desperation – Page 36 – Broken Believers

Animated Dust

¹^{8 “}I will go home to my father and say, “Father, I have sinned against both heaven and you, ¹⁹and I am no longer worthy of being called your son. Please take me on as a hired servant.”’

Luke 15:18-19, NLT

“In the same way, when you obey me you should say, ‘We are unworthy servants who have simply done our duty.’”

Luke 17:10

I admit it. I am flawed. I am a contradiction inside of an enigma– at times more a devil than an angel. And today I fancy no pretenses to righteousness. But I can tell you all about sin, I’m thinking that maybe I’ll sell tickets. I’m the spiritual version of “the elephant man.” But yet, I still know that I’m completely loved and secure through faith.

I’m convinced that God’s ability to hold me outweighs all of my sin. His mercy is continually refreshed and continues to exceed my iniquity by a massive margin. I can try to blame my erratic behavior on my mental illness, as I’m reasonably certain that it has something to do with things.

“At best we are but clay, animated dust; but viewed as sinners, we are monsters indeed. Let it be published in heaven as a miracle that the Lord Jesus should set His heart’s love upon people like us.”

Alistair Begg

I will never have it together. At best I can only keep coming back to this Grace that has decided “to never let me go.” I only stand, only because He makes it so. I’ve given up trying to be worthy enough. I seem to chase a ‘laser pointer’ like a over-caffeinated cat, and it is starting to get a little old. (But maybe this time I’ll finally catch it.) Writer Anne Lamott wryly explained her own issues:

“I thought such awful thoughts that I cannot even say them out loud because they would make Jesus want to drink gin straight out of the cat dish.”

Anne Lamott

The Holy Scriptures never put human beings on a pedestal. We are never seen as noble or excellent specimens of righteousness. We sin in deed and in thought continually. The parable of the Pharisee and the Tax-collector tells us that a consciousness of sin and a holy God is the only way to be declared just. Both men were rascals, but only one admitted it.

We sin sins of commission and also of omission daily. In fact, I have determined that I have sinned more as a believer than I ever did as a non-believer. This shouldn’t be a surprise, but it is. I’ve been pretty busy the last 32 years. I have been ‘ungodly,’ on more than one occasion.

I want to encourage you today in Him. Life can be such a grind, and your hope anemic. But consider Him who has come for you. Let Jesus take your heaviness, ask Him for His peace. A fair exchange, don”t you think?

The Power of a Soul’s Gaze

“One thing I ask from the Lord,
    this only do I seek:
that I may dwell in the house of the Lord
    all the days of my life,
to gaze on the beauty of the Lord
    and to seek him in his temple.”

Psalm 27:4, (NIV)

One thing: Not two or three. One. Something extraordinary. Not something noble or even praise-worthy things, however exceptional. But just a singular sight of Him, in His house and in His beauty. In other words,

“I’m asking God for one thing,
    only one thing:
To live with him in his house
    my whole life long.
I’ll contemplate his beauty;
    I’ll study at his feet.”

Psalm 27: 4, (The Message)

There can be a multitude of options for us– and many of them are good and true. We are very adept at finding other alternatives; the enemy will even suggest things to usurp the believer’s gaze.

I once knew a small congregation in Pacifica, California. They were tremendously gifted at combining worship with evangelism. We would get permits to close a street in San Francisco, and they would bring us a deep anointing. They were remarkable. We all looked forward to their ministry.

But something happened. That church is no more. They got involved in activism, and over time they focused on politics and soon became disenchanted with pure worship. I was told that their church services became saturated with many other things. They stopped looking at Jesus, and turned their gaze on other things. I have no idea where they are at today. This seems to be the ‘price of distraction.’

To gaze is defined as, “a steady or intent look. Often with great curiosity, interest, pleasure or wonder.” It combines the sensory of sight with a thoughtful contemplation. Often we see, but do not understand. A combination of the physical and the mental is necessary. But we also must ‘see’ the spiritual side as well.

I suggest that we set our gaze on our God. After all, this is where we will spend eternity. And more so, He is and will be spiritually ‘intriguing’ and a source of endless joy for the believer. God alone is worthy of our gaze. Let’s not be satisfied with mere trifles.

“And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us,²fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith.”

Hebrews 12:1-2

Jesus alone must satisfy. To keep him always ‘front and center’ must be our total focus. Plans and methods and mechanisms can’t save you from your sin. Only Jesus can do this. To God alone belongs salvation. (Ps. 72:18).

This Intense Moment

“He has told you, O man, what is good;
and what does the Lord require of you
but to do justice, and to love kindness,
and to walk humbly with your God?”

Micah 6:8, ESV

“The principal thing is to stand before God, with the mind in the heart, and go on standing before Him unceasingly day and night until the end of life.”

Theophan, 1815-1900 (Russian writer and monk)

This intense moment is almost always present tense. We have yet to experience the future, and the past has already been ‘played out.’ The present is this moment right now, and we live in this time.

There is a certain simplicity to all of this. What happens ‘right now’ is crucial in our walks with Him. Anxiety and guilt can be a result of not living right now. These are obviously to be avoided. The past with its guilt, and the future with its anxiety can corrupt the now.

Micah was given a simple commandment to proclaim, it involved this ‘arena of goodness.’

To do justice, right things
to be in love with kindness,
and then to walk in a humble way.

All of these are to be done in the presence of God. We’re called to this simple way of life. For the person who is living somewhat confused and chaotic this is good news. Those of us who are mentally ill understand chaos. Life becomes complicated when we try to juggle more than this.

This should be a certain relief for many a weary pilgrim. These things Micah declares can be liberating when seen in this moment. There is a freedom for each who follow. If it seems like we’re trying to juggle chain-saws we are doing something wrong.

Flaws in Our Spiritual ‘DNA’

“What do you mean, ‘What’s the matter?’” Micah replied. “You’ve taken away all the gods I have made, and my priest, and I have nothing left!”

Judges 18:24

“Man’s nature, so to speak, is a perpetual factory of idols.” ― John Calvin

Here in Judges 18, we see the folly of a false religion. It is a crude and simple idolatry, and the foolishness of it is lost on these men. Micah had installed his very own personal priest, and had carved some idols to enhance his spiritual status. We see in Micah, the silly and shortsightedness of the idolater. He engages in some ‘unauthorized’ theology, that allows him this liberty.

But the ill-advised idolatry seems not only silly, but bizarrely primitive. It’s kind of a ‘do it yourself’ custom religion. Micah had a spiritual need, and met it with hiring his own priest. However, the roving tribe of Dan, with an armed force of 600 men, have decided to take the entire ensemble to be their own. It now seems foolishness has led Dan astray.

The bickering between Micah and these warriors would be imprudent if pushed. Micah has just lost his religion by brute force. The ‘priest’ and all the accouterments are now forcibly taken from him. I suppose this is the painful folly of his ‘homemade’ religion. He watches as the riders take it all away.

What an empty spiritual condition! But religious people often seek out idols to help them deal with life. An idol can be anything that takes God’s place in a person’s life. But the results are sad. A counterfeit faith of any kind is profoundly sad. The modern version has become much more sophisticated, but the end result is the same. It would seem that idolatry is etched in our DNA.

“Those who worship false gods [idols] turn their backs on all God’s mercies” (Jonah 2:8).

The only way to protect yourself in a time of spiritual anarchy is to come to the true and living God. Insist on your needs be met by Him. We really must shun anything that could take His place. Our idolatry is different today, but God has never changed.

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