Category: mental illness

The Real Treasures, [Weaknesses]

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As Christians often our theology tells us that mental illness, depression, and bipolar disorder have no place in the believer’s life.  So we hide, sneaking into our sessions with our therapists, and change the subject to minimize our exposure to direct questions. We have had to hide our issues really well. 

But I would submit to you that it is we who are closest to the Kingdom of God. It is far easier for us to approach the Father, in our brokenness, humility, and general lostness. We have needs; a sound mind, a healthy body and we know it. We have no illusions of wellness, nothing can convince us that we are well. We are not.

We are broken and only our loving creator can mend us.

You might say that the Church needs us. An Archbishop was given an ultimatum by the Huns who surrounded his cathedral. “You have 24 hours to bring your wealth to these steps”, the war-leader demanded. The next morning the Archbishop came out leading the poor, the blind, the lame, and the lunatics. “Where is your treasure? Why have you brought out these… people?” The Archbishop simply and quietly replied, “These are the treasures of the Church, these who are weak are our valuables. They make us rich.”

We often can value giftedness more than weakness.

I am afraid the the Western Church no longer sees its “treasures” like it should. In our pride and self-centeredness we have operated our churches like successful businesses. We value giftedness more than weakness. We definitely have no room for the desperately weak. I suppose it’s time for the Church to begin to act like Jesus.

Church isn’t where you meet. Church isn’t a building. Church is what you do. Church should be a verb.  Church is who you are. Church is the human outworking of the person of Jesus Christ. Let’s not go to Church, let’s be the Church.

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Cleaning the Stables, [Becoming Holy]

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“But when the goodness and loving kindness of God our Savior appeared, 5 he saved us,not because of works done by us in righteousness, but according to his own mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewal of the Holy Spirit, 6 whom he poured out on us richly through Jesus Christ our Savior,”

Titus 3:4-6, ESV

Within the Greek mythology, about 600 B.C. we’re introduced to Hercules, who is given 12 impossible labors to perform as penance.

For the fifth labor, Eurystheus ordered Hercules to clean up King Augeas’ stables. Hercules knew this job would mean getting dirty and smelly, but sometimes even a hero has to do these things. Then Eurystheus made Hercules’ task even harder: he had to clean up after the cattle of Augeas in a single day. It was really meant to humiliate Hercules, and ‘show up’ his weakness.

Now King Augeas owned more cattle than anyone in Greece. Some say that he was a son of one of the great gods, and others that he was a son of a mortal; whosoever son he was, Augeas was very rich, and he had many herds of cows, bulls, goats, sheep and horses. Hercules went to King Augeas, and without telling anything about Eurystheus, said that he would clean out the stables in one day, if only Augeas would give him a tenth of his fine cattle.

Augeas couldn’t believe his ears, but promised. Hercules brought Augeas’s son along to be a witness. First the hero tore a big opening in the wall of the cattle-yard where the stables were. Then he made another opening in the wall on the opposite side of the yard. These stables had not been cleaned in over 30 years, and over 1,000 cattle lived there. (Just imagine the piles.)

Next, he dug wide trenches to two rivers which flowed nearby. He turned the course of the rivers into the yard. The rivers rushed through the stables, flushing them out, and all the mess flowed out the hole in the wall on other side of the stables.

By diverting the rivers, Hercules had easily done the impossible. The rivers blasted away the filth, and Hercules had won his bet.

Jesus is like Hercules, only infinitely more so. We are the Augean Stables. The slippery sludge and piles of excrement have choked us for far too long; we have a long history of living in our disgusting waste. But the Lord has come, and in one fell swoop, washed our sins away. Perhaps many have tried to clean the hearts of men; we have great philosophies and religions that have tried. The human condition remains unaltered. None can do what Jesus has done. What Hercules did– Jesus has done far, far more.

Jesus Christ is the conduit of spiritual salvation. He comes by his spirit to the worst, and completely cleanses us. Our piles of filth are washed away. Nothing can side-track or nullify what he has done. There maybe a small mountain of toxic sludge, but it will not stand. We hate the filth that we have become. Our responsibility is to ask for help, and then to let Him work. He has promised to flush us clean.

“When we were utterly helpless, Christ came at just the right time and died for us sinners. 7 Now, most people would not be willing to die for an upright person, though someone might perhaps be willing to die for a person who is especially good. 8 But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners.”

Romans 5:6-8

No sin is too great; no sinner is too far gone.

Sometimes we forget what has been done for us. We forget how bad it once was, (or maybe still is.)  Ask him to work in your heart, you need not fear about being ‘taken for a ride.’ But if the truth be told– you really are helpless and hopeless. Without the ‘super’ heroism of Jesus, you will be lost in your sin. Come to him and be cleansed.

 “So just as sin ruled over all people and brought them to death, now God’s wonderful grace rules instead, giving us right standing with God and resulting in eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.”

Romans 5:21

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Out of a Far Country, [Younger Son]

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“And not many days after, the younger son gathered all together, journeyed to a far country, and there wasted his possessions with prodigal living.”  

Luke 15:13

When a man or woman gets to this point, we shake our head at that one’s future. Often they will make a long journey, without comfort and aid.  And yet the prodigal will not be dissuaded or relent.  He leaves it all behind, with a gleam in his eye for the future pleasures ahead. He thinks it’ll be different for him.

‘The far country“ is his vague destination.  He has been told of the ‘bed of roses’ that can be his.  He has anticipated this moment and savored it.  He will finally be free to pursue everything that might come his way.  There is a deep sense that he has arrived.  He is now a man, with all the prerogatives and benefits of manhood.

The prodigal fully intends to savor these moments of freedom.  He has broken free from his past which only stifled him.  He has come to the place where all that really matters is being ‘cut loose’ from his old life.  He is a man who is running, trying to escape all that he was, and actually looking forward to a future separated from his father’s influence.

He has burned all his bridges.  He  intentionally will not look back.  In his mind he is free, and he will never again have to serve his father.  He doesn’t walk, he struts.  There is an arrogance and confidence that he has taken control.  In his small world we find an ignorance and a foolishness that is truly an astonishment.  We see his precarious situation.  We want to shout to him, ‘watch out’, be very careful!  But he fully intends to press through, and to make his fantasy work.

Several months ago I met an old friend outside Safeway. He is a prodigal who is still ‘slopping pigs.’ He is a gifted musican and played in a worship band. He was so happy to see me; he gave me a big hug and introduced me to all his equally lost friends. He has been drinking a lot lately, but he called me his ‘pastor’ when he took me around to meet everyone. It’s been cold here and I worry about him. He is now homeless.

For every prodigal there are ‘bumps in the road.’ Over time the prodigal gets ‘taken in,’ and is vulnerable.  He rationalizes and attempts to figure it out himself.  This only increases the tension.  He realizes nothing, and will receive nothing.  The prodigal has been sabotaged by his own choices.

Often we are confused as we come to this terrible place of personal weakness. We were the ones who made the awful choices; we did it to ourselves. We have become, truly desperate and needy.  We are at a place where only Jesus can make it work.

Our machinations and maneuverings have brought us to a lostness and desperateness.

The prodigal teaches us, and we learn from his commitment that brings us to an authentic walk with Him.  Our pretenses will dissolve.  There will be nothing which will penetrate or advance over Him.  He has conquered us, and has brought us to this rich and lush place. The Father is eager to bring him all the way home. The Lord will finish what He has started. Isn’t it time to return?

 “And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.”

Philippians 1:6, NLT

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An Inconvenient Madness, [A Broken Believer]

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Very simply, bipolar disorder is characterized by mood swings that are defined by major shifts between incredible mania and clinical depression. It’s usually intense and quite disabling.

Depression: There are days when I wake up and I don’t like what I see in the mirror. At times a deep and profound sadness seems to grip me like a vise. It’s like a huge heavy grey cloak covers me, and I can’t shake it off. Typically I hide and crawl into bed for weeks at a time. All is hopeless and I despair of life. I am irrevocably lost. This is bipolar depression and I’m slowly learning that I can shake it free.

Mania: When I’m manic it’s as though I have wings! I’m blasted with a special grace which makes me creative and intelligent and superior to mere mortals.  I become energetically impulsive and irritably crass. It’s all about ME! Thankfully these times don’t happen too often. These moods don’t last long but they’re intense. A measure of freedom can also be found.

Medication prescribed by my psychiatrist helps smooth things out. It was hard to adjust to taking them, but now I know I did the right thing. It’s been over 10 years since my diagnosis and I suppose I have the dubious honor of just surviving. I have several scars on my wrists that remind me of a long journey. Those afflicted will understand.

It’s been suggested that bipolar people can become more empathetic and sensitive to the suffering of others. I’d like to believe that this is true. This seems like a biblical idea.

“He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.”

2 Corinthians 1:4, NLT

 “The Sovereign Lord has given me a well-instructed tongue, to know the word that sustains the weary.”

Isaiah 50:4

For the broken believer, I’m confident that the Lord can turn my mental illness into something positive and good. The Holy Spirit empowers the Christian to do the extraordinary. It’s in our weaknesses we can become strong. We are fully enough in Christ. (2 Corinthians 12:9).

I stepped down from my positions as a pastor and a Bible instructor when the bipolar symptoms became clear. This wasn’t easy but I knew it was what God wanted. Today I still speak on occasion at a local Church.

I also minister here at brokenbelievers.com and http://www.lambfollowers.com.. I try to post everyday and I get constant feedback from those who are in need. Just a single post, a list of 24 hour crisis hotlines, averages 175 hits a day by itself! (https://brokenbelievers.com/247-crisis-lines/)

I do covet your prayers for both ministry sites.

This work would never have happened unless I was “detoured” by my bipolar.

“And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.”

Romans 8:28

I want to urge you to look at the big picture of mental illness. Sure it can be remarkably disruptive, but the Lord can transform you. Meds and therapy are vital for me. Prayer and Bible reading even more so. You can find a way through this. It’s not easy. Don’t fight the illness. The Father works close to His “special” children. There is a real and abiding hope for you. I’m convinced you can find it.

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