Category: spiritual lessons

Traveling Mercies, [The Journey]

Things can get pretty grim just living life.  But add a disability, and suddenly blam! It gets worse.  A mental illness intensifies life, and the weird concoction of symptoms and hospitals, therapists and medications and family/friends is a bit daunting for anyone. Imagine, that it’s a bit like running through the wilderness slathered in ‘bacon grease,’ trying to stay ahead from the bears (I’m writing this from Alaska, hence the bear imagery, lol.)

My walk with Jesus has extreme variations (at least, on my part.)  I’m up, and then I’m down.  I’m on fire and then I’m cold.  I struggle to attempt at least a modicum of consistency, wishing I could just put two ‘good days’ together.  I am ashamed by this volatility.  The apostle Peter, or David are probably the only guys in scripture I can really understand.

The impulsivity of my mental illness has driven me to turn my credit cards over to Lynn.  I try to avoid liquor stores, porn sites, and urges to strip off my clothes and run down Pioneer Avenue.  I definitely try to go to Church, read the Bible and pray.  But I have been known to hallucinate, I hear things, and get awfully paranoid.  I’m always, it seems just one step ahead of my psychiatrist in avoiding the hospital.  (And I want to keep it that way.) And suicidality is an almost real monster– always lurking for me under my bed.

But I have also learned many other things from being a mentally ill believer:

  • When its really dark, His love always comes through. He understands me. He intentionally ‘looks’ for me. He’ll never quit on me.
  • My discipleship is not about the externals of my theology, but it’s about romance from my heart.
  • In my pathetic brokenness, He is my strength and my shield. Always.
  • Worship and prayer are more like invasive “medical procedures” that keep me alive.
  • Love. I’m learning to be kinder and more aware of others then ever before.
  • I want to live in the Light and respond to others in Christlike way. Never out of my fallen sinfulness.

I suppose I could add more, if I thought about it.  Ultimately, it all comes down to the presence of Jesus Christ coming to meet me, to forgive me and to change me.  This simple blog is saturated with posts that other Brokenbelievers can wade through, and some just might help, lol.

The title of this post alludes to a quote I found. I’ve gently modified it. Not sure where I found it. But it gives the explanation for all that I’ve said:

“Life should NOT be a journey to heaven with the
intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well
preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways,
with bruises and band-aids, and some tears as well, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming… “WOO HOO what a ride!”

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A Doubting Faith

faith-and-doubt“”Then the disciples came to Jesus in private and asked, “Why couldn’t we drive it out?”

“He replied, “Because you have so little faith. Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.””

Matthew 17:19-20, NLT

The text is intriguing; it seems to direct us to consider the unbelief of the disciples. They had tried so hard to do what Jesus wanted; they get an “A” for effort, but they can’t heal this boy. They correctly discern a demons presence, but they are stymied after trying to exorcise it.

The disciples “crash and burn” is uppermost in their hearts. They have a private meeting with Jesus to determine what went wrong. Their expectations were running high; they expected success in this encounter with darkness. After all, weren’t they Jesus elite followers?

“Even after Jesus had performed so many signs in their presence, they still would not believe in him.” 

John 12:37, NIV

 Jesus is on his way to be crucified. It would be fair to say that his mind was occupied with this. He is still performing healings for the needy, and although awesome things are happening, the crowds remained doubting. They would remain uncertain about him, and many would go on to mock and revile him in just a few days.

Doubt is an insidious thing. It allows one to see, but not respond. It seems to be a cowardly attitude that masks itself as safety and security. There is a willingness not to make a response when that is precisely what is being called for. It is content to live uncommitted and remain unaffiliated. Truth is neutered and we want it to be so.

I certainly don’t mean to be overly harsh to those with doubts. But there are some who put their faith in their doubts and that is slightly disturbing. They see, but do not perceive. They hear, but do not really listen.

“So faith comes from hearing, and hearing through the word of Christ.”

Romans 10:17

 Believers who doubt are in a strange place. But saving faith is always growing, in spite of one’s own skepticism. Questions are to be welcomed; honest inquiry is not a threat, but an issue of a seeking heart. Faith without evidence is no better than superstition. I think believers who never ever doubt are “a freak of nature.” Our faith may struggle, and hard questions be asked, but my faith still holds even when I doubt.

“Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.”

Hebrews 11:1

We are to grow in our faith. The Bible describes it as “life.” To be a believer in Jesus is a journey of confidence and hope (these words have been carefully chosen). When we find ourselves without these two working in our hearts we become unbelieving believers.

Maybe we should doubt our doubts before we doubt our faith.

“Faith never knows where it is being led, but it loves and knows the One who is leading.”   

—Oswald Chambers

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God Will Sustain You

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“Some Christians are called to endure a disproportionate amount of suffering. Such Christians are a spectacle of grace to the church, like flaming bushes unconsumed, and cause us to ask, like Moses: ‘Why is this bush not burned up?’

The strength and stability of these believers can be explained only by the miracle of God’s sustaining grace. The God who sustains Christians in unceasing pain is the same God — with the same grace — who sustains me in my smaller sufferings. We marvel at God’s persevering grace and grow in our confidence in Him as He governs our lives.”

— John Newton, 1725-1807, Author of “Amazing Grace”

“The angel of the Lord appeared to him in a blazing fire from the midst of a bush; and he looked, and behold, the bush was burning with fire, yet the bush was not consumed.”

Exodus 3:2, NASB

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Waiting On God (Who is Waiting on Us)

by Andrew Murray 

“And therefore will the LORD wait, that he may be gracious unto you, and therefore will He be exalted, that he may have mercy upon you: for the LORD is a God of judgment: blessed are all they that wait for him.”

Isaiah 30:18

We must not only think of our waiting upon God, but also of what is more wonderful still, of God’s waiting upon us. The vision of Him waiting on us will give new impulse and inspiration to our waiting upon Him. It will give us an unspeakable confidence that our waiting cannot be in vain.

If He waits for us, then we may be sure that we are more than welcome; that He rejoices to find those He has been seeking for. Let us seek even now, at this moment, in the spirit of lowly waiting on God, to find out, something of what it means. ”Therefore will the LORD wait, that he may be gracious unto you.” We will accept and echo back the message, ”Blessed are all they that wait for him.”

Look up and see the great God upon His throne. His love an unceasing and inexpressible desire to communicate His own goodness and blessedness to all His creatures. He longs and delights to bless. He has inconceivably glorious purposes concerning every one of His children, by the power of His Holy Spirit, to reveal in them His love and power. He waits with all the longings of a father’s heart.

He waits that He may be gracious unto you. And, each time you come to wait upon Him, or seek to maintain in daily life the holy habit of waiting, you may look up and see Him ready to meet you. He will be waiting so that He may be gracious unto you. Yes, connect every exercise, every breath of the life of waiting, with faith’s vision of your God waiting for you.

And if you ask: How is it, if He waits to be gracious, that even after I come and wait upon Him, He does not give the help I seek, but waits on longer and longer? There is a double answer. The one is this. God is a wise husbandman, who ”waiteth for the precious fruit of the earth, and hath long patience for it” (James 5:7). He cannot gather the fruit until it is ripe. He knows when we are spiritually ready to receive the blessing to our profit and His glory.

Waiting in the sunshine of His love is what will ripen the soul for His blessing. Waiting under the cloud of trial, that breaks in showers of blessing, is as necessary. Be assured that if God waits longer than you could wish, it is only to make the blessing doubly precious. God waited four thousand years, until the fullness of time, before He sent His Son. Our times are in His hands. He will avenge His elect speedily. He will make haste for our help and not delay one hour too long. The other answer points to what has been said before. The giver is more than the gift; God is more than the blessing. And our being kept waiting on Him is the only way for our learning to find our life and joy in Himself.

Oh, if God’s children only knew what a glorious God they have, and what a privilege it is to be linked in fellowship with Him, then they would rejoice in Him! Even when He keeps them waiting, they will learn to understand better than ever. ”Therefore will the LORD wait, that he may be gracious unto you.” His waiting will be the highest proof of His graciousness.

”Blessed are all they that wait for him.” A queen has her ladies in waiting. The position is one of subordination and service, and yet it is considered one of the highest dignity and privilege, because a wise and gracious sovereign makes them companions and friends. What a dignity and blessedness to be attendants in waiting on the everlasting God, ever on the watch for every indication of His will or favor, ever conscious of His nearness, His goodness, and His grace! ”The LORD is good unto them that wait for him” (Lam. 3:25). ”Blessed are all they that wait for him.”

Yes, it is blessed when a waiting soul and a waiting God meet each other. God cannot do His work without His and our waiting His time. Let waiting be our work, as it is His. And, if His waiting is nothing but goodness and graciousness, let ours be nothing but a rejoicing in that goodness, and a confident expectancy of that grace. And, let every thought of waiting become to us the simple expression of unmingled and unutterable blessedness, because it brings us to a God who waits that He may make Himself known to us perfectly as the gracious One.

My soul, wait thou only upon God!

 

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  Andrew Murray (1828-1917), was born in Cape Town, South Africa and became a revered missionary leader in the late 1800s and early 1900s, promoting and establishing missions in South Africa. His devotional writings are considered classics of the Christian faith.

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