Category: deliverance

Paranoia and Delusions, Oh My!

Paranoia-600x379

Didn’t really sleep last night but an interesting day.  Hope it continues to develop in that direction.  I really need a good day to come along right now.

Been thinking about paranoia.  It comes loaded up with delusions.  They are separate words, but when they make that toxic combination it gets strange.  Are people out to get me?  Probably not.  People are by far and away more apt to dismiss me then to plot against me.

Paranoia is the belief in a hidden order behind the visible.

Delusions are a strong belief in something despite superior evidence to the contrary.

I don’t know why this is such a hard concept to hold on.  Paranoia is intensely self-absorbed and egocentric.  Everything is conspiring to destroy me is a very foolish way to live.  In a culture already overheated by egomania, to offend me becomes a declaration of war.  My paranoia makes you a mortal enemy.  But to act from that destroys me.  I only take it deeper and make it easier to slide into the next time.

Paranoia is not rational.  You can not reason with it.  (You certainly have my permission.)  For me, I win the battle over paranoia and delusions by “displacement”, pushing it out by adding in the presence of Jesus. The Holy Spirit fills us and flushes out the bad. At least that is what it feels like.

When I recognize Him to be the good shepherd, He watches over my thoughts like sheep.  He protects me from paranoia’s snares and thorns. I experience peace when He is present. I find Jesus actively helps me in this.

There are times I hear the voices, and “see” the monstrous faces leering out of the wallpaper. But more often I concoct delusions about people who I feel have slighted me. Paranoia provides plenty of grist for me to grind. I’m learning how to recognize the lies, and the liar who speaks them to me.

“For God did not give us a spirit of timidity (of cowardice, of craven and cringing and fawning fear), but [He has given us a spirit] of power and of love and of calm and well-balanced mind and discipline and self-control.”

2 Timothy 1:7, AMP

Often I hear what seems like a telegraph, a varying ‘dot-dash-dot.’ It is very loud and obtrusive, but I know now it’s not real. I read a cool quote, that made me laugh, “I was walking home one night and a guy hammering on a roof called me a paranoid little weirdo. In morse code.”  -Emo Phillips

I hope your day goes good.

bry-signat (1)

cropped-christiangraffiti1.jpg

&

A Fog Like a Cage Without a Key

Walking-in-the-Fog“That’s the thing about depression: A human being can survive almost anything, as long as she sees the end in sight. But depression is so insidious, and it compounds daily, that it’s impossible to ever see the end. The fog is like a cage without a key.”

Elizabeth Wurtzel

Depression is a stealthy thief; anxiety is like an unwanted guest. Both are brutal companions to have skulking around. They carry misery wheresoever they go.

A good many people simply don’t understand you. They often chalk up feelings like this to a lack of faith. And true, there maybe these issues. We understand having faith to be healed. But what about faith to be sick? Isn’t this just as important?

I have to believe that being a broken believer, with a mental illness, is as formidable challenge. I have to believe that holding a faith in a merciful God in my depression is as critical as any miraculous healing. [It may even take more faith.]

I believe in supernatural healing. Jesus Christ is the same today as when He walked the shores of Galilee. I trust in His grace and know His power. Many are touched by His healing hand.

“Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.” 

Hebrews 13:8

Depression comes– and it irrevocably changes me. But mixed with an ample dose of His love, it loses much of the sting. I know it is painful and seems endless. But the Lord promises to deliver me, and He is always faithful. Always faithful. Always.

Faith handles chronic depression quite handily. It has never lost a single bout. I want to encourage you today. If you’re not in the throes of deep depression now, begin to build your faith for those lean times ahead. Start to stock up provisions spiritually.

If I have throughly confused you, I apologize. Perhaps this post was meant for someone else, and that’s ok too. Oh, and that fog— there is a key.

“For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.”

Philippians 1:6, NASB

bry-signat-1

cropped-christiangraffiti1 (2)

 

Dangerous Thinking

mind

Anne Lamott is a writer and a person who understands mental illness and ‘recovery’ issues.

She is also a ‘brokenbeliever’. I have read several of her books; she writes elegantly on faith and discipleship. She is a rare jewel. She writes carefully and creatively.

Coming across this quote was fortuitous for me, to say the least. This quotation effectively captures a somewhat dangerous mind that prevails among mentally ill people. We should come to the realization that our thinking needs to be ‘supervised.’ I must concur.

I can be patently ‘unsafe’. My thinking will often get distorted. I can get pretty strange at times. The ‘nice people’ who know me first-hand call me ‘eccentric.’ The ‘mean people’ outright ostracize me. Delusions blow through me periodically, with the occasional flare up episode of paranoia. The doctors call this Bipolar disorder.

Like Anne Lamott, I am a Christian believer. But my mind twists things up so much, I must regard it as an enemy. It can be capable of good; but dark things grow there as well. I have given up hope of ever navigating it alone safely. I simply cannot trust it. Mine can be capricious, untrustworthy, and unreliable. I know what it is like to be afraid of your own mind.

“Who is this coming up from the wilderness
    leaning on her beloved?”

Song of Solomon 8:5, NIV

However, if I venture into this steaming fetid jungle, with the Holy Spirit firmly in charge, we can navigate through safely. (But I dare not venture in alone, as things can get ‘scary.’) The Spirit is completely trustworthy and He is always faithful. No matter what I discover, I really try to let Him tell me if the ‘coast is clear.’ Together, we have seen some crazy crap, but He never ever ‘freaks out’ and leaves me alone.

“But when he, the Spirit of truth, comes, he will guide you into all the truth. He will not speak on his own; he will speak only what he hears, and he will tell you what is yet to come.”

John 16:13

Dear afflicted one, don’t venture in alone. Look only to Him. He is ready (up on tip-toes!) to be your guide. You don’t have to muscle through the ‘jungle’ all by yourself. Remember that there are others who can help: a spouse, a pastor, or anyone who understands what you’re up against. Only you can know what your mind is doing, but others can help you.

When you find yourself lost in your wilderness, “lean on your beloved.”

bry-signat-1

cropped-christiangraffiti1 (2)

 

 

P.S. Anne Lamott has some very readable books out there. Check her out.

 

Tricycle Theology, Psalm 106:1-5

tricycle
Johnny’s new trike

A Psalm Study

Psalm 106:1-5, New Living Translation (NLT)

1 Praise the Lord!

Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good!
    His faithful love endures forever.
2 Who can list the glorious miracles of the Lord?
    Who can ever praise him enough?
3 There is joy for those who deal justly with others
    and always do what is right.

4 Remember me, Lord, when you show favor to your people;
    come near and rescue me.
5 Let me share in the prosperity of your chosen ones.
    Let me rejoice in the joy of your people;
    let me praise you with those who are your heritage.

These five verses cap a “Psalm of Rebellion,” tragically found in part two of this psalm (vv. 6-46.)  This work dates to ‘post-exile’ times, and Daniel is believed to have written it. Nehemiah himself quotes from it as he intercedes for the nation upon Israel’s return from captivity.

But these five verses are very different from the rest of the Psalm. They ably serve as a positive introduction to some pretty depressing stuff. I like these first five, they carry a refreshing quality about them. I read them and I’m happy I did.

V. 1, Thanksgiving is to be a normal part of the believer’s life. Imagine little Johnny. He is celebrating his sixth birthday today. His uncle has brought over a gift—a bright red tricycle, with ribbons out of the handlebars! Johnny is estatic, he can’t believe it. Mom steps in and says to him, “What do you say, Johnny?” Johnny thinks. “Thank you, Uncle Ed. This is what I’ve wanted my whole life.”

If the truth be told, Johnny’s response to his uncle’s perfect gift is much like the believer’s response to God. “What do you say, Johnny?” Johnny’s mom would say— and that is what the little guy did. We are to also give thanks. To do is an easy thing, and perhaps does more for us than our Father in heaven.

V.2, “Who can ever praise him enough?” Excessive displays of affection are ‘nothing to roll your eyes at.’ Some wag defined a fanatic as “someone who loves Jesus more than you do.”

V. 3, is an observation by Daniel about the joy available to us if we will only work-out our issues of obedience. This verse might seem out of place, but I assure you its not. It fits in well with vv. 6-46.

V. 4, “Remember me, Lord,” contains the desire to be included in the grace that will follow. We should let our heavenly Father know that we want to be part of what He is doing.

V. 5, “Let me” is repeated three times. This phrase is critical to the believer’s walk; it is a statement of submission combined with desire. The writer is asking ‘permission’ from God to become part of the aspects of His kingdom. Matthew 7 gives us the principle that God is looking for. So ask.

8 “For everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks, finds. And to everyone who knocks, the door will be opened.”

Matthew 7:8

bry-signat (1)

cropped-christiangraffiti1.jpg