Category: a holy shelter

Paranoia and Delusions, Oh My!

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Didn’t really sleep last night but an interesting day.  Hope it continues to develop in that direction.  I really need a good day to come along right now.

Been thinking about paranoia.  It comes loaded up with delusions.  They are separate words, but when they make that toxic combination it gets strange.  Are people out to get me?  Probably not.  People are by far and away more apt to dismiss me then to plot against me.

Paranoia is the belief in a hidden order behind the visible.

Delusions are a strong belief in something despite superior evidence to the contrary.

I don’t know why this is such a hard concept to hold on.  Paranoia is intensely self-absorbed and egocentric.  Everything is conspiring to destroy me is a very foolish way to live.  In a culture already overheated by egomania, to offend me becomes a declaration of war.  My paranoia makes you a mortal enemy.  But to act from that destroys me.  I only take it deeper and make it easier to slide into the next time.

Paranoia is not rational.  You can not reason with it.  (You certainly have my permission.)  For me, I win the battle over paranoia and delusions by “displacement”, pushing it out by adding in the presence of Jesus. The Holy Spirit fills us and flushes out the bad. At least that is what it feels like.

When I recognize Him to be the good shepherd, He watches over my thoughts like sheep.  He protects me from paranoia’s snares and thorns. I experience peace when He is present. I find Jesus actively helps me in this.

There are times I hear the voices, and “see” the monstrous faces leering out of the wallpaper. But more often I concoct delusions about people who I feel have slighted me. Paranoia provides plenty of grist for me to grind. I’m learning how to recognize the lies, and the liar who speaks them to me.

“For God did not give us a spirit of timidity (of cowardice, of craven and cringing and fawning fear), but [He has given us a spirit] of power and of love and of calm and well-balanced mind and discipline and self-control.”

2 Timothy 1:7, AMP

Often I hear what seems like a telegraph, a varying ‘dot-dash-dot.’ It is very loud and obtrusive, but I know now it’s not real. I read a cool quote, that made me laugh, “I was walking home one night and a guy hammering on a roof called me a paranoid little weirdo. In morse code.”  -Emo Phillips

I hope your day goes good.

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How to Win

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“For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us.”

Romans 8:18

If you’re depressed and defeated, the roof just collapsed, your laptop is crawling with “bugs” and it can’t be fixed, you win.

If your Christian life is either good or bad depending on how you look at it, and the pastor has asked you to head up a new children’s ministry in church, you win.

Perhaps you’ve been ill for a long, long time. You’ve forgotten what it is to be normal, you win.

If your boss goes back on his word and you feel used and you feel like a vacation is long overdue, you win.

If your spouse is distant and your children ignore you and the dog just pooped on the carpet, that’s all right, you win.

If everything is finally coming together and your dreams are beginning to be realized, you win.

”…in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.”

Romans 9:37

We engage every situation, every trial with the innate knowledge that we win. This defies conventional wisdom. Especially if you feel a bit besieged by life’s strange twists. But if the truth be told, we’ve already won through Christ.

In the bitter face of circumstances (often beyond our control) we can, by faith begin to discover that we’ve already won. (We become “teflon” –nothing sticks to us).

All you may have is wounds and a shredded faith. But if the Lord Christ is at the center of your life, you win. We carry a real hope that He can lead us through everything in His triumph. We can manage every circumstance when Jesus is fully in control.

No matter what happens, no matter what bizarre turn of events you face, “we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us.”

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Man on Fire

man-on-fireOne morning in January 1984 I set myself on fire. I was in my cabin up on the ridge and I was trying to build a fire. Alaska can be a cold place. I had also started a coffee pot and because it was so cold I opened up the oven door a couple of inches to get some heat.

The oven started getting the place warm, and I gratefully backed up my butt to it. That is when it happened. My sweater ignited from the front burner. At first I didn’t realize that I was on fire, but when the flames started spreading over my head I panicked.

I couldn’t put it out! I dropped to the floor and tried to roll. All that seemed to do is embed that burning sweater into my back, and set the carpet on fire. I ran to the bathroom with the idea of getting under the shower. Somehow I knew that was my only hope.

Needless to say I ended up in the local hospital with second and third degree burns on most of my back. It took months to recover and I still have the scars. It was something that changed my life.

Ironically, I had been thinking of a verse in Hebrews just the night before. I wondered what it meant.

“He makes his angels spirits, and his servants flames of fire.”

Hebrews 1:7

 As I healed I prayed for understanding. Why did the Lord allow this to me? I was in my third year at a Bible college and had given my life over for the Gospel. Why did this happen to me?

I’ve never gotten a complete answer from the Lord, but it did confirm my call into the ministry. It also made me aware of the precariousness of our lives. It taught me to appreciate life.

The doctor told me that if I had run outside instead of staying inside I could have died. God preserved me for His own purposes. We have no way of knowing “our time.”

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”

Romans 8:28

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Stability and Strength

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“Is it not my family God has chosen?
    Yes, he has made an everlasting covenant with me.
His agreement is arranged and guaranteed in every detail.
    He will ensure my safety and success.

David’s last words, 2 Samuel 23:5, NLT

Covenant is a critical ingredient to our faith. Understanding it gives stability and a strength that can not be found anywhere else. Being in a covenant relationship with God Almighty gives us security and hope.

“Now may the God of peace—
    who brought up from the dead our Lord Jesus,
the great Shepherd of the sheep,
    and ratified an eternal covenant with his blood—
21 may he equip you with all you need
    for doing his will.
May he produce in you,
    through the power of Jesus Christ,
every good thing that is pleasing to him.
    All glory to him forever and ever! Amen.”

Hebrews 13:20-21

The nature of this covenant comes exclusively through the blood of our Lord Jesus. It simply can come in no other way. The spilled blood gives us all the benefits of a perfect man (even if we’re far from perfect).

The blood says everything about us. It definitively establishes us a righteous (and even holy) in God’s estimation. Once it flowed in Jesus veins and arteries, but now covers us completely. We have no righteousness apart from his death.

 “for this is my blood, which confirms the covenant between God and his people. It is poured out as a sacrifice to forgive the sins of many.”

Matthew 26:28

Our status as broken believers does not negate or diminish this covenant. If anything, it makes it easier to accept. We make no claims to any righteousness apart from his blood. We walk in covenant only because he makes it so. As outcasts we receive special grace when it comes to certain things. Trusting in His work means we forever give up our own claims to  ‘completeness.’

“For the mountains may move
    and the hills disappear,
but even then my faithful love for you will remain.
    My covenant of blessing will never be broken,”
    says the Lord, who has mercy on you.”

Isaiah 54:10

Stability and strength. Things we prize and seek. They come to us via the promises. They are only activated by the blood of Jesus Christ.

We apply this covenant by faith. Faith is the only way you can make this work. We dare not pretend there is another way, for there isn’t. We handle these promises of covenant, but we must believe them, and hold them to our believing hearts.

Being a struggling believer, I find myself looking for something (anything) that will work for me. Being included in this New Covenant eases the restlessness and calms my fears. I rest in his blood alone.

“I am ready to meet God face to face tonight and look into those eyes of infinite holiness, for all my sins are covered by the atoning blood.”

 R.A. Torrey

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