Category: mental illness

Hearing Voices

 

5117230-1x1-700x700

I guess I’m in a wandering/wondering frame of mind.  I’ve been hearing voices off and on.  They are clear, distinct and I suppose  rather commanding.  Previously I’ve dealt with ‘tinnitus’, but this is definitely different.  The voices are not incredibly sophisticated–its usually just one or two words.  Quite simple actually.

Perhaps the full reason of why this is a problem,  because I wonder about some sort of ‘mental degradation’.

  • Am I getting worse?
  • Are the ‘voices’ the sign of the end for me?
  • Will they take over?
  • Will I turn into a blathering idiot?
  • Could they be ‘demonic’ or worse?

I have this image of a stark raving crazy guy, hung up on religion and ‘right-wing extremism’, foaming at the mouth and ‘heading for a bunker up in the mountains.’  But I am none of these things.  Maybe that’s why it scares me so.  I cannot relate to any of this, and I don’t want to.  I am not that person. This is not me.

The voices by themselves, not extrapolating their content, are disruptive enough.  They don’t have to be specific, all they have to be is loud and insistent.  It really doesn’t matter if I obey them.  They disrupt me just by speaking. (I hope they never decide to expand their vocabulary!)

I have a new insight to my brothers and sisters who struggle with schizophrenia/bipolar.  Many are on the streets, and they are desperately homeless.   On almost a ‘medieval’ level they battle with dragons.  Sometimes they push back the beastie, and then sometimes they themselves are slammed back.  But no matter what will happen that day, God’s love meets the warrior, and He lifts them up.

Voices.  These are not dredged up, or manipulated.  I definitely do not ‘manufacture’ them.  I certainly not doing this for attention.  But when they do press me (with an order or command) I do know that it is an alien voice, coming from outside of me.   I know the presence of Jesus pushes them away. I call on His name and they flee.

I have to believe, that God is holding on to me with both hands. 

He will not let me slide into the night, alone.  He has determined that darkness will never claim me.  I turn as I can, to look at Him, face-to-face by faith.  “He has come to heal the broken-hearted.  A bruised reed,  He will not break.  A smoking wick, He will not quench” (Isa. 43:3). What an awesome promise! We serve a gentle and protective God.

There may (or may not) be spiritual warfare issues. I believe that there is a magnificent power in the name of Jesus. The blood and the cross are for my protection. I shelter in all He is and all He has done, If anything, they push me toward the Lord Jesus and He protects me.

 

1brobry-sig

cropped-christiangraffiti1-2

 

The Real Treasures, [Weaknesses]

treasure

As Christians often our theology tells us that mental illness, depression, and bipolar disorder have no place in the believer’s life.  So we hide, sneaking into our sessions with our therapists, and change the subject to minimize our exposure to direct questions. We have had to hide our issues really well. 

But I would submit to you that it is we who are closest to the Kingdom of God. It is far easier for us to approach the Father, in our brokenness, humility, and general lostness. We have needs; a sound mind, a healthy body and we know it. We have no illusions of wellness, nothing can convince us that we are well. We are not.

We are broken and only our loving creator can mend us.

You might say that the Church needs us. An Archbishop was given an ultimatum by the Huns who surrounded his cathedral. “You have 24 hours to bring your wealth to these steps”, the war-leader demanded. The next morning the Archbishop came out leading the poor, the blind, the lame, and the lunatics. “Where is your treasure? Why have you brought out these… people?” The Archbishop simply and quietly replied, “These are the treasures of the Church, these who are weak are our valuables. They make us rich.”

We often can value giftedness more than weakness.

I am afraid the the Western Church no longer sees its “treasures” like it should. In our pride and self-centeredness we have operated our churches like successful businesses. We value giftedness more than weakness. We definitely have no room for the desperately weak. I suppose it’s time for the Church to begin to act like Jesus.

Church isn’t where you meet. Church isn’t a building. Church is what you do. Church should be a verb.  Church is who you are. Church is the human outworking of the person of Jesus Christ. Let’s not go to Church, let’s be the Church.

bry-signat

flourish88

Cleaning the Stables, [Becoming Holy]

$_35

“But when the goodness and loving kindness of God our Savior appeared, 5 he saved us,not because of works done by us in righteousness, but according to his own mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewal of the Holy Spirit, 6 whom he poured out on us richly through Jesus Christ our Savior,”

Titus 3:4-6, ESV

Within the Greek mythology, about 600 B.C. we’re introduced to Hercules, who is given 12 impossible labors to perform as penance.

For the fifth labor, Eurystheus ordered Hercules to clean up King Augeas’ stables. Hercules knew this job would mean getting dirty and smelly, but sometimes even a hero has to do these things. Then Eurystheus made Hercules’ task even harder: he had to clean up after the cattle of Augeas in a single day. It was really meant to humiliate Hercules, and ‘show up’ his weakness.

Now King Augeas owned more cattle than anyone in Greece. Some say that he was a son of one of the great gods, and others that he was a son of a mortal; whosoever son he was, Augeas was very rich, and he had many herds of cows, bulls, goats, sheep and horses. Hercules went to King Augeas, and without telling anything about Eurystheus, said that he would clean out the stables in one day, if only Augeas would give him a tenth of his fine cattle.

Augeas couldn’t believe his ears, but promised. Hercules brought Augeas’s son along to be a witness. First the hero tore a big opening in the wall of the cattle-yard where the stables were. Then he made another opening in the wall on the opposite side of the yard. These stables had not been cleaned in over 30 years, and over 1,000 cattle lived there. (Just imagine the piles.)

Next, he dug wide trenches to two rivers which flowed nearby. He turned the course of the rivers into the yard. The rivers rushed through the stables, flushing them out, and all the mess flowed out the hole in the wall on other side of the stables.

By diverting the rivers, Hercules had easily done the impossible. The rivers blasted away the filth, and Hercules had won his bet.

Jesus is like Hercules, only infinitely more so. We are the Augean Stables. The slippery sludge and piles of excrement have choked us for far too long; we have a long history of living in our disgusting waste. But the Lord has come, and in one fell swoop, washed our sins away. Perhaps many have tried to clean the hearts of men; we have great philosophies and religions that have tried. The human condition remains unaltered. None can do what Jesus has done. What Hercules did– Jesus has done far, far more.

Jesus Christ is the conduit of spiritual salvation. He comes by his spirit to the worst, and completely cleanses us. Our piles of filth are washed away. Nothing can side-track or nullify what he has done. There maybe a small mountain of toxic sludge, but it will not stand. We hate the filth that we have become. Our responsibility is to ask for help, and then to let Him work. He has promised to flush us clean.

“When we were utterly helpless, Christ came at just the right time and died for us sinners. 7 Now, most people would not be willing to die for an upright person, though someone might perhaps be willing to die for a person who is especially good. 8 But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners.”

Romans 5:6-8

No sin is too great; no sinner is too far gone.

Sometimes we forget what has been done for us. We forget how bad it once was, (or maybe still is.)  Ask him to work in your heart, you need not fear about being ‘taken for a ride.’ But if the truth be told– you really are helpless and hopeless. Without the ‘super’ heroism of Jesus, you will be lost in your sin. Come to him and be cleansed.

 “So just as sin ruled over all people and brought them to death, now God’s wonderful grace rules instead, giving us right standing with God and resulting in eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.”

Romans 5:21

bry-signat (2)

flourish9

Out of a Far Country, [Younger Son]

grace1

“And not many days after, the younger son gathered all together, journeyed to a far country, and there wasted his possessions with prodigal living.”  

Luke 15:13

When a man or woman gets to this point, we shake our head at that one’s future. Often they will make a long journey, without comfort and aid.  And yet the prodigal will not be dissuaded or relent.  He leaves it all behind, with a gleam in his eye for the future pleasures ahead. He thinks it’ll be different for him.

‘The far country“ is his vague destination.  He has been told of the ‘bed of roses’ that can be his.  He has anticipated this moment and savored it.  He will finally be free to pursue everything that might come his way.  There is a deep sense that he has arrived.  He is now a man, with all the prerogatives and benefits of manhood.

The prodigal fully intends to savor these moments of freedom.  He has broken free from his past which only stifled him.  He has come to the place where all that really matters is being ‘cut loose’ from his old life.  He is a man who is running, trying to escape all that he was, and actually looking forward to a future separated from his father’s influence.

He has burned all his bridges.  He  intentionally will not look back.  In his mind he is free, and he will never again have to serve his father.  He doesn’t walk, he struts.  There is an arrogance and confidence that he has taken control.  In his small world we find an ignorance and a foolishness that is truly an astonishment.  We see his precarious situation.  We want to shout to him, ‘watch out’, be very careful!  But he fully intends to press through, and to make his fantasy work.

Several months ago I met an old friend outside Safeway. He is a prodigal who is still ‘slopping pigs.’ He is a gifted musican and played in a worship band. He was so happy to see me; he gave me a big hug and introduced me to all his equally lost friends. He has been drinking a lot lately, but he called me his ‘pastor’ when he took me around to meet everyone. It’s been cold here and I worry about him. He is now homeless.

For every prodigal there are ‘bumps in the road.’ Over time the prodigal gets ‘taken in,’ and is vulnerable.  He rationalizes and attempts to figure it out himself.  This only increases the tension.  He realizes nothing, and will receive nothing.  The prodigal has been sabotaged by his own choices.

Often we are confused as we come to this terrible place of personal weakness. We were the ones who made the awful choices; we did it to ourselves. We have become, truly desperate and needy.  We are at a place where only Jesus can make it work.

Our machinations and maneuverings have brought us to a lostness and desperateness.

The prodigal teaches us, and we learn from his commitment that brings us to an authentic walk with Him.  Our pretenses will dissolve.  There will be nothing which will penetrate or advance over Him.  He has conquered us, and has brought us to this rich and lush place. The Father is eager to bring him all the way home. The Lord will finish what He has started. Isn’t it time to return?

 “And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.”

Philippians 1:6, NLT

bry-signat (1)

cropped-christiangraffiti1.jpg

*

Related articles