www.thelyricarchive.com/song/2258792-376352/Kyrie-Eleison-(Love-Have-Mercy)#”>again,
Kyrie eleison.

Repeat Chorus

Verse 5
Humble heart of holiness,
Kyrie eleison,
Kiss me with Your tenderness,
Kyrie eleison,
Jesus, faithful Friend and true,
Kyrie eleison,
All I am I give to You,
Kyrie eleison.

Repeat Chorus 

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Crisis Hotlines

Our List of Hotlines and 1-800 Phone Numbers and Websites

This list comes from brokenbelievers.com and is updated (we’re trying anyway.) We are not responsible for the validity of this info. These numbers, hotlines or texts may or may not work. We’re constantly adjusting/adding to this resource. As far as we know, this is the U.S. only for phone numbers. Additionally, many of these have regular office hours, and some are not staffed at night. Also, use this resource with caution.

This list isn’t complete yet.  If you have a contact that isn’t here, please email me that information.  I’m Bryan Lowe at slowe299@yahoo.com or brokenbelievers.com.

Mostly, these are organizations and ministries that are there when life gets challenging.  Use these phone numbers wisely, and I would encourage you to pray for those who are counseling you.  Also, I am not able to check each number.  These numbers are to be used with some precaution as a result. They may change without notice. This list was updated 11/28/23.

In general, these hotlines have three things in common:

1) they are available to call 24/7 in the USA
2) they are 100% confidential
3) they are free

If you are experiencing a medical emergency, are in danger, or are feeling very suicidal, call 911 immediately.

Suicide Hotline: 988

988 Lifeline Chat:

https://988lifeline.org/chat/

Los servicios de llamada, texto, y chat de 988 Lifeline se ofrecen en español.

Main Helpline: 988

Crisis Text: 741-741

Chat 24/7 at http://www.thehopeline.com

General and Suicidal Prevention Numbers

  • Main suicide prevention line: 988
  • 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or TTY 1-800-799-4TTY (4889)
  • Spanish, Red Nacional de Prevencion del Suicidio 1-888-628-9454
  • Los servicios de llamada, texto, y chat de 988 Lifeline se ofrecen en español.
  • Veterans Suicide Prevention: 1-800-273-TALK (8255) and press 1
  • Suicide Hotline Listings by State http://www.suicidehotlines.com
  • Veterans Suicide Hotline, 1-800-273-8255
  • Online Chat, 24/7: https://988lifeline.org/chat/

More General Numbers

  • General needs 24/7: 1-888-NEEDHIM
  • NAMI Hotline, 1-800-950-6264
  • Suicide Hotline, 1-800-273-8255
  • DGCC Prayer Line, 708-512-7011, (can Skype also)
  • Prayer and General Counseling www.prayerandhope.org, 1-866-599-2264
  • New Life Clinics 1-800-NEW-LIFE
  • National Prayer Line 1-800-4-PRAYER
  • Bethany Lifeline Pregnancy Hotline 1-800-BETHANY
  • Liberty Godparent Ministry 1-800-368-3336
  • The 700 Club Hotline 1-800-759-0700
  • Want to know Jesus? 1-888-NEED-HIM
  • Biblical help for youth in crisis 1-800-HIT-HOME
  • Rapha National Network 1-800-383-HOPE
  • Emerge Ministries 330-867-5603
  • Meier Clinics 1-888-7-CLINIC or 1-888-725-4642
  • Pine Rest 1-800-678-5500
  • Timberline Knolls 1-877-257-9611

Abortion Help & Counseling

Abuse of Any Kind

  • National Sexual Assault Hotline 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)
  • Stop it Now! 1-888-PREVENT
  • United States Elder Abuse Hotline 1-866-363-4276
  • National Child Abuse Hotline 1-800-4-A-CHILD (422-4453)
  • Child Abuse Hotline / Dept of Social Services 1-800-342-3720
  • Child Abuse National Hotline 1-800-25ABUSE
  • Children in immediate danger 1-800-THE-LOST
  • The exploitation of Children 1-800-843-5678
  • Missing Children Help Center, Thursday’s Child, 1-800-USA-KIDS
  • http://www.ThursdaysChild.org

Helpline – Provides referrals to local facilities where adolescents and adults can seek help. Brief intervention only, 1-800-821-4357

Drug & Alcohol

  • Alcohol Treatment Referral Hotline (24 hours) 1-800-252-6465
  • Families Anonymous 1-800-736-9805
  • Cocaine Hotline (24 hours) 1-800-262-2463
  • Cocaine National Hotline 1-800-COCAINE
  • Drug Abuse National Helpline 1-800-662-4357
  • National Association for Children of Alcoholics 1-888-554-2627
  • Ecstasy Addiction 1-800-468-6933
  • Alcoholics for Christ 1-800-441-7877

Battered Women

  • Friends of Battered Women or Children, 1-800-603-HELP
  • Domestic Abuse, 1-800-799-7233

Bullying

Cancer

  • American Cancer Society 1-800-227-2345
  • National Cancer Institute 1-800-422-6237
  • Cancer Information Service: 800-422-6237
  • http://www.cancer.org

Caregivers

  • Elder Care Locator 1-800-677-1116
  • Well Spouse Foundation 1-800-838-0879

Child Abuse

  • Child Abuse National Hotline, call 1-800-252-2873, 1-800-25ABUSE
  • Child Abuse: To report call 1-800-4-A-CHILD
  • Children in immediate risk or danger 1-800-THE-LOST
  • CyberTipline for reporting the exploitation of children, 1-800-843-5678
  • Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline Call 1-800-422-4453 (24/7)
  • National Safe Place  Text SAFE and your current location to the number 69866 (24/7)
  • Child Abuse Hotline, 1-800-422-4453
  • Center for Missing or Exploited Children, 1-800-843-5678

Crisis Numbers for Teens (Under 18)

  • Girls and Boys town 1-800-448-3000
  • Hearing Impaired 1-800-448-1833
  • Youth Crisis Hotline 1-800-448-4663
  • Teen Hope Line 1-800-394-HOPE

Crisis Numbers for Help (Any age)

  • United Way Crisis Helpline 1-800-233-HELP
  • Covenant House Hotline: 800-999-9999
  • Christian Oriented Hotline 1-877-949-HELP
  • Social Security Administration 1-800-772-1213

Crisis Pregnancy Helpline

  • Crisis Pregnancy Hotline Number 1-800-67-BABY-6
  • Liberty Godparent Ministry 1-800-368-3336

Cult Information

Cutting

  • SAFE (Self-Abuse Finally Ends) 1-800-DONT-CUT, 1-800-366-8288

Depression 

  • National Suicide Prevention Helpline 1-800-273-8255 (1-800-273-TALK)
  • National Hopeline Network 1-800-784-2433 (1-800-SUICIDE) http://www.hopeline.com/
  • The Trevor Project, 866-488-7386 (24/7) Live Chat  with the Trevor Project (Fridays 4pm- 5pm EST)

Domestic Violence

  • National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-SAFE
  • National Domestic Violence Hotline Spanish 1-800-942-6908
  • Battered Women and their Children 1-800=603-HELP
  • Elder Abuse Hotline 1-800-252-8966
  • RAINN 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)

Eating Disorders

  • Eating Disorders Awareness and Prevention 1-800-931-2237
  • Eating Disorders Center 1-888-236-1188
  • National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders 1-847-831-3438
  • Remuda Ranch 1-800-445-1900
  • National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Eating Disorders
    630-577-1330, 10 a.m. to 6 p.m. EST, Monday to Friday, http://www.anad.org

Elder Abuse

  • Elder Abuse Hotline 1-800-252-8966

Family Violence

  • Family Violence Prevention Center 1-800-313-1310

Gambling

  • Compulsive Gambling Hotline 410-332-0402

General Issues and Problems

  • CBN, 700 Club,  Call our 700 Club Prayer Center, or http://www.CBN.com , 1-800-823-6053

Homeless/Shelters

  • Homeless 1-800-231-6946
  • American Family Housing 1-888-600-4357

Homosexual/Lesbian

  • Helpline: 1-800-398-GAYS
  • Gay and Lesbian National Hotline 1-888-843-4564
  • Trevor Hotline (Suicide) 1-866-4-U-TREVOR

Online Issues

Cyber Crime Response Agency has a 24-hour call center for reporting online crime and online predators. 1-888-798-2272.

Parents

  • Hotline for parents considering abducting their children 1-800-A-WAY-OUT
  • The United States Missing Children Hotline 1-800-235-3535

Poison

  • Emergency: 911
  • Poison Control 1-800-942-5969
  • Poison Control: 1-800-222-1222

Porn Addiction

Pregnant & Scared?

Runaways

  • Boystown National Hotline 1-800-448-3000
  • Laurel House 1-714-832-0207
  • National Runaway Switchboard 1-800-621-4000
  • Teenline 1-888-747-TEEN
  • Youth Crisis Hotline 1-800-448-4663
  • Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline, 1-800-422-4453 (24/7)
  • National Safe Place  Text SAFE and your current location to the number 69866 (24/7)
  • National Runaway Switchboard Call 1-800-786-2929, (24/7) Live Chat  with the Veterans Crisis Line (24/7)

Salvation

  • Grace Help Line 24-Hour Christian Service 1-800-982-8032
  • Want to know Jesus? 1-888-NEED-HIM
  • Eternal Life Line 1-888-KNOW-Him, http://www.theFathersFriends.org

Self-Injury, “Cutting”

  • S.A.F.E. (Self Abuse Finally Ends) 1-800-DONT-CUT

Sexual Abuse

Sexual Addiction & Porn

  • Focus on the Family 1-800-A-FAMILY

Suicide, 9-1-1

  • Emergency, dial 9-1-1
  • Suicide Hotline 1-800-SUICIDE (784-2433)
  • 1-800-723-TALK (8255)
  • Suicide Prevention Hotline 1-800-827-7571
  • Deaf Hotline 1-800-799-4TTY
  • NineLine 1-800-999-9999
  • Holy Spirit Teenline  1-800-722-5385
  • Crisis Intervention 1- 888- 596-4447
  • Crisis Intervention 1-800-673-2496
  • Suicide Prevention hotline 1-800-273-825
  • Feel like someone is thinking about suicide, 1-800-273-8255
  • Check out, Heartcrossers: http://www.heartcrossers.org

The American Counseling Association recommends:

“Five Ways to Help with Coping AFTER a Crisis Situation.”

  1. Recognize your own feelings about the situation and talk to others about your fears. Know that these feelings are a normal response to an abnormal situation.
  2. Be willing to listen to family and friends who have been affected and encourage them to seek counseling if necessary.
  3. Be patient with people; fuses are short when dealing with a crisis and others may be feeling as much stress as you.
  4. Recognize normal crisis reactions, such as sleep disturbances and nightmares, withdrawal, reverting to childhood behaviors, and trouble focusing on work or school.
  5. Take time with your children, spouse, life partner, friends, and co-workers to do something you enjoy.

“And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.”

(Philippians 1:6, NLT)

This resource is found at brokenbelievers.com and is subject to change at any given moment. You may email us at commentsbb@yahoo.com. You may copy this (in its entirety please) and distribute it freely.

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A Hand of Kindness

His hand of kindness

I’ve no need to be reminded
Of all my failures and my sins
For I can write my own indictment
Of who I am and who I’ve been
I know that grace, by definition,
Is something I can never earn
But for all the things that I may have missed
There’s a lesson I believe that I have learned

There’s a hand of kindness
Holding me, holding me
There’s a hand of kindness
Holding me, holding onto me

–Bob Bennett, HAND OF KINDNESS
1996 Bright Avenue Songs (ASCAP)

It’s hard to forget the evil you’ve done–and forgiveness, well, dream on! I saw a video once of a parade of flagellants walking in unison, lashing themselves with whips, to somehow find peace, and some sort of atonement for their sins. I watched them, and suddenly the realization came–I was doing what they were doing, only not as public or visible.

Psychiatrists tell us that 90% of mental disorders are caused by guilt.

I believe that they’re probably a little conservative. I’ve been in some sort of ministry for 40 years now–I’ve pretty much heard it all. I ask myself and wonder, who can help the stumbling, broken, and captive hearts of men?

We’ll do anything to escape the guilt of our sin.

Sometimes an animal who’s been caught in a steel trap will actually chew their leg off to escape.

Sometimes a man will destroy himself in order to find forgiveness. Now I admit that our guilt isn’t always front and center, and seldom is it obvious–we’ve suppressed it, medicated it, and ignored it for so long, that it’s hidden and secret–even to us.

But it’s still there.

If the cross of Jesus hasn’t been applied–it’s still there, hidden and dormant. You can’t continue to paint over it, expecting to cover it with enough layers of denial. The booze and the drugs, the money and the red Ferrari, the quest for some measure of success just won’t cut it. There a 1000 ways to bury it, but your past will cripple your present, and destroy your future.

You must find forgiveness for what you’ve done, or not done!

The cross and blood are not optional. Jesus’ death and resurrection isn’t just a historical event. It’s himself–God’s lamb, offered up to forgive your sin–and your greatest evil. Those dark sins that you’ve hidden, that’s been buried so deep that even you’ve forgotten, sometimes it bursts out like a spiritual volcano, the pressure sort of builds up and then erupts. Suddenly it’s all real again–and it’s so brutal.

There’s a hand of kindness that’s reaching out to you at these moments.

You need to turn and believe him. No matter who you are, or how twisted and black your sin you think your sin is–maybe you’ve broken every commandment–a hundred times. I tell you, your sin has already been forgiven, your dark guilt lifted off your back. He has forgiven you. You are completely free.

Jesus died for you.

This isn’t a silly cliche. It’s not just a cute saying. All your guilt has been removed. You must believe this, it’s not an option any longer. You must know that his bloody death (he’s your sacrificial lamb) has God’s approval and removes your awful sin. His hand reaches out to you. But you must believe this. We must renounce our sin, give it up, and walk away from it. We must receive God’s gift of salvation.

If you don’t do this, you’ll die in your sins, and no one wants to see that.

If you want to think about this further, I strongly suggest you consider this–“God’s Forgiveness.”

My newest site is alaskabibleteacher.com.




The Dangers of Porn

Blessed are the pure in heart,
for they will see God.”

Matthew 5:8

“The righteous shall move onward and forward; those with pure hearts shall become stronger and stronger.”

Job 17:9

We live in a time when impurity threatens many men and women. Pornography is easily accessible in our generation. The internet is flooded with sites that’ll hurt believers. It will ruin our relationship with our heavenly Father. It affects our marriages and destroys our connection with others.

There is intense guilt that comes from using porn.

It covers us with a shame that hurts us deep inside, something detrimental to intimacy with our spouses, family, or friends, and as well with other believers. We’re guilty of hidden sin. Satan uses it to further isolate the Christian.

Porn causes us to be secretive. We want to hide it from others. We learn how to delete “cookies” on our computers. We want to hide the things we are doing. We must understand that using porn becomes addicting, it’s sort of crack cocaine to our spirits.

Masturbation is common to those viewing pornography.

Our view of naked men or women in sexual acts objectifies them. Subconsciously we start to evaluate our closest relationships. We compare others to the things we see.

  • It’s addictive. We can’t imagine life without it.
  • It seperates us from others. It begins to isolate us.
  • We have a secret life, hidden and masked.
  • Porn is easy to find, and it latches itself in our minds and hearts.
  • It often leads us into further and deeper perversions.
  • We see others as objects, not people who God loves.
  • It often leads one into a life of hypocrisy and deception.
  • Porn can lead one into masturbation and wrong relationships with others.
  • It weakens our God-ordained relationship with our spouses.
  • Viewing porn is a form of adultery.
  • We start to compare our spouse to the things we’ve seen.
  • It instills us with guilt and shame. It will destroy your discipleship.
  • The time we spend in porn can be better used for the Word, worship and prayer.
  • It desensitifies our relationship with God’s Spirit.

There’s so much more that can be added to this list. But this dear one is just a start. Perhaps you’ll discover more that should be added.

“I have made a covenant with my eyes.
How then could I look at a young woman?”

Job 31:1

“Finally brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable—if there is any moral excellence and if there is anything praiseworthy—dwell on these things.”

Philippians 4:8

Only the Spirit of holiness can make an impure heart pure. However, we must do the ‘leg work” and make it to free ourselves from this sin. Our minds and hearts are our battlefields. To recognize this constantly is necessary. We must take solid steps to take the victory He gives. I realize that the demonic forces are very intense, but God’s power is far stronger.

Your desire to be pure is evidence of God’s care and grace.

If you’re struggling it’s really helpful to share your problem with someone you trust. Becoming accountable will help. Please don’t be afraid of being judged. Quit lying to yourself (and others) that you can overcome this on your own. You can’t hide it any longer.

If you wish you can contact Linda or me. If anything we can pray.

“Can a man embrace fire and his clothes not be burned?”

Proverbs 6:27