Category: endurance

“Whack-a-Mole,” [Surprises]!

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Lately I think that my mental illness is a lot like “whack-a-mole.” This is that ‘sophisticated’ game where you try to bash in the heads of little moles with a padded hammer. Score is kept by the number of the heads you crush.

These guys will pop-up out of any of 12 holes on the table and you must anticipate exactly which hole they make their appearance. They’re crafty and can jump up anywhere. And they come at you so fast. (I have been known to “foam-at-the-mouth” in a mad pursuit to destroy them. Moles beware)!

I was thinking today that my mental illness is a lot like this. I must stand and face a dozen different issues that seem to present themselves at any given moment. Things move at hypnotic pace that can spiral into a frenzy.

The issues I face are an awful lot like “whack-a-mole.” I seem to always respond but never initiate the battle. I dance but never lead. I must react but can never act.

Issues like:

  • handling money
  • driving a car
  • loving your spouse
  • being a good dad (or mom)
  • relationship with the church, community
  • being a good neighbor
  • paying my bills on time, taxes
  • finding a real friend
  • doing “ministry” things

This is “whack-a-mole” at its best. As hard as I can I slam them with my hammer, but they keep returning! I belatedly discover that my enthusiasm was to no avail.

The issues always come up, but I simply don’t know how to deal with them. I discover I’m always on the defense, but seldom on the offense. These things are always a surprise. (But not really.)

What can I say? I tried to beat them down and yet they prevailed. These malicious “moles” with their own agendas. I tried my hardest, but to no avail. I always respond, but to no real victory. Honestly, there are times I don’t know what to do.

So I sit and wait, I tell no one of my dilemma. I look at the things that have gone well, and the things not so well. I guess I’m left with a deep insecurity. I simply believe no good has come from being absorbed with winning at “whack-a-mole.”

But I must get involved, it is a matter of life vs. death. Where can the mentally ill find any course of hope? And that I guess is the real “rub” it is Hope. Hope is the real factor in my own depression. Without it I spiral downward, and crash and burn.

Hope.

Only hope can bring me through this. And Jesus.

 

ybic, Bryan

 

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How God Guides Rascals [Direction]

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These are rough notes I just compiled. They seem to be the different ways God guides the broken believer into His purposes and into His Will. I simply hope you’ll be able to extrapolate off them to find a personal direction. These have worked for me for over 30 years of following the Lord Jesus Christ.

“I will lead the blind by a way they do not know,
In paths they do not know I will guide them.
I will make darkness into light before them
And rugged places into plains.
These are the things I will do,
And I will not leave them undone.”

Isaiah 42:16, NASB

I want to lay out some practical ideas for those who desire to hear God. The following are principles to be considered.

A Rascal’s List of Guidance

  1. Discipline, Hebrew 12:5-11, the “woodshed.”
  2. Wisdom (a.k.a., yours and other people’s mistakes) Ps. 73:24
  3. The Word, logos and rhema— corporate, and personal understanding, Isa. 30:21
  4. Counselors, and advice– Luke 14:31
  5. Supernatural means, dreams or prophecy seen many times in scripture
  6. Peace, joy and brokenness, humility— Ps. 25:9
  7. With His eyes on us, God’s attentiveness to our path
  8. The church, and its pastors and elders. Jeremiah 3:15
  9. Opposing counsel from a respected leader helps you count the cost, Agabus in Acts 21
  10. Family, close friends, relationships (can be secular)
  11. Duty and loyalty, a requirement for future insight, also faithful in little things
  12. Quietness and alertness, through prayer/worship. Wait, and wait some more.
  13. Circumstances, positive or negative, Ps. 32:8
  14. Testing, temptation– toward godliness always
  15. Greater servanthood to be had– which way makes me serve in a greater way?
  16. To give a future and a hope always, Jer. 29:11
  17. The Book of Proverbs (31 chapters in 31 days is no coincidence)
  18. Travel, seeing needs of others, and discerning real needs of overseas work
  19. God’s very nature is to reveal (and He knows your inadequacies)
  20. Away from error, especially religious cults or the occult, horoscopes, etc.
  21. God’s glory and for His honor only, Ps. 43:3

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In discerning the will of God, you should line up as many as possible— not just one, but several. He sees your eager heart, and He will make things clear. Remember, you must proceed in faith, (Hebrews 11:1, 6), “for we walk by faith, not by sight,” 2 Cor. 5:7.

Any deficiencies or short-comings of this list are exclusively my own. I’m certain you can make your own list and a better version. Feel free to distribute or use as you see fit. “Eat the meat, and spit out the bones.” Remember this verse: “It is God’s privilege to conceal things, and the king’s privilege to discover them.” Proverbs 25:2, NLT.

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Hope for the Hopeless [Joy]

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12 “Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.”

Romans 12:12

Three things are critical for the New Testament believer:

  1. To rejoice out of a real hope,
  2. a deliberate endurance,
  3. and a prayer life that is unceasing.

These three are vital for us if we want to be authentic saints. These three aspects must become foremost in our discipleship.

Of the three, the first is to rejoice out of a real hope is the most important. It seems like I take the most “hits” over this one. There is a constant erosion  over my joy and my hope. I encounter the false belief that I will be one of the damned. A variation is that I’m ‘cursed’ by God and my life from this point is always going to be hellish and miserable. Frozen like a mosquito in ancient amber.

For me, my mental illness is a sin– the sin of despair. I don’t insist on the right terminology or of definitions. Some believe these issues are demonic. Some wonder about the use of meds, or the value of seeing a psychiatrist or going into therapy. These are all valid, but it seems like polishing the brass rails as the Titanic is seeking.

I won’t try to give answers, because there isn’t a single one to be found. There’s a complexity about the human heart, and God’s sovereign plan that I can’t venture anything. I will only suggest we give room for our own misunderstandings. Perhaps it’s the presence of Jesus we can agree on.

“Rejoice in hope,” goes a long ways to combat the enemy, our own fallenness and our own sin of despair. A ‘song to the Lord’ breaks our souls free and is the brokenbelievers true hope is the best antidepressant. But I vote we keep singing out of our cells (Acts 16:25).

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A Broken Brokenbeliever

inconsistent1I am a premium blend of paradox and inconsistencies. I make no claim at all to being anything but. I’m afraid my bipolar has marked me.

But I’m finding victory in Christ, For me discipleship is simply being close to Jesus. I come with baggage which I give to Him. He insist on taking all of it.

I’m discovering that my Christian walk is not some sort of comprehensive  self-improvement plan to overcome whatever particular sin which is bothering me at the moment. Rather it is choosing to be filled with the Spirit of Holiness.

That is a big deal. I’m not out to achieve but to “abide.” The fundamental difference is profound. The ministry of the Holy Spirit activated in my heart creates the energy to please God. His work is impeccable and true, and it’s the only way it’s going to work.

In my mind may be confusion (I lose my way so quickly) but His presence is both gentle and strong. I can “turn off” His kind guidance. However if I do I “crash and burn” every time.

Jesus is not shocked by my wilfulness. He doesn’t fret over my sin. He deals with me without doubt and discouragement. He doesn’t ever regret taking me on as a believer. My disruptive walk doesn’t tarnish His love for me. I know this.

I may be far behind you in this discipleship. So far I’ve led a muddled life. When I act independently I get confused. I have a “checkered” track record that bars me from making any claim toward success. I am a broken brokenbeliever,

“It’s not about perfection; it’s about our intimacy with God, or our connection, our relationship with God. Once we get through that, once we realize that we can be imperfect, flawed, broken; those kinds of things are the ingredients of spirituality.”

–Mike Yaconelli

The Lord has broken me a thousand times, and I anticipate there will be thousands more. He is faithful to keep His promise to present me one day holy and true. I am trusting Him.

“Now all glory to God, who is able to keep you from falling away and will bring you with great joy into his glorious presence without a single fault. 25 All glory to him who alone is God, our Savior through Jesus Christ our Lord. All glory, majesty, power, and authority are his before all time, and in the present, and beyond all time! Amen.”

Jude 24-25, NLT

ybic, Bryan

 

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