When God Leads You, [Surprises]

I’ve had several experiences with His presence. These are quite astonishing, and I really can’t minimize any of them. What the Father gives, I certainly accept.

#1, We were at language school, and broke. We had nothing extra to spend. My son, Benjamin came down with a fever. It was a formidable one. It was a 103 F or more. We didn’t know what to do.

I went up to his bedside, completely overwhelmed. And I laid my hands on him and prayed. It was a simple prayer, actually quite pathetic. But it was sincere. Ben was blazing hot, and I ventured into that. I prayed, and then took my hands off him. There was nothing significant about it all, just an overwrought father going through the motions. A few minutes later, I laid my hands on him and he was cool. I can’t explain it.  God touched Benjamin, and I simply can’t understand it.

#2, We were heading to Mexico, with a overloaded car without A/C. We were traveling from Texas to San Diego. It was terribly hot. We were travelling with another couple, from Canada. We sort of decided to convoy together. But somewhere in Arizona, we decided to split up. It was way too hot, and the Canadians could only go 40 miles per hour, pulling their trailer.

I looked back at my kids, and they were comatose. The heat had wiped them out. At this point, I decided to break up the convoy. We would now cross Arizona at 80 mph. Enough was enough.

I was very anxious. I was taking my family across the border, and I was quite intimidated. I remember praying a desperate prayer for guidance. It was short and simple, without any “flowery” language. It was just me, praying for help. I just want to make that clear.

After a night in a San Diego hotel, we went shopping for things we would need in Mexico. We then headed for the border crossing. I was still anxious and fearful. As we approached the border, there was several lanes. I chose a lane, and all of a sudden I heard a horn beeping. I looked back and saw our Canadian friends directly behind us! In that instant, I understood the Father’s care for my family. What we were experiencing was a million to one shot.

#3, While in Mexico I had decided that we would support the local  ministries whenever we could. A pastor pulled up, his car tank was quite empty. I went out to greet him, and realized I needed to give him gasoline. He pulled in and I decided to siphon from my car to his.

As I worked the hoses, I inhaled a great deal of gas. I started to choke, I couldn’t draw in any air. I remember falling to my knees in our trailer. My wife could only watch, as I struggled for air. I very well could have died. As I gasped for air, I realized His deep care for me. I realize now that He truly loves me. (But I did “burp” a lot of gasoline for several weeks.)

These three examples are quite intense. I suppose that I couldn’t fabricate any of them. Each of them is a drastic example of God’s goodness.  All that I have experienced I pass to you. Just know that God is very good, and He loves you. You belong to Him.

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Limits of Mental Illness

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Mental illness is so limited,

It cannot cripple love, 

It cannot shatter hope.

It cannot corrode our faith.

It will never destroy peace.

It cannot.

It will never kill friendship, 

It cannot suppress memories. 

It cannot invade the soul.

It cannot steal eternal life.

It cannot conquer eternal life.

It cannot conquer your spirit.

Amen.

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 P.S. I have received some criticism over the contents of this post. The argument is that mental illness is very destructive, and that I’m misleading others by suggesting it isn’t. The thinking is that we dwell on the past and how it effects the present moment. I believe we have a mental illness. But I also believe more strongly so that Christ redeems us completely. “Because he lives,” goes the old hymn, “I can face tomorrow.”

In the “heat of the moment” the situation can seem overwhelming. Our illness can be completely devastating. However the Holy Spirit is yet to fully redeem us, yet we still must view this coming event as something triumphant and total. This life is not the end. What a relief to shed this mortal darkness!

“Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.”

Revelation 21:3-4

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Please Shut the Door, [Prayer]

“When you pray, go into a room alone and shut the door. Pray to your Father in private. He knows what is done in private, and he will reward you.”

Matthew 6:6, CEV

“We are to be shut out from men, and shut in with God.”

Andrew Murray

Prayer is a deep and awesome thing.  And yet in a sense our physical life must have cheeseburgers and spaghetti.  Food powers us, and we are fueled by it’s energy.  Prayer is also necessary to propel us, for it is our spirit’s nourishment.

We cannot survive without food. We see pictures of emaciated children in some African country, and they are just  skin and bones.  It is a sick evil.  But there are Christians who are like this spiritually.  They are starving because they are not praying.

Jesus told His followers, to go into a room alone.  Then shut the door.  We must learn that God is in the secret.  If we should meet with Him, we must be as secretive.  “Shut the door,”  what happens in there is not for public display. We must be quite discrete in our times with Him.

When I was at in my first year at Bible school, I heard a guest speaker teach from Matt. 6:6.  I was pumped up by it, praying with the door shut was a new idea for me.  When I got to my dorm room, I went straight for my closet to put this new revelation into action. Kneeling there in the closet, with the door slid shut, I tried to pray.  And after a bit I fell asleep, still on my knees.

About an hour later I woke up with a start.  I had no idea where I was, and in my disorientation I slid open the closet door with a loud bang.  I tried to stand, but my legs couldn’t support me.  I lurched out in the room and fell in a pile.  My roommate was startled to say the least.  He had been in the room studying quietly by himself, when suddenly this ‘wildman’ burst out of the closet and immediately collapsed.  It was hysterical!

So much for my first attempt at praying in secret.

The quest for spiritual growth will have to lead us into the closet.

The injunction to close the door can be understood in a variety of ways.  The act of isolating ourselves is a physical one.  But we must understand we need to shut up all our social entanglements and obligations.  We isolate ourselves so we can be intimate with Him.

We just need to figure out just how we are to do this.  We shouldn’t give up when it doesn’t bring wondrous results.  We are all students in this, we will advance at times, and then retreat.  But every second in the closet can be an intimate blessing to our souls.

“He that loveth little prayeth little; he that loveth much prayeth much.” 

– Augustine

 

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The Presence Makes the Difference

jesus-paralyticI once was told that depression is the inability to construct a future. Perhaps that is precisely where I’ve come to, this old despair that lies dormant until the conditions are just right— and then it explodes in burst of black dandelions.

For about three weeks, I had experienced being down. Somedays were much worse than others (and some where actually reasonable). I should of been more cautious. Afterall, I have twenty years of battling this old dragon that has been my most potent enemy. I suppose I got a bit arrogant. I know I felt immune.

I laid in bed, unable to get out for days. Obviously this was a concern, but I couldn’t find any strength to speak of. I couldn’t even pray.

 “A few days later, when Jesus again entered Capernaum, the people heard that he had come home. They gathered in such large numbers that there was no room left, not even outside the door, and he preached the word to them.Some men came, bringing to him a paralyzed man, carried by four of them.Since they could not get him to Jesus because of the crowd, they made an opening in the roof above Jesus by digging through it and then lowered the mat the man was lying on. When Jesus saw their faith, he said to the paralyzed man, “Son, your sins are forgiven.”

Mark 2:1-5

There maybe some who wondered about the sins of this paralyzed man. I believe I may know:

  • There were sins of despair—of God’s goodness.
  • There would’ve been despondency of an unchanging future.
  • And finally, anger at God’s decision to leave him paralyzed and a burden to his family and friends.

That paralyzed man was carried by his friends, and brought into Jesus’ presence. And that is exactly what happened to me. I’ve been astounded by those who carried me. This man had no strength on his own; he was “jello on a mat.” (I don’t mean to be crude or unfeeling).

My own tiredness lingers, I’m struggling to pray. I’m too unfocused, but I’ve been told that comes with the territory with the aftermath of a total depressive meltdown. But I know Jesus. It is His touch that I must have now.

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