Category: self-deception

Whim-Whams

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“In our family “whim-wham” is code, a defanged reference to any number of moods and psychological disorders, be they depressive, manic, or schizoaffective. Back in the 1970s and ’80s – when they were all straight depression – we called them “dark nights of the soul.” St. John of the Cross’s phrase ennobled our sickness, spiritualized it. We cut God out of it after the manic breaks started in 1986, the year my dad, brother, and I were all committed. Call it manic depression or by its new, polite name, bipolar disorder. Whichever you wish. We stick to our folklore and call it the whim-whams.”

— David Lovelace, Scattershot: My Bipolar Family

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Speaking in code is often our way of communicating to those who are curious. We seldom tell anyone we have bipolar disorder outright. Some of us tried, and failed; we fall back to “I’m just a little blue today,” or the classic, “I’m just woke up on the wrong side of the bed.” We really can be somewhat disingenuous.

All too often these are half-truths that deflect the sticky issues of a mental breakdown. We seek to salvage some kind of dignity, or evade the inevitable stigma that would certainly come if we told the truth. We choose to evade, but at a cost.

I struggle with the stigma of both bipolar disorder and epilepsy. I’m still uncomfortable when others seem uncomfortable with me. So, I have developed a general rule:

Bryan’s Rule #14, “Never reveal your illness, except to qualified people.”

I suppose this adds a layer of personal security. The occasions I have violated this rule have resulted in awkward pauses and odd looks. Afterwards, the relationship changed. It was as if I suddenly sprouted a second head, or something.

As Christian believers, I know we are supposed to walk in the truth. But exactly how truthful am I supposed to be? I’ve always had an iconoclastic streak, and I love stretching the social boundaries of others. Bipolar disorder has been an illness made-to-order for people like me.

Bryan’s Rule #15, “Openness can be a true step toward my healing.”

But it take truth to change. We really need to be honest by bringing things into the light. Obscuring the truth keeps us isolated and distant from others. Will speaking forthrightly about my bipolar disorder be a challenge? Of course. But necessary if I want to heal and cope.

I’m not advocating making a big sign and parading down Main Street. Just to be a bit more honest with others, and ultimately with ourselves. Let’s be comfortable with our own personal “whim-whams.”

aabryscript

 

The Modern Tax-Collector

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Luke 18:9-14, ESV

He also told this parable to some who trusted in themselves that they were righteous, and treated others with contempt: “Two men went up into the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. The Pharisee, standing by himself, prayed thus: ‘God, I thank you that I am not like other men, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week; I give tithes of all that I get.’

But the tax collector, standing far off, would not even lift up his eyes to heaven, but beat his breast, saying, ‘God, be merciful to me, a sinner!’

Essentially it would seem, that there are only two kinds of people, (which simplifies things.)  On the right stands the religious man, who has confided  in a level of righteousness that he deems adequate.  But his sin is multi-faceted.  A big chunk has to do with how he perceives others in comparison to himself.  He often despises those who are failures, losers, and criminals.  He points to them only to bolster his own standing. It generates his own feelings of religiousness.

Too many churches have become places were Pharisees come together to congratulate themselves.  These men and women do not operate from brokenness and humility.  They know nothing of tears over their sin.  But they pat themselves on their back because of their progress in the ways of God.  Life seems so wonderful in our churches.  We leave the service comfortably encouraged in our self-righteousness.

The tax-collectors of this world are its drunks, addicts, mentally ill, and the losers.  They stand afar off. And they don’t even have the energy or confidence to turn to God.  They know exactly what they have done, and understand perfectly that they are less then zero.  There is such a gap between these two men, and it has only deepened to this present situation.

Where are the bipolar, the schizophrenic, the person with OCD in our churches?  For that matter, where has is the unwed mother, the crack addict, and the homosexual gone?  I will tell you where, they are “standing afar off”.  People with ugly secrets and intense issues are often scared to death by religious people.

Please be aware. I didn’t intend for this to be a hard word.  But many of the “rascals” of the Church have gone missing!  We must seek them out and bring them home.  The sinner very often needs our encouragement to “come and dine” with Jesus. The last verse of Jesus’ parable sums up the lesson–

“I tell you, this man went down to his house justified, rather than the other. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, but the one who humbles himself will be exalted.”

Luke 18:14

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Self-Deception & Brokenbelievers

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“The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth.”

Psalm 145:18

“Behold, You desire truth in the innermost being, and in the hidden part You will make me know wisdom.”

Psalm 51:6, NASB

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Self-deception is sort of an occupational hazard for believing Christians. We have this strong tendency to walking and seeing out of delusion. A certain amount of confusion comes over religious people who have lost the sense of truth; we lose the sense of words and definitions of the Faith. We may say all the right things (and at the right time,) but no longer understand what is real, and what is true.

We can see this in our worship. We come to God and say the things we think he wants to hear. We declare praises, but they revert to a superficial veneer that covers up our lives. We can be fairly sincere in this, but we’re not speaking what is real. We can sing “praise the Lord,” without a true sense of what we are truly saying or doing.

We can see this in our prayer times. We come into the room and encounter God. (At least we hope so). But we say things like, “I give you my heart,” when we haven’t really. We so want to please God, so we tell him the things we think he would like to hear. We can polish our words to the point they are no longer real.

I know this may seem harshly dismissive of many peoples discipleship, and I’m sorry if it seems this way. But I’m really describing myself. I want the ‘real me’ to encounter the real God. “You will know the truth, and the truth will make you free” (John 8:32). That freedom comes as a result of knowing what is real.

Perhaps we should become alert:

  • of words that have lost their meaning,
  • of the tendency toward self-deception,
  • of the unreal world of the enemy,
  • of God’s love of the truth.

Oh Father, please may it be the real me that speaks to the real you. Keep me from deceiving myself with empty and vain words that have a long time ago lost their meaning. May I truly possess what I glibly profess. Keep me true, dear Lord. Amen.

aabryscript

Be Alert– Very Alert!

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“He will speak out against the Most High and wear down the saints of the Highest One.”

Daniel 7:25, NASB

“Because of the increase of wickedness, the love of most will grow cold.”

Matthew 24:12, NIV

Sometimes, we think it would be a fine thing to be able to tell the future. We could gaze into a crystal ball, and see exactly what is going to happen next. We would just love to tell this to our family and friends.

In a sense, the Holy Spirit has already shared the experience of believers in the modern church. And we have been told repeatedly not to consult the occult. It is forbidden– plain and simple. It’s not for us.

Once I was preaching on street corner on Telegraph Ave., in Berkeley, California. There I encountered a tarot card reader. People were everywhere. She was telling everyone’s future from a card table. Provoked by the Lord’s Spirit she went “gonzo.” She picked up her metal chair and began to smash it repeatedly against a big garbage can. It was a scene and a half! But it taught me the true nature of demon activity.

The future has been clearly predicted to us. We will enter a time of extreme difficulty. Daniel speaks of believers being “worn down.” Christians will start to crumble and erode away. It appears that this satanic assault will take apart the lives of most believers, leaving them in a compromised heap on the kitchen floor.

Jesus declares the future as well. He says that in our future we will see the love of many to grow cold. These ‘frigid believers’ will be troubled by sin and darkness. Evil will be more common, and saturate everything. The coldness will creep in.

In 1983 I was hitch hiking in Alaska. My heart was not in a good place. (I had just graduated from Bible school and I felt I had given God enough.) As I walked I saw a red piece of paper in the ditch. Retrieving it I opened it up to read simply, “Be Alert.” I felt a distinct connection to His presence. Walking another 30 yards or so, I spotted another red note. Again, “Be Alert.” I had no doubt God was speaking. When I finally got to my cabin, a call came. It was my mom who just got back from the doctor who had given her a diagnosis of cancer. I was heart-broken, but not ready to pray.

This morning I wish for you the discernment to see what is happening all around. In so many ways, the church is like the prophet Eli. We have lost our sight, and most of our discernment. (1 Samuel 2). I certainly mean no harm by this post. All I have wanted to do is give you a “heads up.” I don’t know what situation you are in at this time. But, Be Alert!

God loves those who struggle. It seems they are in a continual trouble, but the Father’s love will hold them. Their sin will remain, but they’ll be forgiven.

“But you, dear friends, must build each other up in your most holy faith, pray in the power of the Holy Spirit, 21 and await the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ, who will bring you eternal life. In this way, you will keep yourselves safe in God’s love.”

Jude 20-21

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