Memories Haunt in the Light

jesus-light-of-the-world

For many who have struggled with depression, as I have, often suffer from an underlying brokenness that stems from past tragedies that we can’t seem to completely forget. We try to understand why and pray for forgetfulness that never seems to come. But even so, when we know Jesus as our Savior the Light is never extinguished.

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Memories Haunt in the Light

I stand upon the solid Rock
I’ve found my firm foundation
Living each day in the Light
Being sure of my salvation

I know His words of grace are true
‘Cause I feel them deep in my heart
I rise each day, out into the world
And that’s when the memories start

The sky is blue, the sun is bright
A chill wind stings my face
I should be happy and light, but cold
Triggers thoughts I seem to chase

Like Paul with his thorn, I pray the Lord
Would remove the pain today
“My grace is sufficient,” He replies
As over and over I cry and pray

But what if grace is not enough
As this memory haunts the light
This is when I must trust and believe
To escape the darkness of night

He uses this memory of pain
To teach me compassion and grace
For the bruised and the broken
Haunted by memories of disgrace

He’s made me merciful and kind
This lesson is not meant to destroy
But some days I’d rather be less caring
And remember only love and joy

My Rock remains firm beneath me
In spite of my doubt and fury
His grace will suffice, I rest in His Light
One day this memory He’ll bury

aasignLinda

A “Zucchini-Blasted” Faith

Too much zucchini!
Too much zucchini!

I have been rightly branded as a pessimist.  My struggles are such that I must continue to press into joy, to continue over and over, shaking off the grave clothes, and step into the sunshine.  I need to spontaneously sing once in a while, and pick flowers. I know this.

For there’s an abundance in the kingdom of our Father.  The currency of that place is joy (and love).  The spiritual economy of heaven is solely based a free and lavish grace that is poured on criminals like me.  It’s outrageous!  And most of us do know it– far, far too well.

So fantastical are our perceptions of this awesome grace, that we can’t believe it is true.  It’s easy to doubt—to add things, make adjustments to this completely radical faith.  But as sick people we defy it all, and will often neuter the strong promises of God, making those verses eunuchs–without any power or vitality. I have done this repeatedly.

“And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. 19 May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God.”

20″ Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think.”

Ephesians 3:19-20, NLT

Knowing God’s love for you will totally change your life.  The promises in the Bible are additionally enhanced by the Spirit’s active presence.  When he enters your life, its like finding a 220 volt electrical line just when you have stepped out the shower.  You will be energized!  Watch the progression of thought in the very next verse.  It builds and broadens on this “grace thought.”

And God will generously provide all you need. Then you will always have everything you need and plenty left over to share with others.

2 Corinthians 9:8, NLT

zucchini3As I kid, I remember one year we hit the zucchini  jackpot.  They seemed to ripen all at once.  We canned and froze, but just couldn’t handle this harvest.  We gave away so much, until I resorted to putting full boxes in people’s cars– while they were in the store shopping! (Captain Zucchini strikes again!)

God is like that, we just would like our bucket filled and he fills up a dozen wheelbarrows for us.  We are super-abundantly, mammothly overwhelmed and “zucchinied-blasted” by forgiveness and grace.  This is just how things work in our Father’s Kingdom.

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Deciding What Makes Up Wisdom

kind-words1

“Often wise sayings fall on barren ground; but a kind word is never ever thrown away.” Sir Arthur Helps

There are so many things to grasp. Our own recovery practically insists we grab vital truths. When we latch on them, we must stick to them no matter what. When we lose someone, or even lose ourselves, we must listen so much closer– the Lord will send someone to our side.

Some rules though:

  • Curiosity is not ever the same as caring.
  • Losing ones balance is never the same as losing ones testimony.
  • A gentle touch can mean more than a powerful revelation.
  • Words of kindness are better than cold truth.
  • To really hear is better than a speech of true words.
  • We must live out the questions we whisper to God
  • Practising prayer is better than just simply praying.
  • Similar experiences that emphasize a connection is never the same as the individuals.
  • Our questions to God reveal far more than His answers.
  • When we do decide to dance, our true friends will dance too.

Ok, I must admit these are not always true and concrete in my heart. My life seems to be a cavern of emptiness; there is little inside but a silly reputation. But it’s a blanket that can’t warm my chilly heart.

12 “Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. 13 Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. 14 Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony.”

Colossians 3:12-14, NLT

“Share each other’s burdens, and in this way obey the law of Christ.”

Galatians 6:2

“It is a sin to belittle one’s neighbor;
    blessed are those who help the poor.”

Proverbs 14:21

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Hell and Hope

inferno

Sometimes, I feel like a tour guide for believers that are walking through hell. I point out the different strugglers, and urge each one not to linger too long but to keep moving. We look on those trapped (they have no hope within them) but we hope that they are yet to reach out for the Savior. It is distressing, and yet somehow we understand them just a little bit.

Our journey out and down each sad corridor can be painfully disturbing for us. There are so many different types of prisons and chains used to confine and control. Dante wrote his “Inferno” (Italian, for hell), and somehow he in some curious way walks through the different levels (varieties) of hell with us. Virgil (Dante’s own tour guide) takes Dante through some pretty hairy stuff, and they pass through the very gate, which bears an inscription, of the infamous phrase “Lasciate ogne speranza, voi ch’intrate“, or “Abandon all hope, ye who enter here.”

Our own rescue from this dreadful place is based on that singular word, “hope”. Somehow, hope has distilled inside us, and that alone can enable us to walk out as the freed. We have chosen not to abandon hope, but to use it as our passport out of the bottom of hell itself. We show it to each guardian, and then pass through without any hinderance.

  • And so at last the poor have hope. (Job 5:16)
  • Having hope will give you courage. You will be protected and will rest in safety. (Job 11:18)
  • Lord, you know the hopes of the helpless. Surely you will hear their cries and comfort them. (Ps. 10:17)
  • All day long I put my hope in you. (Ps. 25:5)
  • Let your unfailing love surround us, Lord, for our hope is in you alone. (Ps. 33:22)
  • O Lord, you alone are my hope. (Ps. 71:5)
  • Your word is my source of hope. (Ps. 119:114)
  • “Listen to me, all who hope for deliverance— all who seek the Lord!” (Isa. 51:1)
  • And his name will be the hope of all the world.” (Matt. 12:21)
  • Even when there was no reason for hope, “Abraham kept hoping.” (Rom. 4:18)
  • We, too, wait with eager hope. (Rom. 8:23)
  • Rejoice in our confident hope. (Rom. 12:12)
  • The Scriptures give us hope and encouragement as we wait. (Rom. 15:4)
  • Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love. (1 Cor. 13:13)
  • That you can understand the confident hope he has given us. (Eph. 1:18)
  • Our hope is in the living God, who is the Savior of all. (1 Tim. 4:10)
  • In order to make certain that what you hope for will come true. (Heb. 6:11)
  • This hope is a strong and trustworthy anchor for our souls. (Heb. 6:19)
  • Let us hold tightly without wavering to the hope we affirm. (Heb. 10:23)
  • They placed their hope in a better life after the resurrection. (Heb. 11:35)
  • You have placed your faith and hope in God. (1 Pet. 1:21)
  • If someone asks about your Christian hope. (1 Pet. 3:15)

I suppose we must say (it’s clear) that hope is what sets us free from the difficulty that rests in our minds. Whatever DSM-IV has branded us, whatever a psychiatrist has declared us to be, and whatever our therapist has told us– our hope, that’s in Christ, will open all doors that are closed and locked.

Hope really is the Christian’s freedom from hell. Those of us who have been freed from our incarceration from our mental illness are amazingly liberated. I know the lostness of being very much lost. But hope is everything. When our hope somehow connects with Jesus, our souls are set free. We walk out of hell, with our souls soaring clean.

kyrie elesion, Bryan

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